“It’s Hayi.”

Her voice was husky and low, but it was melodious and reminded me of chocolate and caramel. I brought myself to look into her eyes, noticing those hint of sparkles in that brown orbs, staring into mine. Her gaze was steady and stern. “Weak connection huh? What a late reply.” I said, putting up my playful smirk.

“That’s just how I am.”

She smiled slightly, as if she was trying to tell me that everything is okay and she would always be here to accompany me. We just continued to be sitting there without anyone trying to strike up a conversation. I leaned the back of my head to the wall, listening to the sounds of my own breathing as she read some sort of novel besides me. I was grateful to her for not asking what the hell I was doing, sitting in the corner of the library, crying alone like a little baby. She did nothing bout it, never did she made an effort to ask what my problem really were, and that made me felt so grateful to her.

People around me always asked me those questions, “Are you okay?” “Do you have any problem?” “Why are you crying”, but Hayi never did that. I was too tired to answer all of those, because what was the point of telling them that I had a father that was ing another hoe, while my mother was being a drunkard at home, whom had committed suicide attempts for a few times? All they saw was a happy and rich family of a famous politician, with his beautiful and loving wife, and me, the brilliant only son.

But, all of those were façade.

Like putting on a mascot costume, our family put on a perfect public façade that hid the private despair.

And that was the day I received reassurance from someone without asking for it, and it was from Hayi.

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Our friendship was always bizarre to begin with. We joked around a lot, we helped each other a lot, getting into troubles together, especially Hayi. She was always rebellious in school, always got into some fights with random girls that picked on her or her weak classmates, or sometimes talked back to teachers when she felt that she was on the right side of the arguments.

But, we never knew of each other secrets.

Hayi never told me about her problems, family problems to be exact. I knew she had one, she admitted it once, but never did she really open up what the real problems were. And so did myself. But we still called each other as bestfriends.

It went on until the first year of high school, we ended up in the same school again and I could never be happier for it. I was always excel in sports, and therefore was accepted into the basketball team, and started to befriend with larger circle of guy friend, which sometimes made me feel that I neglected Hayi at some point. But Hayi had always been an understanding friend. She always didn’t mind whenever I forgot that we were supposed to hang out together after school, or having lunch together during the breaks.

Maybe because I thought that she would be there, and never left.

It was until few months after school started I began to hear some seniors of basketball team mentioning Hayi’s name. They told me that the football team’s captain was interested in Hayi and asked for her number through me as they knew that we were friends. At first I thought that the intention was genuine, but they seemed to be talking about Hayi’s body, and began to talk ually of her.

I clenched my fists tightly as I heard phrases like “you notice her , dude it was perfect!” “damn those s, only if I had the chance to touch them” “imagine if she was my girl, how dirty I can do to her” as I accidentally caught them red handed talking about it at the gymnasium, but I refused to start a fight, as Dad had warned me to never get into troubles at school for his reputation, or else, he would send Mom to the asylum.

And that was my biggest regret.

I saw those brown orbs shedding some tears, the usual sparkle in her eyes were long gone. She walked away quickly, as she spared some few seconds looking into my eyes. I wanted to run after her, but the anger overwhelming me. I walked towards the boys that humiliated her, clenching my teeth.

“Hey our Jiwonnie, what’s good?” one of the boys said.

I kept myself muted when all I remembered how I was ready to swing my first punch right onto the boy’s face, but I was stopped by another boy that pushed me right onto the floor. I was about to fight back but suddenly I heard a teacher screamed to us, and all of us were brought to the discipline room. The football team coach heard my explanation and forced the boys to seek for apology from Hayi and both of our coaches warned us that if there’s any more fight happened, the one that involved will be out of the team.

I kept myself quiet, for the sake of being in the team and of course most importantly, my father threats and reputation.

I walked up the stairs to Hayi’s classroom and I saw a boy, whom I unable to recall his name at that time was talking to Hayi and held her hand. I saw how that slight hint of sparkle formed in her brown orbs again as she talked to the boy.

And that was the day I decided to stay away from her. She was safe for now, and I was too ashamed of myself for not being able to do anything for her, and for being such a coward.

Little did I know what Hayi need the most was not heroic action of throwing punches or picking up a fight, but all she needed at the moment was reassurance and comforts, just like what she offered to me on the first year of junior high at the library.

Day after day I watched how Hayi grew back to her usual self, and even stronger. I had failed miserably to notice that the bully and harassment from the football team had changed her becoming into someone that was not Lee Hayi. Watching her from afar formed some strange ache in my chest but I always ignored it anyway as I couldn’t bring myself to talk to her, and seeing that she already had Hanbin by her side, it was more than enough.

And I realized how stupid I had become.

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Regrets and realization always came together. And that was what I felt as I let her slipped out of my touch, pulling out of my hug, with a genuine smile plastered on her face. I tried to search for that sparkle in her brown orbs but there was none.

That was when I knew that Hayi had already learned to let go of me. She was finally letting go.

Trying my best not to stammer, I said, “Unfortunately, you cannot choose who you want to be in love with. Only if love is that easy, then there will be no heartbreaks sweetheart. And also, timing is also important in love.”

She let out a light chuckled, which always sounds like a music to my ear, as she finally said. “True, timing is the number one rule of love.”

And just like that she walked out of the auditorium hall, leaving me alone, reminiscing the past and regrets.

                                                            -----

The huge door of the church swayed open, revealing the most beautiful girl I knew, wearing a light beige dress that fit so perfectly to her body. Her hair was tied perfectly to a knot, some little strands of her wavy dark chocolate hair framing the right side of her face. I held my breath as I watched her walked down the aisle alone, holding a small bouquet of flower. It was baby breath, in blue and white colors; her favourite. Soft sounds of piano were supposed to be heard playing at the background, but all I was trying to focus to hear at the moment was the sound of her breathing. It was impossible for me to hear it but I could feel it that it was so steady, and so do her steps, it was light and precise. She had always been like that, always so indecisive, but once she had settled herself to be committed to one particular thing, she would do it perfectly, with no mistakes. A hint of smile form on her tiny lips as she settled her gaze on me. I tried to mirror her smile, giving her a small nod as a reassurance, as a sign that she was doing just fine at the moment.

And that was it. Her smiles grew wider as she switched her gaze, from me to the man that was standing few steps away from me. The guy was looking at her with full of endearment, like he was a teenage boy all over again, being all love struck with his first love.

There was nothing much that I could remember after that, the ceremony went on with both of them exchanging their vows, and I gave my most genuine smile as the groom kissed her.

Few hours later, I found myself standing in front of the audiences, giving my speech, for the groom and the bride at the small wedding party after the wedding ceremony ended. The church was only half-filled with the guests, there were not much of them, the bride and the groom wanted to keep it as simple as possible.

“Good evening, everyone. I’m Kim Jiwon. Well, being rebellious of the tradition, our beautiful bride here,” I threw a glance at her, “chose me to become her bridesmaid.” The hall filled with some light laughter from the guests.

“So here I am today, as the bridesmaid of the bride, Lee Hayi. Or maybe I should be called as the brides-butler instead.” I joked a little bit, which again earned some small chuckles from the guests. “I sincerely want to congratulate both of you, for your marriage today. It was pure love and strength that unite both of you.”

Hayi gave me her warm smile, with a slight hint of sparkle in her dark chocolate eyes, which never failed to make me drawn further into her. I switched my gaze back to the guests in front of me, before I got too lost into her eyes.

I cleared my throat as I continued my speech, “Lee Hayi has always been the wisest person I knew. Her courage, her determination, and also her selflessness were the traits that completed what she is today. I had known her since we were in the first year of junior high and never did once I saw those traits disappeared from her. She was always there, giving her helping hands, something nagged me too much like my own mother, giving reassurances to me when I need the most, and most of the times all of these were not done by words, but only by small actions of her such as lending me notes or sometimes, even homework to copy, sharing her homemade lunchbox with me, or pulling some really stupid and not funny jokes to cheer me up.” The audiences laughed again, as I paused, “And I had always wanted to thank her for that. Besides, I also wanted to thank Hanbin. There was a moment in Hayi’s life where I foolishly ran away from her, putting myself before her, and left her alone in the dark. That was when Hanbin came. I really wanted to thank him, and hey, take care of my bestfriend as she had promised me before, if she ever become single upon reaching 30, she will be my bride.” I playfully said, with my usual playful smirk planted on my face, staring at both the bride and the groom that laughed lightly. Hanbin gave me a slight nod as he brought Hayi’s hand to his lips, kissing it lightly, which I managed to caught even though it only lasted for not more than a second.

“There were a lot more I wanted to say but the time is so jealous of us. So, ladies and gentlemen, pray, charge your glasses and be upstanding, today begins the new life of Lee Hayi and Kim Hanbin, the bride and groom.”

There was not much that I could remember after I did the speech. The crowd although there were only about 30 of them in the church, began to make me feel suffocated. I then went out of the main entrance door, knowing that no one would really affected by my leaving, to catch some fresh air. I sat on the stepping-stones outside of the church, as I tighten my blazer around me, feeling the cold breeze.

I sighed.

Indeed there were too much words left to be unspoken, but sometimes, not all the truths were meant to be spoke. Some truths are too heavy to bear, and better to be hidden.

I loved her, and in fact, still in love with her. It was at the moment I stared at her as I gave my speech I realized the reason I introduced myself to her without hesitation in our first year of junior high. It was always that slight hint of sparkle in her dark chocolate eyes that made people fall into her. Once you caught into that sparkle in her eyes, there was no turning back.

And we were 27 at the moment, when my bestfriend, the only girl that I love the most with all I could put my bet on, became the prettiest bride I had ever encounter. Although I was not the groom, I was still happy for her and tried to ignore that strange but familiar ache in my chest.

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