Staring blankly ahead, Minho drives his car downtown. It all happened too fast and he still couldn’t believe it. It’s been three days and the pain lingers, making it difficult to do anything. He wants his hyung back. He wants to turn back the time. He wants to be there for his hyung. He would do anything to be able to save him. His vision suddenly turns blurry. With the back of his hand, he wipes his face roughly. He swore in front of Jonghyun’s lifeless body, just before he was about to be buried, that he would stop crying. He guesses it’s hard to do after all. He will always cry when he remember his hyung.

His phone blinks for the second time since he got into his car. Earlier, Onew has called him. He promised Onew that he will be alright. He just needs time to be alone, to heal himself. The leader is worried about everyone and he insists they should stay together for few days. But not tonight. He couldn’t sleep with s tonight, because he just couldn’t bear to watch how grief-stricken their faces are. And Minho has tried to be strong. But he couldn’t tonight.

Half-heartedly, he checks his phone and blinks.

Yuri

Her name carries unforgettable pain. It’s unavoidable.

Impulse causes him to pull his car over. He glares at his blinking phone, willing her to disconnect. He’s not lucky. When he doesn’t answer the first ring, she calls him again.

His hand itches to pick it up, but his heart feels burdened. He hates her sweet voice. He misses her sweet voice.

Minho picks up his phone.

“Yoboseo. Minho-ya.”

 He grits his teeth. For three days he had to endure the sight of her at the funeral. He wanted to reach her whenever she started crying. He wanted to grieve with her and let her consoles him in her arms. Pity he doesn’t have the right anymore to touch her. She was his before, but she isn’t anymore.

“Ne, noona.” Steadily, he answers.

“I just want to know where you are right now.”

Minho wants to see her. He wants to be with her right now. “I’m driving.”

“Where are you heading to?”

God, he hates her persistency. But, at the same time he loves her stubbornness.

After mulling over the answer, he finally settles with the truth.  “I don’t know.”

“Can we talk?”

His eyes sting. He wanted to talk three years ago, when they suddenly broke up after a heated argument. He wanted to apologize for being a hothead. He also wanted to beg. He doesn’t want to talk right now. “We’re talking right now, aren’t we?” The pain causes him to give her sarcastic answer. He hates himself immediately.

“I mean we should meet somewhere, to talk.” Her voice doesn’t change, still patient, still understanding.

Another tear rolls down his face. “I don’t know.”

“Please.” The plea sounds urgent. “I need to see you.”

“Alright.” It comes out like a habit.

“I’m alone in my apartment. Can you come here?”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes.” Anything, he will do anything she wishes.

“Drive safely.”

Minho closes his eyes and grunts before pressing the end button. He knows that he will make her worried by doing that. She will definitely send the police after him if he’s one minute late. With a heavy heart, he drives to her apartment. At least now he has a destination.

Seven minutes later, Minho parks his car inside the building parking lots to avoid the prying eyes of reporters. He actually doesn’t care about anything anymore, but he would never hurt Yuri intentionally.

As if she could feel his presence, she calls him again.

But instead of answering, he ignores her call and rides the elevator unhurriedly.

Nine minutes.

His phone rings again as he stops at her doorstep. Two seconds later, the door flings open. Yuri looks disheveled, her dark hair wild. And so does the expression on her face. She wears a worn-out oversized gray sweeter and a yoga pants. She’s the most beautiful thing he ever sees.

Yuri doesn’t say anything. Instead, she scans him from head to toes as if she searches for injuries.

“I’m okay.”

“You didn’t answer your phone.” Her voice wavers slightly.

“I’m sorry. I was in the elevator.”

She steps aside, signaling him to come inside.

“How many glasses did you have?” Minho asks once he sees the opened bottle of red wine on the table and empty glasses.

Closing the door, she trails behind him. “Just two. I was anxious. I need alcohol.”

“I said I’d be here in ten minutes.” He stops suddenly and turns to stare at her.  

Looking up, Yuri returns his stare with guilty expression. “I know.”

His heart clenches at the sight of this woman before him. His hands itch to reach out so he fists them at his sides. Minho hates the fact that she’s no longer his. “What do you want to talk about?”

Under his intense stare, Yuri fidgets with the hem of her sweater. “Onew called earlier –”

“I’m going home.” He walks past her and reach the doorknob.

“Please stay.” Yuri cries out and flings herself to his back. “Please. I need you. I need you here Minho.”

With her smaller body pressed along his back, Minho stays still. It’s a moment like this that he hates his weakness. Her. She could hurt him so many times, and he would still crawling back to her.

“Why? Why do you need me?”

Her arms tighten around his waist. He can feel her heart beating fast against his back. And he remember all those nights he spent with her in their bed, listening to each other heartbeats, believing ever after truly existed.

“I’m not going to do anything noona.”

“Yuri.” Her voice smalls with her face buried on his back. “I’m Yuri for you.”

“Why now?” His voice is rough and harsh.

She releases him and slips herself between him and the door. Her eyes red and wet. “Because I don’t want to lose you for the second time.”

“Dammit Yuri. Don’t cry.” His hand reaches up and ever so gently he wipes her tears. Just like the old times. Minho believes it’s out of habit. Too bad he can’t fool his heart. This woman owns him. “You know I can’t bear to see you crying.”

He steps closer and closes the distance between them, both hands cupping her lovely face. His heart weeps with happiness. To be able to touch this woman again, to be close to her again.

“You must be hurting. I don’t want you to be alone.” She says quietly.

“I’ll be fine.”

“I don’t want you to be alone.”

He doesn’t say anything. Only stare at her face and remember how precious she is to him. She broke up with the guy only after five months of dating him. And he hasn’t heard anything about her dating again. It’s been more than a year.

“Anything else you want to tell me?”

Yuri’s hands rest on his chest. “I saw you.” She’s referring to Jonghyun’s funeral. “I’ve been worried about you.”

“But I’m okay.”

She tears up again. “Please don’t lie to me.” Her hands clench on his shirt. “You promised you won’t lie to me.”

“We promised a lot of things we can’t keep.”

Her head drops to his chest and he can’t bear it anymore. He wraps his arms around her, just the way he used to do. The feel of her, the smell of her, the way she fits him, he remember it all. He still loves her. He never stops loving her.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was stupid and selfish.”

He uses the opportunity to kiss her temple, to her trembling body, to hug her closer to him. “It was no one’s fault.”

“I won’t survive if I lose you.” Again. It’s unspoken but he knows what she means.

“You won’t.” He realizes that his shirt is wet because of her tears. “Come now, no need to cry anymore.” He tilts her face to him and wipes her tears, hating himself that he’s the cause of them. “I’m here.”

She surprises him by standing on her tiptoes and press her warm lips his. It feels familiar, comforting, and amazing at the same time. Before she can break the kiss, his arm tightens around her waist. Minho kisses her back, deepens the kiss and savors . Her tears never stop falling, wetting both of their cheeks. As much as he hates seeing her crying, there’s nothing he can do to stop her except for returning her kiss and reassuring her through the kiss. He senses her urgency, her fear, her need of him so he hugs her closer and kisses her deeper. After a while, he gentles his lips before moving them to drop kisses on her face.

“I’m here.” His kiss lands on her wet eyelid. “Feel me. I’m here.”

“Okay.” But her hands never let go of his shirt.

“Okay.” He drops another gentle kiss on her lips. “I won’t go anywhere.”

Her eyes flutter open. Her expression is so open and tender. “Good.”

“I never stop loving you, Yuri.”

“Neither do I, Minho.”

I know this is short and probably ends too soon. But it gives me comfort to write this. Thank you for whoever stopping by to read this. 

Till next time,

Chocolate_yul