~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m moving on, yes I am”

These are the words I kept saying to those people who asks me if I still love her.

That, I guess… I’m still stuck on our memories together, that the truth is I’m still hanging in between forgetting and going back but I know there’s no way of winning her.

I can still clearly remember the first day we met… a warm afternoon on the month of June where you were a student in the same university same as I. Your roommate introduced us together and clicked right away.

Freshmen years we barely talk since we’re in different class, but I hang out with you every afternoon talking about your family and your pets, wherein you got a rooster for a pet when you were a kid since your allergic to dogs and cats while I love those cute puppies.

We are too far different… like you’re from South and I’m from North. I love drinking coffee and you just don’t like it that much. The things we do seems like yesterday… now I’m not drinking coffee since it pains me if I do.

You confessed to me about a budding love with your friend that I didn’t notice I’m getting jealous over him. The romance did not occur and there I was… happy with no reason at all. I used to carry you at my back and gaze the starry night sky that shine so bright and sometimes we rode my bike and feel the cool breeze that sent shivers to our spine.

Sophomore, we became more like a glue and stick together that no one can separate us from each other. The nights were no longer cold since we do sleepovers, where we put our beddings on the floor together with our friends and told stories. I told you about having a crush on one of our friends but you seem too bitter to take it in, you were jealous that I can see that piercing gaze settling on me back then.

Every time we have our sleepover, my heart gets jumpy if I’m close to you that it always leaves me sleepless the whole night. I look forward to the nights that we will sleep together that one night I couldn’t keep it in my feelings any longer that I kissed you not knowing you’re awake too.

Morning came and I kept mum about it, still… my heart beats faster as I recalled it. You texted me why did I kiss you that night and I replied “Sorry for biting your lips it’s not my intention to do”.

After class we met and you ask me again. I don’t really know what to say… that I blurted out my feelings about you then you asked me to kiss you.

Kissing you was like my brain not functioning. After that day we steal kisses to each other leading us making out in your room. I asked you to be mine and you said you want to think about it still, my heart sunk with your answer and I just nod and turned around.

But you held my shoulder and turn me to face you with a sigh, then answered me with your YES that made me happy that I hugged and kissed you. You were afraid to be judged so you told me to keep our love discreet and just tell them were just friends, frustrated but still agreed to what you want. Everyday seems so short for me that I like seeing you around me and doesn’t want to be parted with you.

The first fight we had together is because of a Senior of ours who tried to kiss you. I was mad when you told me about it that I even threw my things that are on my desk that day. But when I saw that you were hurt because of my doing I apologized and said “Let us just forget about this okay?” you nodded while you cried.

Things were working out so far, I was accepted as part of our University chorale group making me busy at night joining practice, and you as part of the Science and Technology club. We always kept tab in our daily activities, that sometimes we bicker about small things like doing the laundry, cause every time I do it I always get yours to save time and energy leading you to scolding me. I love cooking food that I always feed you and tell you to eat more.

We kept our relationship behind closed doors, where we only show our affection and become intimate with one another inside our room. That we didn’t notice your Aunt had growing suspicions about us when I visited you one day since our group went swimming near your place. We just remained silent about it and denied her allegations. No one knows about it and we intended to keep it that way. Afraid to be separated from each other so we lied and kept it as a secret.

We don’t hold hands when we are outside nor exchange sweet words to each other, we’re like best friends outside learning and discovering things like friends do. I support you in every decision you make and everything you do and never got tired of it. I once played softball for your team and it made me happy to play for you.

I have this belief that the things you do for love is incomparable and limitless, you will never see wrong when you’re in love.

Things greatly changed when Senior year came... we became distant. It started on the second semester when you seems to hang out more with one of your classmate, a guy classmate. You were always together with him that I only know that the two of you were just 'good friends' until I can’t contain my jealousy anymore and ask you “Are you together with him now? Are you having feelings for him” while I stare at your eyes my tears falling.

“I’m confused, I don’t know”

“Stop seeing him” I told you firmly.

You started to distance yourself from that guy and made it back to me which I believed in. Graduation came and we are getting ready for the licensure exam, we barely meet at those times now since you were staying at home.

Examinations were finished and we applied at various schools to gain experience. I was hired as a substitute teacher for a week covering up the teacher who was out while you didn’t get any job yet.

The results came by November and gladly I passed the examination... but sad as well because you didn’t make it. I gave you words of encouragement and support that you can still pass it the next time but you don't want to take it anymore.

You decided to work in the city where your family is based and told me that you will call and text me, giving me assurance that you will go back for me.

I never imagined having a long distance relationship with you, for what I wanted is to be close to you always. You got a job as a Customer Representative in one of the leading supermarkets and I was still a substitute Teacher.

I was having doubts about you and my instincts telling me something doesn't feel right...

Until one day you called me and told me you want to break up with me.

I couldn’t utter a word as I was sitting during lunch inside the classroom, my heart felt like being squeezed at that moment. A few moments after i found my voice and asked you the dreaded question.

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