So many times I stood at the edge of this cliff, looking out at the vast mountains before me. The clouds drift in silent tufts, trailing trains of cotton across the blue skies, like wisps of memories already gone before you've even grasped them, leaving you with only a feeling of discontent over something remembered but already half forgotten. It is this feeling of being at a loss for words when you're drowing in words that needed to be uttered.

This has always been the way with you; how it is always with memories of you. Half deja vu of things that I feel have already occurred many times over, and I'm never certain which are my memories and which are just remnants of past lives leaving traces behind. 

This was indeed a curse, a punishment well constructed. For what pain is there more than to have a lingering memory of love and of being loved but unable to find each other? Lifetimes over lifetimes over, across the ages of time searching for each other relentlessly, but resigned to a fate that you and I are always polar of each other. Meeting as it were just as the sun sets in the horizon, lingering for a glimpse of the moon with barely a touch across the skies, separated by this vast distance between them. And I too wait for our eclipse, that we may share the same space, the same skies, the same time some day...

It is night time again. And I wait longing for the moon to rise. I look at the skies and wonder where you are, if you were looking at them too. We share the same skies, you and I, though I wonder where you are, who you are this time. These stars we see are but shadows of their lights that blazed many, many ages past and only now reaching us here. Perhaps these same stars have seen us together before; have seen how it was in our past lifetime, back in the beginning when our love was young and we were happy and together. And seeing these same stars that had witnessed us gives me some hope, that our time together will still come to pass, as they have endured time so must we...so must we.

I was a young princess, set in my way. Stubborn. Hard-headed. Spoiled because I was loved by all, doted on by everyone. But I was a kind person too, I think; I worked to help the poor, those who were less fortunate than us. You told me you loved me because of that; that it was my heart that called you to me, the way I had helped care for the down-trodden in the village. I didn't know you then. I thought you were just another prince seeking another conquest, another pretty hanbok to chase and add to your roster.  

How was I to know you would draw me in? Your words were haughty, bantering with me typical of the young princes of those days; acting as if the cares of the world never touched you. But I saw you were lonely too. I saw the way you hid that loneliness...I recognized it because loneliness has always been my friend, too.  Your eyes that followed wherever I went told me more than you could ever speak of; they were unguarded when they looked at me. Daring me to look, to see what was in your heart. No; I did not fall in love with you. Falling implied a sense of time, of knowing it was happening as it occurred. Darling, I crashed into love with you.

I was unprepared, taken by surprise. My chest felt like it was bursting. I did not plan to love you, you know. I was spoken for, bethrothed to another chosen for me to keep the family line secure; and this supposedly foretold by the family mystic a long time ago. Was I wrong to follow my heart, when it was no longer mine but yours? Let them tell me how I could live without my heart anymore.

I remember those stolen moments of ours, when you and I would meet on our spot by the cliff, hidden by the groves of trees from passerbys. I was shy, finding you too forward, unused as I was having such declarations. I was still trying to resist your charms. You were telling me of this beautiful princess several villages away, whom your family were considering in marriage. I stood aghast; my eyes widening as I turned to you. You said her family was well known; their wealth considerable, and altogether hers a perfect arrangement with your family. 

I asked if you were indeed marrying her.

"I may need to find someone else to marry since the one I wanted does not seem to want me," you said. "She seems like a good substitute as any." But you were teasing, trying to get a reaction, trying to move me past my self imposed restraints.

"Oh, I didn't realize you would easily give up." I didn't realize my voice had turned tremuluous, even knowing you were hardly serious.

Something in my voice made you catch my arm, pulling me to you. And when you saw the threat of tears, you were sorry to cause my distress. The thought of losing you was a bitter pill I could not swallow and I told you that, as I professed my love to you until you swallowed the rest of my words with a kiss.

Your mouth took mine, silencing these further words of love, just as the floodgates of my heart opened up, letting the words spill out of my mouth and I could no longer deny how much I love you. But this was unlike our first kiss; you were sweet and gentle then, when you first took my lips unkissed by anybody but yours. This time this kiss....with this kiss you stole not just my words but my breath away. I had clung to you, losing myself in your arms, insensible to everything else but the feel of your mouth, your body against the softness of mine, your strong arms around me keeping me secure. You rendered me weak. And I knew then I am lost to anyone but you. There, as the mountains and cliffs and skies bear witness, you and I declared our love for each other... until the very end of our last breaths, till the very end of our last thoughts.

But we were not meant to be, so they said. My parents who never refused anything I ever wanted refused me now. They feared the consequences foretold by an embittered mystic; blindly choosing to believe her words that had been long poisoned by golden pockets just to keep my wedding arrangements in place. My bethrothed's family were much more powerful and wealthier than yours and ours were; their name carried substantial weight around. My father refused to budge from his decision and locked me in.

Oh how I ranted and raved; my raged surprising even them. Still they refused to believe me even as I tried to prove the trecherous mystic's hidden agenda. But locked doors cannot contain me, not when I knew you were waiting for me there. You and I would readily give up all the trappings of wealth and familial connections just for the sake of our love.  

I escaped, scaling bedroom windows, palace walls, leaving behind my possessions, with only the clothes on my back. I left everything behind if it meant I would have you. I cared not for anything else but you. 

You were waiting for me, our horses saddled, ready to hie away to places far and unknown where no one can find us, can touch the quiet life we meant to have. I rushed to your arms, relieved to find you there, relieved to feel your warm embrace, your lips on my skin. My skin crawled in foreboding as I hear thunderous hoofs of horses nearing us. And slowly with each resounding hoofbeat that came closer and closer, our dreams of a life together faded as a mirage in the shifting light.

So instead we were punished, cast aside and cursed for several lifetimes never to be together. Their minds poisoned by the promises of a mystic snake in their midst. But you were just as stubborn, hard headed as I; you vowed we would be together yet. You faced my father and promised you will find me in other lifetimes just as you have found me here. And we will be together, their curses be damned. And maybe in the next lifetime, when we are finally together, no one would dare tear us apart.

Do you remember what you told me? Before the curse swirled and bound us, before the black magic took over? You turned to me and held my hands. You wiped the tears coursing down my cheeks, whispering softly, "Do what you have to do to survive, be it this lifetime or the next. I will see you there on our spot by the cliff; wait for me in the sunset just before the full moon. Survive, stay strong...My love, I will find you."

And you kissed me deeply, the way our lives depended on it, before we were wrenched forcibly apart. The curse took hold, covering us in a blanket of grey, the incantations drowning out the shrieks of voices around us, and you and I bore our curses in our wrists, a symbol marking us to live lifetimes over and over, while searching for one another. Too late for them to realize the extent of our punishment until we lay lifeless under a cloud of grey. Amidst the shrieks, the cries, you and I floated above our bodies, fascinated and relieved to be free from our constraints.

I still remember this memory of us: our essence still lingering as we exchanged one final look, one final goodbye, still reaching for each other across the expanse until like smoke we faded in the air. 

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This curse...we would wake in our consciousness but never knowing when, only that when we wake, we would be in someone else's life yet now awakening to our own memories, and doomed to stay in their lifespan. The curse bound us to live a different life each time, burdened by our memories, never knowing who we are, who the other is, until our past consciousness wakens.

The first time I woke as myself, I panicked; not recognizing this body I inhabit, its memories just as real as my own past life. Yet the curse that marked my wrist served as evidence that I was not altogether crazy. It took me sometime to get acclimated, until each re-awakening is no longer a daunting task. And I learned to search for you just as you have also searched for me.

We were cursed apart yes, but our paths still converges; even curses cannot keep fate and destiny subjugated: we still managed to find each other regardless of circumstances.

But it is not without heartaches. There was that lifetime when you were an old dying man, and I was but a young girl barely reaching my teens. How to explain to others that the love of my life lay dying already just as I was starting mine in this body? I held your hand then and I could barely speak. The tears in my voice rendered me mute. All I could do was hang onto to your hands, clasp them tightly in mine. Your eyes that had just woken to find me, to know me now slowly dimming as your temporal body lost its fight. And I had to watch...the light in your eyes snuffed out. How could you leave me just when I found you? 

We were not always starcrossed. But there had been casualties, when the lives we found ourselves re-living had loved others. 

I remember waking and seeing a wedding band on my hand; my heart had dropped to my toes, knowing this life I've waken in would now face hard choices, and travel a rocky path. But what choices do I make? I ask myself this as my ears could not mistake the faints cries of an infant closeby. And I cannot doom that life to mine, even as I tried not to search for you with a child in my arms.

But you found me anyway. 

My child slung on my hips, while I stood waiting for the train. I looked up and found you staring at me across the platform on the other side. And even across that distance, I could see the deep sigh that escaped your lips just as it did mine, for I saw your hand holding onto a small mittened hand of a child no more than 5. We did not need words, you and I; for what words can be uttered in such circumstances we find ourselves in?  We stood staring at each other; never have we felt this punishment more acutely as we did this time around. And as the train rushed on between us, I can see the glisten of your tears through my own tear-filled eyes.

Will we ever find each other, loving without hindrance? Are we really conscripted to live a cursed life, suffering for having loved the way we had?

How could fate be just as cruel with her jokes? I lost count of how many lives I re-awaken to live, always searching to find our way back to each other. But oh how I wish we could break this curse that binds us. We have yet to find each other unencumbered, to spend a life together. Maybe then, we can free ourselves finally from this neverending story.

This last time when I woke as myself, I'm living in a young woman's body, way past her teens. I breathed a sigh of relief, though I was young, at least I was unmarried. I searched for you as quickly as I could, limited in what I could do, with my resources. Nevertheless, I found you before your consciousness emerged, after spotting the mark on your wrist. You had walked into me in the crowded hallway and I dropped my armful of books and papers. You were effusive in your apologies as you helped me pick up papers strewn on the floor.  There was no mistaking the scar like marking on your wrist, faded though in this case. It resembled mine, its mirror image. I looked up to see your face, one that is far from your own but a stranger's; but your eyes... I spent my first lifetime gazing at those eyes to ever mistake them for any other's. But right now, you don't know me; no, not yet. And I will watch and wait for the day to come when your eyes will look at mine and see me.

Fate likes her jokes; unbeknownst to me you were my professor; unmarried yet I knew the man whose body you will inhabit had been affianced to another in the past. And I am torn, placed in this position yet again where you and I might not be together as propriety dictated otherwise. And I wondered if fate would have a chance to laugh at our expense again?

But I am stubborn. Hard headed...Even with the threat of heartbreak.

Everyday I sat before you in class, meeting those eyes, waiting for a spark of recognition, waiting for a spark showing me that is you staring back at me. And days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months, until months turned to a year and I'm no longer your student but now a peer. Still I waited; I've survived worst lifetimes than this. I remembered when you told me you will live a thousand lifetimes just to be with me; that you will wait a thousand more so long as I'm there. And I murmured the same.

You sat on the stone steps; I across the expanse of the yard. The tree bark hard on my back; the sun beating down heavily on me. Yet I sat and waited every afternoon for you. Every day you would look up and see me and always the briefest of nod given out of politeness. You must think me as another one of those strange women, fixated on an eligible teacher. But you were always polite, though reserved. That afternoon you looked up, shielding your eyes at the glare of the sun, and I knew...

I knew the soul looking out of those eyes were finally you. You stood frozen for a beat, looking, searching with eyes unmistakable in its intent. I stood under that pitiful sapling tree, my breath catching in my throat, staring back at you.

It's me. It's me....

I've been waiting for my prince to finally come find me.

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