Welcome to my story. I’m not going to be doing the usual . Pretend that I don’t know what’s going on here. I know your there, reading this. And I don’t really care. Go ahead read about my life. I’ve got nothing to hide. Well not anymore.

*Flashback begins*

It all started when my brother, Hoonjae oppa, who lives three hours away came to visit us (us as in me, my brother Hyunki, mom and dad) because mom and dad had to tell my brothers and I something.

We started of having fun like we always do when Hoonjae oppa comes home. We talked about what we had been doing and what video games we've been playing and stuff. Suddenly Hoonjae oppa asked me “Do you know what mom and dad want to tell us?” But at the time I didn’t even know that they had tell us something I just thought Hoonjae oppa was visiting because it had been so long, so I said “Nope, I have no idea” I got a little bit nervous but then soon forgot about it. Soon after we had a nice dinner that mom made for us.

Mom and dad called us into the living room and sat us down on the couch

My dad sat on the sofa table in front of my brothers and I, and mom was behind dad on the armchair.

My dad took a deep breath. "I have been trying to figure out how to say this for a while now.." He says and laughs shamefully. What the hell is he going to joke about now, I start thinking. I didn't know he was such a good actor, I actually believed him for a second there.

Okay hold up, let me explain those thoughts right there. My dad and I have a funny relationship. I can be disrespectful toward him and he can be disrespectful towards me. He makes a lot of jokes and thinks he's funny, and he is most of the time. My dad and I never have any real talk with each- no wait it’s kind of like this with everyone, just varying degrees. So yeah no one in this family never actually has serious talk or anything like that.

Except for me and my mom, because I've been having a hard time my whole life and mom is always there to listen to me.. but this is just when it got a lot worse.

Dad saw my amused eyes and knew what I was thinking. "I'm not joking this time." He said seriously. Okay now I'm scared. What the hell is going on??

He took another deep breath. "I fell in love with a woman, who was not you mother."

 

And ladies and gentlemen, that was how my life fell apart.

 

He said slowly and waited a bit to see how we were reacting. The only reaction he was getting was silence "We were together for about 6 years. And we accidentally had two children together. A boy and a girl. They are-"

"Who?" I croaked out, trying to stop my tears at the same time.

"What?" My dad not sure what I meant.

"Who was the other woman?" My tears aching to get away from my eyes.

"It was Son Fru-Hora" Dad said looking at his children before him. Our ex-house maid. "But I still love your mother and I want to grow old with her. So your mother and I are going to try to make it work."

When I looked up and saw my dad’s face, it was then when I saw how serious he was. How sorry he was. I saw that he expected us to hate him. To despise him for what he did. I couldn’t blame him. I wanted to hate him. I wanted him out of the house.

That was when my tears fell.

My body went numb. I couldn't breathe. I sat there, on the couch gasping for air. Trying to get all of that information into my head. The room was spinning, suddenly it felt like time slowed down. I couldn't hear properly, it was like I had something over my ears. I started pinching my forearms because for a moment I was sure that this was just some bad dream. It didn't feel real.

Oh but it was, it was very real.

Mom told me to come to her, so she could calm my down from my anxiety attack. For some reason I stayed where I was, on the couch. Not going into my mother’s embrace but instead I hugged Hyunki oppa, who sat beside me. I knew I’d regret not going to my mom. She probably needed that hug more than I did. I just sat still, crying my eyes out, trying to breathe. Breathing in and out slowly, my breath and body shaking as I did so.

Time started speeding up and my breath finally slowed down. But my tears kept falling.

They weren’t going to stop anytime soon.

I looked over at my brothers. As I expected. No tears, only confused and angry faces.

"Please say something." My dad pled.

Hoonjae oppa glanced around the faces in the living room. "What do you want us to say?"

"..I don't know, just.. something."

That's when I stopped listening. Although heard that they joked about something. I can't believe they could joke around in a situation like this. Yes, I know that, that is their our coping mechanism in this family. But there is still nothing funny about this.

After a long silence I quickly stood up and went into the bathroom to get some tissues and dry off my tears and snot. Everyone seemed to start moving around as well, shortly after I came out of the bathroom.

My mom doesn't deserve this. My mom is one of the best people in the world and you just treat her like garbage?! You don't deserve her. You really don’t. My mom deserves everything good in the world. She deserves to be happy.

Six years.. for six years he was lying to our faces. For six years he was putting up an act. How could he do this? How could he not think of how this would affect this family? How could he be so stupid?

I walked into the kitchen and saw that Hoonjae oppa was walking out of the house. My parents ran after him. I watched from the window. “Hoonjae-ah! Don’t leave!” My mom said running after him. “I’m not leaving, I was just going for a walk.” He said quietly.

They talked more. I stopped paying attention.

I started walking towards my room when my mom stopped me. “How do you feel?” Mom asked me, the worry dripping of her voice.

“I.. I don’t know.” I said as I started laughing. Am I going crazy? Why am I laughing?

My mom hugged me. “Do you have any questions? About all of this?” She said pulling away from the hug, holding onto my shoulders.

“No.” I said shaking my head as I started crying again. What is wrong with me?

“You can’t tell your friends about this right away.” My mom said after being silent for a while.

“Why?”

“Because we’re still not sure if the children are actually his or Son Chun-Ju’s husbands” She notices that I still look confused.

“We want to know everything for sure, before this goes around town.” She explains.

I nodded my head. That's just great. I can't talk to anyone about this. This is going to be so difficult. How am I just going to wear a bright smile on my face and pretend that everything is okay? Well I've been doing that so far. But not this much. This is way too much. 

Dad came up to me. “Are you sure that you don’t have any questions?” He asked. I nodded my head again.

He started hugging me, looking like he was seeking for comfort. I hugged back. I felt disgusted with him.

I let go and started walking towards my room again. The last thing I saw before closing my bedroom door was Hyunki oppa’s door closing and my mom reaching for his doorknob soon after.

 

I sat on my bed for a while. Crying silent tears. I’ve never felt this feeling before. The feeling of being numb. The feeling of being empty.

 

I heard the front door open and close. Meaning Hoonjae oppa was home.

A little while after, I heard him walk past my room and go into his old room. 

And I’m still sitting on my bed, T-shirt wet with tears.

I decide that I should try to sleep.

Which worked surprisingly well despite my aching head, thoughts swirling around in my head, and an extremely wet front of a shirt sticking to my chest.

Although I fell asleep quickly doesn’t mean that I slept well.

*Flashback ends*