Hands shakily buttoning up his checkered red and black button-down shirt, Sunggyu tried to ignore the nervous churn of his stomach. When all the buttons were in secure, he picked up a black wool cardigan and put it on, buttoning it up too and straightening the collar of his shirt. His eyes ran over his ensemble on the mirror, taking note of the dark jeans on his legs and black socks on his feet. His hair had been combed neatly and gelled back, giving him an air of sophistication.

“I look like a librarian,” he said out loud, making a face at his appearance.

He shed the cardigan and instead, ed the top two buttons of his shirt and rolled his sleeves up to his elbow. Then, he ran to the bathroom and carefully position his head on the sink, under the faucet, to wash out the gel, praying that his shirt wouldn’t get wet in the process.

By some miracle, he managed to stay dry except for the top part of his back collar, but he could fix that. His head still bent under the faucet, he grabbed a towel and wrapped his hair up before taking his hair dryer and drying his mop of dark hair.

He ran a hairbrush over the strands, attempting to at least tame them into neatness without the use of the gross hair gel. Who still used that stuff anyway?!

The doorbell rang, startling Sunggyu so much that he dropped the brush.

He’s here, he thought, nervously, picking up the brush and putting it back in its place.

Taking one last look at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, he deemed himself decent enough and hurried back to his bedroom.

“Coming!” he called out towards the front door as he grabbed his wallet, phone, and keys from his dresser.

He didn’t know why he was so anxious about this date. It wasn’t like he hadn’t gone on one before!

But, tonight was his and Woohyun’s first, official, and real date.

From the day he agreed on the date, Woohyun had not touched him. To be specific, they hadn’t slept together. Not once. Woohyun still flirted but kept it clean and PG-13. They were taking things slow this time, the way they should have from the beginning.

So, Sunggyu supposed it was worth acting like some teenager going on his first date.

Because Woohyun liked him. And Woohyun may want to get into a relationship with him. And if all went well tonight, perhaps Sunggyu could ask him out on a second date.

So, forgive him if he was a bundle of nerves.

When he opened the door, he was greeted by an excited-looking lawyer holding a bouquet of flowers.

“Hi, Sunggyu,” Woohyun greeted, extending his hands. “These are for you.”

“I’m not a girl, you know,” was Sunggyu’s instant reply before scolding himself for his rudeness. “But, thank you.”

He took the flowers, blushing lightly at the sweet gesture. The lawyer was going all out tonight and they hadn’t even left Sunggyu’s apartment yet.

Leaving the flowers on his coffee table to put away later, Sunggyu grabbed a jacket and followed Woohyun out to the latter’s car, allowing the other act like a gentleman by opening his car door for him.

“So, where are we going?” he couldn’t help but ask. “Movies? Dancing? Dinner?”

Woohyun grinned. “It’s a surprise. And I swear it’s something we haven’t done before. I… I wanted this date to be different than our hangouts.” He flashed Sunggyu a happy look. “Thank you for agreeing.”

Sunggyu smiled back and nodded before turning his attention to the radio where Woohyun’s playlist was hooked up. “May I?”

Woohyun chuckled. “You don’t have to ask. Go on.”

Sunggyu excitedly picked up the phone and scrolled through, looking for a song. Finding what called out to him, he played it.

The first notes of the intro played along with the opening lines.

Woohyun let out a soft laugh. “In a JYJ mood today, huh?” he asked.

“Mmhmm,” Sunggyu answered and then began to sing along. “You said you love me, but you are kissing him. Your heart has felt his touch long ago. You hide and deceive. That’s right.”

“Even when you hang up, I see you,” Woohyun joined in. “You deny and deny but it ends up being you. I used to love you.”

They both sang along to the song throughout the entire ride and when that finished, Sunggyu chose another one.

Driving like this with Woohyun was fun. The lawyer loved to sing too so Sunggyu felt comfortable letting his voice free around him. With others, he was often too shy as he was insecure self-conscious about his voice. But, Woohyun’s carefree attitude with singing in the car seemed to have rubbed off on him. Besides, the lawyer had a nice voice.

Finally, after 3 songs, they arrived at their destination: a place called INFINITIZE.

Sunggyu blinked up at the small, one-story cobblestone building as Woohyun parked and shut the engine off. The windows were bare of any curtains but you could barely see through as the inside was dark. Sunggyu half-wondered if the place was actually closed.

“Have you been here before?” Woohyun asked him as they exited the car.

Sunggyu shook his head as his date (he blushed at the thought) placed an arm around his waist and led him up to the place.

Woohyun grinned, happily. “Then, you’re in a for a treat!”

As indicated by the windows outside, the place inside was dimly lit, the illumination coming from various candles on the wooden tables and lanterns on the brick walls. It made the atmosphere appear calm and intimate as the orange lights bounced off surfaces. Up front, a small stage was set up with a keyboard, guitar, drums, a mic stand, and a stool. It was empty for now. Beside the stage was a small sign with the words, “OPEN MIC NIGHT” scribbled on it with colorful chalk.

Sunggyu deduced that it was a café or bar of some sort but it was small. Most of the tables were already filled. He wondered if they would even be able to get a table.

“Don’t worry, we have a reservation,” Woohyun stated before they were approached by a worker.

True to his word, they were led to a table next to the wall and near the stage.

“They have really good pasta,” said Woohyun as they perused the menu.

Making their choices with Woohyun’s recommendation, they gave their orders to the waitress and settled in with their sodas. Both had opted to remain sober that night.

“So… what is this place, exactly?” Sunggyu finally asked, his gaze on the musical set-up on the stage.

“It’s a café during the day and a bar at night,” answered Woohyun. “Fridays are open mic night.” He smiled. “I thought I’d bring you here because, maybe… you’d like to sing tonight. I thought about a Karaoke bar too, but I figured for a first date, this might be classier.” He winked. “Are you impressed?”

Sunggyu couldn’t stop his lips from twitching into a shy smile. “I suppose,” he replied, trying to sound nonchalant. “Not really sure if I want to sing, though.”

Woohyun tilted his head to the side with a slight furrow in his eyebrows. “Why not? You have a great voice. If you’re worried about the instruments, they have some staff here that can play as long as they know the song.”

“It’s not that,” Sunggyu replied, seeing as he could play guitar and piano, anyway. “It’s just… I haven’t sung in front of anyone in a long time, much less an entire room.” He ran a nervous hand through his hair. “I’m not really sure I have the confidence for it.”

Just then, a man walked up the stage to the mic. He introduced himself as INFINITEZ’s owner, Lee Jungyeop, and welcomed everyone to his café and bar. He invited any interested singers and musicians to come up and share their talents before making way to the first contender – a young woman named Jiae, who was accompanied by her friend Kei on the piano.

Sunggyu turned back to his date. “How does this even work? Do they just let anyone go up there and sing? What if the singer ?”

Woohyun chuckled. “Well, normally, singers would sign up in advance and do kind of a mini-audition for Jungyeop. But, sometimes, like tonight, if there aren’t too many on the lineup, anyone could go up. Of course, if the singer did , they’d probably be boo-ed offstage.”

Sunggyu raised an eyebrow. “Has that happened before?”

Woohyun shrugged. “None on the nights that I’ve been here. But, who knows?” He reached out across the table to rest a hand on top of Sunggyu’s. “I think you should go up and try. You have a great voice. I’m sure they’ll love you.”

Sunggyu blushed. He seemed to be doing that a lot more around Woohyun, lately. He wondered if he would ever get used to the other’s compliments and words of encouragement. He felt a small surge of confidence from those simple words, alone. Just a small one.

“I don’t know, Woohyun,” he said, sounding unsure.

Woohyun squeezed his hand in comfort. “Well, if you do it, I’ll cheer you on!”

Just then, their food arrived and they dug in. Woohyun was right. The pasta was delicious. Although he may be biased if he said that Woohyun’s cooking was better, but he would rather overeat and have food poisoning than admit that. At least, for now.

They made conversation about everything and nothing in between performances. The more Sunggyu watched, the more the longing and desire to performed stirred in his chest.

Forty-five in, both had finished their food but neither had the desire to leave. They were enjoying the ambience and conversation too much. When 20 minutes passed and no one came up to sing, Sunggyu’s leg was shaking and his fingers twitched, his gaze on the keyboard sitting on its stand.

Woohyun followed his gaze and smiled. “You should go up and sing,” he said.

Sunggyu looked at him and saw the encouragement and anticipation in his eyes.

Somehow, Sunggyu found himself nervously going up the stage and standing in front of the microphone. At first, no one paid him any attention, too engrossed in their individual businesses. But, a few had lifted their heads out of curiosity when he cleared his throat.

“Um... good evening, everyone,” he said, in a meek tone. “I’m Kim Sunggyu. Um… I’d like to sing an original.”

Feeling his face go red, he turned around to take move the keyboard upfront and adjusted the mic so he could get his bearings together. Once the instrument and mic were positioned, he turned back to the audience and settled on the stool, heart pounding.

“To be honest, I haven’t sung in front of an audience for a while now, so, please forgive me if I’m rusty.”

A cheer sounded towards his right.

“Go Sunggyu!” Woohyun yelled, cupping his hands at his mouth.

Sunggyu blushed again but felt a wave of confidence at the show of support. A few others members of the audience clapped and cheered as well.

He cleared his throat. “This is ‘Mirror’.”

He began to play the opening notes, hoping that he would be able to remember it all. It was a song he had written with a Sunbae back in college.

“You said it’s nothing. You said not to worry,” he sang. “It’s just a passing sadness. You said it’ll be alright. But these days, you seem lifeless. These days, I feel like you’re so far away. So unfamiliar.”

The entire bar was quiet as they listened to him sing. Not a peep was heard, not even during the instrumental breaks. Halfway through, Sunggyu closed his eyes, feeling the emotions of the song washing over him.

Those feelings of heartbreak had felt so long ago yet there were moments when Sunggyu still felt them as fresh as that day three years ago. And this was how he could let it all out – through song.

“Come back to me, like you were before. Look at me and smile brightly for me. These days, the way you look at me is so sad.”

Opening his eyes, he plucked the remaining notes on the keyboard before ending it.

For a moment, no one moved and he feared that he had truly made a fool of himself. But, then, it came. The loud applause. The cheers. The hoots.

He looked around at the enthralled audience, many giving him looks of approval. But, the loudest cheers came from one person – his date. Woohyun was on his feet, clapping and cheering with a large smile on his face.

Sunggyu felt his heart skip a beat.

 

---

 

“What did I tell you, Sunggyu? You’re amazing!” Woohyun gushed, a skip in his steps.

Sunggyu blushed and turned his head to the side. “I was shaky and off-key.”

“You're selling yourself short! You sounded great!"

As soon as Sunggyu had finished singing, he was so embarrassed that he insisted on leaving. So, Woohyun paid for dinner and they headed out. Instead of going off somewhere else, they decided to go on a walk. Side-by-side, they strolled down the sidewalk and even paused to buy a box of mochi from a food stand.

Sunggyu laughed at the other’s enthusiasm. “I admit, it felt good singing for an audience again.” He smiled at his date. “Thank you for cheering me on.”

Woohyun returned the smile. “Any time.”

They found an empty bench and sat down to finish their dessert.

“I had fun tonight,” Sunggyu admitted, honestly.

Woohyun grinned. “I’m glad.”

They stayed in silence for some time, enjoying their food and company. Various people passed them, paying no attention to the two men and their mochi. It wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, more tranquil than anything.

When they were done, Sunggyu took both boxes and threw them in the trash can beside him.

“Sunggyu?”

“Hmm?”

“Our date is almost over.” Woohyun sounded solemn.

Sunggyu inwardly smiled. “It is.” He made eye contact with him. “Thank you for inviting me out.”

Woohyun swallowed, his fingers fidgeting with nerves. “S-So… What do you think? Do I…” His voice got stuck and he cleared it, quickly. “Do I have a chance?”

Sunggyu hummed. “To be honest, I’m still not sure,” he confessed.

The lawyer’s face fell. “O-Oh…” His head slumped as he sighed, sounding defeated.

“But… maybe a second date will help me decide?”

Woohyun’s head jerked up so fast that Sunggyu hoped he didn’t pull a muscle. He chuckled a little at the latter’s face that looked like he had been given the world.

“A… A second date?” he stammered, not sounding like the confident playboy that Sunggyu knew. “You’ll go out with me again?”

Feeling playful all of a sudden, Sunggyu pretended to frown and tilted his head to the side, cutely (at least, he hoped it was cute).

“You don’t want to?”

Woohyun immediately shook his head. “No, I do! I really do!”

His eagerness amused Sunggyu that he ended up laughing. It felt good to laugh like this, so carefree.

“It will be my treat this time, okay?” he promised.

Woohyun nodded, enthusiastically.

The lawyer did not stop grinning the entire drive back to Sunggyu’s apartment. He even walked him up.

“Good night, Sunggyu.” He leaned in and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek.

It didn’t prevent the editor from turning red from his ears to the tip of his toes.

“Good night, Woohyun,” he managed to respond before entering his apartment and closing the door.

Feeling light as air, Sunggyu floated to the living room couch, where the bouquet of flowers laid on the coffee table. In a daze, he picked them up, admiring their beauty, remembering the sweet way they were presented to him.

There was no doubt about it. He was developing feelings for Woohyun again.

And, frankly, he was a little terrified of them. Yet, a part of him really wanted to take the plunge and jump.

 

---

 

True to his word, the following week, they went on their second date and it was Sunggyu’s treat. He had wracked his brains for a unique date idea but ended up taking the lawyer to Lotte World. Very typical date idea, yet Woohyun seemed thrilled. He even bought Sunggyu a stuffed puppy.

(“It should remind you of me!” he piped, his invisible tail practically wagging.)

On their next date (the week after), Woohyun had taken him to a new musical that had only been running for a month.

“How on earth did you get tickets?!” Sunggyu exclaimed when Woohyun revealed the pair of stubs.

He had been trying to get tickets as soon as they went on sale, but they were hard to come by. Diamond magazine had covered the opening night but they had sent an intern to watch and do the write-up, even though Sunggyu would have happily volunteered.

Woohyun simply grinned, very proudly and said, “When you’re a hotshot lawyer with connections, anything is possible.” Then, he had winked, sending Sunggyu’s poor heart into a frenzy.

Now, after that, Sunggyu couldn’t think of anything to it. Somehow, it became a silent agreement that the following date (next week, of course) was his turn. He ended up making dinner reservations at an Italian restaurant Dongwoo recommended and taking Woohyun to Namsan Tower.

He probably should have thought about it better because it had been a chilly night despite it being Spring. Woohyun had ended up lending him his much warmer jacket.

“S-Sorry,” he had chattered through the chill as they huddled in front of the fence of love locks.

Woohyun simply chuckled, wrapping an arm around Sunggyu’s shoulders. “Don’t be sorry. I think it’s romantic.” Then, he had looked at the fence, his eyes shining. “I’ve always wanted to put a lock here, but I haven’t met anyone worth getting one.” He glanced at Sunggyu. “What about you?”

Sunggyu just shrugged, even though he did find the concept romantic. They held hands going down the tower.

The next week, it was Woohyun’s turn to plan a date. Sunggyu expected something big. Woohyun seemed to be the type for elaborate and well thought out dates. But, to his surprise, the other had sheepishly asked if he was open to a movie night at his place.

“You can pick the movie and I’ll make snacks,” he said.

Sunggyu figured that so far, all their dates had cost quite a bit of money. He was earning decently at his job, but he wasn’t certain if he could afford to take Woohyun on any more fancy dates. And even if Woohyun was a hotshot lawyer who probably earned twice more than Sunggyu, he was actually quite stingy.

So, Sunggyu agreed. Besides, he didn’t mind staying in. The weather was still pretty cold, after all.

So, after god knows how many weeks, he found himself at Woohyun’s apartment once more, a warm fuzzy blanket wrapped around his shoulders as he scanned Woohyun’s movie collection.

He wondered how the weekly dates became a norm when a month passed and they were regularly going out and doing fun things together. And they hadn’t slept together once.

Sunggyu couldn’t help but wonder if they would tonight. When months ago, their intimate contacts consisted of mind-numbing make-out sessions, lingering touches, and fire-filled nights, they had diminished to sweet but friendly hugs, cute hand-holding, and chaste kisses. Even though he appreciated Woohyun’s efforts in putting up respectful boundaries, he kind of missed his touch and the passionate nights. And, maybe he was a little bit ually frustrated.

The editor blushed at the thought. He was sounding like an addict and Woohyun was an addiction.

“Have you picked one?”

Sunggyu raised his head to see his date enter the living room, carrying a tray of snacks. Woohyun placed it on the coffee table in front of them and picked up one of the mugs and handed it to him. He had made hot chocolate with a lot of whipped cream.

He thanked him before pointing to one of the DVD’s.

Woohyun raised an eyebrow. “Train to Busan?”

Sunggyu blushed a little. “I like Gong Yoo,” he confessed.

Woohyun frowned. “Do I have to compete with Gong Yoo for your affections?” he pouted.

Rolling his eyes, Sunggyu handed him the DVD box. “Admit it. You like him too.”

Woohyun’s eye twitched as he took the box to set up. “Maybe,” he murmured.

Sunggyu just laughed.

For the first hour, the two concentrated on the movie. Sunggyu had spent most of it biting his lip as he sipped on his hot chocolate and munched on chips. Beside him, Woohyun sat rigid, his eyes large as they followed the characters on the screen. His shoulder accidentally touched Sunggyu’s, who twitched at the contact.

Woohyun had barely touched him the entire night and Sunggyu was feeling what he could only describe as longing. He remembered the last time they were seated on this couch, they had a passion-filled make-out session. Sure, the aftermath wasn't the most pleasant memory, but before that, he had felt so happy and content. He missed it.

I should make a move, Sunggyu thought to himself. It can’t always be him who does…. Right? I mean, it’s not like I’m a girl. I’m a guy too.

When they had run out of snacks, they paused the movie so Woohyun could get some more.

Sunggyu made up his mind right then. He would make a move on the lawyer.

Just as he started gathering his nerve, Woohyun returned, tray full with snacks.

“Here you go.” He handed Sunggyu his mug before settling in again next to him and playing the movie.

It took another five minutes for him to actually make a move. Subtly, he brushed his knee against Woohyun’s. He felt the latter twitch a bit.

He leaned to the side and touched shoulders with the other. He felt Woohyun press back.

Feeling confident because of the response, Sunggyu slowly laid his head on Woohyun’s shoulder. He felt him stiffen before relaxing. Sunggyu grinned, patting himself in the back for a job well done.

“Sunggyu?” Woohyun whispered.

“Hmm?”

“I like this.”

Chuckling, Sunggyu cuddled closer. “Me too.”

Woohyun lifted an arm and wrapped it around his shoulders.

They continued to watch the movie, Sunggyu feeling warmer than he was the entire night. He missed being in Woohyun's arms. He liked the feeling of comfort they brought him. In fact, he didn’t want to leave them. He wanted to stay like this with him for a long time.

The sudden thoughts surprised him, his body jerking, involuntarily.

Woohyun looked down at him in curiosity. “Are you okay?”

Raising his head to meet Woohyun’s concerned ones, he swallowed the lump in his throat. Right then, he knew that he was too far gone to turn back. He could feel his resolve weakening from those eyes alone.

Woohyun’s efforts in trying to capture his heart were not in vain. In just a couple of weeks, he had made Sunggyu feel like he mattered.

His silence must have worried Woohyun who paused the movie so he could take Sunggyu’s hand in his. “What’s wrong?”

Sunggyu blurted it out before he could stop himself. “I like you,” he whispered.

His eyes widening at the confession, Woohyun could only stare at him in disbelief.

“But I’m scared,” he continued, feeling his fear taking over him again.

Woohyun took the mug from his hands and placed it on the coffee table before taking both of his hands in his.

“What are you so afraid of?” he asked, almost pleading. “Sunggyu, please.”

Woohyun deserved the truth. And Sunggyu had been hiding behind his fears for far too long. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

“I’m… scared that he’s right,” he confessed.

Woohyun furrowed his brows. “Who? And what is he right about?”

Sunggyu swallowed again as he gently pulled his hands away from Woohyun's hold. “Heechul. I’m scared that Heechul’s right.” He took a deep breath. “You know that he and I dated for a long time, right?”

Woohyun nodded.

“We were together for four years. He was my first real boyfriend. And, we were great together… I think. Well, that was what everybody said at the time.” He sighed. “It was a lot of pressure trying to maintain that image of a perfect couple when we were hardly perfect at all.” He began playing with the edge of the blanket on his shoulders. “Heechul, I realized, was not who I initially thought he was.”

Woohyun was frowning now. “What did he do to you?” he whispered.

Sunggyu chuckled, humorlessly. “He made me lose myself.”

- - - - - - - 

“Babe!” Sunggyu excitedly ran up to the table where his boyfriend was having lunch with a giant smile, settling on the chair next to him. “Guess what?”

Heechul looked up from his noodles. “What?”

Sunggyu was practically vibrating. “My music professor recommended me to a summer music program! There’s going to be lessons on songwriting and compositions. And, we’ll be working with some well-known producers and songwriters! He said that if I apply, he’ll immediately accept me! I just need to submit a copy of an original composition.”

“Oh, that’s great, babe!”

Sunggyu grinned. “It’s going to be tricky getting the money for the trip but board and lodging are included in the program fee and-.”

“Wait, wait… trip?” Heechul furrowed his eyebrows. “Where is this going to be?”

Sunggyu blinked. “Oh, I forgot to mention. It’s in Japan.”

“For how long?”

“Five weeks.”

“Five weeks?!” Heechul’s eyes widened in alarm. “You’re leaving me for five weeks?!”

At once, Sunggyu’s excitement began to deflate. Heechul sounded upset.

“I’m not leaving you. I would just be away for the summer.”

“But, babe, it’s our first summer together.” Heechul took one of his hands. “I was hoping I could spend it with you.”

“O-Oh…”

Well, that made sense. But, Sunggyu really wanted to be a part of this program. It was a stepping stone to his dream.

“We’ll spend time after I get back from Japan, don’t worry,” he tried to appease his boyfriend.

But, Heechul was clearly unhappy. The rest of lunch was quiet and awkward.

- - - - - - -

“What are you working on?”

From his bed, Sunggyu looked up from his computer to Heechul who was sitting on his desk. Both were in his dorm room, working on homework. Dongwoo was out with Ailee.

“My demo," he answered.

“Demo?”

“For the music program.”

“You’re still going to that?”

An unpleasant lump formed in his throat and he swallowed it. “Well, I still have to fill out the application but I want to be sure I have a ready demo.” He smiled. “Wanna listen to it?”

Heechul shrugged. “Sure.”

Happy and excited to show his boyfriend his work, he handed him the headphones so he could listen.

“The chorus still needs a little polishing, though,” he said as Heechul put on the headphones. “Let me know what you think, okay?”

He pressed ‘play’ and watched Heechul’s face for his reaction. The engineering student’s face stayed neutral the entire minute and thirty seconds of the demo. It made Sunggyu a little nervous, but he hoped that his boyfriend would like it. He thought of him when writing it, after all.

“Oh, wow,” Heechul stated, removing the headphones.

Sunggyu smiled. “What do you think?”

“The melody is nice,” he said but then let out a chuckle. “But your lyrics are kinda...”

Sunggyu felt a squeeze in his chest. “O-Oh.” He swallowed. “Were they bad?”

“Ever since that moment to this moment now. I haven’t stopped loving you for a single minute, a single second,” Heechul quoted before letting out a laugh. “So cheesy! Seriously, Sunggyu! Isn’t this music thing supposed to be serious?”

“O-Oh…” He felt a pang in his chest this time.

Heechul must have noticed his face and cleared his throat. “Hey, I mean, it’s totally up to you! I don’t know anything about this music stuff! If it works for you, then it works, right?”

“R-Right…”

Heechul pressed a kiss to his lips before going back to whatever he was doing on his computer at the desk.

It was a good thing his boyfriend was preoccupied so he wouldn’t see the lone tear falling from his cheek. Sunggyu wiped it away, quickly and tried to return to his demo. But, all inspiration had left him.

In the end, he never submitted the application nor finished the demo.

- - - - - -

“Hyung, are you sure you don’t want me to wait with you?” Dongwoo asked.

“It’s fine, Dongwoo, you have class,” answered Sunggyu. “He’ll be out soon.”

Knowing Sunggyu was right, Dongwoo eventually left him to go to class. Sunggyu continued to stand outside the engineering building, waiting for Heechul to finish class. They were supposed to go to a movie after and although they had an hour ‘til then, there was still travel time.

The cold winter breeze blew, making him chilly to his bones so he decided to enter the building and wait for his boyfriend there.

A half hour passed. Heechul’s class should have ended fifteen minutes ago, but sometimes, he would stay behind to finish up some work. Sunggyu usually didn’t mind, but they were going to be late to the movie if they didn’t leave now.

Finally, he spotted someone he recognized from Heechul’s class.

“Hey, Taeyeon, is Heechul still in the lab?” he asked the engineering student.

Taeyeon looked surprised. “Class was cancelled today so we could work on our group projects. I was just at the lab with my group and he wasn’t there.”

“Oh. Okay, thanks. He must have forgotten to tell me.”

Sunggyu took his phone out and sent his boyfriend a text: Where are you? I’m at the engineering building.

Five minutes passed with no reply.

He called him.

“Heechul, here. Can’t come on the phone right now. Leave a message.”

A beep sounded.

Sunggyu took a deep breath. “Babe, where are you? I’m at the engineering building. I saw Taeyeon and she said class was cancelled. We can’t make it to the movie anymore. Call me back, please.”

He remained seated at the engineering building, waiting for another twenty minutes. In total, he had been waiting for Heechul for an hour. He had a vague idea of where the other was but he was feeling too upset to go look for him.

Sighing, he took out his phone again and texted Dongwoo: “Did your class end? Wanna grab a snack?”

The reply was instantaneous: “Just got out. What happened to the movie with Heechul?”

“Guess, he forgot.”

“Damn. Tteokbokki?”

“Call.”

He and Dongwoo met up at the front gates of the university and walked the block to their favorite tteokbokki stand. They stayed there chatting and eating for half an hour when his phone rang. Heechul’s name was on the display.

Sunggyu’s blood went cold. Swallowing, he turned his phone off and stuffed it deep in his bag.

“Hyung…” Dongwoo started to say but Sunggyu flashed him a look.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

So, they didn’t. It wasn’t like it was the first time that Heechul got too preoccupied with a game that he forgot to meet up with Sunggyu for a date. He would just say he would make it up to him later.

It wasn't the first nor would it be the last. 

- - - - - - -

Sunggyu beamed at his boyfriend. “Thank you for helping out,” he said to him, as they both carried boxes of goods and supplies.

Dongwoo’s Dance Club was doing a charity event for orphaned kids on Children’s day where they would teach them dance and distribute some toys and clothes. Sunggyu had collected some donations and Heechul volunteered to help him carry the boxes to the club room. The boxes weren’t heavy, but it was the thought to help him that made Sunggyu’s heart flutter.

“No problem,” Heechul replied. “I get a reward for this, right?”

Sunggyu chuckled. “Yes, yes.”

Heechul leaned over to whisper in his ear. “You know what I mean, right.”

Blushing all over, Sunggyu playfully elbowed him. “Hush.”

Halfway to the club room, they happened upon some of Heechul’s friends from the Gaming Club.

“Heechul, you coming to the club?” one of them asked.

The Gaming Club’s room was in the basement of the same building as the Dancing Club, which was on the second floor.

“Nah, I promised to help my boyfriend with this thing for his friend,” Heechul replied.

“But, dude, look what we have!” another said before rummaging into his bag and taking out a game.

Sunggyu watched as Heechul’s eyes lit up at the sight and the communications student recognized the case as a new RPG that his boyfriend had been gushing about for months. He knew Heechul had ordered a copy but it hadn’t arrived yet.

“You got yours?!” Heechul exclaimed.

“Yeah! We’re heading down to play it now! You can come down later to see it, if you want.”

With just those few words, the longing in Heechul’s eyes became apparent. Sunggyu was no fool. Even if the other wasn’t saying anything, he knew what his boyfriend wished he’d rather be doing than taking boxes of stuffed animals to a Club he wasn’t interested in.

“Babe, is it okay if I-.”

“Just go,” Sunggyu stated before his irritation could show itself.

Heechul passed his box over and kissed Sunggyu’s cheek. “I’ll make it up to you. I promise.”

“Okay.”

“Love you.”

“Love you too.”

Waving one last time, Heechul followed his friends down the stairs to the basement. Some of the guys shot Sunggyu apologetic looks, but he chose not acknowledge them. Carefully balancing two boxes now, he managed to make his way towards the elevator with no incident. A girl passing by kindly pressed the buttons for him.

- - - - - -

“You said it was fine if I went to that party!”

“It was!”

“Then why are you angry about it now?!”

“Because you were supposed to call me! Do you know how worried I was?!”

“Well, I’m sorry! I was tired, okay? Sheesh, are you my mom?!”

Sunggyu bristled as he restrained himself from throwing his phone across the room.

“What do you want me to do?!” Heechul yelled, exasperatedly on the other line.

“You could say ‘sorry’.”

“I did!”

“Sincerely?”

“ing hell, Sunggyu! What’s the point of saying ‘sorry’ to you if you don’t even believe me?!”

“Can you blame me?! You were mad at me because I couldn’t go with you!”

He, Dongwoo, and a few other mutual friends had concert plans. They had already bought the tickets a month prior. The invitation for Heechul’s company party had been a surprise.

“Sometimes you’re just so…” Heechul stopped.

Sunggyu’s eyes narrowed. “So what?”

“Nothing.”

“No, please, tell me. I’m so what?”

“Sunggyu, I don’t want to fight anymore.”

“I’m so what, Heechul?”

His boyfriend sighed. “Difficult. Sometimes, you’re so damn difficult.”

A wet tear slid down Sunggyu’s cheek as the one word chipped away at his heart. “I’m sorry, then. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

He hung up. For a moment, he simply stood there, shaking. It wasn’t until he rubbed his eyes to clear his vision that he caught sight of the puddle of tears on the floor at his feet.

It was a good thing Heechul couldn’t see him. He would just say that Sunggyu cried too much.

- - - - - -

“Oppa?”

“Yes?”

Ailee bit her lip as she looked at Sunggyu sipping his coffee from across the table. “I have a favor to ask.”

“Sure, what is it?” He put down his coffee cup so he could look at his friend.

“Can you… ask Heechul-shii not to hug me?” she asked, sheepishly.

Sunggyu blinked a couple of times, surprised at the request.

“It’s just… it makes me uncomfortable,” Ailee admitted. “But, please don’t tell Dongwoo. I don’t want any trouble between them. I… wanted to say it to Heechul-shii when we were out today, but I didn’t want to be rude.”

They had gone out shopping together. Ailee was practically a third wheel since Dongwoo couldn’t make it. But, it was her first time hanging out with the couple alone and they tried their best to make her not feel like a third wheel.

Sunggyu did notice that Heechul was a bit touchy with Ailee, but he didn’t think much of it since Heechul was a skinship-maniac. He should have realized that his friend may not have been comfortable with his boyfriend’s weird quirk.

“I’m sorry, I’ll tell him,” he promised.

- - - - - - -

Sunggyu could not believe his ears. Did he just hear Heechul, correctly? Or perhaps someone was playing with him. Was this a cruel joke?

Because, surely, Heechul did not tell him that he met a woman at a bar and spent an entire hour talking to her as she lamented her boyfriend woes to him. And Heechul did not just say that the entire time, he had felt an immense attraction to the beautiful woman who chose him of all bar patrons to talk to. And most certainly, Heechul did not confess that if the woman had asked him, he would have no doubt slept with her.

“We were in the middle of a fight,” his boyfriend was trying to explain. “Remember that big fight we had about Ailee? I was upset, babe. You were ignoring my calls. And you said you needed space.”

Sunggyu could only stare at him, blankly even though inside him, there was a storm thrashing about. He didn’t know whether he was supposed to cry or throw things at this man he called his boyfriend.

“But I didn’t do it,” Heechul continued, taking his hand. “Okay? I didn’t do it. I thought about how you would feel if I did. I still wanted to make up with you.”

“And if we didn’t make up?” Sunggyu asked in a strained voice.

“But we did. Isn’t that the most important?” Heechul flashed him a ‘sorry’ look before taking him into his arms. “I love you, okay? Only you.”

No matter how much he tried, Sunggyu couldn’t find it in himself to believe him. The words sounded empty. Like a routine.

When was the last time they said “I love you” and truly meant it?

- - - - - -

They had tried. They really tried to mend the cracks. But, it was no use. Some things that were broken could never be put back together, no matter how hard you tried.

Their relationship was exactly that.

The first time they broke up was during college. Contrary to what Heechul wanted, they rarely saw each other that summer with Sunggyu back in Jeonju and Heechul in Seoul. They got back together after a day.

The second time was after the party fiasco. Sunggyu was ready to accept it until one day… he realized how terrified he was to be alone. He was gay with only one relationship experience. Who would go for that in modern-day Korea? His own family barely talked to him after he came out. After a week, he begged for Heechul to take him back and promised to be better, to nag him less, and to stop being difficult.

But, that woman at the bar was the last straw that broke the camel’s back. Sunggyu couldn’t take it anymore. He was moody and depressed. He was paranoid and insecure. His self-esteem was at an all-time low. He found himself more irritated being in Heechul’s presence than happy.

He was tired. He was so very tired.

“Hyung, you have to break up with him,” was Dongwoo’s repetitive advice whenever they met up and Sunggyu found himself complaining about his boyfriend again.

He knew his friend was right but he couldn’t do it. He was afraid. And he didn’t want to hurt Heechul.

But, it turned out that Heechul wasn’t blind to his feelings. He knew that Sunggyu wasn’t happy with him anymore. And he wasn’t happy anymore either. Sunggyu supposed that he could always thank Heechul from saving him the trouble of being the one to initiate the breakup.

He was ready to accept it. He really was. He was ready to start anew and learn how to love himself again.

“I hope you find someone who could give you the happiness that I couldn’t,” Sunggyu said to him the day they parted and he meant every word.

“You too,” Heechul replied, unable to look at Sunggyu in the eye.

His tone held a hint of bitterness but Sunggyu couldn’t blame him for it. He knew he deserved it. He had pushed Heechul away.

“I hope you find whatever it is you’re looking for,” his now ex-boyfriend continued. “But, know this, Kim Sunggyu.”

Their eyes met and they were cold as ice, just like his final words.

“I doubt you’ll find someone who will love you the way I did, who will put up with you as much I did. I could be wrong. Maybe. I hope you do.”

And he left Sunggyu with a bleeding heart and a shattered confidence.

- - - - - - -

“I haven’t seen or heard from him since then,” Sunggyu ended.

Something wet fell onto his hand and he looked down to see a drop of water, followed by another. He just realized that they came from him, from his eyes.

He had started crying.

Beside him, Woohyun held a look of disbelief.

Despite the solemn atmosphere, Sunggyu had to chuckle. “What’s with that face?”

Woohyun blinked, as if coming out of a daze. “It’s just… I can’t believe that he…” He couldn’t seem to find the words.

Sunggyu shrugged. “It wasn't like Heechul was a totally bad boyfriend. We had happy memories too. I really did love him. We... just... weren't the right fit. And... we were breaking up so we were both pretty emotional."

He bit his lip. "But... still... I guess those last words always resonated in me.” He chuckled. “It took both me and Ailee to hold Dongwoo back from hunting him down when I told him that part. Dongwoo is terrifying when he’s angry.” He sighed. “I want to prove him wrong. But, over the years, I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe he was right.”

“He was.”

Sunggyu’s eyes were wider than they had ever been. Did Woohyun just say he would never find love? He felt a heavy weight in his stomach.

But Woohyun wasn’t looking at him, maliciously. In fact, he looked determined.

“He was right,” he repeated. “You won’t find a guy who will love you the way he did because you’ll find someone who will love you in a better way than he did.”

Sunggyu’s heart began to pound fast and hard against his ribcage.

“And you won’t find a guy who will put up with you as much as he did because you’ll find someone who will love you no matter who you are or what you do.”

Woohyun scooted close to him, their knees touching now. “I believe that you’ll prove him wrong because Sunggyu, you’re an amazing guy. And if you’ll allow me, I’d like to try to make you happy because you deserve it.” He swallowed. “I… I’ll admit that what I feel for you, right now, is a very strong attraction. I like you a lot.” He smiled. “And with a little more time, I know that I’ll grow to love you more than he ever did. I won’t hurt you the way he did. I won’t ignore you. I won’t make you feel like you’re not important. And I most certainly won’t look at others for as long as I’m with you.”

Woohyun took his hand. “What do you say?”

Sunggyu was feeling an intense wave of various emotions – happiness, fear, giddiness, doubt. They were all mixing into one giant pot and he couldn’t tell which from which.

All he knew was that at this moment, Woohyun was offering himself to him, laid bare and vulnerable.

He knew Woohyun was adept with words. He was a lawyer, after all. And his words struck Sunggyu deep within his heart.

When was the last time he felt such a strong and intense attraction for someone? He couldn’t recall. But, Woohyun made him dizzy. He made him feel things with such intensity that he didn’t know right from left.

The intense longing in his heart fueled his next words.

“Woohyun… will you be my boyfriend?”

 

---

A/N: Cliffhanger! I know... that was intense. Lol.

Here is the long-awaited chapter of Sunggyu and Heechul's past! I hope you, guys, weren't too disappointed with it!

I thought long and hard on how to go about it. Originally, Sunggyu was just gonna talk about those moments and cry into Woohyun's arms. But, I felt like they needed to be shown more than talked about. So I wrote those little mini-flashbacks of various moments from their relationship. I was gonna write more but this was already super long and I spent so much time on this chapter. This, I feel, is one of the most important chapters so I needed to carefully write it.

So, some of the moments shown here of Heechul were based on some of my memories with my ex-boyfriend (if you're curious about which ones, feel free to ask! It's not like he'll ever read these anyway lol). They are moments that are fairly normal happenings in relationships, where one person makes mistakes and it gets to the other. There is no such thing as perfect relationships. You will both make mistakes. It's the way you handle the imperfections in your relationship that either guarantee success or doom your relationship.

Like Sunggyu said, Heechul wasn't a bad boyfriend. He just wasn't the right fit for someone like Sunggyu. 

And, Sunggyu, revealing all this to Woohyun shows incredible trust and vulnerability, both important in a relationship. He's ready.

Also, regarding comments in the last chapter, I know I always reply to everyone's comments but I didn't last chapter because I was just so busy with the new job that I forgot! So, I'm not ignoring you, guys! I'll do my best to reply to everyone this time! Thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts with me!

I have so much more in store so hold on to your seats!

'Til the next one!