We walked around the store for a long half an hour, discussing and debating on what should or should not be my new clothing, with Wonho spitting fire every time we would chose something out fashioned. There was a time he really focused on conjugating different layouts for me, which somehow seemed interesting. He looked interesting when he was really focused on something, and I found myself staring at his concentrated self, changing and studying the clothes pairings. His lips would pout ever so slightly, his stare would dart from one piece to another, every once in a while he would bring his tongue to lightly moisten his lips. It was a pulling aura, so strong and overwhelming, you couldn’t not fall to his trap.

“Are you done or what?” Minhyuk asked impatiently, coming back from somewhere else in the section, with his hands on his pockets. Wonho raised his eyes towards him, coming back to life and I couldn’t help myself but smile and how disappointed he was on himself: he probably swore he wouldn’t get swayed to help me.

The older just handed me the clothing I was supposed to try on and we all followed to the changing rooms.

It took us almost another hour of me trying several clothing, Wonho going and coming back with new things, more excited about it than he probably intended to, but I found myself appreciating his efforts and couldn’t stop my surprise that we actually agreed on most stuff. Once in while he would notice that he was slowly losing his sense of not-trusting-me, but would go back to it without realizing. He wouldn’t hide his surprise, or sarcasm, every time he would notice I have some fashion sense, though.

Minhyuk, however, seemed to be having the time of his life, making me question if he ever really left home. He would laugh or jump from one side to the other like a happy child, a bright and happy one, also addressing as cute any time Wonho would spend to try and have another argument with me. Something neither me, nor the older, found funny at all. But we eventually managed to get everything done and they paid for my brand new clothing, - not stopping Wonho from complaining on how excessively abused his expenses – and went out to get other things I might eventually need.

 My mind was dizzy at how fast things were passing, how easy going Minhyuk was taking everything, how would he accept it how lightly. His previous talk popped into my head and I certainly could see this was like a second experience; they probably did the same with my brother, so it was like he knew he had to repeat the process – he was sure that the clock wasn’t going to work and I was stuck in there until it does. Just like Daniel was.

The thought hit me hard when I realized he was probably right – for some reason my brother didn’t travel back home and it was most likely due to the watch not working again once he arrived. And the same would be happening to me, I was stuck there, maybe forever; since nothing could guarantee the object would ever work again. This trace of thoughts got right onto my guts, punching them like a football just had hit my stomach out of a professional’s kick. I was never going back home. My friends, my family, they all would probably go through the same thing when I lost Daniel, the thought of not knowing weather your family member is alive or not, if he’s suffering or not; why would that person disappear and the absence of such an important piece of your life. I couldn’t stop thinking of my mother, alone, and crying for losing another child without being able to stop or know about it overall. I would never see them again…

I closed my eyes and hide my face with my hands, bending down slightly and trying to prevent the sobs growing out of my chest. I could feel the two gazes rest on me, startled with my sudden cry. We had stopped for ice cream – at Minhyuk’s pleads – and were seated in the store. They were both on the sofa, opposite to my chair, looking at me without knowing what to say or how to react; but for a long period I ignored them and let myself cry in my own misery. How could I have let this happen? After all I experienced, all the stories I knew, how could have I let myself into this trap so easily? I never intended this to happen, but it did anyway and I suffering the consequences from something I wasn’t really able to control. Maybe this is the reason why all of it is forbidden, maybe this is what they try to prevent.

“Alice…” I heard Minhyuk calling and his hand softly landed over my right arm, trying to make me show my face. I shook my head, to make them understand I wasn’t ready to face them; to face the reality again. I found myself hating that place and hating everything it represented; for a few seconds I wished to die, pretend it was a dream; but how could I?

“What’s wrong?” For the first time I heard Wonho’s soft tone, genuinely worried.

I kept sobbing and leaving my tears to just fall down, because that was the least I had the right to, right? They couldn’t take away, at least, my will and chance of crying my sadness out. They took everything else.

“I…I’m sorry” I asked between my sobbing /trying to breathe attempts, rubbing my eyes with the back of my hands. Minhyuk quickly grabbed a tissue from the holder and handed it to me, which I accepted to rub my nose.

“It’s alright… just calm down, what happened? What did Wonho do?” The black haired asked, so serious and it really did seem like the older did something to upset me. The red haired looked at him shook by the stupid – and ironic – assumption; offended.

“What? Who said I did something?” He asked annoyed and for instance a small chuckle escaped my mouth. Minhyuk seemed satisfied and laid his back onto the sofa again – his mission went perfect.

“I’m sorry I just… “ I tried to speak, but words were stuck on my throat, not wanting to come out. I had the thought, but I didn’t know how to approach and explain it to them. How would they ever understand this?  “I realized that I’m probably stuck in here forever and I will never see my family or friends again…” I let out straight forward. Minhyuk’s soft smile vanished and offended Wonho softened immediately and the sound of my realization. He seemed apprehensive, thoughtful even.

“I see…” the youngest boy murmured lowering his gaze to the ice cream melting in the cup in front of him. “I’m sorry” he added in the same tone, like for instance he was the one who did something wrong.

I shook my head.

“Please don’t be” I answered quickly. “This is… not your fault” I added trying my best to show him a comforting smile. I saw Wonho’s fingers rubbing over the watch and a sigh escaped his lips. I bite my lower lip, with the hope flourishing inside my chest. I moved in my seat and he noticed how I was starring, sighing again.

“Alright, let’s make a deal.” He finally stated pointing at the object in his wrist and staring at me deeply. I gulped again, somehow my hopes fell down a little, but not too much; I guess it was good enough to have that chance, at least he was already being less of an idiot. “If you make me trust you enough, I will give you back the watch.”

“Are you serious?” Minhyuk chuckled. “What kind of deal is that?” He kept laughing in disbelief but amused at the same time. “You know the watch won’t work in the first place.”

“Shut up, Min” Wonho spat angrily. “She’ll only accept if she wants. We’ll give her a place to stay, she’ll do the chores, if she makes herself trust worthy, I’ll give her the watch. Seems more than fair.” He then shrugged and left himself fall back, leaning his back on the sofa they were both on. I sighed, it was better than nothing, I guess.

“Ok. Deal.” I lifted my hand and he smiled proudly, shaking it back with a nod.