• If you've been with me from the start, my first story was a SHINee fanfiction. Years passed and I grew out of my K-pop phase but was always updated by the many inspiring things that my cherished idols have done over the years. From K-pop, and writing my first fanfiction, I grew to become an online writer that loved to share my own passion to the world. From K-pop, I grew to learn and taught others how to stand up proud and be comfortable of their own skin - To know that my second favourite idol had ended his life, is one of the most heart breaking things I have faced this year.

So learning about this, I wanted to share my passion of writing, and my love and support to SHINee, but most of it for Jonghyun. He was my second favourite, capturing my 12 y/o heart when I first saw Ring Ding Dong. Gosh, I feel so emotional - Seeing this news, all I could remember was his smile and his pearly teeth. He was so happy and passionate when I was younger. As I lay in my bed and write this, I just say, the photos I see of him now... There's so much conflict in his eyes.

I hope he's in a better place and I hope that everyone can at least pray that he's truly smiling above us. We hope that everything, from his family and friends, to his beloved SHINee, is going to be alright. Losing a loved one is a battle because there's so much you want to say but cannot because you just end up realising that it's too late to let your last conversation be "Thank you always being there for me, I love you."

To be honest, I'm so heartbroken that I was never there to celebrate their achievements. I'm torn that I'll never see him, Jonghyun, perform in front of me on a large stage filled with fans chanting out loud and holding up their light sticks. But I hope that we all get through this together, because I'm sure our boy doesn't want to watch us fall into tears as we pray for him. •