CHAPTER 1

"Date later?"

She was in a good mood and yet the moment she received a text, her smile weakens in an instant. The vacancy on her eyes, staring blankly for a while, until a voice interrupts her thoughts.

"Taeyeon?"

She turns to the side and gives her colleague; Bora, a small smile in response. Ignoring the text, she turns off her phone and slide it back to the side of her desk, fixes her eyes to the papers on her front to resume her work.

"Is she on her way? Do you want to continue this tomorrow?" Bora suggests.

"No, it's fine.” she calmly refuses. “Let’s get this done today."

"Are you sure?" Bora prods.

"Yes.” She replies firmly. Eyes still fixated to the declining balance sheet between her fingers.

"You know.... we can just postpone this since it’s not even due this month. We don't have to get it done this quickly." Bora persists.

"I know that but I’m in the mood of working this now so…" she trails off, hoping her friend will get the hint.

"You sure? Taeyeon's not coming yet?"

"She'll be fine."

Bora catches the finality in her voice and finally relents. "O-okay, if you say so."

It doesn’t take a full minute before her phone beeps again; indicating another text. A sigh escapes from her lips upon glancing and reading the name of the sender, taking a deep breath for the second time before reading the content of the message.

"Do you have anything specific that you want to eat later?”

And then another.

"Like, anything… Got a bonus from my Boss and a piece of good news to tell you later. I’m so cool like that."

And the last one.

"I’m on my way, Love you."

“… Tiff..."

"Hey, Tiff!” Bora calls her name once again and she turns to see Bora frowning at her. "Are you okay? You've been spacing out lately."

She raises her brows in defense. "Why wouldn't I be? I'm okay, just thinking some stuff in my head but I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"I may only be your colleague, Tiff but I know there's something's bothering you." Bora points out, frowning. “You have been distracted lately."

“It's nothing.”

“Is this about your family? Or is it… Taeyeon?”

Tiffany shifts her gaze uncomfortably. “It’s nothing important”.

“I’m just worried. You can share it with me you know.”

“Nothing to be worried about.”

Bora leans back from her seat. “Alright, then let’s get this done real quick.” She cheers into the silence and gets her focus back to her work.

----

"Ms. Tiffany?"

After an hour of a long silence in the room as they engulf themselves with their works, someone calls her out at the door and she lifted her head by reflex. She looks at the woman who's now making her way inside the room. The woman was Seolhyun, deep red lips lifting to the side as she strolls her way to stand in front of Tiffany's desk, eyes meeting as she speak.

“Taeyeon is waiting outside.”

This woman.

The woman she used to dislike silently, not because of work but something about this woman’s behaviors that she found uncomfortable. It’s not that the girl has a bad attitude or a backstabber. She has heard about how this girl is well known for being friendly and having many people admiring her. Granted that it may not be as many as herself but coming second was definitely not the reason why she used to dislike this girl.

It was the fact that every time Taeyeon comes around, this woman will show an unusual amount of interest to her girlfriend. Seolhyun didn’t even bother to hide it from her then, just like how she doesn’t bother to hide the glow in her eyes and the faint blush on her cheeks and she knows exactly why.

She recalls a time when this girl almost led them to another argument because Taeyeon was oblivious to her advances. The fact that Taeyeon became friends with Seolhyun without her consent made it worse. Although she knew that Taeyeon is nothing but a faithful partner, it didn’t suppress the insecurities she has towards the woman.

But now, it doesn’t bother me anymore, she realizes. Not like it used to, like it always did. 

She gives Seolhyun a curt nod and tries to return a polite smile. Glancing at the clock hanging on the wall, she doesn’t even notice that it was past 6. No wonder Taeyeon had to call her to let her presence be noticed.

She gives a long exhale and closes her laptop, tidying up her desk while Bora does the same next to her. They bid goodbye, Bora excuses herself to the restroom and Tiffany grabs her bags heading down first, walks out from the floor, dragging her heels to the lift.

"Hey, wait!"

Tiffany hears a man’s yell and she instinctively pushes the right button to stop the lift from closing. The slab of metals glide open again and she is met with a panting man entering into space.

"T-Thanks." says the man between his heavy breaths.

"No problem." Tiffany takes a step a little to the side.

"Errr... You probably don't know me, but I'm Sokjin the new employee." The man introduces himself rather hesitantly.

"Ah." she indeed doesn’t know the man. "Hello. I'm Tiff—"

"—Tiffany Hwang. Of course, I know you, who doesn't?" He chuckles and Tiffany gives him a modest smile. “I'm not sure if this is appropriate to tell you since we just met but aside from your recent promotion, you’re quite popular with the men. My first day in the office?” he whistles. “I already heard your name being said here and there.” He lowly chuckles “I think 90% of the population of the men in the company has a crush on you." he rubs his nape. "Too bad you're taken by a girl though."

And Tiffany's smile drops from the last statement, the atmosphere suddenly becomes too stifling and quiet.

“Err… did I said something wrong?" The new employee asks cautiously.

Quickly composing herself, she shakes her head and smiles a little, the smile that she has been putting on for these past days.

The frown and worried face of the oblivious man soon turns into relief and it is then the elevator finally opens. They walk together to the lobby and before bidding their goodbyes, the man offers a handshake. Tiffany gladly takes the offered hand before turning to a corner heading to the receptionist counter.

She stops midway as she sees the familiar woman sitting at one of the lobby's benches, eyes half-covered by her long fringes, wearing a black long coat that covers her office suit. It is just a usual sight to see her girlfriend waiting for her. Tiffany remembers how she used to smile at the sight, how she used to walk excitedly to her with arms open for hugs.

Taking a deep breath, she slowly approaches her girlfriend, and even before she comes any closer, Taeyeon tilts her head up and spot her presence, rushing her way towards her with concerned eyes.

"Hey." Tiffany greets dryly.

"Hey." Taeyeon leans in and lightly pecks her lips. "What took you so long? And why didn't you reply to any of my texts?" Tiffany looks at Taeyeon's worried eyes before she shifts uncomfortably. "You didn't answer my calls either"

"I was busy and I forgot to check my phone, I lost track of time."

"In other words, you forgot me. I was worried" snaps Taeyeon as she makes a move to take her girlfriend’s bag to carry it for her like she always does.

"I— I didn't, I got sidetracked." Tiffany grips her bag. "It’s fine, I'll carry it.”

"Nah, let me."

When her girlfriend stubbornly pulls the bag from her again, Tiffany holds on to it tighter, leaving her girlfriend puzzling at her strong grip.

"I said I'll carry it." With a firm tone, Taeyeon slowly backs away and lets Tiffany carry her bag on her own.

"A—alright."

They start walking towards the entrance with Taeyeon trailing a little behind.

Tiffany doesn’t even care enough to slow her pace.

----

"You alright, babe?" Taeyeon sideglances her girlfriend while driving, frowning when Tiffany lightly nods her head in response. "Are you sure? Are you mad at me? You know I have no choice but to call Seolhyun, right? You haven’t picked any of my calls up or didn’t reply to my messages and it got me worried."

She sighs. "It’s not that, I’m fine, just a bit tired."

“Ah, no wonder.”

It only takes 10 minutes into the drive before Tiffany notices the car turning the opposite way from their apartment. "Where are we going?"

She looks at the driver who just simply gives her a smirk. "I'm taking you out on a date, remember?"

The text she received earlier totally slipped off from her mind. "I'm tired, let’s just eat at home."

"Nope." The shorter woman said with a tone of playfulness. "I'm sure you'll like it there, it's worth it. And besides, it’s Friday. Friday is date day, Fany-ah. Remember? It’s been too long since we—"

"No, Tae. Let's just go home, I'm not in the mood."

"Babe, trust me. I know you, you'll like it there."

"I want to go home."

Her response makes her girlfriend chuckle. "Who pissed you off this much to make my girl this moody, huh?"

"Taeyeon, can you please listen to me just once?"

"I am listening." her girlfriend says in amusement.

"I said I am not in the mood right now. If you want to go wherever you want to go, just drop me here and I’ll take a taxi home."

Her words shut her girlfriend up instantly, the curve on Taeyeon’s lips fades at the tone of Tiffany’s voice, her girlfriend slows down the speed but doesn't stop. "But I already made a reservation, Fany-ah."

"I don't care." she lashes out. "I want to go home."

There is a long silence occurring before Taeyeon finally gives up and maneuvers the steering wheel around; heading home with her defeated self. Tiffany remains quiet as she leans to her side of the door.

Once they are finally home, Tiffany swiftly heads to their room, leaving Taeyeon frowning at the door as she takes off her jacket.

Tiffany grabs her nightgown from the wardrobe and heads to the bathroom to give herself some quiet time alone in the small space. Once she’s done, Taeyeon is still nowhere to be found in their room. The silence made Tiffany climbs down to search for her girlfriend but Taeyeon is nowhere in sight. She wonders where have she gone to without telling her first. It doesn’t take long though when their apartment door opens and in walks Taeyeon with a plastic bag on her hand.

“Hey, hungry?” Tiffany stands in her place as Taeyeon passes her, heading towards the kitchen. “I’ll make this quick.” Tiffany hears Taeyeon’s voice coming from the kitchen. “We need to go grocery tomorrow, Fany-ah. Our fridge is empty.”

Tiffany trudges her feet to the couch and sits there silently, listening to Taeyeon and the sounds of boiling oil. “And babe, I have good news!” her girlfriend yells excitedly. “My boss assigned me to another project in Japan. All expenses will be covered by the company including the hotel during my stay there and… pretty much everything!”

“That’s cool.”

“So what do you say?”

“What?”

“Didn’t you hear me?”

“I did and I think it’s a great thing for you. Enjoy your travel.”

“Who says I’m going alone?” Tiffany can already picture her girlfriend’s smirk from the kitchen. “I’m bringing you with me.”

She blinks disbelievingly. “What?”

“I have this planned already okay? And you still have time to file for a 3 weeks leave since it’s still not due to next month, it’s still far off.”

“So you want me to file a leave for three weeks?”

“Exactly.”

Tiffany turns around. “You know I can’t leave my work that long right? And how about the expenses? Your company might cover all of your expenses but how about mine? That’s still too much.”

“Like I already said, I have already planned this, and it’s not that much, I have calculated it, and trust me I will never use our savings for this.”

“Then?”

“My salary alone can handle everything.”

“Taeyeon…” a tired sigh escapes from her lips. She can feel a headache building.

“I’m not going there and leave you alone here for three weeks, okay?”

“I can’t leave my work and you know it.”

“No Fany, you’re coming with me. And besides, you don’t have to worry, I have so much free time during the project. I’ll be with you most of the time. We can have a tour and even go anywhere we want to go.” She hears Taeyeon’s footsteps coming nearer, looking up to see her girlfriend in knitted brows. “Why are we even discussing this? I didn’t think you’ll give this a second thought even."

Tiffany avert her eyes away from her. “It’s different now.”

“It’s different? What do you mean by that?”

And Tiffany feels trapped, remembering again and again how much she wants to get rid of this charade she’s been showing and pulls the thorns in her chest, one by one, till she can finally breathe again. But she knows herself. She can’t, she couldn’t, and there are times that she used to tell herself that she will never

“Can’t you see that I just got promoted recently? And I have so many reports to work on, people to meet and new responsibilities to take. I can’t just stay away from my work like that.” And she is left with no choice but to come up for a quick white lie to hide the burden.

They eat their dinner in silence, as Taeyeon is still miffed by Tiffany’s rejection. Tiffany keeps quiet the whole time, eating in front of Taeyeon, the food Taeyeon cooks for them. It is a usual sight, a routine of her daily life for the past years when she and Taeyeon decided to live together, owned an apartment and started sharing everything there.

After the quiet dinner, Taeyeon lowly mutters about doing the dishes and lets Tiffany go to bed for her to rest, to which Tiffany hesitates at first since it is supposed to be her duty to do the dishes, one of the only things at home that she’s good at. In the end, she relents and walks to their bedroom before Taeyeon suddenly kisses her cheek to convey to her that it was alright. And even apologized for not considering her part for that impulsive date.

Tiffany lies on their bed, boring holes with her eyes at the white ceiling and it gets her mind whirling again. For how long she can live with her lies? How much has her feelings changed? In fact, she wonders if there’s anything left.

If only she could. If only it isn’t that hard. If only no one will be hurting.

Her mind flashes back 6 years ago when she and Taeyeon were just starting something they shouldn’t, something that they should’ve stopped from the beginning, something that cannot grow. Tiffany knew it was a sin for her to be with a woman in a romantic kind of way, to let her kiss her and her to kiss her back, to let her touch her and for her to touch her back. It was all wrong, a mistake in heaven’s eyes, and now it makes her wonder if all these committed sins are all worth it to carry.

The long silence in the dark room is cut short by a cracking sound of the door opening and Tiffany abruptly closes her eyes to pretend that she’s in a deep sleep. Thinking that she's finally inside.

She hears the shower sprays hitting the bathroom floor and she opens her eyes upon the knowledge. She should be sleeping by now but she couldn't. She is wide awake and there are so many things jumbling in her mind. She keeps on tossing on the bed, trying to find comfort, until she heard the bathroom door opens and light footstep by Taeyeon soon is heard all over the room.

Tiffany feels the mattress dip and the sheet covering her body lifting. It doesn’t take too long before Tiffany feels a firm yet lightweight of an arm slowly wrapping around her waist from behind and Taeyeon’s breaths steadying behind the crook of her neck— fanning her skin.

Taeyeon’s night hugs used to lull her to wonderful nights of sleep and good dreams. It used to calm her down, too. But now, she is having an entirely different feeling, with her body stiffening from the contact. It’s as if Taeyeon’s hug has become so foreign that she couldn’t recognize it anymore. It’s as if she is not used to it, as if she has never liked the way Taeyeon embraces her.

Everything has changed.

“Goodnight.” murmurs Taeyeon, lifting herself to press her pair of lips at her lover's cheek lightly before trailing down to her bare unblemished shoulder.