Chapter 4

Kyungsoo wakes up with a headache, hiccups, and a full bladder. It doesn’t help that every hiccup makes him want to pee his pajamas as he walks carefully towards the bathroom.

His hiccups are loud and obnoxious, like he’s choking on air, and it’s not the prettiest sound to come from his mouth. He covers it with his palm, hoping he doesn’t end up waking the entire castle on this impossibly long trek to the toilet. He figures it could be faster if he just picked up his pace, but he’d rather not leave a trail of pee behind.

At least the dull throb against his skull isn’t as bad compared to some of his previous headaches. It doesn’t make him feel lethargic and miserable like usual, and he can’t thank the higher powers enough.

He’s almost to the bathroom when his stomach groans incredibly loud, and he can’t decide which sounds uglier, his hiccups or his dying stomach.

He clutches at his stomach while the hand on his mouth does its best to keep those animalistic sounds from being heard, not noticing his surroundings until a foreign hand comes flying out and clutches at his arm.

“Kyungsoo, are you okay?” comes a deep voice, and Kyungsoo looks up at his prince husband, shocked. “Are you nauseous?”

Weird question.

He goes to remove the hand off his mouth to answer before he realizes he can’t let Jongin hear him, so he nods his head in response, to which Jongin furrows his eyebrows.

“You are?”

Kyungsoo nods again. I’m okay. Another hiccup makes him jerk his upper body, and now Jongin looks concerned. The taller prince removes his hand, arm now coming around to hold Kyungsoo’s waist as he guides them toward the bathroom.

“C-Can you hold it until we get to the bathroom?”

Kyungsoo tries to look sideways, wondering if Jongin noticed how desperately he’s been holding his pee with his legs almost crossed. This is embarrassing.

Jongin’s cheeks are flushed a soft pink, and Kyungsoo is pretty sure his own are matching.

They eventually reach the Toilet^TM and Kyungsoo finally takes the hand off his mouth, sighing in relief. He looks towards Jongin, who’s awkwardly fidgeting in place, and Kyungsoo wonders if he’s going to stand there while he relieves himself.

“Go ahead,” Jongin says, and Kyungsoo now blushes deeply.

“Um,” he starts, gesturing with his hand to the porcelain bowl. “Are you—are you going to watch me?”

“Do you need help?” Jongin asks, face burning impossibly red. 

Kyungsoo’s eyes become comically wide at the question. Help with what?

“I think I can manage peeing in the toil—SQWUACKK~”

Kyungsoo slaps a hand to his mouth again, cursing his hiccups to the moon and back. He watches the shock on Jongin’s face turn into amusement as the corners of his lips tick upward.

“What was that?”

“Jongin, stop—sqwuuaakk—”

“What? I didn’t quite catch that.”

There’s a sound of laughter accompanying the small shakes of Jongin’s shoulders as the prince dissolves into a fit of giggles. Kyungsoo can’t believe the situation he’s in right now.

“I have to pee! Will you stop laughing? Sqwuak. Stop it!” Kyungsoo pushes Jongin out of the bathroom, locking the door swiftly as he turns back towards the toilet. He fumbles with his pajamas a bit before he finally relieves himself, grumbling to himself all the while.

Meanwhile, Jongin can’t hold back his laughter as Kyungsoo’s red face and large eyes pop into his mind again. “Cute,” he murmurs before heading back to his office again.

***

Kyungsoo fidgets with the hem of his shirt as he walks up to the meeting room door, hand hesitating to turn the knob and walk inside. The Queen has summoned him to have a talk, the topic of it unbeknownst to Kyungsoo, thus causing much anxiety.

Did she perhaps find out about the baby? Is she wanting to talk to him about that? Kyungsoo wonders why he feels so nervous at the thought. It’s not like he’ll be punished or anything—that’s the Queen’s grandchild after all—but maybe she’ll chastise him for being so reckless when they just got married.

Kyungsoo doesn’t want to be lectured right now. He’s been feeling queasy all day and hasn’t been able to keep anything in his stomach long enough for it to be absorbed before he’s tossing it all over the toilet bowl.

It doesn’t help that Jongin heard his obnoxiously loud hiccups that morning and laughed at him. So yeah, Kyungsoo’s not in the mood. He takes a deep breath.

Be still, my heart.

And with that, he’s opening the door and stepping inside the room. Queen Kim is sitting on one of the chairs near the head of the table, so Kyungsoo says his greeting and takes the seat across from her.

“Thank you for stopping by, Kyungsoo,” she says warmly, sending Kyungsoo a bright smile.

Smile. That’s a good sign.

“I feel like we haven’t gotten to talk one on one since you joined our family,” she starts, thumbing through some papers before her on the table. “It’s been a chaotic few months since the wedding and then the party, and just meeting all these other royal families—it’s a lot right?”

Kyungsoo nods his head respectfully. It has been a lot, especially with this one shot wonder baby growing inside him.

“How is everything? How is married life? Is Jongin treating you okay?”

Those are a lot of questions all at once. Kyungsoo feels himself growing apprehensive at the thought of not being able to adequately answer each one. He looks ahead at the wall behind her and suddenly his mind goes blank.

“Um,” he starts slowly, giving his brain time to come up with something on the spot but its being utterly useless right now. He spends the next quiet minute fumbling for words.

Why am I so awkward?

But then he glances back at her, and he can see the resemblance of her eyes to Jongin’s. Her lips are quirked upwards, and Kyungsoo’s mind flashes back to this morning where Jongin’s mischievous smile was on full display.

“He laughed at me today,” he says without thinking—clearly. “Any other day he doesn’t even crack a smile but today he laughed when I felt miserable.”

 “Oh yeah?” The Queen looks pleased.

“I think the only time he looks at me is when I do something foolish.”

The words come tumbling out before he can stop himself. He hears them spoken out loud and turns bright pink—not meaning to have revealed that. He wants their marriage to look perfect, successful. It certainly won’t seem that way if everyone finds out they barely talk to each other, much less act as a true married couple.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbles quietly, wringing his hands together under the table.

“No, no I like hearing this. My son is a weird creature so I can understand where you’re coming from.”

Did she just call the future king a weird creature?

Kyungsoo smiles softly at that. His mother-in-law is funny, he decides. He wonders how different it would be if Jongin had taken after her personality. Would they click instantly? Grow closer to each other every day rather than this snail pace race they have going on?

However, Kyungsoo immediately dismisses the thought. For some reason, he’s starting to like the idea of Jongin being closed off because it’s almost like a challenge. He gets to peel a layer back and see a new side of his prince husband, and the more he peels, the more he’s intrigued.

Jongin is interesting, and he likes being the one able to dig deeper into his complexities. What makes him truly laugh? What catches his attention? Why is he so distant—did something happen or has he always been this way?

Kyungsoo wants to know everything, and if it takes him going at the pace of a snail, so be it.

“Kyungsoo,” the Queen calls for his attention. “I want you to do something. I understand that your upbringing has been different from that of your brother’s, in the sense that he would take over the throne and lead the kingdom. However, you realize that Jongin is next in line for the throne, which means you will be the spouse to a king.”

Kyungsoo acknowledges the fact, stomach churning at just the thought of it.

“You two will eventually be the faces of this kingdom after the King and I step down, and there are certain things you must learn about the duties involved.” The Queen fixes the papers she’s been messing with before sliding them over to the unusually pale prince. “It’s just a compiled list of subjects that I want you to start looking into. It’s the same stuff that Jongin looks over, so it would be best if you two studied together.”

Kyungsoo takes the papers, letting his eyes run over the pages but not registering any of it. Can the Queen tell if he’s panicking yet or not?

“Sweetheart, if there’s anything you need or I can help you with, you come straight to me. I am probably the only person in this entire castle who knows what you’re going through, and what you will go through from now on. I actually sat in the same spot as you many years ago when my own mother-in-law told me these exact things.” She reaches over and places a comforting hand over Kyungsoo’s shaking ones. “You two need to show a strong, united front when Jongin takes the throne. There will be moments where you two will only be able to rely on each other, so it’s crucial that you having understanding and trust between one another.”

With that, Kyungsoo knows that their talk is over. He stands slightly bowed as the Queen sends him a reassuring smile before taking her leave, and as soon as she’s out of sight he runs as fast as he can to the nearest bathroom. He drops to his knees and throws up everything he has left in his stomach.

He rubs it wearily as he slumps over an arm, taking in slow, deep breaths as the accumulated sweat trickles down his neck. He can’t tell if he vomited because of his morning sickness or because of the anxiety built up from everything the Queen just said to him.

Either way, Kyungsoo feels more miserable than ever.

It’s not that he disagrees with her—it’s the mountain of burden on his shoulders just becoming heavier.

What if he fails in his duties as the king’s spouse? What if he can’t handle the pressures that come along with his position? And the worst of all, what if he somehow causes the downfall of their kingdom because of his inadequacies?

Though somewhat farfetched and irrational, Kyungsoo’s fears are profound in this very moment. He just hopes he can hold it together until he somehow makes it.

Fake it till you make it?

***

It’s about a week later that Kyungsoo finally musters up some courage to approach Jongin’s office. They’ve been able to hold small conversations here and there about irrelevant things, Kyungsoo having to keep his heart in check every time Jongin opens his mouth.

Amongst other things, Kyungsoo has developed quite a liking to the soft-spoken words and the infinite amount of blush that accompanies them.

He proceeds to knock on the door and quietly wait, hearing some shuffling and movement on the other side before there’s a small opening. He watches as Jongin’s eyes peer through the crack, and they both stare at each other with eyes comically wide before the door is opening wider, Jongin beckoning Kyungsoo inside.

“Kyungsoo…” Jongin starts in a breathy voice, gaze dashing maddeningly fast towards the state of his office room before he immediately begins to clean up.

The couch is covered in various pillows of all shapes and sizes, blankets strewn about, papers littered across the large mahogany desk with some crumpled up near the trashcan, as if none of Jongin’s shots ever made it inside—all in all, the disorganized room is a stark difference from Jongin’s persona.

Even when Jongin gathers all the bedding together and stashes it in a messy pile in the corner of the room, it doesn’t serve to decrease the untidiness, and Kyungsoo doesn’t know why that amuses him.

“This is the first time I’m seeing your office,” he says in a teasing tone. “It’s very cozy.”

Jongin sends him a look as he finishes clearing the floor around the trash can. “It’s not usually like this.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” Kyungsoo replies, smiling softly as he begins walking around and observing the large bookcase stuffed to the brim with worn out books, little trinkets that express bits and pieces of Jongin’s personality, and stopping by the window that overlooks the large expanse of the garden out back.

“It’s not.”

“Mmhm.”

“I’ve just been busy so I haven’t had time to clean.”

“I’m sure you have.”

“You don’t believe me?”

“Not one bit.”

Jongin lets out a sigh while Kyungsoo chuckles to himself. The prince finishes clearing the desk as best as he can before speaking again.

“So w-what brings you by?” Jongin looks borderline constipated after the question.  

“Um, I was told that I need to learn some things about how this kingdom works, and to start studying with you.”

Jongin stares at him blankly.

“You know...to help you for when you become king.”

“Why would I need your help?”

Oh.

There’s an awkward silence that follows, and Kyungsoo can’t help but feel more dumb than flustered, wondering if Jongin doesn’t want him here intruding on his personal space.

“I can, um, leave if you want.”

When Jongin doesn’t reply, he feels his mood taken a sudden downturn, and his stomach churns uneasily at the thought of Jongin having the power to affect him like this. And he doesn’t even know why.

He turns and begins walking towards the door, rubbing at his stomach as he fights to keep his eyes from watering up. He just wants to curl up in his bed and cry—

“Wait—” He feels Jongin grasp his hand tightly, pulling him back to face him. “Stay.”

Kyungsoo sniffles loudly, feeling stupid for the way he’s reacting. He blames their baby.

“Are you crying?” Jongin asks, still holding onto Kyungsoo’s hand as he looks at him intently.

“No,” Kyungsoo responds in a wobbly voice. He moves to swipe at his eyes with his free hand, eyebrows scrunching closer together when Jongin begins leading him towards his black, leather chair. He plops Kyungsoo down, and the prince sinks into the cushiony seat with a hiccup—a normal one this time.

They both stare at each other quietly, and it isn’t before long that Kyungsoo feels the need to disrupt the tense silence.

“I’m not crying.”

“Mmhm.”

“I’m not.”

“I’m sure you aren’t.”

They stare again, Kyungsoo glaring at the other prince.  

“Jongin—”

“We can start whenever y-you like,” Jongin says, immediately blushing afterwards in a way that placates Kyungsoo. This is what he was talking about.

Kyungsoo sniffles again, nodding his head as he internally scolds himself to stop his childish crying. He slowly starts rocking side to side in the swivel chair, one hand resting on his stomach lightly.

“What does a king do?”

Jongin begins rummaging through messy drawers, pulling out some files and papers with scribbled writing on them. Kyungsoo watches him silently, the storm inside his head quelled when the other goes to grab some books from the bookcase.

He feels a rush of warmth spread throughout when Jongin pokes his tongue out, contemplating hard on which books to pick from. This is Jongin in his element, the future king of their region, and he’s sitting in his chair wondering how he’s going to survive these next few weeks being so close to the other.

Especially when he no longer has total control of his feelings.

***

Jongin finds himself in his sister’s room a few days later, definitely not spazzing over his private studying sessions with the other prince.

Kings don’t spaz.

“D-Did I mention how quickly h-he picks up on things?” Jongin says, talking over his tongue as fast as he can while laying on his sister’s bed, tossing a pillow in the air over and over.

“I think you might’ve mentioned it,” Jang-ah replies, brushing Rahee’s hair as the tiny princess plays with her doll.

“He’s smart, like actually s-smart. And not just book smart. He questions things and s-sees them in a way I haven’t thought of before.”

His sister sends him an endearing smile. “Never thought I’d see the day my heartless brother fell for someone. It’s cute.”

“I’m not falling for him,” Jongin sputters in defense. “I’m just admiring his brain.”

“Mmhm.”

“Oh my God, I’m not. I just acknowledge intelligence when I see it.”

Jang-ah just laughs as she finishes the two pigtails and sends her daughter running straight to her uncle, jumping on top as he lets out a pained groan.

“Rahee, you weigh too much to jump on m-me now,” Jongin says, but doesn’t make a move to remove her.

“Are you calling my toddler fat?”

“Ask my bruised ribs. I’m not going to have any left by the time my kid is born.” Jongin sits up, adjusting his niece to properly sit in his lap. “I don’t even know if Kyungsoo’s going to t-tell me about it until he goes into labor.”

“He’s going to start showing soon.”

“Why can’t he just tell me?”

“Have you told him that you know?”

Jongin thinks about it for a moment. “I don’t s-see why I have to. He’s the one who’s pregnant, not me. If he’s having my baby, why is he keeping it a secret from me?”

“Jongin, I can’t believe I have to spell this out to you of all people, but maybe Kyungsoo hasn’t told you because he doesn’t know if he can.”

He sends her a confused look, and she sighs before explaining some more.

“You’re not the easiest person to talk to,” she starts, scoffing when Jongin rolls his eyes at her. “Shocking, I know. But he barely knows you, Jongin, and maybe you haven’t given him enough reason to trust you with this.”

“So I just have to make him trust me?”

“You can’t make him trust you, but you can give him opportunities to do so. Start out by putting a smile on that cold face of yours, for one. We didn’t get you braces so you could keep your lips shut.”

Jongin scowls.

“And learn to lighten up, talk to him first. Get to know his favorite color, movies, songs, flowers—I don’t know, just get to know the man that’s carrying your heir, and maybe he’ll open up to you.”

***

Jongin sits in his leather chair, mulling over his sister’s words as he stares at the prince in front of him, who is chewing on his pen cap as he turns a page in his notebook.

“For the purposes of trade, wouldn’t it be more advantageous to…” Kyungsoo trails off, noticing the other’s gaze trained on him. “What?” he asks, pink dusting his cheeks as he goes back to chewing on the pen.

It takes a second for Jongin to realize what Kyungsoo’s said, shaking his head and stating a quiet “nothing” before returning to his own paperwork.

“Jongin, couldn’t we open more trade routes through our providence and tax the products being exported?”

“That would boost the economy financially but would leave us open to possible threats from anyone using those routes. T-That’s why my dad’s only opened a few—better control over who goes in and out.”

“Makes sense,” Kyungsoo says, nodding before returning back to his studying.

Jongin’s face heats up, this nerd talk over economy and taxation making his heart race faster. He wonders if Kyungsoo enjoys this stuff as much as he does. But first—

“What’s your favorite color?”

Kyungsoo pauses in his writing to look back up at him again, sending him an odd look before answering.

“Black.”

“Oh,” Jongin swallows thickly. “Mine is blue.”

“Okay.”

Jongin glances back down, hiding his face with his hair as best as he can so that Kyungsoo can’t see the nervous blush painting his face.

This is embarrassing.

He can’t do this.

He doesn’t talk to people first nor does he want to. He knows they’re only going to find out about his shortcomings and use them against him, make him feel more worthless than he already is.

Kyungsoo doesn’t need to know that he married a useless man, and this isn’t to do with his stupid stutter. Jongin knows he has a crappy personality, and he can’t hold conversations for longer than a few seconds. He’s a helpless slob and he doesn’t care for much outside of himself and his family.

If Kyungsoo doesn’t find out, then he won’t leave.

Because, as Jongin realizes now, he doesn’t want him to.

***

Kyungsoo’s light snores gently float through the air while Jongin finishes up reading over his notes. He glances over at the prince who’s snoozing away on his couch, body twisted weirdly that can’t be very comfortable.

Jongin feels slightly guilty for letting their study session drone on so late into the night. Kyungsoo knocked out shortly after eating his dinner, and Jongin fights a yawn as he glances at the clock, deciding its time to retire for the night.

Except the sleeping prince has taken up the couch he usually sleeps on.

Jongin studies him intently, noting the frown on the other’s face as he flips to find a more comfortable position to sleep in, but still not looking content. He knows this must be uncomfortable for him and the baby, and Jongin doesn’t think twice before leaning down and gathering Kyungsoo into his arms.

He holds him gently as Kyungsoo adjusts in his hold, still dead to the world as he makes his way to the bedroom. He lays Kyungsoo down on the bed and flips on the small lamp, gathering the thick comforter to tuck the prince in when he pauses, eyes going to the small show of skin from where his shirt lifted over his stomach.

Curiosity takes hold almost immediately, and seeing the small swell of the raised stomach where his unborn child is resting has him leaning close, hand coming to rest on top.

Jongin can’t name the feeling that grips him, instead only serving to freeze him in that moment where he belatedly realizes that this is his child. The knowledge of its existence is nothing compared to the actual physical proof that he’s going to be a dad in a few months’ time.

His little family.

Jongin removes his hand, feeling a myriad of emotions, one namely upsetting.

Fear.

Its overwhelming, the thought of becoming a father and a king and trying desperately to not disappoint in either role. Jongin doesn’t know if he can succeed.

A hand comes to grip his clenched fist, Kyungsoo opening his eyes and focusing them on Jongin.

“Stay?” he asks, voice barely above a whisper, and Jongin releases a shuddering breath.

An opportunity?

He collects himself, pushing aside all of his turbulent thoughts as Kyungsoo scoots back to make room for him on the bed. Jongin slips beside him, covering them both with the comforter as he reaches out to turn off the lamp.

He lays back down, facing Kyungsoo who’s already sleeping again and wonders if he’s doing the right thing.

To open up and let someone who has the potential to hurt him in, to show Kyungsoo sides of him he has kept hidden for so long—

As sleep comes for Jongin, he decides he’ll deal with everything in the morning.

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a/n- idk why it took me so long to update, mostly because i scrapped and re-wrote numerous times before i decided this version was okay enough to post >.< still not satisfied but meh~ i also cannot believe this story got featured! feel like its too soon because the story's just begun (and might become crap...) but i'll try not to disappoint! (like prince jongin here, i feel you boo). thank you all so much T.T i cant thank you enough for all the support :]