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Dear Kibum,

They say some things are better said than done. Though I've been trying to show you how I feel this past years, I guess you're not seeing my feelings towards you. I've been looking at you, every things you do, I've been so attracted to you that I don't know how to react when you're near me. You say I'm clumsy, that I always fall each time we meet. I'm so amused by the fact that you always see my falls and even my small mistakes without recognizing my eyes looking at you hoping that you would see what my heart says. But its ok, I guess I'm not that good enough in expressing my emotions. I admit I can't spill the words personally and I know that's the problem.

How can I tell you that I've been in love with you since the day we first met. That I've been longing to hold your hands and caress your soft cheeks. That I want to be by your side forever. Every time I try to say the words, seems like my mouth is not cooperating. I'm afraid that when I tell you how I feel about you, you will change your attitude towards me. I know you think I'm a coward, that I'm selfish in not making the move. But I love you so much that I'm afraid to break the ties between us.

Each time I see you with other man, I feel like my heart is breaking into pieces. But I know I have no right to feel this way. Because I'm just a friend, a co-member, just a guy whom you know. I always think this is our fate, to meet each other and to work together. I don't know if you believe in destiny but I do and I feel that I'm destined to love you. Even though it's just a one-sided love, it's ok with me as long as that person is you, Key. Oh God I love your name, Key. It always put a smile in my face every time I say your name.

Sometimes I wonder if we're in a different world not like today. What if we chose to take different path. Me not entering SM academy and you not taking auditions. Will we still find a way to meet each other. Will you still find me? I think I will search for you. I want my present and future with you because I don't know if I can live a single seconds without looking at your beautiful face. It's like a living hell without your sweet voice calling my name.

I don't think I can tell you personally that I love you so much. I'm just not good at things like this. So I think I'll just wait until you feel the same way I do. I don't know when or will it ever happen but I'll wait, I'll wait until forever. What's important is I'm by your side even just a friend it's enough.

I just have one wish I hope you don't mind. When you feel your starting to love me too, will you give me a sign by hugging me and kissing my cheek. I want to see that soft side of you and I want you to show it only to me. Hmmm, I guess it won't ever happen but who knows miracle they say, he he.

Always loving you,

Jinki

Now I'm crazy, writing a love letter in my own diary. Wake up Jinki, it won't happen. This is just close to fantasy. You coward!

Date: Feb. 14, 2011

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“Oh this guy, He's just...” Kibum says after reading the diary that suddenly fell from the shelf when he returned the book he finished reading. He was touched by the words written in that small dairy of their leader Onew. He didn't know that the older feel that way about him. He smiled. Suddenly idea popped in his mind. He took the pen on the table and started writing something on the Jinki's diary.

After he finished what he's doing, he closed the diary and put it on top of Jinki's study table then left their shared room.

He went to the living to see the boys watching TV. Jonghyun and Minho on the sofa discussing about something, Minho's eyes on TV and Jonghyun asking something he didn't get to catch what it was. Taemin and Onew on the floor lying in the blanket and pillows relaxing their legs, Onew's telling his lamest jokes and Taemin's laughing hard.

“Jinki-hyung.” Key said. “Can you come here for a while I need to tell you something.”

“Ok, wait” Onew stand-up and went on where Key is standing. “What's up?” He asked.

Key put his face near Onew's right ear and whispered “I found something that I think is yours, and I put it under your table.” Then he hugged Onew and kissed his right cheek that made the older's face turns red, surprised by what the younger did.

Onew looked at the other members to check if they saw what Key did and felt relaxed that the guys were busy in what they are doing coz if its not he's sure that they will make a big deal out of it and put a joke on him again. They always do that whenever they saw him staring at the younger.

After a few seconds he was awake again. “Oh thanks Kibum, I'll check it later.” then took a move back to where Taemin is when a strong grip stopped him. He look at the owner of the hand.

“You should check it now, I think it's very important to you. You don't want others to see what's written in your diary don't you?” Key smirked and move his way to the kitchen.

Onew, shocked after hearing the word diary rushed to their shared room to see what's under his study table. It is his diary!

'Please please! I'm praying that Key didn't open my diary. Or else, he'll find out about my secret.Oh God why did I wrote something like that in the first place.' Hesitant to open the green-covered note and hugging it as if its the most precious thing for him. He started to open the diary, page by page when he recognized his bookmark was not on the note he wrote last night. It supposed to be in that page, he said. He opened the page where the bookmark is and was shocked that it was on the page where his letter for Kibum was.

'Oh great! He read it already. He saw my letter. What should I do.' Onew's in panicked as if he just made a crime and he's regretting doing it. Hesitant to see the evidence of his crime, he turned the pages without thinking. Until he was on the page he wrote the night before. He recognized a different handwriting beside his last note. It was not his though it was somewhat familiar to him. He knows who wrote those notes. He started to read each word that was written.

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Dear Jinki,

It's my first time to read a love letter. It was on my name so I guess I have the right to read it don't I? Well, I don't know what to say but I think it's funny. Why am I reading my own love letter from a diary? You should've put it on our mailbox or at lease put in on an envelope and sealed it with a kiss. ...I'm just joking.

Anyway, I didn't intentionally read your diary, it just fall on my head. I will surely make you pay next time for ruining my hair when it fell. Joking again. When it fell I saw my name written on it so I was curious I can't help to see what's written about me.

I didn't know you feel that way for me. You shouldn't feel that way for me coz we know it's not allowed. ['Onew felt the pain in his heart'] We can't have any relationship until we finished our contract and you and I know that clearly. You're the leader, you should be more responsible than the others but why are you having this feelings for me, it's not just fair.['Onew didn't get the last words']

Since I cannot do anything about your feelings coz I know by the way you wrote it, it's been there for a long time already. So I'm thinking of keeping it, ...your heart and all. I'm giving you the best chance of your life by giving you half of my heart too. I cannot give you my whole ha ha. Just joking.

Okay enough for the jokes. Lee Jinki! You can love me as long as you want. As of today, we're legally 'secret lovers'. Just don't tell anybody yet ok. Hell yes I've been waiting for this moment and it's happening now. Just don't say no please coz I'm cooking you the best chicken today and make sure you'll eat it all as an answer.

Now I need to go to buy stuffs and when I return, you must say those words your longing to tell me these past years, okay. I guess you know what's the answer already, but don't be so sure about yourself, its me Key. I can change in a blink and you know that.

PS

I love you too.

Date: March 14, 2011

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Onew can't help his heart beating so fast as usual. His hands cold, he's overwhelmed. His so happy he cannot stop the smile in his face. He was in that situation when He was awakened by the slam of the door in the hallway.

He returned the book under his table and make a step outside the room to look for his soon to be boyfriend. “Where's Key?” He asked the guys in front of the TV.

“He went outside, He said he needs to buy some stuffs in the grocery, and that our dinner is Chicken, again!” Jonghyun answered with a sad face. “We just ate chicken yesterday, why would he want to eat another one again?” Felt bored he checked his phone for mails then return to what he's watching.

Jinki smiles with a grin still standing in his position near the kitchen entrance. When he remembers the hug and kiss Key gave him earlier, he bursts into laughter he cannot stop that it made a sound and Jonghyun noticed it.

“Jinki-hyung, I know you like chicken so much but you don't have to laugh like that.” By that words he laugh again and said. “Its not like that, but its ok.”

Jinki went back to their room, He'll wait for Kibum to arrive then they'll talk about their future together. 'Well, now I know why people like to write about their lives in a diary. And that confessing in it is not bad at all'. He thinks, then kissed his diary, hugged it and returned under the table.