I think all of the time that I spent without Mina was some kind of preparation for this. I’m going into month number five without seeing or speaking to her. But nothing could’ve prepared me for this. I feel like I’m losing my mind. It feels like so much longer than a few months since I’ve seen her. I’ve been on lockdown because of the incident. No car privileges, no going out on weekends, and no phone past 8:00PM. I don’t even feel like I’m living anymore. Without her, I’m nothing. And without anything to keep me occupied, my existence feels even more bleak and meaningless.

As usual, Jackson swings by every once in a while to make sure I’m still breathing. Sometimes I wish that I wasn’t. But he gives me occasional updates on Mina and how she’s doing. He tries to keep me in the loop, which I appreciate a lot. He recently told me that her school is going really well and that this weekend, she’ll be returning to visit for Christmas break. Apparently, his parents are finally putting in effort to be proud of her and support her. I see this as my opportunity to speak to her. Of course, bringing up my idea to Jackson is hardly a good idea. And he very strongly disagrees.

“So,” I begin as I scavenge the fridge for a snack, “I’ve been thinking…And I decided I’m going to see Mina over Christmas break.”

Jackson nearly chokes to death on a mouthful of Potato Chips. He almost hacks up a lung as he tries to get them down. He coughs and sputters, in a ridiculously large gulp of air once he finally swallows. He wipes at his mouth and shakes his head. His eyes are watery.

“No, no, no.” He scolds me, “Momo, look….Mina has been a wreck since that load of with the two of you hit the fan.”

I scowl at him and toss him a paper towel. He cleans off his face, and then he wipes the crumbs off of the table. He throws the paper towel away before coming to join me behind the kitchen counter.

“I know that isn’t what you wanted me to say...But I’m sorry that things didn’t work out. Maybe it’s for the best.” He tells me.

“I just want to see her.” I argue,