Fool me once shame on you.

Fool me twice shame on me.

 

I’m a fool for love. He was my first love and last to completely break me. I was blinded by my love for him that I couldn’t see how much I was being broken.

 

Will I ever be able to love someone as much as I did with him?

I ask myself that everyday since I’ve left him.

 

“Where are you going” Kyungsoo set his book down as he directed his attention to Jongin, who was getting ready to go.

“I told you I was meeting my boss for lunch” he said putting his coat on, picking his keys up from where Kyungsoo had set his book down.

“But this is the the third time this week Jongin” stopping his tracks he walked too Kyungsoo kissing him softly on his forehead.

“Remember it was you who got me this job. I’ll be on my way I love you.”

 

Picking his book back up he began reading his book one more time. Hearing a small ding coming from Jongin’s phone, he had forgotten to take it with him when he picked up his keys. Looking through the phone Kyungsoo read the message.

“I miss you, come quickly”

“Huh?” Kyungsoo said looking down.

“Oh,hey Kyungsoo did I leave my phone here” Jongin asked as he opened the door. humming in response Kyungsoo handed Jongin his phone.

He’s doing it again.

 

“Jongin you’re going out again you’ve been going out a lot lately” Kyungsoo said as he put down the laundry. Jongin turned around, without any expression.

“What do you expect Kyungsoo. You’ve been nagging me to get a goddamn job, but here you are questioning me. If you must really know I’m going job hunting” Jongin spoke as he slowly approached Kyungsoo pushing him against the wall. Finally letting him go after seeing small tears swell up.

“But Jongin it’s almost 11.” Kyungsoo mumbled too frightened to speak up.

“Can you just be happy for once that I’m looking for jobs” Jongin walked out with a big sigh leaving Kyungsoo with tears trailing down his cheeks. He’s boyfriend had been acting weirdly and every time Kyungsoo asked he’d get an angry Jongin. Kyungsoo knew something was wrong maybe the love between them was slowly slipping away. He spent the night overthinking and sobbing here and there from past memories of their love. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months and Kyungsoo couldn’t take anymore of the lying and mentally abuse anymore Jongin wasn’t the person he’d fallen in love with.

 

Kyungsoo had gotten himself a part time job in the evening he couldn’t take anymore of the fighting. He had finished work and headed home early for the first time in the month. Of course he expected Jongin to be home as well after all he’d received calls from him letting him know that he wanted Kyungsoo home. He had been given for rarely being home and of course accused of cheating, his relationship with Jongin had become dysfunctional. Kyungsoo had become tied to his first love and unfolding the knot wouldn’t be easy. He had reached his apartment stopped in front of the door hearing giggles and faint voices. Immediately his heart stop and tears swelled up in his eyes leaving him with a blurred vision. He knew that this would come he just wasn't prepared for it. Slowly turning the doorknob the door opened and the scene broke him into millions of pieces. The surprised faces made him laugh. Walking through with tears falling like rain drops he headed to their once shared bedroom and began packing. Ignoring the faint voices that called for him he continued packing all his stuff, shoving everything he owned only leaving behind his scent.

“Kyungsoo wait, YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME, please don't leave me.” Jongin held on too Kyungsoo’s arm tightly slightly hurting the boy as he set himself free. He faced his love as if it was the first time. He cried and cried in Jongin's warm arms.

“I can't I have to go”

Kyungsoo set himself free from his arms picking his bag up.

“I don't love her, the only one I want to be with is you.” Jongin spoke softly enough to be heard by Kyungsoo who stood by the door.

“I was blinded my desire to be free. I was suffocating as I watched you be so happy by my side, but I...I was so jealous of that feeling that I couldn't stand watching you. But I couldn't let you go I wanted too lock you up so that I could be the only one that you ever loved. I don't want to watch you be happy with someone other than me, Kyungsoo I love you.” Jongin fell to his knees breaking into tears, It was the first time Kyungsoo ever witness this man be valuable in front of him. His heart tighten and couldn't watch him beg for forgiveness.

“Everyone gets a second chance” Kyungsoo held Jongin's face as he leaned in for a kiss. A kiss filled with heartache, betrayal and love.

 

A year past leaving behind painful memories and a new year bring in new ones.

 

The heartache that Kyungsoo once felt was no longer there. His first love was poisoning him and slowly killing every feeling he ever had. He couldn't forget the feeling of being broken anymore, and he wasn't going to let it happen again.

 

To: Kim Jongin

From: Do Kyungsoo

    The day I laid eyes on you I knew that you would be the one for me. Your smile lit up my whole world, you accepted me when society pushed me too the edge. I loved you more than I loved myself and maybe that was the problem. My love towards you pressured you so much. I depended on you for everything because you where I the only one I had. I placed every once of trust in you. I love you so much that I became blinded.

We’ve become so toxic and I can't live with that anymore. I don't want to be hurt and I don't want you to be hurt. I want us to be happy, but we won't be happy unless we become aware of who we are. I don't blame you for doing it again this time it was on me. Jongin be happy with her.

Goodbye my first love