I like to think that I had the standard upbringing for a girl. I was raised by two loving parents who always supported me in whatever endeavour I planned to take on. I had plenty of little friends and I loved going to school and learning new things. I always dreamt that my life would end up like it did in the movies. I remember imagining what my future would look like. I always figured I would grow up, meet a boy, fall in love with him, marry him, and spend the rest of my life with him. But in all honesty, that isn’t really the way that things have turned out. I mean, here I am, with an amazing boyfriend that I’ve been with for a year now ---and still, I’ve never been in love. Not once in my life. And now, as I look deep into the eyes of a boy who loves me, I realize that I don’t feel anything at all. A tinge of guilt appears in my chest as I step back. Jackson’s elated expression fades slowly, replaced by a look of concern.

“What’s wrong, babe?” He asks.

I shake my head and manage to master up a convincing fake smile, “Nothing, I’m just trying to decide what I should get to eat at dinner.”

“Well, it’s a good thing I’m here to help.” Jackson grins and wraps his arms around my waist, kissing my neck and shoulder.

“Help? More like distract.” I tease as he gasps, pretending to be offended.

“Come on. How can I keep my hands off of you? You’re so beautiful.” He tells me as he turns me around gently and places his hands on my lips.

It’s like clockwork; Jackson starts getting touchy, I start getting nervous. It’s not that I’m afraid of anything happening. Jackson knows my boundaries and he seems to respect them. I’ve never done anything with a boy and in all honesty, I really don’t plan on doing anything with one. I can’t explain why. I guess it’s just something that I don’t have a desire to do. It doesn’t bother me and it hasn’t appeared to bother Jackson for the time that we’ve been together. But it’s still odd to me that everyone in high school is so concerned about who is sleeping with whom. And if you’re not sleeping with anyone, there must be something wrong with you. One can imagine the confusion that mine and Jackson’s situation brings to people.

I peel Jackson’s hands away from my body and walk toward my closet, pulling out one of my black dresses. It’s one of my favourites. The fabric is breathable and light, but the dress itself is tight and forms to my body nicely. I always feel good when I wear it. I Jackson out so I can change into it and as I step into the dress, I notice that he left his phone on my bed. I ignore it as I put the dress on the rest of the way. However, the screen lights up and I see that he has a new text message. It’s from one of his soccer friends. Curiosity and pure nosiness get the best of me, so I pick up his cell phone, unlock it, and read the message.

“Dude. . You always have Nayeon.” I whisper to myself as I read the text.

I look at the message above that, which is from Jackson. I can hardly believe what I’m reading. It’s completely out of character for him.

“Our one year anniversary is today. I can’t believe how long it’s been. I love her, but she’s really making me work for it.”

A wave of anger flushes over me and I lock the phone. I toss it back onto the bed and aggressively put on my high heels. I can’t believe what a pig Jackson could be. I know that he loves me, but I’m not obligated to form my body over to him because of that. For a while, I really believed that it didn’t put up any sort of argument about his friend’s comment concerning Nayeon. Nayeon is a girl that has been obsessed with Jackson since the beginning of time. For as long as I’ve known Jackson, Nayeon has been around. Sometimes when he and I fight, he’ll use her as a threat. I’ve gotten kind of used to it, but it drives me nuts that she knows that he does it. I’m sure they talk to each other without my knowledge. I don’t really feel hurt. I just feel disappointed. Which is weird, but it’s pretty normal. When things like this happen and I start feeling different than most girls would, it tends to highlight the fact that I know I don’t love Jackson.

Actually, I suppose I shouldn’t put it like that. It’s confusing. I love him, but I’m not in love with him. I love him like a girl loves her best guy friend or just how friends love one another in general. We started out that way, too. We were good friends and somewhere along the way, he started to like me. He asked me out and in a state of panic and confusion, I said yes. Since then, I’ve been too scared to break up with him. I see the way he looks at me. I don’t want to hurt him. You’re not supposed to hurt the people that you love. I know it seems weird that I love him, but I’m not in love with him, because it is weird. I don’t know why I feel l