Wang Junkai loved his job. No, really, he did.

 

It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy being a psychiatrist - after all, he’d decided that he wanted to be one since he was very little. The attention he got for being a widely recognized psychiatrist   helped, too, but still he felt that something was missing.

 

It was the monotony of his life that got to him - day in, day out, they all felt the same, and Junkai didn’t have anyone to spend his life with.

 

He was alone.

 

***

 

Junkai was painfully reminded of this when he stepped into his office one day. His secretary looked up at him with her practiced sunny smile. “Dr. Wang, you’re here! Punctual as always, I see.”

 

Junkai smiled at her. “Of course. I wouldn’t want to cause any trouble for you, now, would I?” He laughed a little.

 

The secretary giggled at him. “Oh, Doctor. Sometimes, I wonder how such a nice guy can still be single. Surely, there’s someone in your life?”

 

A little boy looked up and smiled brightly at Junkai. “Xiao Kai, let’s go to the amusement park!”

 

Junkai smirked at Wang Yuan, ruffling his hair. “Only you would still like going to such childish places.”

 

Wang Yuan pouted. “Xiao Kaiiiii…” he sing-songed, stretching out the last syllable. “You know you want to go too. Come on, it’ll be fun!”

 

Junkai watched Wang Yuan smile brightly, his eyes lighting up like twin stars. Wang Yuan tugged on his hand, and Junkai allowed himself to be pulled along. Listening to Wang Yuan’s peppermint voice chattering along in the background made Junkai smile - a true smile, and for once, he felt truly at home.

 

“Dr. Wang? Are you okay?” Junkai snapped back to the present. His secretary was looking at him worriedly. “Sorry, did I say something? You know how I am sometimes.”

 

Junkai waved at her half-heartedly. “No, no, it’s okay,” he lied. “I just spaced out for a second. It’s nothing.”

 

The secretary smiled at him hesitantly. “Well, I’ll let you know if any patients come in.”

 

Junkai nodded at her and walked through the door to his office. He reclined in his plush chair with a sigh, checking his calendar absentmindedly. He didn’t have any appointments for an hour or so.

 

He leaned back in his chair and allowed his memories to flow freely.

 

***

 

The noise of a little bell woke Junkai from his sleep. Junkai rubbed his eyes as he stretched widely. It was his secretary, alerting him that a new walk-in patient was coming in.

 

Junkai took a moment to straighten his tie and pat down his hair, before he buzzed the patient in. He turned his back and started shuffling through his bag, looking for a pen and paper to take notes on.

 

Hearing a shuffling of feet behind him, Junkai addressed the patient without turning. “Hi, I’m Dr. Wang Junkai. Sorry, I just need to find my pad of paper- feel free to sit down in the chair.”

 

A pause.

 

“Xiao - Xiao Kai…”

 

Junkai froze. He would recognize that voice anywhere. It was the same voice that he remembered with fondness from his school days, the same voice that used to lull Junkai to sleep, the same voice that had told Junkai I love you countless times. Yet it was also the owner of this voice who had disappeared without a word a few years ago.

 

Junkai didn’t dare turn around, scared to break the illusion.

 

He heard soft footsteps approaching him, and then felt a light touch on his shoulder.

 

Junkai jerked away and fell backwards on the floor. He could see Wang Yuan - Wang Yuan’s - startled, hurt face above him. Junkai felt bad for a moment, but he steeled himself again. Wang Yuan wasn’t allowed to be hurt, when Junkai was the one who had been hurt the most.

 

Wang Yuan looked down. “Please, Xiao Kai -”

 

Junkai surprised himself by gritting out venomously, “Don’t call me that. Don’t you dare.”

 

Wang Yuan stepped back a bit, putting some distance between him and Junkai. Junkai suddenly felt like he could breathe more easily, but his chest felt strangely empty.

 

Wang Yuan took a deep breath. “Dr. Wang,” he started. (Junkai, strangely, felt hurt at the use of the formal title. But he brushed it off quickly; after all, he was the one who asked Wang Yuan to stop with the nicknames, after all.) “Dr. Wang. I’m sorry for coming back like this, but I just- I just wanted to see you, and I-. Sorry, I know I have no right, and you have every right to kick me out-”

 

Junkai cut him off. “You’re right. I should kick you out.” His eyes narrowed dangerously. “But first, I want to know something. Why, Wang Yuan?” His voice broke, and Junkai hated - hated himself for sounding so weak, for still sounding like he cared - “Why did you leave me? Where did you go?” Junkai realized, with a start, that he was holding back tears, and quickly swallowed back the lump in his throat. “I - I didn’t believe it, at first. I looked everywhere for you - but I couldn’t find you anywhere.”

 

Junkai was restless. When the bell rang, he sprang up from his seat and headed for the door.

 

Wang Yuan had been absent the past two days, and though Junkai had called and texted him, there had been no response. Junkai had finally decided to go check out what was going on.

 

Junkai figured he’d try to message Wang Yuan again, though. Just in case. As he sent the text messages, he found himself scrolling through his chat history, and, unbidden, a small smile rose to his face.

 

WANG YUAN: xiao kai we’re meeting at the park right

 

WANG JUNKAI: yeah see u there

 

WANG YUAN: i can’t wait!!!!!! :) :) :)))))

 

WANG JUNKAI: ;)

 

WANG YUAN: i can’t wait for next week either

 

WANG JUNKAI: you’re willing to come with me right

 

WANG YUAN: of course u know i hate cantaloupes

 

WANG JUNKAI: ?

 

WANG YUAN: because they CAN’T ELOPE! >_< get it?!!

 

WANG JUNKAI: -_- speechless right now…

 

WANG YUAN: ;P seriously i love u jun kai

 

WANG JUNKAI: love you too :)

 

Junkai smiled to himself and pocketed his phone. He was at Wang Yuan’s house. It was a huge, elegant house, with flowers growing around the base. Junkai steeled himself and walked up the steps to press the doorbell. The doorbell was shiny and engraved with decorations, in a testament to Wang Yuan’s family’s wealth.

 

Junkai rang the doorbell.

 

When there was no answer, and he didn’t hear the trademark pitter-patter of Wang Yuan’s socked feet as he ran to open the door, Junkai started getting worried.

 

He rang it again.

 

Still no answer.

 

Junkai rang the doorbell again and again and again, but no Wang Yuan came. To his dismay, Junkai felt his eyes getting hot- he quickly wiped at them, feeling so so weak-

 

“Kid?”

 

Junkai turned around to see a middle-aged man - Junkai vaguely recognized him as one of Wang Yuan’s neighbors. “Oh… sorry, sir, if I was making too much of a racket.”

 

The man scoffed. “Maybe, but I thought you should know that whoever you’re looking for isn’t here, anymore.”

 

Junkai’s blood ran cold. “What do you mean?”

 

“I mean, they moved away. Think the son had to study in America or something? They still didn’t sell the house, though. Stupid rich kids and their families-”

 

“Don’t call him stupid.”

 

The man looked bewildered. “Huh?”

 

“I said, don’t call him stupid!” Junkai was yelling at this point, tears blurring his eyes. He turned and ran off angrily. He knew that he shouldn’t be mad at the man, but oh did he feel angry and betrayed and disappointed and sad and confused - and he needed something to take it out on.

 

Junkai, now openly crying, looked at Wang Yuan. He looked sad - so sad - and reached a tentative hand out to Junkai. When Junkai didn’t move away, Wang Yuan laid the hand on his shoulder, and Junkai subconsciously leaned into the warmth.

 

Wang Yuan patted Junkai’s shoulder until he had calmed down a bit, but didn’t remove his hand.

 

“Junkai, I… first off, I just want to say I’m really sorry. For everything. I really did love you-”

 

“Stop it.” This phrase was uttered quietly by Junkai.

 

Wang Yuan squeezed Junkai’s shoulder apologetically. “I really was willing to go with you. But, Junkai…” Wang Yuan looked away ashamedly. “My parents… my family… they mean a lot to me, too, and I didn’t think that they would have a problem, but… they did.”

 

“Why?” Junkai whispered.

 

“It was - you were - they didn’t approve of your financial status, at least in comparison to mine… and I went with it.” Wang Yuan frowned. “I regret that now. I should’ve at least said goodbye, instead of disappearing on you, but I was too much of a coward. I was too scared.”

 

Junkai pulled back, letting Wang Yuan’s hand fall from his shoulder. Both frowned at the lack of contact. “Okay. I’m sorry, too.”

 

Wang Yuan’s eyes widened almost comically. “For what?”

 

“For assuming that you would put me above your family. I knew - knew - that you valued them and their opinion so much, but I still had hope.” Junkai stood up. “Did you know you were the most important person in the world to me? I would’ve - I would’ve given up every other person important to me if I could’ve had you, Wang Yuan. Did you know?”

 

“I did.” Wang Yuan said softly. “And I’m sorry - so sorry - to have lost that.”

 

Junkai sighed. “Why did you come back, Wang Yuan?”

 

Wang Yuan didn’t say anything. Instead, he took out a folded piece of paper from his pocket and handed it to Junkai.

 

Junkai opened the paper and read aloud, “Medical Records…?” He looked at Wang Yuan incredulously. Wang Yuan motioned for him to go on.

 

“Previous conditions: depression, suicidal thoughts, anorexia, self harm…” He looked up with wide eyes. “Wang Yuan, what is this?”

 

Wang Yuan opened his mouth to reply, but Junkai cut him off, his expression hardening. “No. I see. Wow, you really had me going in your game, Wang Yuan.” He laughed bitterly. “You seriously thought you could just come back and everything would be okay? You really had this all figured out. Come back, explain yourself, make me feel loved, then try to make me pity you by giving me some fake medical records.” Junkai ripped up the sheets of paper. “I’m sick of this, Wang Yuan. I’m sick of you. Get out.” When Wang Yuan didn’t move, Junkai repeated himself. “Get out. I don’t want you in my life anymore.”

 

Wang Yuan’s eyes brimmed red, silent tears rolling down his face. He stiffly walked out the door with his head lowered, his bangs covering his eyes.

 

The door shut with a final, quiet click.

 

***

 

After Junkai had deemed enough time to have passed, he stepped out of his office.

 

His secretary called to him. “Um - Dr. Wang? Is everything all right?”

 

Junkai knew his face was swollen and red with the tears from earlier, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. “Oh, yeah, everything’s fine. Don’t worry. I do have a question, though.”

 

His secretary smiled and nodded at him. “Yeah?”

 

“Do you have any records on Wang Yuan? He just came in not too long ago.”

 

“Oh, was he the one who was crying? He looked kinda depressed.” Junkai couldn’t help wincing, but his secretary didn’t seem to notice. The secretary entered a few things into her computer. “Oh.. okay, wow... I see here that he’s had a number of medical conditions… self harm, suicidal thoughts, anorexia, depression… yikes, poor guy.” She didn’t see how Junkai’s expression darkened with each additional word she read.

 

“What’s the address he has on file?”

 

“Oh, it’s 365 River Ro-” The secretary looked up, but Junkai was already gone.

 

***

 

Junkai walked up the pristine, white-painted steps. It had been so long, and everything had changed - yet at the same time nothing really changed. All these years, and Wang Yuan was still in the same house from so long ago - Junkai still remembered Wang Yuan’s neighbor calling him “stupid” for it. That felt like it had happened a million years ago.

 

Junkai pressed down hard on the ornate doorbell - like he had so many years ago - and waited for a response. He heard shuffling somewhere deep inside the house, but no one came to open the door.

 

“Wang Yuan?” Junkai knocked on the door. The sounds inside stopped abruptly, and the house became deathly quiet.

 

“WANG YUAN?” Still no response. Junkai banged on the door and could feel it crack and heave. The house really was old. Junkai bet he could break the door off the hinges if he really wanted to.

 

“If you do not open this door before I count to three, I will kick it down.”

 

No response.

 

“1…

 

2…

 

3- Okay, you’ve had your chance!”

 

Junkai pulled his leg back and smashed through the door. Though the house was pretty expensive, it was still old, and the door splintered off the hinges pretty easily. It fell into the house with a spray of dust.

 

There still wasn’t any noise.

 

“Wang Yuan?” After all these years, Junkai’s feet still remembered the path to Wang Yuan’s room. The house was a lot more dilapidated than Junkai remembered, and dust covered everything. Junkai was pretty sure he saw a mouse skitter by out of the corner of his eye.

 

“Wang Yuan?” Junkai asked cautiously as he turned the corner. Junkai didn’t know then that what he saw would haunt him for the rest of his life.

 

“WANG YUAN!” The boy that he was so desperately looking for was standing in the corner, staring at a small white bottle in his hand. Time stood still, and Junkai felt his entire body grow cold. Wang Yuan’s head was down, and his eyes, normally so bright and full of hope, were now filled with an endless sea of pain and anguish. Junkai felt like he was drowning.

 

Before Junkai’s eyes, Wang Yuan downed the whole bottle. Wang Yuan seemed suspended in time for a brief moment - Junkai held his breath - before the bottle fell from his hands, and Wang Yuan slumped to the floor.

 

Junkai screamed. “NO! WANG YUAN, I LOVE YOU! PLEASE!” Junkai scrambled toward Wang Yuan, almost tripping over his own feet in his desperation, but he was still too late. “Please…”

 

Junkai collapsed to the floor and pulled Wang Yuan’s head onto his lap. Wang Yuan’s unfocused eyes came to rest on Junkai’s face. “Xiao - Xiao Kai… you came.”

 

Junkai tried to put on a smile for Wang Yuan. “Of course I did. I love - love you, Wang Yuan.”

 

Wang Yuan’s eyes softened, and his lips came up in a small smile. “You know I love you, too.” His hand came up shakily towards Junkai’s face before falling. “Why are you crying? Don’t cry.”

 

Junkai laughed through his tears. “Wang Yuan… once we get out of here, let’s go somewhere together. Disney? I know how much you used to love amusement parks. I could get you cotton candy, and we could ride the Ferris Wheel or do the bumper cars or ride a roller coaster or anything you want -” Junkai continued to ramble, even though he knew, deep down, that Wang Yuan had long stopped listening. “Yuan Yuan- you’re going to wake up soon, and we can live together - we can run away together, like we always wanted to -” Junkai’s voice broke as sobs racked his body. “You can’t be dead. I need you, Wang Yuan. I love you. You’re my Yuan Yuan - you always have been - and you’re not gone - you can’t be gone.”

 

Junkai held Wang Yuan’s body close to him, wetting Wang Yuan’s shirt with his tears and rocking back and forth. Wang Yuan’s head lolled back, and Junkai could see a glimpse of his pale collarbone. Junkai picked Wang Yuan up carefully, bridal style, and placed him gently on the bed.

 

Wang Yuan could almost be sleeping - he looked so peaceful - but he had left Junkai to endure this world of living hell without him. Junkai sat down in a chair near the bed, holding Wang Yuan’s cold hand in both of his own. He pretended that Wang Yuan was just sleeping - that he would wake up soon, and that Junkai was just being considerate by letting him sleep a little longer.

 

Junkai didn’t know how long he sat there, but he did know that the police and the emergency workers came a while later, ushering him out of the room. Junkai didn’t react in any way, didn’t give any indication that he had heard them; and his vision never strayed from Wang Yuan’s body, even when his cold hand fell away from his own. (“He’s in shock,” he heard someone say. “Give him time to process it.”)

 

Didn't they get it? Time wouldn’t - couldn’t - heal him.

 

Junkai showed no sign of emotion, until he tried to follow the workers carrying Wang Yuan’s body away. “Son, he’s gone.” One of them tried to explain to him, but Junkai just shook his head mutely, and kept trying to make his way to Wang Yuan.

 

It got to the point where a couple workers had to physically restrain him from Wang Yuan. Junkai screamed then - screamed and cried and yelled himself hoarse, but it didn’t stop them from taking Wang Yuan away.

 

Once Wang Yuan was gone, out of sight, they let Junkai go. Junkai immediately took off in the direction Wang Yuan had went (“Hey! Kid! Where are you going? Get back here!”). He ran and ran and ran until he couldn’t run anymore and collapsed on the ground.

 

When Junkai turned around, Wang Yuan was there, beaming at him, standing against the setting sun as its final rays illuminated him like he was glowing from within.

 

He really looked like an angel.

Junkai smiled. “I knew it. I knew you were still alive.”

 

Wang Yuan laughed, his peppermint voice filling the air. “You wouldn’t have had such little faith in me, would you?”

 

Junkai wasn’t really surprised that when he went to hug Wang Yuan, his arms went right through. But that was okay.

 

Wang Yuan laughed brightly. “Come on, Junkai. Let’s get out of this dump. We can’t have you wasting away now, can we?”

 

Junkai only smiled and followed Wang Yuan out.

 

***