TAEYEON’S POV

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I’m a failure

I failed our parents

I failed our siblings

I failed our friends

The most important thing is I failed him

I failed the love of my life

FLASHBACK

DENIAL

December 24, 2017

Where am I?

I saw Jiyong entering the room

“Ji?”

“Taeyeon” He hurriedly went to my side his eyes were red and puffy

“What happen Ji?” I said while closing my eyes. I feel tired and weak

“Rest more Taeyeon”

“What happened?

He looks so sad. Somethings not right he didn’t answer right away then realization hit me

“Our baby! Ji what about our baby? is our baby fine? Kwon Jiyong answer me!” I shouted hysterically “ Our baby is still here with me right?”

“Tae calm down,” He said cupping my face

“Kwon Jiyong ing Answer my question!”

“Ba-Babe Our baby didn’t make it,” he said with a small voice

 “Wha-Wha-What? Ji what did you say? He hugged me “tightly

“I’m sorry”

“He didn’t ma-make it? I lost him? He died? No-no-no! It’s not true!”

That night we cried  and we mourn the loss of our child

December 25, 2017

Kim-Kwon’s Pad

On the Christmas day, we went home broken-hearted. While people around the world celebrating this special occasion, We are grieving the child that we loss. The spirit of Christmas is dead for the both of us. This is the saddest Christmas ever. The pain of losing someone is unbearable.

We were lying on our bed the night of Christmas. He hugs me from behind. “We didn’t have the chance to know what’s our baby’s gender Ji.” I said incoherently. “Even though I can feel that he’s a boy we didn’t have the chance to confirm it” I said tiredly “Did you know that I bought a book with lots of names for our baby?  I  bought lots of onesies a purple and blue one just to make sure because it’s too early to know his gender. I let a small laugh  while crying He looked at me with so much pity.

“We can make a lot of babies in the future Taeyeon, don’t lose hope babe” He said kissing my forehead. The coldness of the night lingered our pad.

ANGER

JIYONG’S POV

Little do you know

How I’m breaking while you fall asleep

Little do you know

I’m still haunted by the memory

Little do you know

I’m trying to pick myself from piece by piece

Little do you know

I need a little more time

I woke up 2 am in the morning hearing a silent sob. She’s crying again. Every night she cries silently and I know she’s hurting a lot. I don’t know how to make her feel better. That night I hugged her so that she can feel that she’s not alone in this. I want to take her pain away. I can’t stand seeing her like this.

Kim-Kwon’s Pad

7:20 PM

“Babe let’s eat,” I said carrying a tray full of foods for her.

“I don’t want to eat,” she said coldly

“You didn’t eat the whole day, you need to eat”

“Are you deaf? I said I don’t want to eat!” she shouted

“Taeyeon”

“TAEYEON! TAEYEON! TAEYEON! Shut up Jiyong! You’re so irritating!

“Tae-“

“I said shut up  You know what? You’re acting like you cares even if you don’t! You look so fine! Our baby died Ji! He ing died! Still nothing? Don't you feel anything? Just like that, you moved on huh!? SAY SOMETHING!” She burst out.

I know that anytime soon she will break down like this because of the suppressed emotion she’s hiding these past few days.

“Taeyeon stop this”

“You don’t understand me Jiyong! You don’t understand my pain my sacrifices my feelings! You don’t ing understand” She shouted “WHY DON’T YOU SAY YOU’RE BLAMING ME? THAT’S RIGHT IT’S ON ME BECAUSE IM THE MOTHER I LET HIM DIE! SUCH A FAILURE RIGHT? WHY DON’T YOU SAY IT ON MY FACE JI  SAY IT!”

“I don’t understand your pain? Taeyeon! I want to cry but I can’t because I need to look strong for you! I want to die because of misery but I can’t because I need to look brave! It’s for you! I’m hurting a lot too!”

I hugged her tightly she’s sobbing so hard

“Ji so-sorry! I’m sorry I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to say those words sorry Jiyong”

“No, I’m sorry too You don’t have to apologize okay? calm down babe I understand. Sshhh let it out I’m here. I won’t leave you I’m not blaming you. It’s not your fault. This is not your fault.” I said while rubbing her back to comfort her.

 “It hurts,” I said while hitting my chest “It hurts so bad that I feel like dying. Take this pain away Ji, please. I don’t know how to move on help me please”

“I know I know we can get through this Taeyeon. We can stand together”

TAEYEON’S POV

Naksan Beach

4:30 PM

In a short period of time, I lost a friend and my child. Every day still feels the same. I fell into the lowest point of my life where no one can ever save me. When Jiyong and I fought last night it might get worse if I stay with him. Whatever decision I will be making today I hope I would not regret this.

Baby, can you please take this pain away? Come here and save mommy, I want to go with you, I don’t think I can survive my life knowing that you’re not here with me, let’s be together, you are my everything, it’s so sad to let you go. In those 8 weeks you are inside me you build a strong connection between the two of us. Please baby save me.

Someone slowly wrapped his hands around me. The familiar warmth and scent sending comfort in my whole body. Hugging my body from the back he rested both of his hands on my abdomen area, His head resting on the crooked part of my neck breathing slowly. A romantic sight of the two people who are very much in love and yet broken hearted.

“Ji,” I said weakly “Even though our baby is not with us I feel like he’s still here.” I muttered holding his hand on my tummy “ I can feel that our baby is still with us.” I said crying silently I feel hot tears of Jiyong on my neck his crying too

“Remember the time I told you I was pregnant, I said chuckling as tears continued to flow “The ob-gyn told me it’s like a small dried pea, I went to the superma