Hansol glanced around the place, no matter where he looked at he could see idols practicing their routines while others are trying to shake their nerves away. Suddenly, he was reminded of his disadvantage, how everyone there are no doubt talented and experienced in the field. They’ve all had debuted before unlike him, who is still a trainee until now. He wasted his adolescent years under a company he believed will help him make his dreams come true, but in the end his hard work resulted to none.

He immediately felt small and overwhelmed; his heart quickened, palms turned cold, and beads of sweat formed on his forehead. He can feel the coiling of his gut, his insides churning making him want to throw up.

“Hansol, are you alright?” he hears his manager ask. “You look pale, are you hungry? Do you need a drink?” He shuts his eyes tight and slowly shakes his head no before taking a deep breath in attempt to calm himself.

“I’m fine,” he whispered, not entirely sure who he is telling it to. “I’ll just go to the restroom for a while, I’ll be quick.”

Hansol was welcomed by white fluorescent lights and tiles. He quickly made sure that every cubicle is empty before finally facing the mirror once he’s certain he’s alone. “They’re not different from you, you’re all here to audition.” he told himself. “Being a trainee doesn’t make you less, you’ve been preparing for this.”

“You can do it,” he repeatedly told himself. “You can do it, Hansol, you can do it.”

Today is an important day and he can’t let himself ruin it, for today is the start of a new chapter in his life. Hansol decided that his audition piece would be his last and official farewell to his past. No matter what the results would be, he would put everything behind him and there would be no turning back; even though the past he’d leave behind includes a certain Japanese…

Yuta Nakamoto

He remembers the first time he met the younger, it’s been years but the memory is still fresh as if it only happened yesterday. Yuta seemed so lost not understanding a thing and trying his hard to communicate with his broken and heavily accented Korean. He recalls the first time he heard Yuta sing and how he thought it was the sweetest voice he’s ever heard, like a choir of angels singing from above. He also recalls how bad Yuta used to be in dancing, he was hopeless with his two left feet. But as time passed Yuta’s Korean and dancing skills improved so much… and so did Hansol’s feelings towards him.

Hansol’s shy to people he just met while Yuta is always confident that his presence overwhelmed him at first, it took time but soon the elder became comfortable with him too. Hansol’s a year older than Yuta yet it’s always the younger leading and dragging him around, not that he mind. They have a lot of differences yet they still clicked, it’s as if these differences made them compliment each other and before he knew it, the two of them were inseparable.

Two sides of the same coin, different yet similar, that’s how the others would describe them.


A knock was heard from the door interrupting his thoughts, “Hansol are you there?”

“Y-yeah,” he replied, his voice shaking. “I’ll be out in a second.”



All auditionees were gathered in the waiting room, some greeting each other like old friends while Hansol sits quietly in one corner– a stranger to everyone he is. He was going to be the last to audition and there are more before him. He sighed deeply and closed his eyes, once again Hansol lost himself in the memories of his past.

“Hansol-hyung, I like you,” said the Japanese lad.

It was late in the evening and practice has ended an hour ago yet the two were left after the younger asked Hansol to stay and help him with a certain part in the dance. Yuta’s confession came out of nowhere and the elder was caught off guard. After going through the dance over and over again, they decided to rest and sit on the cold floor of the practice room. One minute they were happily talking and laughing about nonsense when their eyes met, gazes locked on each other as their laughter slowly died, and suddenly Yuta was confessing.

Hansol was uncertain at first whether the younger was telling the truth or playing with him, but looking at the serious expression on his face, he could tell it was real. “I’m not saying this because I’m expecting something from it,” Yuta explained. “The ball is still in my court, I don’t want to pressure you. Whether I’ll do something about this or not is still up to me. I just want to let you know so it wouldn’t surprise you if I start acting on it.”

Hansol was left speechless, he doesn’t know what to say for it was the first time someone confessed to him. Yuta then stood up as if nothing happened and they both went back to practice. Once they were done he thanked Hansol for his help and even invited him to dinner before going back to the dorm. If one thing is for certain then it’s that Yuta truly is a manly man like he says he is.

Yuta being true to his words of not putting pressure on Hansol never uttered a word about his confession. But even when he is not using his words, actions speak louder and Hansol can recognize the subtle changes in his; from how Yuta would often sneak glances his way to how his touch would linger longer than usual.

Hansol can’t exactly tell when or how he started harboring feelings for the younger, but he’s certain it’s something that didn’t happen overnight. Maybe it started that day Yuta smiled at him with eyes sparkling and soft pink lips forming a heart that caused his breath to hitch. Maybe it was that time he felt a spark of electricity coursing through his skin after they accidentally touched. Or perhaps it was when they were practicing and Yuta was wearing a tank top drenched in sweat that immediately made Hansol’s heart stop and his pants tight at the sight. He knows it’s been there for a while now, that it slowly grew as they spent more time together and the younger confessing to him that night was the wake up call he’s been waiting for. Hansol feels the same way as Yuta does, but he’s completely clueless on what to do about it. 


For nights Hansol stayed awake and pondered on all his what ifs and maybes until he came to a conclusion; no matter what, he and Yuta can never be.

“A penny for your thoughts?” his roommate Ten asked. “Hyung seems troubled with something.”

“It’s nothing,” he replied, shaking his head.

“Nothing always means something,” the Thai lad retorted causing him to chuckle.

“There’s someone I like-”

“Figures,” Ten cuts off. “I’m guessing I know this person.”

“That... doesn’t matter,” says Hansol. “Now are you gonna let me finish or are you going to keep interrupting?” Ten raised his hands in surrender.

“This person told me they like me and I don’t know if I should admit I like them too or not,” Hansol explained. “I mean, they said they’re not expecting anything anyway and it’s not like we can be together.”

Ten snickered, “Hyung, you’re the only one making things complicated,” said the younger. “The person said so, they aren’t expecting anything, then why are you overthinking?”

Hansol looked at him, confusion evident on his face, Ten  then shakes his head, “You know just because you both have feelings for each other doesn’t mean you have to be together.” Ten stiffles his laugh when he saw the elder who is now more confused than before.

“So, what are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying tell him how you feel, be honest and let whatever happen… happen.”


Taking into account the younger’s advice, Hansol decided to confront Yuta the next day. It was one of those days that they do not have anything scheduled, no dance practice, vocal training and language lesson to attend to. To add to his luck, Taeyong, Yuta’s roommate, went out with Jaehyun an hour ago leaving the Japanese in their room alone.

Hansol took a deep breath and gathered all his courage before knocking on the door. He knocked twice and spoke, “Yuta, can we talk?”

The door opened shortly, “Hansol-hyung, come in,” the younger invited Hansol inside the room.