November 29, 2017

Moving felt like a burden to me. The light gleamed into my bedroom, it was hard to find a way to live everyday. Why am I never proud of myself? I really don't understand why I have to feel like this. 

Truthfully I have always know what was the matter, I was never good enough in my standards. The music I wrote felt like it was slowly moving farther and farther from my view. Overtime I gave up trying to reach what I have really wanted in my songs. 

Huh. I scoff at myself, this is pathetic. How can people live on a daily basis with the struggles that they hold. I can do anything, but I at least have the stage and my fans. They always bring the light back into my life, I always wish i could live on top of that glowing stage. The other members keep me alive as well, everyday they can see me struggle and they always encourage me to do my best. I don't deserve such angels in my life. 

 December 18, 2107

I...can't do this anymore. I give in...this is to much for me hold onto. 

Why am I weak? I want to be strong! But why do I have this baggage attached to my back. I want it gone! 

Will I finally take the last step off the edge? I think it is time...I reach for my phone, my hands move on there own. I go for my sister, she has always been there for me and now i will be letting her down as well. 

"Tell me I did good." Send.

I hobble to the kitchen, reaching for the pot...can I really do this? I wonder if I just start it now how long it would take? 

Truthfully, I wasn't even sure if I wanted this. As my mind went blank, time passed. The more I fell into my misery, the more my decision became apparent. 

I went for the light, before I knew it, It was black. The funny thing about that moment was that, a voice called to me, "Jonghyun." It was so warm, and caring. Nothing had made me feel like this for the longest time. Who? Who called?

My arm extended, and another clasped it. What is this? I can feel the life resonate within me. 

This...this is something new...

Why has no one told me this feeling...feeling a new will to live, I open my eys and bust open the windows.

My time is not now, nor in the near future. I will live on! 

I smile out over the city, I will become someone great and everyone will smile as I do.

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Probably took on a very sensitive or controversial topic.
I bet everyone was expecting the sad ending but, you will never get that from me hahah
I tend to stay more positive, but most don't want that, if that is you, then i appreciate you and sorry to disappoint and i hope you enjoyed this short. 

Thanks!
-Soleil