The music was pounding in my ears and the dark red light in the room was all but making my eyesight hazy and blurry. The alcohol hadn’t kicked in yet, so I was sure that I was not seeing things. I trembled and couldn’t take another step forward, so Gina nudged me and forced me forward. Henry had already sat down again, and it was unreal that he had wanted us to join them to begin with.

“Do you mind if we join?” she asked with a smile. Henry and the third friend just smiled back and nodded happily. Donghae motioned his hand for me to sit down next to him. I thought that it would just be better to sit down before I fainted, so I did.

“Drink?” he asked and I swear my heart skipped a beat hearing his voice. It was like nothing else I had heard and I thought that it sounded a bit different from when I had heard it on stage. I nodded eagerly, not willing to wait longer to loosen up. I had never experienced being so shy and quiet, and it was shocking because I was usually so outgoing and friendly. Henry and the third friend started talking to Gina.

“So, do you two come here often?” Henry asked.

“Ah, what kind of question is that? It’s rude,” Donghae said, “Ask something else.” Henry grinned at him, but Gina got there before him.

“We don’t really. Do you?” she retorted confidently. I almost chuckled seeing her so relaxed and as if she didn’t even need something to drink to be herself. It was probably because she wasn’t that attracted to neither Henry nor the third one and she definitely wasn’t attracted to Donghae like I was.

“We come here from time to time,” Henry replied winking at Gina.

“Then we should come here next time you do!” Gina laughed. “Since you seem like really awesome guys!” Henry laughed along her and I sort of held back a giggle. Donghae on the other hand was quiet and didn’t seem like he was enjoying the conversation at all. I figured it was because it wouldn’t be good for him to have the same girls around him because if someone saw, perhaps they would tattle and the rumours would start. I was still amazed that he was out at all though. Henry then took a one-shot with Gina and shouted that we should all finish our drinks. Both I and Donghae finished ours and he poured some more for me. I hoped it would start working soon so that I could stop being a train-wreck.

“What kind of guys do you like? Like what’s your ideal type?” the friend farthest from Gina asked. Gina pretended to think for a while.

“I don’t really have one, but I like hip-hop guys,” she said. “They’re so handsome, especially when they have tattoos.” The friend suddenly looked a bit disappointed, but Henry just laughed.

“What’s yours?” The friend turned to me.

“Oh,” I said. God, I had to figure out what to reply quickly.

“Guys, you haven’t even asked their names!” Donghae exclaimed, laughing loudly. It was like being hit by a bullet, making my heart bleed and melt into a pile of squeals and fangirling, but I thankfully was way too nervous to actually express this out loud and just kept it on the inside.

“Hyung, why don’t you ask!” Henry complained. “You’re just sitting there anyway!”

“What’s your name?” Donghae turned to me and smiled. I just stared at him and was not sure I could reply, as if I had forgotten what my name was.

“Hana,” I then said, snapping out of it.

“Hm?” Donghae said, leaning in. I froze again but managed to lean in enough to repeat it. “Ah, pretty,” he then continued, smiling more.

“Thanks,” I mumbled shyly. He probably didn’t hear it.

“My name is Gina. What are your names?” His friends answered

“Chanwoo,” the friend answered.

“Henry. y, huh?” Henry flirted with Gina who basically laughed in his face. I was too busy preparing myself to hear Donghae answer. It felt so surreal that I would frankly not have been surprised if it turned out to be someone else sitting next to me.

“Donghae,” he said when it was his turn. Whether my sigh was from relief or more anxiety I had no idea. But when I did exhale, I realised that I had been holding my breath. And that the alcohol was slowly presenting itself.

“Like Dong-Hae, East sea?” I asked, trying to sound curious. Donghae laughed.

“Yeah, like that.”

“Wow, cool!” I said happily.

“What kind of music do you two listen to?” Henry suddenly questioned. I saw that Donghae turned a watchful eye towards him. I was kind of stunned too. Gina only looked like she was holding back a smirk and it was then I figured that Henry was most likely just as blunt as Gina was, which would be dangerous to both my nerves and Donghae’s too.

“I listen to American music most. And hip-hop,” Gina said.

“Do you guys listen to K-pop? Like have you heard of a band called Super Junior?” I immediately noticed Donghae tensing up and slightly tighten his grip around his glass. I wanted to tell him that he was okay, that he didn’t need worry because I would never tell anyone who he was, but I could not do that without revealing that I knew who he really was.

“Nope, haven’t heard about them,” Gina said quickly.

“Me neither,” I filled in. “I’m here for the language and culture mostly.” It wasn’t a complete lie. I was in Korea at this time to experience the culture and learn the language. I was simply hiding the fact that K-pop was a huge part of it as well. Donghae relaxed again and sent a sort of discreet glare towards the reckless Henry.

“I feel like dancing,” Gina thankfully interrupted the silence. As she got up and the other two guys followed, I too got up in order for Donghae to get up too. He looked a bit hesitant at first but then he gulped his drink and got up. I could not help staring at the black jeans and the black shirt which sleeves were rolled up and he had his signature bracelet that his mother had given him. Gina started dancing the way she always did and I kind of followed but more awkwardly. Donghae looked kind of amused by that, which was mortifying in a way because I knew I could dance way better than that.

“We’re the same height,” he blurred out then, coming closer to say it. I nodded.

“We are.”

“Does that bother you?” he then continued. I shook my head. It honestly didn’t. I leaned in further and made sure only he could hear.

“It makes it easier to kiss you if I want.” I wanted to blame the alcohol for making me say that, however I also thanked it because I felt a lot more comfortable and calm. Donghae chuckled and for a second it looked like he was seriously considering it. As we continued to dance, we got closer and I saw his hands as they went around my waist and carefully placed themselves on my hips. I took the opportunity to wrap my arms around his neck and we were by now so close that I could feel his breath on my face. And I could smell his cologne too. It was intoxicating.

“You smell good,” Donghae said right in my ear. I shivered.

“You too,” I responded.

“Thanks,” he said with another smile. I tried to keep my eyes from being stuck on a single place so I ended up looking at the most weird places. Like the little mole on his ear, the way his hair perfectly wrapped around it or his jawline. Everything about him was just so distracting. After what felt like way too short, we then sat down again. Gina and the other two were talking amongst themselves by now and Donghae turned his body more towards me. The black shirt was just tight enough in the right places for me to see his muscles, but I had felt them already so seeing them didn’t cause me to faint at least. “Do you have an ideal type?” He caught me off-guard. I frowned.

“Um...” I had no idea what to reply. I chewed on my lip and was taking forever to think of an answer. “You are very handsome,” I blurred out, semi-unconsciously – the alcohol? Donghae smiled.

“Thank you. You are very pretty, and cute. And your dancing was not what I had expected.” Was that a good thing? I smiled back. Donghae poured half the glass and drank it. I followed the drink going down his throat and in a millisecond I completely broke out of my nervousness and leaned in.

“Can I kiss you?” I whispered. The music was obviously too loud so Donghae came closer and I, looking at his adorable ear, repeated myself louder. “Can I kiss you?” Donghae turned his head, the way I had seen him do in videos on YouTube. He had that half-smile, half-smirk on his lips and before I knew it he had come all the way and was kissing me. There was not much more to do than try to stay conscious and kiss him back, I thought. And the feelings I could not begin to describe even if I tried to put it into words. And then, he took me more by surprise by pulling my leg over his and gently caressing my thigh and up my waist, which made me shiver and I could hardly keep my breath steady. Once he pulled away, I was light-headed and could not differentiate the alcohol from the overwhelming situation. We kissed again, and each time it was a bit deeper and like I had only been able to dream and imagine. And when we pulled away again, he looked at the clock and I could see that he did not look happy about the time.

“I think we have to go,” Donghae said, more to his friends than to us. I slowly pulled away from Donghae a bit, but he still kept his arm wrapped around my back, his fingers slightly pulling on the fabric.

“Yeah, we should,” Henry agreed, grinning.

“Aw, that’s too bad,” Gina said. She took up her phone and held it out to Henry. “Can I have your number or kakaotalk?” she said, holding it out.

“Of course!” Henry exclaimed in his cute English accent. “You didn’t even have to ask,” he continued, handing the phone to Chanwoo. I could see as they both put in their kakaos in her phone and when the second friend passed it to Donghae, he became hesitant again.

“I don’t usually give it out,” he replied apologetically and gave the phone to Gina. His friends glared at him with disappointment. Although I saw a chance to be a bit flirty.

“You won’t give it to me either?” I said. Donghae looked at me and I could see that he was thinking about it. I didn’t want to keep my hopes up because he would most likely never give out something like that.

“Can I have yours?” he said to my surprise and I immediately lit up and nodded eagerly. He took up his phone from his pocket and I added my kakao and quickly checked so that there were no evidence that I liked him already left on my profile before I gave it back to him.

“You have to write to me though,” I said with a pout. He chuckled and opened the conversation in front of me and wrote hello with a cute kakaotalk smiley.

“There, I did,” he said, grinning. I smiled widely. We then got up and took our things. When we said goodbye, Donghae kissed my cheek.

“It was nice to meet you. I really like your personality.” I was probably glowing by now.

“I like yours too. Next time I’ll make sure to be less shy,” I said, blushing.

“I like shyness,” Donghae said with a wink and then he said a casual goodbye to Gina before we all walked out of the room and got separated in the crowd. Gina grabbed my hand and for the first time that whole evening I let out a squeal and shook her.

“Oh my God! I can’t believe that happened!” I screamed in her face. Gina laughed.

“And you know what? Henry said Donghae never kisses anyone like that.” She smirked and looked really pleased with herself. 

-

The entire taxi ride home I was a squealing and giggling mess. And when we got home and I had wifi again, I saw a message from him.

“Did you get home safely?” A smiling face. I bit my lip hard.

“Yes. You?” The answer came right away.

“Yeah. Good night. Sleep tight~” I got ready and lay down in bed. I felt the phone again and opened to see that Gina had taken a photo of us. I giggled at it and lay down my phone. I was drunken with sleep and slept better than I had ever. Around one o’clock when I woke up, there was another message on kakaotalk.

“Good morning.” Followed by a smiley. Yup, I was officially not alive any-more, I was without a doubt dead and had ended up in my own personal heaven.