Dear first love,

We said goodbye to each other on a chilly February morning. The morning was cold and the snow had begun to melt away as the sun rose from the horizon. The trees were still bare aside from the few brown leaves that had somehow survived the winter and the frosty wind reminded me of how long it would be before I could see you again. You gave me that gummy grin of yours and I knew you were trying to cheer me up. Sorry to tell you, but it didn't really work.

“Get rid of that frown,” you said to me, “University isn’t something to be moping about. We're about to start a brand new chapter in our lives full of adveture and self-discovery!” You sounded cheerful and excited but, that smile of yours wasn't all that convncing. I knew you too well and I knew that you were also dreading this moment. Of course I was excited for college in Seoul, of course I was happy to be finally leaving our boring, old fishing town and into the capital. But, that also meant leaving you behind, leaving behind everything I had ever known, and it meant leaving behind you.

You had always been the quieter, rational one out of the both of us while I was more rambunctious and outspoken, qualities you had always told me would get me in trouble one day. When we were together, we were inseparable, the dynamic duo of unspeakable horror. Remeber that stupid nickname you had made up when we were seven? 

We both had that odd humor that no one understood, we both liked the way clouds looked after a storm, and we both laughed at the strang whistle breath our 8th grade math teacher took after every other word. We were near perfect for each other; at least that was what I thought. When we were younger, we had always dreamed of going to the same college, studying together, and creating a new life together in some huge city. We were going to start the beginning of the rest of our adult lives like one of those cheesy romatic comedies, you know, the ones about the best friends that move into an unrealistically nice apartment that we would some how pay for with minimum wage jobs. We were supposed to be out there, fighting all of the evils the world would decide to place on our shoulders, but that all changed when two letters from different schools reached our homes.

The bus driver walked out giving the last boarding call and that’s when my heart had begun to sink. You obviously found my depressed state funny but eventually your arms wrapped around me for one final hug and you whispered goodbye to me. Your deep voice solid chest and warm arms comforted me and would become one of the things I missed most about you. At that childish, almost distant time, we were both unaware of how different our dreams were and how different our paths were going to be.

"I'll miss you," you said as we walked toward my bus' open door, "I'll make sure to call you when you're settled tonight." I nodded and threatened to ignore you if you forgot to call. You laughed, making my heart flutter just a bit before pushing be into my bus and as I drove away, I looked back in your direction even after you had disappeared.

We texted at least a thousand times a day and skyped at least once every weekend. We had communicated so often that my new friends were sure that we were lovers; I assured them otherwise but, they weren't easily convinced. They told me that we'd be cute as a couple and they thought you were a really nice guy based on the few conversations you've had with them and secretly, I thought so too.

I didn't ever tell them this, but... I liked it when they said that. I mean, the thought of us being a couple was what I liked. It was crazy but, I liked you and sometimes, I even thought that you liked me back. I knew it was just me overthinking things though, that it was just my own fantasy that I was narrating in my head. You were always a nice guy; you were smart, handsome, easy to talk to. You had this amazing, lazy smile you gave when you said laughed at your own jokes. Your scruffy hair that you never seemed to brush had become charming over time. Your mildly inappropriate and sometimes unconventional humor that I had grown to find funny had become part of my own humor. I didn't realize it at first but, I had grown to like you a lot at first and then, I think I had even grown to love you. I had come to love almost everything about you; all of your quirks, all of your punny graphic t-shirts, all of your video game references that I had learned to understand.

All of it.

The thought of me being with you was a dream, something I had always kept to myself and something I always seen as plausible. That is until I saw her. After a few weeks into the school year, my new friends in college had finally convinced me to join this new social media platform and one of the first few people who had requested to be my friend was my cousin, my roommate, and you. Of course I accepted it but, not long after I had begun to regret that decision.

The first post that had popped onto my newsfeed was a picture of you at what I assumed to be some sort of party or get