Yongguk can tell from the second he enters the lecture hall that it’s going to be a long semester. It’s not that he has a problem with being the only male in the class (it’s far from his first time taking a Women and Gender Studies course; he’s used to it by now), but the way all his classmates watch him as he walks to an empty seat is disconcerting. He nods at them, trying to be polite, but he can’t help letting out a sigh of relief when the professor finally walks in.

The professor stands at the front of the room, about to introduce herself, when the door opens again and a dark-haired, strikingly handsome young man, probably around the same age as Yongguk, strolls inside like he’s not late to the first class of the semester. His eyes scan the room, and Yongguk can pinpoint the exact moment the man notices him because his eyes seem to light up a little and he immediately makes his way over to the seat directly next to Yongguk.

“Hi,” the man says once he’s seated. “Did I miss anything important?”

“Um, no, I don’t think so,” Yongguk replies, trying to keep his voice down so they don’t interrupt the professor’s introduction to the course. “You didn’t get here much later than the professor.”

“Awesome,” the man says gratefully. “Really, of all the days for something to go wrong, it had to be today, didn’t it?” He seems to be talking mostly to himself, but it seems rude to not respond in some way, so Yongguk smiles sympathetically at him. The man returns the smile before adding quietly, “Sorry for distracting you, by the way. You can go ahead and ignore me now, the professor will probably notice if the only two guys in class aren’t paying attention to her.”

Yongguk silently agrees, but he isn’t as annoyed as he thought he would be that he missed the beginning of the course introduction. More than anything, he’s curious - curious about why the man was late, curious about what motivated him to sign up for a class focusing on parenthood and childcare, curious about whether he’ll continue sitting next to Yongguk for the rest of the semester despite there being plenty of empty seats throughout the lecture hall.

The rest of the class goes by smoothly, although Yongguk notices that the man keeps checking his phone every few minutes almost compulsively. Still, he figures that it’s none of his business, so when the class ends, he offers the man a final friendly smile before leaving his seat and walking out. He only makes it a few steps out the door before someone taps him on the shoulder. Somehow, he knows who it’s going to be before he even turns around.

“Hey again,” the man from his class says, sounding slightly out of breath, like he had been running to catch up to Yongguk. “I wanted to apologize again for before. I guess I didn’t really make a great first impression.”

“It’s okay,” Yongguk tells him, and he means it. Maybe he had been a little distracting, but no more distracting than the looks that their classmates had been sending them - the only two male students in the class - throughout the period. “It wasn’t really a big deal. And anyway, first impressions aren’t everything. What kind of person would I be if I decided to dislike you just because you were late, without even knowing anything else about you?”

The man looks pleased at Yongguk’s words. “Well, would you like to know anything else about me?”

Yongguk thinks maybe he’s reading the question wrong, but it seems a little too direct, almost flirtatious, and he stares at the man, unsure of how to respond. “Uh.”

“Wow, sorry if that sounded weird,” the man apologizes, somehow simultaneously looking sheepish and like he’s trying not to laugh.“I can be kind of forward sometimes. I just meant like, for example, I could tell you my name, which I just realized I forgot to do before. It’s Kim Himchan, if you were wondering.” His front teeth are rather prominent, Yongguk notices absentmindedly as Himchan offers him a friendly smile, but it suits him. Yongguk doesn’t usually focus much on people’s appearances, but Himchan isn’t just remarkably attractive - he’s also evidently the type of handsome that can make anything look good.

“Nice to meet you, Himchan,” Yongguk replies, feeling somewhat more at ease. “I’m Bang Yongguk.”

“Yongguk,” Himchan repeats, testing the name out. “Well, it’s definitely a pleasure, Yongguk.” He clears his throat before continuing to speak. “I was actually going to ask if you were free to grab a cup of coffee or something, but unfortunately something just came up and I have to run. Maybe next time, though? I’ll see you next class, right?”

“Yeah,” Yongguk agrees, though he’s not completely sure which question he’s agreeing to. “Of course.”

“Great!” Himchan beams at him before glancing at his phone. “Oh god, okay, I’m sorry but I really have to go now. It was nice talking to you, though! See you next class!” The next moment, he’s gone, and Yongguk is left standing outside the room, watching Himchan’s figure disappear among the students swarming through the halls. He’s kind of looking forward to the next class already; something about Himchan has him intrigued, and he thinks maybe it won’t be such a long semester after all.

~~~

They end up not having to wait as long as anticipated, because the next day, Yongguk learns that Himchan also shares a music class with him, and that’s how he finds himself seated across from Himchan in a coffee shop located a short walk from their campus after their class ends. Himchan smiles at him over his iced Americano. “Thanks for coming with me, Yongguk. To be honest, you’re the only person I’ve really talked to in any of my classes so far.”

Yongguk looks at him, surprised. “Really? I mean, I don’t know much about you, but you seem, I don’t know, pretty social?” He feels a little awkward saying it, because he isn’t a particularly social person himself and his judgement might not be totally accurate.

Luckily, Himchan doesn’t seem fazed. “Yeah, usually I am,” he says with a laugh, “but I have kind of a busy personal life right now, so I haven’t had much time to get to know people yet. You caught my eye, though.”

“I noticed,” Yongguk replies, smiling slightly. “Though I’m not really sure why.” He expects a comment on the tattoos that peek out from under his shirt, or maybe the piercings that line his ears, or perhaps just his generally intimidating appearance; after all, he’s used to it, has heard it all before.

But Himchan just smiles. “Oh, come on,” he says, amused. “Besides the fact that you’re kind of ridiculously good-looking, how could I not have noticed that you were the only other guy besides me in our childcare class?”

“I guess that’s a good point,” Yongguk admits with a sheepish smile, pleasantly surprised by Himchan’s lack of concern about the unconventional aspects of his appearance. “Especially considering that I noticed exactly the same things about you. I’ve been taking women and gender studies classes since I started college and there’s almost never another guy.”

“I would imagine,” Himchan nods in understanding. “So is that your major? Or just something you’re interested in?”

“Both,” Yongguk tells him. Talking to people in general is nerve-wracking for him, but his academic interests are topics that he’s always comfortable with discussing. “I was originally only a music major, but I took an intro gender studies course out of curiosity during my first semester and realized that it’s something I find really important and want to keep studying. Music is still something I enjoy a lot too, though, so I decided to stay on as a music major, but added a second major.”

“Double-majoring, huh? That’s a pretty unusual combination.” Himchan looks impressed, which isn’t a reaction Yongguk is used to receiving. Most people he meets are somewhat surprised (and occasionally scornful) about his decision to pursue two fields that don’t exactly have a clearly defined career path; it’s refreshing to meet someone who doesn’t feel that way. “I wish I could double up too, but my current situation makes it kind of impractical, since I also have a job right now. It’s nice to meet another music major, though.”

Yongguk wonders what the personal circumstances Himchan keeps hinting at could possibly be, but he’s not about to pressure him into telling; if and when he wants to tell Yongguk, he will. So instead, Yongguk focuses on the second part of Himchan’s reply. “Oh, you’re a music major too? I’ve never seen you in any other music classes before, though. And I’m sure I’d definitely remember seeing you.” The last part comes out without him thinking about it, but Himchan looks quite pleased, so Yongguk doesn’t feel as embarrassed.

“I’m a transfer student,” Himchan explains, still smiling. “So don’t feel too bad about not noticing me before, because I wasn’t here for you to notice in the first place!”

“Okay, that definitely makes me feel better,” Yongguk grins. Himchan laughs in response, and Yongguk can’t remember the last time he’s wanted to get to know someone as much as he wants to get to know Himchan. “So, Himchan, what kinds of music do you like?”

The conversation flows naturally from there. Yongguk learns that Himchan is something of an expert in traditional music and plays a wide variety of traditional instruments, and in turn, Yongguk reveals his interest in composition, music production, and lyric-writing as a way to spread social messages. They start discussing societal problems after that, which then leads to Yongguk explaining that he’s also doing a minor in international affairs and Himchan telling him about his own minor in business. Their coffee cups lie forgotten as they talk animatedly, getting to know each other better.

It’s really nice, Yongguk thinks, how easily he can talk to Himchan. He’s always been somewhat withdrawn and introverted, but there’s something about Himchan - maybe their variety of shared interests, or perhaps their similar opinions on different issues - that makes him feel less anxious about interacting with him. When they part ways an hour later (Himchan has to leave in a rush again), Yongguk leaves the coffee shop with a new number in his phone and a feeling that his new friendship is going to be a special one.

~~~

It’s almost the end of the semester when Himchan realizes that he absolutely can’t go another day without telling Yongguk his biggest secret. Even though Himchan is busy with his job, they manage to spend at least a few hours together every day, working on projects in the library or occasionally grabbing a coffee or just hanging out in Yongguk’s dorm room, before Himchan takes his leave with what he knows are vague and unsatisfying excuses. Yongguk never presses, which Himchan is immeasurably grateful for, but it’s also frustrating because Yongguk’s unwavering consideration makes Himchan want to tell him even more.

“Hey, Bbang?” Himchan breaks the comfortable silence they’ve been sitting in, using the nickname he thought up in the first few weeks after they met. (No one has ever thought of it before, apparently, which makes Himchan feel inexplicably proud for coming up with it.)

Yongguk is at his desk, pouring over an article they both have to read for their childcare class, while Himchan sits on Yongguk’s bed with his notes for their music class. “Hmm?” Yongguk hums in response, too engrossed in his reading to look up. It’s endearing, Himchan thinks absentmindedly, how dedicated Yongguk is (although it is also somewhat worrisome; he’s woken up in the middle of the night numerous times to call Yongguk at unearthly hours of the morning just to make sure he actually remembers to sleep for a bit).

“Do you want to come over tomorrow?” Himchan asks before he can change his mind.

That makes Yongguk look up in surprise; it’s the first time Himchan has ever invited Yongguk over instead of the other way around. “Really?”

Himchan plays with the pen in his hand restlessly. “Yeah, I - it would be nice. Only if you want to, obviously.”

“Of course!” Yongguk still looks a little confused, but he breaks into a smile nonetheless. “I’d love to.”

“Great,” Himchan beams, his heart speeding up a little. It’s really happening, then, he thinks. The two halves of his life, which he’s tried so hard to keep separate until now, are finally going to collide. He finds that it’s not as scary a thought as he anticipated it would be.

At that moment, Yongguk’s roommate strolls in. “Hey Yongguk,” he says as he throws his bag onto his bed haphazardly. “Hi Himchan.”

“What’s up, Kris?” Yongguk returns, rolling his eyes in amusement as Kris collapses onto his bed heavily and buries his face in the covers while Himchan just watches, entertained. Yongguk and Kris have roomed together all four years of college, Himchan knows (they’re proof that random roommate assignments in freshman year occasionally do work out well, he supposes), so Yongguk is used to this, but Himchan is still fascinated by Kris’s dramatic displays. “Rough day?”

Kris just groans, turning his head to the side so they can see his disgruntled expression. “My whole body is on fire. We have a day off tomorrow, so of course we had to do a double session today.”

“Tragic. The woes of a star basketball player,” Himchan teases lightly. He’s spent enough time in this room over the last four months for both of them to feel comfortable joking around with each other. “Cheer up, at least you can rest tomorrow, right? You’ll even have the room to yourself.”

“Yeah, invite Junmyeon over or something,” Yongguk suggests. “It’s been a while since you two had some time to yourselves.”

“That’s...a good point,” Kris concedes, before his eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Wait, why do I have the room to myself?”

“Yongguk’s coming over to my place,” Himchan explains, feeling inexplicably proud about it.

“Oh,” Kris says, and he sounds more interested than before, but is apparently not interested enough to lift his head. “Well, that’s new. Have fun, I guess. Be safe. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“I’m going to his apartment, Kris, not a different planet,” Yongguk tells him, shaking his head exasperatedly. “What do you think we’re planning on doing differently than any other day?”

“I don’t know,” Kris shrugs. “Better safe than sorry. Anyway, I guess I should probably go shower. Wish me luck.”

“Do you need luck to take a shower?” Himchan asks, genuinely curious. Knowing Kris and his propensity for being extremely clumsy despite being an almost-professional athlete, Himchan wouldn’t be surprised if the answer is ‘yes.’

Kris pulls himself off the bed reluctantly. “I guess we’ll find out, right? If I don’t make it back, you know what happened.” Himchan catches Yongguk’s eye as Kris grabs his towel, and they both have to smother their laughter at Kris’s ridiculousness. “Well, see you guys later.” He strolls out, waving at both of them. They wave back, amused smiles on their faces.

“I should probably head out too, actually,” Himchan realizes regretfully. “It’s almost 3.”

“Are you sure?” Maybe it’s just him projecting, but Himchan thinks Yongguk looks a little more downcast than he did just moments ago. He silently curses himself for upsetting his friend, but he’s reassured by the knowledge that Yongguk will soon know the truth about why he keeps rushing out like this.

“Unfortunately,” Himchan sighs. He hopes his reluctance to leave lets Yongguk know that, as always, he doesn’t really want to go, but it’s also out of the question for him to stay for much longer.

To Himchan’s relief, Yongguk’s lips curl into a tiny smile at that. “Let me help you pack your stuff, at least,” he offers, already standing up. With Yongguk’s assistance, Himchan is at the door within minutes.

He’s about to leave when he suddenly turns back. “Yongguk, just so you know,” he calls, and he knows he probably sounds uncharacteristically nervous, but he needs Yongguk to understand. “I invited you over because there’s something really important that you don’t know about me - the reason I can’t stay longer even though I want to - and, well, it’s something I’ve realized that want to share with you. But just - just keep in mind that it might not be anything like what you were expecting. And I might not be everything you think I am.”

Yongguk just stares at him for a moment before breaking into that smile Himchan has grown so fond of. “I’m just glad you feel comfortable enough to tell me, Himchan. And for the record, I don’t think anything can change what I think of you.”

Despite his anxious feelings, Himchan can’t help melting into a smile in return. “Thanks, Yongguk.”

“See you tomorrow, Channie,” Yongguk says, still smiling.

Himchan sends him a wave. “See you, Bbang.”

It’s only once outside he’s outside the dorm that he lets himself fully absorb how significant his decision to let Yongguk in on this part of his life is. There’s no going back now - tomorrow, Yongguk will be one of the only people Himchan has told his most closely guarded secret to. But then again, he can’t think of anyone else he’d rather share it with.

~~~

Yongguk doesn’t know what to expect when he pulls up in front of Himchan’s building, located off-campus but close enough to campus for Himchan to be able to walk to his classes. As Yongguk walks up the stairs to the second floor, he wonders what Himchan’s big secret is. Maybe some kind of medical condition? All Yongguk knows is that it involves some kind of personal obligation that requires Himchan to be home at the same time every day, but beyond that, he has no idea what to think.

He absolutely isn’t expecting the sight that meets him at the door of Himchan’s apartment. “Hey,” Himchan says in greeting. Yongguk just stands there in silence, gaping for several long moments, because perched in Himchan’s arms is a baby.

“Hi,” he eventually manages to reply, hoping he’s not staring too much. Everything is starting to fall into place. Himchan always being preoccupied with his phone, always leaving at the same time every day, taking a childcare class despite it not being related to his major or minor, having to work a job in addition to taking classes, not having time to make many friends: it all suddenly makes sense.

Himchan seems to know exactly what’s going on in Yongguk’s mind, because he wordlessly pulls Yongguk into the apartment, closing the door behind him, and seats him gently on the couch. For a few moments, Yongguk just stares - at Himchan, at the baby, back at Himchan. “His name is Jongup,” Himchan finally says, his voice soft. “You can say hi if you want.”

“Hi,” Yongguk whispers, afraid he might scare the baby if he talks too loud. He doesn’t think he’s bad with children - in fact, he really loves them (there’s a reason he wanted to take the childcare class, after all) - but it’s also been a long time since he’s interacted with such a young baby. “Hi, Jongup. I’m Yongguk. It’s - it’s so nice to meet you.” Jongup just blinks at him before hiding his face in Himchan’s shoulder. He’s ridiculously cute, with his little pink sweater and his tiny hands clinging to Himchan’s shirt. Yongguk almost feels like crying.

“He’s a little shy,” Himchan explains apologetically. “And usually really quiet, too. Mostly he only sees me and his babysitter. And sometimes people in stores when we go grocery shopping, but that’s not very often.”

Yongguk nods in understanding. He’s still a little in shock - it’s remarkable how Himchan was able to keep something like this secret for so long. “Is he - yours?” he asks timidly. “Biologically, I mean?”

Himchan sighs and shakes his head slowly. “No, I - I found him.” He meets Yongguk’s eyes carefully. “You know those stories about people who abandon their babies on the street? I never really thought about how those are real stories until-” He breaks off, looking distressed.

“You don’t have to tell me everything,” Yongguk says, concerned that he may have asked for too much, too soon. “Just take your time, I can wait until you’re ready.”

“No, it’s fine,” Himchan reassures him. “I want to tell you now. It’s just - it breaks my heart to think about it.” He takes a deep breath. “I used to live in the city, and last semester, I was walking back from class when I saw something moving in one of the dumpster-filled alleys. I thought it was an animal or something, but then I moved closer and realized it was actually a baby. And it was February, you know?” He’s almost shaking with anger, his eyes alight with fury. “It was freezing outside, and someone just left their baby among the trash like that. If I hadn’t found him...” He shudders at the thought before kissing the top of Jongup’s head and holding him a little tighter.

Yongguk gazes at him in awe. “That’s...wow. You’re amazing, Himchan. Not many people would have taken in the baby as their own, even under those horrible circumstances. Especially not if they were also a college student at the time.”

“I did consider bringing him to an orphanage or something at first,” Himchan admits. “But I was holding him as I walked back and he opened his eyes and just kind of looked at me. I completely fell in love on the spot, and I knew I couldn’t give him up after that.”

“I can see why,” Yongguk smiles, watching as Himchan kisses Jongup’s cheek and Jongup lets out an adorable giggle. It’s one of the sweetest sights Yongguk has ever had the privilege of seeing.

“My parents were extremely against me keeping him, though,” Himchan continues. “They’ve never really approved of my lifestyle to begin with, and then I went and brought a baby home too. I don’t think they actually believed that he’s not biologically mine, even though I’ve told them I’m not into women at all. Anyway, long story short, they basically made me choose between staying with them or keeping Jongup. That’s why I decided to transfer and move here. Get a fresh start, you know?”

“I’m sorry you had to deal with that,” Yongguk frowns.

“I’m not,” Himchan says airily. “Not anymore, anyway. I love it here. And I got to meet you, right?”

“I guess you did,” Yongguk agrees with a grin. He turns to Jongup and gingerly reaches out a hand, wanting to try to interact with him more. “Jonguppie, do you like it here too?”

Jongup stares at his hand for a moment before turning to Himchan, who smiles encouragingly at him. “It’s okay, Uppie. Yonggukkie is a friend. A very good friend.”

Slowly, Jongup lets go of Himchan’s shirt and carefully holds one of Yongguk’s fingers. “Ah,” he says quietly, before hiding his face again. He doesn’t let go of Yongguk’s finger.

“He likes you,” Himchan informs him with something like pride. “He’s actually never tried to touch anyone he just met before.”

“How old is he?” Yongguk asks, unable to take his eyes off the boy still clutching his finger.

“It’s the end of November so...almost 10 months now,” Himchan says. “He was born in February, according to the doctor I took him to. We’ll never know for sure, but she said his birthday is probably around the 6th.”

Yongguk exhales slowly. “This is incredible,” he murmurs. “You’re really raising a baby all by yourself.” He meets Himchan’s eyes. “You know how I said nothing could change what I think of you?” Himchan nods, looking curiously at him. “I was wrong. You’re even more amazing than I ever imagined. Just - thank you for sharing this with me, Himchan.”

Himchan beams at him, and his eyes look a little watery. “I’ve wanted to tell you for a while, you know. It’s not like I’m ashamed of him or anything like that. But I was - scared. I didn’t think you’d react badly or be super judgemental, but I also know it’s easy to make assumptions. And, well, you mean a lot to me, so your opinion is something I care a lot about.”

“It is easy to make assumptions,” Yongguk agrees. “But you have to know that no matter what the story was, my opinion of you would never change. I’d still have the same amount of respect and admiration for you that I did before, maybe even more.”

“Thank you,” Himchan whispers, and even though he’s smiling, he lets out a quiet sniffle as a few tears escape his eyes.

Jongup shifts in Himchan’s arms at the sound. “Ma?” He finally lets go of Yongguk’s finger and reaches out for Himchan’s face instead. “Ma,” he repeats, frowning. He presses his hand against Himchan’s cheek gently and wipes at a tear. “Na ca.”

It’s such a precious moment that Yongguk kind of wants to cry too. But instead, he smiles and reaches out to brush a tear off Himchan’s other cheek. “You’re right, Jonguppie,” he says. “No crying, Channie.”

Himchan lets out a watery laugh at that. “Already ganging up on me, Bbang?” But he doesn’t sound upset, looks more amused than anything else. “I really am glad you’re here, you know.”

Yongguk meets his eyes, sending him a smile. “I know.” And even as he sits there and watches Himchan turn his head to kiss Jongup’s palm softly and Jongup’s face light up in response, Yongguk can’t think of a single place he’d rather be.

(After that day, Himchan’s apartment becomes their preferred meeting place, even once the semester ends and Yongguk is back at his family’s house for the break. Yongguk doesn’t mind driving back and forth every day at all; it’s more convenient for Himchan, and Yongguk is already enamored enough with Jongup for it to be worth it anyway.

As Yongguk spends more time at the apartment, Jongup also becomes more comfortable with him. Soon enough, Jongup is familiar enough with Yongguk to greet him with a cheerful “Gu!” (which they assume is his attempt at saying Yongguk’s name) every time he comes over, and Himchan playfully complains that Jongup is starting to like Yongguk more than him.

Being around so often also means that Yongguk gets to be a part of some of Jongup’s most important milestones, like a few weeks into December, right before Christmas, when Jongup takes his first steps out of Yongguk’s arms and into Himchan’s waiting ones. Yongguk loves every second, loves how warm he feels as he feeds Jongup or watches Himchan play peek-a-boo with him or helps Himchan tuck him in for a nap.

But it’s hard too, because it’s more and more impossible to ignore the way his heart speeds up when Himchan sends him a soft smile as Yongguk presses a kiss to the tip of Jongup’s nose, the way it just feels right when the three of them go grocery shopping together, the way he burns with want when Himchan is doing nothing more than just sitting there on the couch with Jongup cradled in his arms. It’s more and more impossible to ignore that when he’s with Himchan and Jongup, it feels like they’re a family.)

~~~

Himchan sits across from Youngjae and Daehyun in the same coffee shop that Yongguk and Himchan visited the first time they got coffee together. Yongguk had left several moments earlier to use the restroom, so Himchan had been left with the two younger boys for company. It certainly isn’t Himchan’s first time meeting Yongguk’s brother and his best friend (their first meeting had been nearly four months ago now, soon after he had met Yongguk himself), and Himchan thinks it’s nice that things aren’t awkward or uncomfortable; quite frankly, it’s easy and pretty entertaining to hold a conversation with them.

“So, I hear that congratulations are in order,” Himchan begins, smirking at their shared puzzled expressions as he looks between the two of them. “I was told that someone got a pretty cute promposal the other day.” He raises his eyebrows at Youngjae suggestively.

Youngjae turns an almost imperceptible shade of pink. “It was okay.”

“Don’t lie,” Daehyun grins, looking pleased with himself. “You loved it. You put the roses in a vase on your nightstand and the poster right on your desk and everything.”

“Don’t make me regret it,” Youngjae grumbles, but he doesn’t sound very convincing, much to Himchan’s amusement. They really are ridiculous, he thinks, surprising himself with the rush of affection he feels for both of them.

“I think it’s sweet,” Himchan tells them, only half-teasing. “You must be happy that you’re going together.” They don’t even need to reply; Himchan can tell just by the shy little smiles they share that “happy” is probably an understatement.

“Oh, Himchan-hyung,” Daehyun suddenly says, turning back to Himchan. “I just remembered that we have a question for you.” He leans across the table slightly and lowers his voice. “Are you planning on asking Yongguk-hyung out?”

“Well, I was going to,” Himchan replies, trying not to seem too taken aback by the somewhat random line of questioning. (In fact, in hindsight, he probably should have expected this at some point; he’s well aware that he’s not very subtle when it comes to Yongguk.)

Youngjae narrows his eyes at him. “You were going to? Why aren’t you anymore? Is he not good enough for you or something?”

For a moment, Himchan stares at him, surprised. Then again, he thinks, both Youngjae and Daehyun are very protective of Yongguk, so maybe Youngjae’s reaction isn’t so shocking after all. “Excuse you,” he finally says. “Yongguk is about as close to perfection as this world is ever going to get.”

“That’s true,” Daehyun agrees while next to him, Youngjae nods approvingly.

“Anyway, as I was saying before I was interrupted...” Himchan looks pointedly at Youngjae, but without any real heat. After all, it’s kind of sweet, really, how fiercely protective Youngjae is of Yongguk, who isn’t even actually his brother. “I was going to, but then I thought about it, and I don’t want to overwhelm him. Obviously, I would love to date him, but I also know that I’m...well, let’s just say there’s a pretty high level of commitment that comes with dating me.” (An understatement, really, Himchan thinks to himself. Dating him essentially entails being willing to immediately become a parent, but of course, Daehyun and Youngjae don’t know that - not yet, at least.) “So I think if he ever wanted to date me, it should be on his terms, when he’s ready and sure it’s what he wants.”

“That’s - actually really considerate.” Youngjae, in contrast to just a few moments prior, is now looking at Himchan with something like respect. “Suddenly, it makes a lot more sense that Yongguk-hyung likes you.”

“Yeah,” Daehyun adds. “You’re really different from him, but kind of similar in some ways too.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Himchan replies, but he can’t deny that it feels good to have the two people Yongguk is closest to essentially giving him their approval.

“Anyway, if you do start dating him, you better be good to him,” Youngjae continues, somehow managing to sound casual and threatening at the same time.

“Not that we think you won’t be,” Daehyun reassures him. “You seem much better than both his exes. They were jerks.”

“Oh, I know,” Himchan agrees. Yongguk has told him about the ex-girlfriend who broke up with him when Yongguk admitted he’s not exclusively into girls and the ex-boyfriend who got so possessive that he didn’t even want Yongguk spending time with Daehyun and Youngjae. He likes them about as much as the younger boys do, and he’s about to say so when he spots Yongguk coming back. He can tell from the way Daehyun and Youngjae exchange a knowing look that his smile must be ridiculously dopey, but he can’t bring himself to care much. “Bbang!” he beams as Yongguk sits down next to him. “We missed you!”

“I was gone for five minutes, Channie,” Yongguk says, smiling amusedly at him.

“Still,” Himchan insists, because as ridiculous as it is, he means it. “And anyway, speaking of missing you, are you coming over after this? Jonguppie wants to see you.”

Yongguk somehow manages to smile even more widely. “Of course! I miss him too!” They both ignore the fact that the last time Yongguk saw him was yesterday.

Daehyun exchanges a confused glance with Youngjae. “Uh,” he starts hesitantly. “I don’t mean to pry but...who’s ‘Jonguppie?’”

Himchan starts. He had momentarily forgotten that he’s not alone with Yongguk, but he supposes now is as good a time as any to introduce Youngjae and Daehyun to the most important person in his life. It’s about time he told them anyway. “Oh,” he says, trying to sound nonchalant. “He’s my son.”

Daehyun and Youngjae stare at him in silence, bewildered. “Explain,” Youngjae finally says.

“Explain what?” Himchan asks innocently.

Youngjae huffs impatiently. “Everything! How old is he? How long have you had him? How long has Yongguk-hyung known? Why didn’t you tell us before? Can we meet him too?”

“Hey,” Daehyun nudges Youngjae pointedly. “Let him talk, dummy.”

“I am,” Youngjae whines, frowning at him. “Anyway, aren’t you curious too?”

“Of course I am.” Daehyun shakes his head fondly at Youngjae’s grumpy expression, taking Youngjae’s hand and squeezing it comfortingly. “But maybe we should ask one question at a time.”

Himchan watches their exchange, entertained. It’s almost comical, how obviously smitten they are with each other, and yet still somehow remain oblivious. “Why don’t you two join us?” he suggests, smiling slightly. “You can meet Jongup yourselves, and it’ll be easier to explain.”

“Yes!” Daehyun agrees eagerly.

Next to him, Youngjae fidgets, looking conflicted. “I want to but...Daehyunnie, we still have our project to work on.”

“Come on, Youngjae,” Daehyun begs, pouting at him. “We’re already taking a break now. A little longer won’t hurt, especially for something like this.”

“Don’t make that face, you look ridiculous,” Youngjae mumbles, but he clearly looks like he’s trying not to smile. “Fine, we can go.”

“I knew you wouldn’t be able to resist me,” Daehyun says victoriously. “Admit it, you think I’m cute, right?”

“Shut up,” Youngjae scoffs, still trying to hide a smile.

“You’re blushing,” Himchan points out amusedly.

“No I’m not,” Youngjae retorts, turning even redder.

Yongguk comes to Youngjae’s defense. “Leave him alone, you two.” He shakes his head fondly at Daehyun and Himchan’s antics. “Come on, Channie, isn’t it almost time to pick up Jongup from the babysitter anyway?”

“Really, Bbang, you make it look like you’re the better parent with how good you are!” Himchan jokes, smiling at him. A moment later, he realizes that his words imply that Yongguk is already playing the role of Jongup’s second parent, but it feels so natural that he can’t even bring himself to regret it.

It’s Yongguk’s turn to blush. “Don’t be silly. You’re a great parent.”

“I never said I wasn’t,” Himchan winks, and Yongguk’s face becomes even more flushed. Daehyun and Youngjae can’t hide their giggles at Yongguk’s embarrassment, but Himchan thinks it’s adorable how bashful Yongguk can be sometimes. “But thanks, Yonggukkie.”

(Daehyun and Youngjae, of course, adore Jongup immediately, even though Jongup is too shy to let either of them hold him. “He’s so... tiny,” Daehyun marvels, watching in awe as Yongguk takes Jongup from Himchan’s arms so Himchan can go to the kitchen to heat up Jongup’s formula.

“He’s a baby,” Youngjae points out, but he too is gazing at Jongup with wonder.

“His birthday is next week,” Himchan throws out casually from the kitchen. “If you two want to come over-”

“Yes!” Daehyun interrupts before Himchan can even finish inviting them. “We’ll be there.”

“We’ll bring lots of gifts,” Youngjae promises. “It’ll be the best first birthday party ever!”

Himchan smiles at their enthusiasm as he returns to the living room and carries the formula bottle over to where Yongguk is sitting. “You really don’t have to bring anything. He’s too young to be able to appreciate gifts anyway.”

“Of course we do,” Daehyun insists. “How else will we become his favorite uncles?”

“Hey, what about me?” Yongguk interjects playfully, trying to help Himchan feed Jongup at the same time. “I think I deserve to be his favorite too.”

“Gu!” Jongup adds, grabbing at Yongguk’s earring and avoiding the formula bottle resolutely. “Na!”

“Come on, Uppie,” Yongguk sighs as Himchan sits down next to him and carefully offers the bottle to Jongup again. “Please drink your formula? For us?” Jongup shifts his gaze from Yongguk to Himchan, and upon seeing the exaggeratedly sad expression that Himchan reserves for when Jongup is being fussy and needs extra convincing, finally obeys and takes the bottle in his mouth.

Youngjae and Daehyun exchange an amused look. “Right, of course you’re already his favorite, hyung,” Youngjae reassures him before mumbling something to Daehyun under his breath so that Yongguk can’t hear. Himchan manages to catch what he says anyway. “We’ll still be his favorite uncles, though, since Yongguk-hyung is more like Jongup’s other dad.”

Himchan can’t even say anything, really, because even he has to admit that it’s true.)

~~~

Himchan and Yongguk sit on the couch in Himchan’s apartment, a half-finished bottle of wine sitting on the coffee table and a documentary recommended by Yongguk playing on TV. They had put Jongup in his crib an hour ago, before Himchan asked if Yongguk wanted to stay a little longer. “There are still some leftovers, and I have an unopened bottle from the Big Bang Winery,” he had coaxed. “It’s supposed to be one of their best.” Luckily, Yongguk had already been on the verge of agreeing anyway, and he knows from experience that Himchan is an excellent cook and that Big Bang's wines are some of the best, so his response was a resounding yes.

They’ve only had two glasses each, which is hardly enough to have them more than pleasantly buzzed, but they agree that Yongguk probably shouldn’t drive back tonight, just to be safe. “I can just walk back,” Yongguk suggests. “The dorms aren’t that far, and I can pick up the car tomorrow or something.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Himchan says, waving the suggestion off. “It’s the middle of March, it’s too cold for you to walk all the way back. Just stay the night, Bbang. You’ll fit into my stuff pretty easily, and we can go to class together tomorrow.”

“I - okay,” Yongguk agrees without much argument. “Thanks, Channie.”

“You know it’s nothing,” Himchan replies with a fond smile, trying to ignore the way his heart is racing at the thought of Yongguk staying over for the first time.

After a stretch of comfortable silence, the baby monitor crackles suddenly, and moments later, Jongup’s voice filters through the speaker. “A-Appa.”

They stare at the monitor for a moment, and then at each other. Yongguk speaks first. “Was that-”

“His first word,” Himchan murmurs, amazed. “That was his first real word.” He’s known for weeks now that Jongup is right at the age where babies start saying their first words, but it still feels like an earth-shaking revelation. His baby is talking.

“Appa!” Jongup’s voice calls again, this time sounding like he’s on the verge of a tantrum (which is rare, but when it happens, it takes a long time to calm him down), and Himchan all but runs to his room, Yongguk trailing behind him.

“Shhh, I’m here, Jonguppie,” Himchan coos, lifting Jongup out of the crib carefully. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”

“Appa,” Jongup repeats, still sounding agitated, but he’s not looking at Himchan.

“Bbang,” Himchan says slowly, turning to look at Yongguk as realization settles over him. “I think...I think he means you.”

“What?” Yongguk looks bewildered, but as he thinks about it, Himchan finds he’s not actually that surprised.

“He’s always called me ‘Ma,’” Himchan reminds Yongguk. “‘Ma,’ like ‘Umma.’ That’s what I’ve always referred to myself as. But ‘Appa’ - that has to be you.”

As if confirming Himchan’s words, Jongup reaches out to Yongguk, his bottom lip trembling like he’s about to start crying. “Appa.”

Yongguk still looks like he’s somewhat in a daze, but he’s by Himchan’s side in a second, taking Jongup in his arms obediently. “Don’t cry, Uppie. I’m here.” He holds Jongup close, kisses the top of his head reassuringly. “Appa is here.” His voice is so warm, his eyes so full of love as he gazes down at Jongup, that Himchan feels a bit like crying.

Jongup seems pacified by Yongguk’s voice and touch, because he lets out a final sleepy “Appa” as he leans against Yongguk’s chest, his eyes drifting shut again. Himchan just watches, his mind flooded with affection and love, as Yongguk gently rocks Jongup back and forth, whispering to him. Once Jongup has fallen back asleep, they tuck him into the crib together, taking care not to wake him.

They walk back to the living room, but before they can sit down, Yongguk turns to look at Himchan, and Himchan is startled by the tears shining in Yongguk’s eyes. “Th-that was his first word, Channie,” Yongguk whispers, his voice trembling. “His first word was calling me his father.”

Himchan knows this must be overwhelming for Yongguk. He’s almost positive Yongguk feels the same way about him as he does about Yongguk, but they’ve never talked about it, even though at this point, Yongguk basically spends more time here than at his own dorm. After this, though, he doesn’t think they can avoid it any longer. His mouth is dry as he speaks. “Well...is he wrong?”

Yongguk looks at him for several long moments. “Is it okay if he isn’t?”

Himchan steps closer to him and swallows, feeling irrationally nervous as he holds Yongguk’s gaze steadily. “It’s more than okay,” he says quietly.

“Really?” Yongguk’s eyes rake over Himchan’s face as he steps closer too. “It’s okay for me to be Jongup’s dad?”

“Of course,” Himchan replies without hesitation, but it’s getting harder to think straight, because Yongguk is still moving towards him.

Yongguk is close enough to rest his forehead against Himchan’s now. “And is it okay for me to be your boyfriend, too?”

“God, yes,” Himchan breathes, and the next second, there’s no more space left between them and Yongguk’s lips are on his. It’s far from Himchan’s first kiss, but somehow, it feels more significant, more special than his first kiss ever did.

They pull apart after several moments and break into matching smiles. “Why did we wait so long to do that?” Yongguk asks breathlessly, and Himchan can’t believe he’s the one who had this effect on Yongguk.

“Good question,” Himchan says, already leaning in again. “Let’s not wait anymore.”

Yongguk laughs gently, returning Himchan’s kiss eagerly. “Good idea.”

After a long stretch of kissing idly, standing in the middle of the living room, they decide to move to the couch and settle comfortably, Yongguk’s arms wrapped loosely around Himchan’s waist and Himchan half-seated in Yongguk’s lap. They sit in silence for a bit, enjoying each other’s warmth, before Himchan turns to Yongguk again. “You know, of course ‘Appa’ would be his first word.” He shakes his head, pretending to be upset. “I knew he started liking you more than me.”

“Maybe ‘Umma’ will be his second word,” Yongguk suggests, a teasing grin spreading across his face. “You know how they say first is the worst, second is the best-”

“Oh please,” Himchan interrupts, but he’s still smiling. “On the bright side, he did give us an interesting getting-together story to tell him.” He can’t help the burst of laughter that escapes him as a thought strikes him. “Though I can’t believe a one-year-old played matchmaker for us.”

Yongguk joins in laughing a moment later, pressing a kiss to Himchan’s temple. “Yeah, well, our son is a smart boy, isn’t he?” Himchan thinks he could get used to the sound of that. Our son.

“Yeah,” Himchan agrees, happiness coursing through every ounce of his being as he leans in to kiss Yongguk again. “He must get it from his parents.”

Himchan has always thought forever is a long time, that making a commitment to forever is a lot to ask. But as Yongguk smiles against his lips, Himchan thinks that even though it’s maybe too early to say, forever doesn’t sound so bad if he gets to spend it as a family with Yongguk.