Note: the endearment “honey” is actually ‘jagiya’ here; Dahyun’s cute endearment for Sana♡

 

Anyway, yeah hi enjoy :)

 

***

 

Dahyun isn’t one for complications. She considers herself allergic to anything remotely complicated; staying away as far as physically possible.
 

At the age of 15, she is already casted by one of the biggest entertainment companies in South Korea — for something as ridiculous as an eagle dance, funny enough.

Young Dahyun found a way out of school; out of the migraine-inducing logarithms. Out of the absurd grammar and sentence structures of English. Out of the laughable amount of dates needed to be remembered in her history class.

At the age of 18, she debuts with eight of her favourite people, and is able to worry less about school. She gets to do what she loves the most: perform and communicate with people who adore her.


Everything is simple.


Dahyun loathes the feeling of confusion. The lack of concrete answer doing her nothing but irritation. Nothing drives her crazier than uncertainty.


She’s 20 when she realizes that she lives with the walking, breathing definition of ambiguity.

 

Out of all the problematic complexities she has ever come across, Minatozaki Sana has got to be the worst.

 

 

***

 

Dahyun’s nightmare starts when the idea of new roommates come into light.

 

 

“Who wants a new roommate?” Sadness manager asks as they gather around the living room.


“I do!” Sana’s arm enthusiastically rockets up, followed by a dramatic gasp from Nayeon.

“After everything we’ve been through?”

 

 

The Japanese member simply flashes a cheeky smile, a perfect set of teeth blinding the room.


 

Dahyun’s lips unknowingly curls at the sight. Sana’s smile has always affected her more than she would ever admit.

 

“I wanna room with Chaeyoungie!” Everyone scrunches their brows in bafflement, yet no one says a word.

“Chaeyoung? Why... Chaeyoung?”

 

 

Dahyun isn’t sure if it’s her own delusion talking, but she’s quite sure she hears Jeongyeon mutter “But— Dahyun...”

 

“Why not her? Chaeng is cute!”

 

Tzuyu is looking at Sana with such skepticism, Dahyun can almost feel chills run up her own spine.

But the older Japanese remains unbothered, looking at the young rapper with such expectancy.
 

 

“I—“ Dahyun looks up on time to find Chaeyoung’s gaze on her. “I guess...”


 

Sana squeals in delight at the compliance, eagerly running to engulf the smallest member in a tight hug.


 

 

“Fair warning, Chaeyoung can’t save you from the bugs. Worst case scenario, she’ll use you as a human shield.” Jeongyeon humours, earning a snicker from Nayeon who is standing beside her.

“Then you can join them. The three of you in one room.” Sadness intervenes. Jeongyeon visibly blinks in confusion, wondering whether their manager is simply toying with her.

“Seriously?” She questions, her playful aura no longer present.

“Yes. The three of you.”

“Why do you hate me? Sana is so dirty!” Jeongyeon shamelessly grumbles, causing Sana to pout.

“Then help her be more organized.”

“This is a punishment, and I have done no wrong!” The short-haired blonde dramatically stomps, huffing in childishness.

“Fine, then you can room with Nayeon—”

“I’ll take Sana!” Jeongyeon interrupts before anyone could even begin to process the manager’s words.

“I’m literally right here, you .” Nayeon interjects, hurt by the blatant rejection.

 

 

The two oldest members continue to bicker, whilst everyone remained seated, watching catastrophe unfold before their eyes. The duo were always quite a sight; their love-hate relationship serving as a ticking bomb inside a supposed humble dorm.

 

 

“You’re the worst, Yoo Jeongyeon!” The oldest growls, eliciting a silent giggle from Dahyun.


Her eyes were about to move to Nayeon when it involuntarily stops just behind the bickering couple.

 

 

Chaeyoung, in the comfort of Sana’s embrace.


 

Dahyun isn’t sure what to make of the sight. The two seems to be in their own world as they animatedly converse.


“What’s with the face, Tofu-chan?” Dahyun must not have responded fast enough because as soon as she turns towards the source, Momo is already looking ahead.

“W-what face?” She gulps. She doesn’t mean to stutter.
 

“I wanted Chaeng as my roommate too, actually.” The older confesses. Unable to come up with an appropriate response, Dahyun hums.
 

“Chaeng... she’s really smart. She’s a little moody, but she’s sweet; a woman of wisdom.” Momo continues.

“...yes.” The younger fidgets, fingers fiddling with the ends of her shorts; pupils quaking in anxiousness. Reasons? She isn’t quite sure herself.

 

“I’m surprised Sana didn’t choose you though.” Dahyun is sure that Momo means no harm, so why is there a sickly feeling bubbling in the pit of her chest?

 

Without a response in mind, she keeps mum.

 

“Wanna be roommates?” The older suddenly proposes.

“Huh?”

“Jeong apparently just moved, and I just lost dibs on Chaeng.” Momo shrugs, a sheepish smile on her lips.

“So, I’m your second choice?” Dahyun jokes, making the other girl giggle.

“I prefer to call it as ‘the next best thing’.” The dancer grins, wrapping an arm around Dahyun’s neck for a loose headlock.

 

“Dahyun is gonna be my roommate!” Momo announces, snatching the attention of everyone in the room.



Silence.



“Wait, you too Momoring? I wanted to be your roommate!” Nayeon finally speaks. Dahyun momentarily stops breathing. For a second she could swear that tension surrounded the air.

“Little dubu here asked me so sweetly. How could I say no?” Momo turns to her, subtly winking in playfulness.

 

 

Dahyun chuckles, awkward and timid. Of course she wouldn’t mind being Momo’s roommate. The older Japanese might be a little odd, blank, and immature, but she’s a total sweetheart.

What triggers her nerves is the unreadable gaze Sana is giving her. She pretends not to notice— acts like she doesn’t feel a pair of shimmering eyes boring holes into her skin from across the room. Her arms no longer wrapped around Chaeyoung, but the closeness remains. She isn’t looking at the youngest anymore, all her attention is on Dahyun now.

 

 

“How could you steal Momoring from me, Dahyun-ah?” Nayeon’s voice brings her back to reality. She trembles a little, gripping on the sprawled fabric of Momo’s oversized shirt.



(‘Breathe.’)



“S-sorry... I—“ No words follow.

“Whatever. It doesn’t matter, you traitors. I’m rooming with Minari.” Nayeon’s previously crossed arms disentangle, before curling along Mina’s figure. “Mina’s sleeping face is the prettiest anyway.”

“I guess you’re stuck with me, Tzuyu-ah. Isn’t it great?” Jihyo’s loud voice drown out Nayeon’s.

“I’d rather sleep on the couch.” The youngest mutters, straight-faced.

 

A mixture of snickers and cackles fill the room, with a sulking leader slumping against the couch.

Two people remain quiet though: one anxious, the other unreadable.

 

The heat radiating from Momo’s arm is beginning to burn. Sana’s gaze on her stays, unmoving. Dahyun can feel the weight on her chest growing heavier by the second.


 

It’s getting harder to breathe.

She feels like she’s suffocating.

 

(‘Breathe. You can do it, Dahyun. Just breathe.’)
 

Dahyun can feel a halt in the previous movements of her now-roommate. She isn’t laughing anymore.

She turns and catches Momo’s face just a few inches from her own. They are only an inch away from kissing — a scandalous position — but neither moves; Momo doesn’t move.
 

 

“Looking hurts the most.” She mumbles; so softly, Dahyun almost misses.

“U-unnie...”

“Stop looking.”

 

Like a switch, Dahyun awakes. She pulls away slightly; she inhales.

Gathering enough courage to look again, she lands a gaze on Sana, the older Japanese still looking at her with an unreadable face. Dahyun can see Sana’s fingers tightly intertwined with Chaeyoung’s, the latter happily muttering something to the older again.

 

Her chest tightens again. The worst part is, she has no idea why it’s happening— why she is acting like the way she is.

 

She looks away, letting her eyes fixate on the hardwood floor.

The night just started, but she’s already exhausted.

Wanting a distraction, she begins to count the number of lines on the floor.

 

Thirty-four.

 

She reaches thirty-four when she hears the oldest Japanese’s hush voice.


 

“Looking is only gonna hurt you more.” Momo whispers.

“What do I do then?” Dahyun trembles, her soft voice cracking a little. She feels tears begin to pool so she blinks.

“Don’t look.” The brunette shrugs, like it’s the most simple answer there is.

“It — I don’t think it’s that easy...” Dahyun argues.

“Just look away. Whenever she’s near you, don’t look — look elsewhere. ‘Out of sight, out of mind’, Tofu-chan.”

“We live together, unnie. How am I suppose to avoid her?”

“Then hang out with me. I’ll help you out. Whenever you want to look at her, look at me instead. Whenever you feel her approaching you, come to me. Cling to me, Dahyun. I’ll help you out.” Dahyun is skeptical, but the smile on Momo’s lips is a little reassuring.

Maybe this is what she needs: a lifeline.

She needs Momo.

 

 

Maybe Momo can save her from further drowning in Sana’s dangerously mesmerizing eyes.



***

 

“Put on BB cream, pat pat pat. Put on lipstick, mam mam ma”. Momo sings playfully, looking at Dahyun’s slumped figure. The older girl is wiggling her eyebrows, poking fun at the young Korean’s weak stamina.

 

“I don’t think you need make up for me to spam your pictures with likes, unnie.” Dahyun grins, though clearly tired. They have been practicing for nearly three hours with little to no breaks in between.

 

Her body can only take so much.

 

“Aren’t you a sweetheart, Tofu-chan?” The Japanese teases, smirking without a hint of exhaustion. The former wonders how Momo could continue dancing for hours without needing much rest.

 

“Only to you, unnie.” She flirts, throwing a light kiss towards one of her favourite members.

 

She feels a pair of eyes boring holes on her side. Following the direction of the eerie feeling, Dahyun turns to her left.

 

There she spots another Japanese girl, arguably her most favourite.

 

Sana is looking — glaring at her from across the room. Dahyun is not sure, but she finds herself wanting to explain; to tell Sana that she was simply kidding around with Momo.

 

(‘It isn’t like that.’)

She wants to say.

 

But her need to do so quickly vanishes, when she spots Jeongyeon’s arm wrapped around the girl in a very suggestive, and protective manner; quite tightly too.

 

(‘Look away.’)

 

Momo’s past words has come haunting back, urging Dahyun to forcefully turn away; her gaze becoming mindlessly glued to the floor like a memorized habit.

 

Why are Sana’s actions bugging her so much?

 

Since when has staying in the same room become so suffocating? So burdensome?

 

“Chaeyoungie, my little cub.” Sana calls out, a little too sweetly (sickening), in Dahyun’s opinion. The latter doesn’t turn, but she thinks she doesn’t have to when bouncy footsteps follow the words; the sound of sneakers against the wooden floor echoing all across the room. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that Sana has left Jeongyeon’s hold and energetically hopped her way to the second youngest.

 

(‘It’s what Sana does best, the art of unloyalty.’)

 

“What’s up, Sana unnie?” Chaeyoung questions, momentarily putting a stop to her conversation with Tzuyu.

 

Dahyun involuntarily eavesdrops.

 

“You seem livelier than usual, is it because you’re rooming with me?” She jokes, making the long haired girl chuckle at the silly assumption. As expected from their most nonsensical member.

 

Chaeyoung plays along. “Of course! What else would it be? Your bright energy is rubbing off on me, unnie.”

 

Dahyun pretends that her stomach isn’t sinking in envy.

 

She stretches a smile.

 

(‘You’re okay. You’re breathing just fine.’)

 

Lying is becoming an unhealthy habit.

 

“Tofu-chan, you’re doing it again.” Momo warns. Her lips are curved enough to flaunt a smile, but her chocolate brown eyes reflect worry.

 

“W-what?” She stutters, internally cursing at herself for being such an emotional wreck.

 

“You know.” The dance simply answers; eyeing herself in the mirror before executing a perfect twirl, one she has learned from Mina a few days prior.

 

Dahyun catches Momo’s observant eyes briefly grazing over the sight of Chaeyoung between Sana arms, with a snickering Tzuyu at the side.

 

The young rapper thinks that the oldest Japanese isn’t given enough credit on how attentive she can be. Her eight ranking in Twice is nothing but a façade, masking her true wit.

 

“It’s hard…” She swallows, her head ducking in shame. She’s too tired for this emotional games.

 

“I know, but it’s for your own piece of mind. An ambiguous relationship, is an unhealthy relationship.” Momo squats down, ruffling Dahyun’s already disheveled hair. “Cheer up, Tofu-chan. Your great unnie will treat you some chocolate ice cream after practice, maybe even chocopie; sounds good?”

 

“Really? Jihyo unnie will?” Dahyun squeals in delight, internally smirking at the older’s frown. She loves messing with Momo.

 

“I’m talking about me, you .”

 

“I know, I know. I was just kidding, unnie. You’re the best!” She waves a fist with a thumb out, flashing a grin at her Japanese member.

 

“Pocari is the best though.” Jeongyeon scoffs, taking a large gulp of her drink — unsurprisingly, Pocari Sweat.

 

“Literally no one asked, Yoo Jeongyeon.” Nayeon deadpans, her figure slumped against the couch — an equally exhausted-looking Jihyo making a pillow out of the oldest member’s lap.

 

The tired leader chuckles lightly, clearly loving the blatant roast on their group’s girl crush.

 

“Are you still onto me because of the whole roommate thing? Get over it, it’s been a week!” The tall girl grumbles unattractively, childishly stomping on the floor.

 

“I can’t believe you chose Sana over me, without even a second of hesitation.” Nayeon huffs, crossing her arms bitterly.

 

They’re at it again.

 

“Look, it’s nothing personal. It was like making me choose between a hoarder, and a walking typhoon. It wasn’t much of an option, you are both a hot mess. I only chose Sana because she chose Chaeng, and I love my little brother.” Jeongyeon explains, earning an offended gasp from Sana.

 

(‘... she chose Chaeng’)

 

Dahyun’s bubbly nature gradually pops at the harsh reminder of the tragic truth. The reality which complicated the already jumbled mess that is Dahyun’s feelings.

 

She is suddenly brought back to the mere reason why she is stuck with the disgusting black butterflies in her stomach, happily flying in the deepest of green, stirring the desperately suppressed chaos.

 

Sana chose Chaeyoung. There’s Jeongyeon too. Two equally charming individuals, which are solely in charge of stealing the hearts of the female population.

 

How would Dahyun compete with that?

 

She wouldn’t. She doesn’t stand a chance.

 

Sana, an idol infamous for her attraction and passionate affection towards girls, is now sharing a bedroom with two of Korea’s most popular girl crushes.

 

Dahyun feigned naivety.

 

(‘As long as Sana is happy’)

 

 

 

She catches Momo’s eyes once again, the older still squatting before her.

 

“Stop thinking. I didn’t even know Tofus have brains.” She lightly pats the crown of Dahyun’s head.

 

“I guess I’m special?” The latter humours.

 

“You bet. The fat under your chin is one in a million.” Momo laughs, lightly pinching the skin where Dahyun’s chin meets the neck. “My favourite!” She giggles, obviously enchanted by how soft the younger’s milky skin is.

 

“Thanks unnie.” The girl with a vitamin-like smile, cheekily throws a series of love bullets towards the oldest Japanese member, making the both of them snicker at the silly act.

 

“Anything for that adorable tofu smile.” Momo grins, standing up once again as their team choreographer puts an end to their short break.

 

Dahyun doesn’t know what a ‘tofu smile’ is, but she does know one thing,

 

Momo is quickly becoming her new — most — favourite.

 

She ignores Sana’s longing stare.

 

***

 

“Happy birthday Momoring!” Twice greets in sync, almost bringing the said member to tears.

 

“You didn’t have to—” She mutters emotionally. Her eyes pooling with tears before sobbing uncontrollably.

 

“You are so cute, oh gosh.” Nayeon squeals, immediately hugging the younger, showering Momo with kisses; a tradition practice Twice loves to call theirs.

 

Momo smiles at the affection, her eyes still puffy from crying. Nayeon cooes at the adorable sight of their cutest member.

 

“It’s my turn, Momoring!” Mina cheerfully claims, a little louder than her regular volume. Nayeon pouts, moving nonetheless.

 

Mina plants a gentle peck on the birthday girl’s slightly crimson cheek.

 

“Happy birthday, Momo-chan.” She greets in Japanese, now feeling a little bashful from the intimate gesture.

 

“Thanks Minari. Though you could have just kissed me on the lips, you know. Like last year.” Momo — responding in their native language — chuckles, flashing a childish grin.

 

“That— was an accident…” Mina defends with burning cheeks, unknowingly speaking in Korean once again. She can almost feel her mother’s disappointed stare.

 

 

(‘I can hardly hear your Kansai accent.’)

 

Her mother once said. Mina wants to argue that it— in fact — is still around, but a small part in her thinks that it might be a Busan accent she remembers.

 

“But if you kiss me again, then it would be out of love, and not an accident.” Momo continues her teasing, clearly enamoured by a flustered Mina.

 

She returns their conversation back to Japanese.

 

Myoui sure is cute when blushing.

 

“Stop that, I kissed you on the cheek already— my job is done.” Mina replies in Korean.

 

“Who says there’s a limit to the number of kisses? Birthday is all about receiving.” Momo is laughing now. The sight of the younger’s red ears is becoming too much — too cute.

 

“Enough flirting, I haven’t gotten the chance to kiss Momo yet.” Sana interrupts in a mixture of the two languages. She doesn’t know whether to feel blessed or cursed to be the only member who understands her fellow Japanese members’ nonsensical conversations.

 

“She’s all yours.” Mina mutters almost inaudibly before taking a few steps back, allowing Sana to move in closer.

 

“Momoring! Momo-chan!”

 

Sana wraps her arms around Momo’s waist, playfully nosing the girl’s cheek before planting a deep kiss; physically burying her lips on the older girl’s skin.

 

“Happy birthday” She sings her greeting, getting a chance to kiss Momo once more before Chaeyoung interrupts by tugging on Sana’s shirt, pulling her away.

 

One by one, the girls congratulate Momo’s day of age. All except for one member: Dahyun.

 

“I’ll make it special, unnie. I’ll kiss you later.” The energetic girl reasons.

 

“Why can’t you kiss me now, and then again later?”

 

“I’m not an easy girl.” Dahyun jokes, until her smile finally cracks into laughter at Momo’s straight face.

 

“If you don’t want to kiss me, just say it.” The older pouts. “This is like our Chuseok all over again. You kissed everyone but me – which I’m still upset about, by the way.” She huffs, crossing her arms as she sulks.

 

“You know I love you, right? You’re the cutest for me, unnie.” Dahyun grins, reaching out a finger heart. “Come on, don’t be like that, unnie. I promise it will be great.”

 

“Not enough. You owe me a meal, preferably pig’s trotter.”

 

“I guess? It’s your birthday, anyway.” The younger shrugs. A meal is no big deal.

 

Before Momo could say further, one of their managers announces their departure. They have a stage performance to prepare for. The girls slowly clear the room, leaving Dahyun and the three Japanese members behind.

 

“I better get that kiss Tofu-chan, I swear.” Momo threatens lightly, along with a playful glare.

 

“I promise. My heart is crossed, unnie.” Further proving her point, Dahyun traces a cross on the left side of her chest, right above where her heart locates.

 

If it weren’t for the obvious heavy stomps as she speeds past the three unsuspecting members and towards their van, maybe Sana would have heard Momo’s — now unsaid — response.

 

(‘You give the best kisses, Dahyun.’)

 

She’ll save it for later.

 

***

 

“This week’s winner is… Twice, congratulations!” Nayeon — a special MC along with Dahyun and Momo — announces as confetti momentarily surrounds the air.

 

Jihyo, being their prized leader, is quick to get ahold of the mic, giving a special gratitude towards the deserving list of people who tend the group’s needs on a daily basis.

 

“It’s Momo’s birthday today, everyone—” The crowd cheers. “Happy birthday, Momo!”

 

The instrumental of their newest comeback ‘Likey’ begins to blast on the speakers, livening up the stage. Giggly from winning, Twice members quickly picked up a couple of props: party hats, and horns. The youngest of the MC’s gently places a silly cake-like hat on the oldest Japanese girl’s head; one with the words ‘Happy Birthday’ written on the sides, along with a series of wobbling candles on top.

 

Dahyun — always keen when it comes to camera movements — spots one panning her way. Taking the opportunity to keep her promise, she cups the birthday girl’s face, leaning close.

 

Her heart begins to hammer inside her chest when she catches herself subconsciously leaning for Momo’s lips instead.

 

(‘.’)

 

Trying — hoping to play it cool, Dahyun quickly swerves to her right, landing a kiss on Momo’s left cheek, undeniably shaking a little.

 

The camera director gave an ‘okay’ gesture with his fingers, a sign that the moment has been broadcasted, making the short Korean grin in pride. She fulfilled her promise to Momo.

 

She has given her a special kiss.

 

Momo turns, and it is only then when Dahyun realizes that she has left a mark on the older’s cheek. Bright and red, and so painfully obvious. She giggles.

 

(‘No harm, right?’)

 

She has expected the rest of the girls to follow suit, to shower Momo with kisses as well...

 

But apparently not. Nayeon has only given Momo an air kiss; a distance too big to count. The rest of the girls didn’t bother, simply congratulating her through the microphone, or merely blowing their party horn quite obnoxiously.

 

They gave a warm hug at best.

 

When Dahyun insisted that her little kiss for Momo would be something special, this wasn’t exactly what she meant. But she supposes that it’s not the worst thing in the world, and that Momo deserves all the kisses and affection that Dahyun has to offer.

 

She makes her feel better after all.

 

*

 

“Get ready for your music video commentary. You’re up in a few.” One of their managers remind them for the third time. Frankly, it’s getting a little annoying but they nod nonetheless.

 

Tzuyu is still getting her final touch ups while the rest of Twice mindlessly scroll on their phones. Jeongyeon and Nayeon are laughing at a video on the younger’s phone; Mina is busy knitting; Sana and Chaeyoung are having another one of their nonsense conversations (it has been approximately fifteen minutes in, not that Dahyun was counting) that no one else can relate to.

 

It must a blood type-B thing.

 

Jihyo is taking a short nap, while Momo munches on her snacks. Being a birthday girl has its perks; she has gotten approximately quadruple the amount of food she usually receives. Needless to say, Momo is a happy kid.

 

And Dahyun? Well, frankly, she has been eyeing her two members: unsurprisingly, Chaeyoung and Sana. The two has gotten much, much closer lately, and Dahyun would be lying if she says that she isn’t at least bit envious. Ever since the two became roommates, it is like the whole world suddenly revolved around them, just them. Sana runs to Chaeyoung for attention, approval on her looks, and everything in between.

 

Hell, when the group had visited Singapore for the sixth season of Twice Tv, Sana could not keep herself away from Chaeyoung.

 

(‘Tell me I’m pretty.’

 

“You’re pretty”

 

‘Tell me I’m cute’

 

“You’re cute.”

 

‘Tell me you love me.’

 

“I love you.”)

 

Dahyun subconsciously scoffs at the memory. She remembers watching the episode as it was released on Vlive. She remembers the thick, heavy feeling of black and green squeezing her heart to the point of breathlessness.

 

If Sana had asked her to do the same thing, Dahyun would say it, and more.

 

(‘I love you.’)

 

The raven haired girl internally mocks. How plain; how boring.

 

Dahyun would gladly say the three words in every language known to men if Sana asked her to.

 

Dahyun would cram every word synonymous to ‘pretty’ in her little love-sick brain, just to prove to Sana that she is more than just ‘pretty’. Sana is ethereal, gorgeous, ravishing, divine— you name it. Sana is simply, beautiful.

 

And dear God, she doesn’t even know where to begin with Sana’s cuteness. Sana is cute, so cute; the cutest even. If the older Japanese ever asks Dahyun to tell her that she is cute, the latter would be pleased to go on an hour’s worth of argument as to how, or why Sana is the most adorable girl she has ever laid her eyes upon— facts, arguments, and concrete proofs in hand.

 

… okay. Maybe this is the reason why she is feeling a little bitter.

 

Of course she would never downright admit such a thing, but Dahyun thinks— knows, that she misses Sana. Due to the fact that they live under the same roof and are only two bedrooms apart, it is safe to say that ‘longing’ is probably the more appropriate word— that she longs for Sana.

 

She misses the attention; the days when the older girl’s eyes looked at her, and her alone. The precious moments when Sana laughed at her stupid, and cringey puns. Should she try being close to Sana again? If all else fails, she can always pull the ‘fan service’ card.

 

Dahyun can always pretend that it’s the fans who thirst for their interaction.

 

(‘What am I thinking?’)

 

This is precisely why Dahyun loathes thinking; overthinking to be exact. Now her feelings are bare and exposed, only to rot. It is as if her deepest secrets are forcefully tugged and snapped from her fragile heart.

 

Dahyun fears that it’s only a matter of time before every hidden feelings are tore out of her ribs, displayed for everyone to see; for Her to see. Dahyun is terrified of unrequited feelings.

 

Nothing scares her more than unreturned affection.

 

“Okay, girls. Wake up, it’s showtime.” Loud clapping echoes across the room, waking the girls from their tranced states. “You remember your assigned seats, correct?” He confirms.

 

They all nod.

 

Dahyun in particular, grins at the sudden realization; she is sitting beside Momo. She silently thanks the heavens for being so good to her. The oldest Japanese is a distraction which Dahyun badly needs.

 

“Good to go?” One last nod, and Twice makes their way toward the designated room.

 

One by one the girls occupy their assigned seats and much to Dahyun’s luck — or lack thereof — she still somehow managed to find herself beside Sana. It must be a cruel joke.

 

She wants to laugh.

 

She suddenly gets the urge to take back the gratitude she has unknowingly given to the heavens above, because here she is still stuck beside the person she has been desperately avoiding for weeks… the exact same person she yearns for the most.

 

“Dahyunnie” Sana calls sweetly.

 

“S-Sana unnie…” Of course she stutters; of course.

 

The Japanese girl’s flashes a gentle smile, lightly patting the seat adjacent to her.

 

“Sit.” She orders. Dahyun is hesitant but is left without options.

 

“Tofu-chan” Another Japanese calls, just as sweetly, occupying the end seat beside Dahyun.

 

“Tofu-chan?” Sana repeats, clearly amused. There’s something else clouding her usually bright eyes, but the older’s gaze doesn’t linger long enough to allow judgement.

 

“Yeah… Momo unnie has been calling me that lately.” She mumbles, loud enough for Sana to hear.

 

“That’s cute.” There is a particular tone of ambiguity in the latter’s voice — Dahyun despises obscurity.

 

For as much as she adores literature, Dahyun has never been a fan of riddles. She will sit through novels after another, only to frown at characters suffering through certain — stupid, in her opinion — dilemmas.

 

“I guess so?”

 

Dahyun sees Sana mutter something under her breath, but judging by the volume, she assumes that the older is simply talking to herself. Though it didn’t make her any less curious.

 

The young idol feels an arm casually wrap itself around her shoulder as the cameras started rolling in. Everyone started organizing themselves for the filming. Dahyun could already hear her immature “no-jam” members from across the table, laughing to themselves. Sana and Nayeon on the other hand— being two of the particularly loud members —weren’t considerate with their volumes either; childishly arguing over the previous era when they had been partners as well.

 

“TT, TT.” Nayeon defends, with shameless confidence. Dahyun internally scoffs at the words; No, definitely not TT — she thinks. It can’t be. She had been Sana’s partner in the said era, unmistakably.

 

(‘Do you know how cute you look, right now?’)

 

The younger girl briefly recalls Sana’s words along with the pair of glimmering eyes, looking directly at Dahyun as if she were the only girl to exist at the very moment, followed by a pair of pursed lips.

 

(‘If I were a guy, I would have a heart attack.’)

 

Come to think of it, Dahyun isn’t sure why she had responded in such a way, because no, she most definitely did not need to be a guy to swoon over the flirty remark — and swoon she did.

 

“Ah, put on lipstick mma mma mma” Momo suddenly sings her little part in the song, gaining a few members’ attention, a cheeky smile on her lips as she presses an index finger against her cheek; the lipstick mark still clear and noticeable.

 

“Just leave the kiss mark there like that, Momo.” Jihyo suggests.

 

“Okay, I’ll leave it then” The Japanese girl giggles, a little too cutely. Tzuyu and Mina, who were watching from the other side of the table could not stop themselves from grinning— unable to resist the dancer’s indissmissible cuteness.

 

“Everyone, on standby. We’ll be starting in a few, after a few minor adjustments.” The producer announces, which they all nodded to.

 

“Whose mark is it?” Sana questions in a minimal volume, clearly referring to the lipstick stain.

 

“Dahyunnie’s.” Nayeon responds curtly, starting a small talk with Jihyo who is sitting alone.

 

“Ah, okay.” Something about the tone bothered Dahyun, but she decides to brush it off.

 

Without a warning, a hand presses itself against her hanging one. Dahyun quickly looks down, finding Sana casually intertwining their fingers under the table, hidden from anyone’s sight. The young girl immediately looks up, only to catch the Japanese girl’s nonchalant attitude. She looks very natural, engaging herself in Nayeon and Jihyo’s conversation.

 

Sana might be a good actress but Dahyun knows her a little too well. Spotting a slight curl on the corner of the former’s lips, Dahyun knows that Sana has been wanting to hold her hand.

 

If Sana is gonna act like everything’s perfectly normal, then so should Dahyun. It’s a little game they have grown used to playing — where the Japanese beauty initiates an intimate contact, and the younger submits without protest.

 

A cruel game they have been perfecting for years.

 

A twisted — painfully confusing — act of pretension. Sana touches her a little longer than appropriate, and slightly more than where the friendly line is drawn.

 

And Dahyun follows; submits, without knowing an exact reason why.

 

Maybe it’s the assurance that they would never get caught. And if they do, a flood of witty excuses is always at the tip of Sana’s tongue, ready to pour. She’s naturally clingy, has got to be the biggest one which is not exactly false, but not the whole truth either...

 

Because Dahyun recalls a few times when Sana has kissed her in places where ‘friends’ simply don’t — most certainly not where ‘sisters’ would; the nights when Sana slithered under Dahyun’s sheets and into her embrace.

 

Dahyun loathes contradiction, and yet here she is, holding hands with the source of her very problems.

 

(‘The irony.’)

 

“Tofu-chan, and stained kisses?” She hears Sana whisper, essentially snapping her out of the heavy thoughts, her eyes on their tangled fingers.

 

Dahyun keeps mum, unable to come up with a proper response.

 

“I thought you hated kisses?”

 

“... I never said that.” The younger doesn’t know where the conversation is heading; she isn’t sure if she wants to, either. “I… kind of l-like giving them.” She admits, stuttering a little.

 

“You sound like Jeongyeon.” The older scoffs. Dahyun internally rolls her eyes at the statement. She loves Jeongyeon, no doubt about that; the girl is an angel but something about the comparison didn’t sit well with Dahyun.

 

“If you like giving them so much, how come I never got any?” Sana sounds a little too jealous. Turning her attention towards the older, Dahyun spots a pair of pursed lips.

 

“It’s not your birthday.”

 

“You gave Momo a kiss on the cheek four days ago… it wasn’t her birthday then.” Sana’s voice is louder now, but still low enough to keep the conversation private.

 

“You… saw that?” Four days? She actually counted?

 

“Just because you don’t pay attention to me, doesn’t mean I don’t, you.”

 

“That—” Dahyun stops abruptly. She can’t exactly tell Sana that she is the reason for the kiss. The oldest Japanese had treated her chocolate ice cream after the brutal practice, hence, the kiss. Dahyun’s excitement got the best of her— ice cream is life, after all —allowing her to thoughtlessly plant a peck on Momo’s cheek.

 

“Stop ignoring me, I miss you.” Dahyun knows that Sana’s words imply more than just one thing. Deeper meaning— feelings, lie beyond.

 

“I wasn’t—” This time, she’s forced to stop through the brunette’s interruption.

 

“Don’t think I haven’t noticed, Dahyun. You know how I feel about liars, and you’ve never been a good one.” Sana is now running her thumb over Dahyun’s knuckles, easing the tension a little. “‘Tofu-chan’? Really?” If she wasn’t sure about the older’s jealousy earlier, well, this time the tone is unmissable.

 

“It’s cute?” Dahyun knows she shouldn’t be smiling— Sana doesn’t have the right to be jealous if she herself, invented the art of mind games —but the latter is just too adorable when sulky. “It’s the only special nickname I have ever gotten…”

 

(‘How long is this standby gonna last?’)

 

“What about ‘honey’? I thought that was special.”

 

Dahyun chuckles at that. “I called you that. It was mine to you.”

 

“Was?”

 

The raven haired girl hums. “It’s kind of embarrassing, thinking back to it.”

 

“But you weren’t shy when you called me that in front of the whole world, not once but twice…” Sana mumbles something under her breath.

 

“Sorry? I didn’t catch that.”

 

“... I said I liked it.”

 

“Oh. Well, uh”

 

“Is it because Momo is your ‘love’ now? Is that why you’re not interested in me anymore?”

 

“What? Unnie, what are you saying…” Dahyun blinks in surprise.

 

“Oh please. ‘Unnie, you’re my love’; isn’t that what you said before, in Singapore?” Sana is putting her heart on her sleeve now, confessing everything she has to say.

 

It’s funny how they could have done this anywhere else, and yet they’re having their heart-to-heart talk in public, infront of numerous cameras, surrounded by multiple bodies. Then again, they’re all busy talking among themselves.

 

“Unnie, that was a joke.” Dahyun tightens her hold, making sure that Sana is paying attention to what she has to say.

 

“Was it?” Sana chuckles, sounding rather empty. “Have you lost interest in me, honey?” She sandwiches Dahyun’s hand in between her own, her volume low and tone timid.

 

(‘Dahyun, you’re such a fool; falling for the same old trick. How stupid.’)

 

She shouldn’t be doing this. This whole situation is exactly why she has been running away. Momo is right beside her, but Dahyun can’t find it in herself to seek help.

 

“I— didn’t…” Her voice dies, helplessly caught in .

 

“Then why?”

 

(‘Maybe because you’ve been too busy with Chaeyoung; Jeongyeon too; everyone, really. Even Eunha, who isn’t even in our group.’)

 

Of course Dahyun isn’t stupid enough to voice out her thoughts; they’re problematic enough as it is.

 

“I just—”

 

“Alright everyone, we’re starting! Get ready.” Dahyun has never been so relieved to hear a staff’s voice.

 

“We’ll talk later.” Sana whispers with a final squeeze of their joined hands, before unwillingly letting go. Flashing a bright grin towards the camera, Sana’s idol persona instantly dominates.

 

After an hour of bickering and nonsense conversations among the group, the filming has come to an end. It was entertaining to say the least, with the non-stop teasing about the self-written lyrics (Love line aka Jeongyeon’s feelings, as well as Dahyun’s catchy verse in Missing U),

 

Getting back in the vehicle, Nayeon claims the seat next to Momo in the other van. For the most part, everyone has an assigned partner and Dahyun’s happen to be Sana. It isn’t a very strict system but for the sake of convenience, it is followed.

 

“Looks like you’re stuck beside me again, Dahyunnie.” For the past weeks, the younger has been occupying the window seat, with Momo on the other side. “Must be destiny.” Of course Sana would say such a cliché pick up line.

 

Dahyun smirks, a little amused by the older’s actions. “You make it sound like this is new.”

 

“This is the first time in weeks we’ve sat together again... It is new.” Sana is quick to retort. “It’s all because little Dahyunnie lost interest in me... What should I do?” She begins poking the latter’s arm, feeling her finger sink in the soft flesh.

 

“I really didn’t!” Dahyun defends. She really hasn’t lost adoration for the Japanese idol. Is such thing even possible? What she’s feeling is quite the opposite of ‘lost’ actually.

 

Dahyun’s awkwardness falls on one simple reason: she has never been good at handling internal dilemmas.

 

With the constant flooding thoughts of ‘why’ and ‘should I’ and ‘what if’, she doesn’t quite know what to do, or how to act on certain situations. Indecisiveness is her Achilles-heel.

 

“It’s okay, if you did. Jeongyeon has been keeping me company.” The once invasive finger is now lightly grazing itself up and down the younger’s toned bicep.

 

(‘She sure has.’)

 

Dahyun thinks, internally frowning at the image of Jeongyeon’s gaze on Sana’s lips, as the latter looks at the second oldest member with her shimmering eyes. So much love it holds.

 

Curse Sana’s beautiful eyes, but curse Dahyun even more for browsing through the stupid article. She can’t believe she fell for such a ridiculous clickbait.

 

‘Jeongyeon and Sana; a glorious female romance’

 

It was a series of images on their way to Music Bank... With Jeongyeon looking every bit as dashing as every girl’s wet dream. Clad in her oversized plaid jacket, it was no surprise that Sana had clung onto her that day.

 

(‘Female romance? Was that really necessary?

 

Stupid, stupid article.’)

 

“... Dahyunnie?” Sana calls. It seems that she has been talking the whole time.

 

Great, way to go Dahyun. What nice timing you have.

 

“Sorry, What was that? I zoned out...” She explains, bashbully scratching her nape hoping the older would understand.

 

Sana pouts, clearly sulky now. “Am I really that boring? I’ll just switch seats with Jihyo if you want…” Jihyo— who is comfortably laidback against the front seat —is oblivious, much to Dahyun’s relief.

 

The brunette is about to unclasp her seatbelt when Dahyun quickly places a hand above, stopping the movement.

 

“No, no! I was just— there’s a lot on my mind lately. I’m really sorry, unnie. I swear, you're not boring. You’re the most entertaining person I have ever met!”

 

Okay, that was clearly an exaggeration on Dahyun’s part. Though she reckons it is because despite her passionate hatred for all things unclear, maybe just maybe she hates seeing Sana upset just a bit more.

 

Sana has always been stubbornly claiming the throne as number one in Dahyun’s list of pretty much anything. Every single goddamn time. Priorities? Nonsense. Sana somehow always manages to crawl her way above all else.

 

Dahyun recalls a time when she had craved for convenience store rice balls, to the point where it is all she could think about. Then Sana’s cute antics came, requesting for a certain brand of chips… and just like that, Dahyun’s need had been dismissed. She ran to the store and breathlessly came back to the practice room with multiple shopping bags.

 

None of which contained a triangular rice ball.

 

… but she did manage to buy every available flavour of Sana’s favourite chips.

 

Oh how pathetic— whipped, not that it’s much of a difference —she was (is, but that’s for Dahyun to keep).

 

“I guess Momoring has gotten funny lately, huh?” Taking the opportunity of Dahyun’s warm hand on hers, Sana quickly turns her palm upwards, curling her fingers between the younger’s.

 

She has never been one to deny such a golden situation, anyway. Dahyun’s protective hold on hers is something she will never deprive herself of.

 

Sana grins at their connected hands, obviously loving the sight.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Her words always seem to make you laugh… they’re not that funny.” Sana mutters the last of her sentence, getting away with her little sour slip up.

 

“She’s funny, yes. In a cute way, if that makes sense.” Dahyun doesn’t bother suppressing a smile.

 

“Funnier than me?” Sana interrogates quite aggressively, taking the younger aback.

 

 

 

Dahyun gulps, suddenly walking on tightrope. She knows that the older’s question is a trick one; quite obviously so. This is how the boyfriend in every Korean drama she has ever seen, land themselves in trouble.

 

She feels cold sweat trickle down her back.

 

“I— uh, n-no?”

 

“Are you sure?” Sana narrows her eyes in suspicion, clearly studying Dahyun’s face for any signs of deceit.

 

“Y-yes?” Suddenly, the air conditioning in the car doesn’t seem to be working as well as before, because Dahyun is pretty sure she’s sweating bullets from the intense gaze.

 

“Yes? You think she’s funnier than me?”

 

“N-no, I meant you— y-you’re funny, unnie…” The whole conversation is pointless because in reality, Momo and Sana has the exact same sense of humour; borderline lame, dark, and actually humorous. Though Dahyun thinks that it’s a smarter choice to simply give an answer that favours the older.

 

She must be correct since Sana beams at her response.

 

“That’s right!” The Japanese grins victoriously. “I’m funnier. You and I are alike after all. We find the same things funny.”

 

Dahyun disagrees. Sana laughed at a worm just last week because apparently the way it wiggled was hilarious; while the young Korean stood at the side judging the older member’s quirky personality.

 

Hence, Dahyun denies that her and Sana share the same humour. Who the hell finds street worms funny anyway?

 

Sana apparently.

 

“You should laugh at my jokes, Dahyunnie.” Their hands are tightly connected now, fingers intertwined without a space to spare in between. Dahyun doesn’t question it. Thinking is the last thing she wants at the moment.

 

“I do.”

 

“I mean, loudly. Like, you should laugh the loudest when you hear my jokes… Um, louder than you do with Momo…” Sana whispers the last bit once again, but this time Dahyun catches the words.

 

“Sana unnie, are you seriously jealous of Momo unnie’s jokes?”

 

Not exactly, but Sana doesn’t clarify.

 

“You’re supposed to call me ‘honey’.” The Japanese girl shifts just a little; enough to still be comfortable under the protection of a safety belt.

 

“That’s just for phone calls, unnie” Dahyun explains but was quickly interrupted.

 

Sana sure is more talkative than usual.

 

“You still call Momo your ‘love’ even if it’s not on phone call.” Sana pouts, wanting to cross her arms but she didn’t want to let go of Dahyun’s soft hand.

 

“Are you actually jealous right now?” The younger questions; more out of amusement than anything.

 

“I’m not jealous… just… saying” Sana’s voice is timid, her head now ducking in embarrassment. Though her hold remains tight and assured.

 

“Are you sure, honey?” She pries, clearly teasing.

 

Sana’s red cheeks aren’t subtle, and it is a little too cute for the world to handle.

 

So Dahyun grins.

 

“Shut up… Don’t tease. I’m older than you.”

 

“Really? Because you just said you prefer hearing ‘honey’ over ‘unnie’.” Dahyun is laughing now. Sana’s childish attitude is too adorable to take seriously.

 

Dahyun thinks that it must be a trait that comes with being an only child — the thirst for attention. It isn’t a bad thing, of course, Sana suits the slightly bratty attitude. She is a sweet optimist, with a hint of high-handed character. Best of both worlds, to put it lightly. Just like her signature “cutie-y” combination, Sana is a beautiful contradiction.

 

Funny how Dahyun claims to hate contradiction.

 

“Endearment names are cute, sue me.” Sana frowns at the teasing. “Is it wrong to make sure you don’t hate me?”

 

“Hate you? I can never”

 

Sana doesn’t look convinced. Her gaze remain downwards, feeling a little awkward.

 

“Am I still your favourite? … Japanese member, at least?” Sana sounds so insecure that Dahyun isn’t sure how to mend her.

 

Lately, the Korean has been convinced that Momo is dominating a huge spot in her chest, (How can she not when the older is super charming, and down to earth?) but now she isn’t so sure anymore.

 

Answering Sana’s question is like defusing a timed bomb; one wrong move and it’s all over.

 

“Y-yes…” She thought she’s stronger than this. Building the invisible wall along with Momo, Dahyun really believed that she could finally deny Sana’s advances. She wonders why she was so convinced that it would work — that it will work. Dahyun has always been a little off with her judgement, so she wonders why she thought this time would be any different.

 

Sana is Sana, and she will always be Dahyun’s biggest weakness.

 

“You’re my Japanese teacher, remember? Your Kansai accent is the best!” The human tofu attempts to say in Japanese. It works because Sana finally giggles cutely.

 

“Thanks, Hon.” The taller of the two lifts her gaze to make contact with Dahyun’s, smiling gently.

 

“Always.”

 

Like a spell, Dahyun’s words fell heavy on Sana, causing her eyelids to droop a little. She didn’t realize how tired she is. Her body only confirms her suspicion when she lets out a breathy yawn. She must have missed Dahyun so much that her body had forgotten about her own fatigue, and had only made a comeback once their short heart-to-heart talk has come to an end.

 

“Can I sleep on you? Do you mind?” She asks shyly. Sana isn’t sure how Dahyun would respond considering they haven’t been intimate for over a month.

 

“I think we’re way past that stage Sana un— honey.” Ignoring her own slip up, Dahyun lightly pats her shoulder. She can see the smile on Sana’s face along with her reddened cheeks.

 

Whether it is a reaction to the chivalrous gesture, or the corny endearment, it didn’t matter at the moment.

 

Dahyun is just glad that Sana is clinging on to her now. Not Chaeyoung, not Jeongyeon, not anyone else; it’s SaiDa’s private moment now, and SaiDa to her, is the best.

 

Sana eagerly tilts her head, allowing herself to lean on Dahyun’s firm shoulder. (It’s more muscular than she remembers. The younger is clearly working hard, it’s kind of hot…) The Japanese internally smiles at the thought.

 

She’ll save the topic for later.

 

“Sleep well” Dahyun’s voice becomes gentler, if that is even possible. Sana can just feel herself getting sleepier. She missed this; the voice that puts every lullaby to shame. The gentle tone that is capable of lulling her to sleep at a record speed.

 

Sana’s eyelids flutter shut at the sound of Dahyun’s breathing, and the feeling of the charming girl’s soft fingers intertwined with her own.

 

The last thing she remembers is the gentle squeeze on their connected hands followed by the calming feeling of the younger’s thumb on Sana’s knuckle— all topped with Dahyun’s soft voice.

 

The perfect lullaby; a special treatment reserved for no other than Minatozaki Sana.

 

“Sweet dreams, honey”

 

***

 

A day (few hours, in reality) later and yet another victorious win for Twice; this time, for Music Bank.

 

Likey’s instrumental booms on stage, confirming the well deserved win of the team.

 

The girls laugh in delight, urging the crowd of passionate fans to heighten the already monstrous cheers.

 

Sana, being the ever-so-hyper member snickers at the adorable sight of flashing candy bongs, creating a mini gorgeous ocean.

 

She squeals at the sudden feeling of an arm slithering around her shoulder, slightly dragging her down. Realizing who it is, the Japanese relaxes into the touch. Only Dahyun would put on the (nasty) milk-lavender perfume.

 

Their fellow members often feign disgust by gagging at the mere scent. They have all come to a unanimous agreement that Dahyun’s perfume is off-putting, but that never seem to stop the lead rapper from flaunting the scent.

 

Sana doesn’t mind it; she thinks it suits Dahyun. It’s overwhelming— triggering senses and feelings one didn’t even know existed —but pleasant nonetheless. It’s growing on Sana, actually.

 

“What are you doing?” Sana mumbles through the elated grin. She loves back hugs.

 

Dahyun leans in, leaving her lips only an inch away from the older girl’s ear. “Proving something.”

 

The Japanese simply hums, “Yeah? What about?”

 

“I’m not Jeongyeon unnie; I don’t hate kisses.” Before Sana could even decode the meaning of Dahyun’s words, a pair of lips presses themselves against the girl’s reddened cheek.

 

Sana gasps in shock, completely taken aback by the shameless action.

 

Unable to stop herself from feeling giddy, the Japanese member flashes a foolish smile; she’s happy.

 

“What was that for?” Sana giggles, playfully shoving the younger’s shoulder —Dahyun, who is now giving a teasing smirk, pointing at the flustered member mockingly.

 

The childish rapper shrugs nonchalantly, “You told me to give you a kiss, since I like them so much.”

 

(‘If you like giving them so much, how come I never got any?’)

 

Sana laughs at the memory. She was simply kidding.

 

Well, half-joking.

 

She’s just glad that everything seems to come back to the way it was before. Dahyun is no longer avoiding her.

 

That’s the best thing Sana can ever wish for.

 

***

 

Three weeks in and things only become more complicated for Dahyun. She can no longer deny her feelings, and there is no way in heavens Sana will allow her to do such things.

 

Everything seem to return the way it were before except arguably, Sana and Dahyun have grown even closer this time around.

 

So, one can say that everything is back to normal…

 

Sort of.

 

—ish?

 

Dahyun is still confused. She no longer knows where she stands with Sana. Are they partners again? Just like the previous eras. Did their blazing relationship finally come to an end? Sana has Jeongyeon and Chaeyoung now; Dahyun has Momo.

 

They stand somewhere between the lines of being each other’s go-to person— to perhaps just another affair. Jeongyeon-Sana pairing has been attracting a few attention lately; Dahyun-Momo has too.

 

So, what are they exactly?

 

That is a question Dahyun doesn’t have an answer to. It is the type of question she despises the most. She hates ambiguity remember?

 

Unfortunately, it’s what she happens to attract the most.

 

She hates the word ‘uncertain’

 

And right now, that’s exactly what Dahyun and Sana are.

 

How can one avoid crossing a dangerous line, when there is none drawn in the first place?