Will you remember me?

My name is...

Jinyoung's eyes fly open as he grasps at straws to remember. He has to remember, he can't forget. He can't forget, he can't forget!

But it's already too late. As quickly as the name came it's gone again, like leaves blown away by a cruel wind. He's left with a longing for someone he can't remember, a name he can't recall.

Your name is...

Your name is what? What is it?

The panic claws at his chest, making it hard to breath and his mouth opens in a silent scream.

He wonders if he's the only one who feels this way.

  °°°

Jinyoung wonders if he's the only one who feels this way.

It was only after the past summer that the feeling that he was missing something crept up on him. Suddenly the world didn't seem as bright. Everything started looking dull in his eyes and no matter how hard he tries, he isn't fine.

"Maybe you need a girlfriend." Daehwi suggests hopefully. Jinyoung grimaces, certain that wasn't the problem. His friend frowns, pushing back. "Then what do you think it is? Face it hyung, you're just lonely."

"But..." He trails off, unable to rebut because Daehwi has started going off into a rant.

He's sure that he doesn't need a girlfriend. It won't fill the gaping hole he feels inside, because it isn't what he's searching for.

He knows it won't go away no matter how hard he tries.

°°° 

She won't go away no matter how hard he tries.

Hwari's a nice girl. Daehwi would only introduce the best to his favorite hyung, but she isn't it. She isn't the one he's searching for. She doesn't fill the gaping hole in his soul.

Hwari doesn't seem to understand no matter how far Jinyoung pushes her away. She's annoyingly persistent, and on a hot summer day he can't take it anymore and snaps.

"Just leave me alone! I don't want you around!" He hisses, and the girl flinches at his palpable anger. Hwari has only ever approached Jinyoung with the kindest of intentions. She could sense how lonely he was, and only wanted to help him

Somehow Jinyoung reminds her of a wounded animal who's lashing out in fear. His eyes reflect his conflicted emotions.

Hwari's still hurt by his words, but the resemblance makes her want to reach out. To reach out and soothe his wounds, to tell him everything will be all right.

Her hand raises cautiously as she waits to see if Jinyoung will bat her away. Despite the fear in his eyes as he glances warily at her outstretched hand, he doesn't do anything.

"It's okay... You'll be fine." She whispers out, hand settling on his cheek. There's tears in her eyes as she tries to comfort, and Jinyoung is lost in the deep brown of her orbs.

Large expressive brown eyes.

They vaguely remind him of someone, someone important.

He doesn't want to look away.

°°°

He doesn't look away.

Daehwi's eyes are large and rounded in shock, and his jaw is hanging open while Guanlin doesn't seem to care as he eats his red bean bun.

It's quite clear he never expected this outcome and Jinyoung feels like wanting to smirk in a strange kind of victory.

He doesn't in the end.

"Really? You two are actually dating?!" Daehwi asks. Jinyoung nods in confirmation and his friend slouches in his chair in shock for a moment.

Daehwi smiles, "Hyung, I know I'm the one who set you up with Hwari noona, but I thought that nothing would come of it. I mean, no offense but you were like a zombie. It felt like some part of you died."

The words clench at his heart, and he forces a small smile as he scoffs. "Don't underestimate me Lee Daehwi. Now you see that I'm completely fine right?"

The younger nods. Jinyoung takes the moment to look away and drink his tea as he settles his emotions.

There's something uncomfortable clawing at his heart in protest, though he doesn't know why.

"Hyung, what made you like noona?" Daehwi asks curiously.

Jinyoung chokes on his drink unexpectedly and has to be saved by Guanlin who pats him on his back harshly.

After he recovers, and glares at Daehwi for laughing, he takes a moment to think.

What exactly was it about Hwari that made him like her?

The answer comes easily. "Her eyes."

"Her eyes?" Guanlin looks confused while Daehwi is smiling. Jinyoung nods. "Her eyes."

He goes on to explain, "I like her eyes. If you look into her eyes, you can see every single emotion she's going through. She's... easy to read. I like that about her."

"It seems that you really like her hyung. I'm happy for you." Guanlin says and Daehwi agrees.

Yeah I do. Thanks. The words are on the tip of Jinyoung's tongue but they're stuck in his throat, unable to escape.

And for a moment he feels like he isn't as happy as he should be.

°°°

Jinyoung knows that he isn't as happy as he should be.

After two years of being together, he's grown to love Hwari. But maybe not in the way he should.

The two of them have been through a lot together. They graduated from high school together, they're both studying at the same university and though they aren't living together, Jinyoung is over at her apartment so often they might as well be.

Hwari is a great girl. He can list off all her great qualities like a textbook, and the thought of her always makes him smile no matter how bad his day went.

He loves her.

And that may be the problem in itself.

He loves her, but isn't sure that he's in love with her. There's a difference between the two because you can love your friends and family, but being in love means that you commit yourself to that one person.

He doesn't know which way he loves Hwari.

It's most obvious one day when they decide to stay in and have a movie night.

They stay up watching all the new ones that have recently come out. Jinyoung leaves to use the bathroom for a moment, and when he comes back, Hwari has fallen asleep on the couch.

He smiles softly, gently tugging the blanket higher up on her body to keep out the cold. Then Jinyoung settles himself on the couch beside her.

She looks so soft and innocent like this. Her long eyelashes are pressed onto her cheeks, creating a shadow that spreads down her face. Her breaths come soft and steady, and warmth spreads in his chest.

An image flashes in his head, crystal-clear like a picture and he freezes.

 It's of a girl. 

She's laying on the couch with her cheek pressed up against the fabric just like Hwari, but he doesn't get a good look at her face before the images disappears from his mind.

He's immediately left with a hollow feeling. He's lost something he can't remember.

Jinyoung's trembling, his eyes are tearing up and he can't seem to breath. Is it you? Is it you I've been searching for?

He knows it is, because in the split-second he remembered, it felt like he was home.

 °°°  

Jinyoung has come home for the holidays.

It's Chuseok and for the first time he's going to officially introduce Hwari as his girlfriend to his mother. 

It actually feels a bit strange considering that in the two years that they've been together, he's never introduced her to his family. Whenever they tried something always came up and it wasn't until now that the both of them were finally able to visit his mother.

Liar, his thoughts whisper and he feels shaken for a moment. 

"Jinyoung-ah, you okay?" Hwari asks, concerned at how pale her boyfriend had suddenly turned.

Jinyoung tries his best to smile and waves away her concern. "Don't worry, I'm fine. Let's go inside."

When the two enter their house, Jinyoung's mother is immediately all over the two of them.

"Aigoo, it's nice to finally meet the girl who Jinyoung is always talking about. Your name is Hwari right? What a pretty name for a pretty girl!"

She gushes on with Hwari while Jinyoung wonders into the house. It's been a long time since he's stepped in it's walls.

He looks over the many photos of himself scattered around the living room. Jinyoung sees himself growing up through the photos, and silently he wonders how it is that time passed so fast as he looks though the different frames.

There's one photo he takes notice of, a school field trip with his entire class back in high school. He's standing in the middle with a wide grin on his face, his uniform is messed up and his hair, oddly enough, is wet.

It's a image of himself he's unfamiliar with, Jinyoung can't even remember when it was taken or where. It's all a big blur to him and he doesn't know why.

But he must have been happy in that moment judging by his expression. He wonders why.

"Jinyoung-ah, let's eat dinner." His mother calls out, grabbing his attention for the first time in a while.

"Eomma you cooked a lot. How will we ever finish everything?" He questions, looking over all the food.

His mother has cooked a large feast, way too much for just three people to finish on their own.

"Don't worry. I'll hand out the leftovers to the neighbors. For now just eat your fill!" She assures, gesturing for the couple to dig in.

Hwari doesn't hesitate and begins to eat with gusto, making Jinyoung smile in amusement. All throughout their dinner, his mother is telling the girl stories of his childhood, but he isn't paying much attention until she says something that made him pause.

"Eomma can you repeat that? What you said about... braiding?" He asks, eyebrows furrowing as he tries to remember doing what she just said.

Jinyoung's confused, but most of all, he's scared. His mind is telling him to stop, to not push to know more. But his heart... his heart is yelling out something.

What is it?

"Don't you remember Jinyoung-ah? Back when you were seventeen, there was a period of time when you were obsessed with braiding rope together. You even gave me one claiming that it was good luck. Thinking back you acted strange during that time, you used to be so confused about everything. You didn't even recognise me at times." His mother chuckles in amusement as the memories.

Jinyoung's throat tightens, and his hands are curling into fists. He tries to keep himself composed, this wasn't the time to break down in front of his family.

So he quietly excuses himself saying that he's full, even though his plate is only half-empty. Jinyoung can sense the concerned looks their sending his way, but right now he can't be bothered. He flees to his old bedroom and locks the door behind himself.

Standing in the room, there's something about it that felt so unfamiliar. There's posters up on the walls of groups that he doesn't recognise, he doesn't remember when he got his old guitar and the walls are a light green color. He hates the color green.

It's odd how Jinyoung seems to notice all this for the first time and it makes him wonder why he hasn't all this time.

He ignores all of the confusion swirling around in his head and plops down on his bed. He closes his eyes.

Jinyoung doesn't understand anything that's going on. It feels like he's in a dream that he can't wake up from.

Don't you remember me? Don't you miss me?

His eyes snap open and he pushes himself off the bed. He makes his way to his desk and opens the drawer.

There, all by itself, is a bracelet. A red bracelet made out of different red strings. Braided together to form one.

"It's a good luck charm! Good things should happen to you Jinyoung-ah, I believe it."

The words echo in his head and he feels like he's about to cry. It's clawing at his heart and there's a void in his chest that shouldn't be there.

Slowly he takes the bracelet out, clenching it tightly in his fingers as he starts to cry.

"My name is..."

Your name is...

Rian.

°°°