Trigger warning. There's a slight reference to marks eating disorder but it doesn't really say anything at all graphic. Just hints that he has one. There's also light self-hate and a panic attack with stressful thoughts and stuff. Let the story begin. Hope you enjoy.

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I awoke with a start, with confusion as to where I was, but the soft vanilla scent and countless photographs of us together, happy, soon reminded me of where I was, where I belonged. With him. And speak of the devil, there stood my angel, clad in white silk bottoms and a plain black t-shirt. There he stood, the magnificent piece of art that, I believed, was lucky to grace my eyes almost everyday. His hair fell into just the right places and a face that was sculpted by the gods, not to mention those lips. Those lips that first graced my own on that cold winters eve, nearly three months ago now. Those lips that now belonged to me, and me only, no one else. For that I felt blessed, for he was mine. Eric was mine.

"Morning babe, sleep well?" His words were clear, without hesitation, native English flowing freely off his tongue.

"I...yeah, you?" My english stuttered out, broken and hesitant.

"Never better with you at my side. I made pancakes, you coming?" His smile, perfect and angelic, was contagious and soon I felt the muscles in my face tighten and change to form my own smile, never quite reaching his own smiles standards though. He exits the bedroom after I nod my head, a gesture of gratitude for his kindness so early in the morning. I leave the comfy confines of the bed, once again hesitating as I look back upon its entangled blankets, they call me, I feel their metaphorical and imaginary chains wrap around my arms and slowly pull me into their never ending abyss of safety and sleep. But I don't give in, no, he is waiting for me, and so I go, not wanting to kept my angel waiting. Not today. I leave the bedroom, but in the corner of my, I catch a glimpse of my sleep-ridden, shirtless body; I put on a shirt and exit with a sense of forced confidence into the comfy confines of his arms, feeling safe and protected. 

~~~~

We finish up, having eaten a most 10 pancakes between us. As I go to leave the table, I feel warm, familiar fingers lock my wrist in place on swing me round. There, standing in front of me, is Eric. Before I know what's happened, the last syrup soaked square of pancakes is placed into my mouth, it's heavy gooey substances slowly glide down my throat,  until I feel it slowly rest in my stomach ready to be dissolved and added to the growing fat resting around my hips. Then, suddenly, my lips are caught in a whirlwind of heaven, as his lips grace my own, and with that one simple act, all thoughts disappear and I am left stunned, standing by the table.

"Your lips taste like syrup, plus you look thin...Hello, anyone in?" He waves his hand in front of my face, breaking me from my daydream. All panic breaks loose within my mind, did he notice? Does he know? I feel my breathing quicken, having not heard what he had said, and I feel my eyes tear up. 

The nervous creature that lives in my conscience clawed it's way towards my lungs and blocked my breathe from entering; I start to choke on my own breath. The tears threaten to spill as they build up more and more and more and more. Can't. Breathe. Someone. Help.

Quiet.

The storm passes and leaves calm seas and clear skies within my mind. I feel weak and drained yet safe and content.

And then I realise the hand on my face and my matched breathing pace with his. With Ericsson.  My hearing reajusts itself and his voice chimes through my body, a bell signalling that the storm is in fact over that peace has rece again.

"Just breathe, you're safe. Nothing will hurt you, okay. I'm here to fight off all if your monsters okay. You're safe with me." 

I don't deserve him, no one does. He's too kind to be trapped here, with me. Thank you so much. I love you so much.

"Thanks." is all that comes out, my thoughts never quite leaving my ming, surcingles intact on the journey to be voiced, to leave my body and float towards freedom. Instead they are now locked away where no one will ever hear them, like the others. Short and sweet, just like always. God, how Eric still loved him he had no idea.

"Hey, you're welcome. I'm sorry if I did something to upset you."

"No, it's fine. Just stressed out is all, manage-hyung is breathing down my k neck on how I'm apparently losing my beauty and figure."

"Well, in that case, you should pay no attention to him," He led me towards the couch where we cuddled under my favourite blanket. "You're the most beautiful person to ever walk this earth trust me." Stop lying.

"What time is it?" I asked, ignoring the earlier statement, pushing it to the back of my mind.

"Around 10:00 am, why?" His voice is angelic and smooth, as he completely ignores my earlier, abrupt change in the subject.

"I have to be back at the dorm for 12:00, we're having a dinner with Twice at 3:00 pm. Then I've got a photoshoot and dance practice until 11:00pm." I managed to say without stuttering.

"Ah, well, go get a shower and I'll gather up you're stuff. I'll make you some food to take with you, and make sure you eat it this time, I don't want any excuses. You're getting really thin and it's not natural. Off you pop." He says, a loving yet worried tone mixed in with his speech near the end of it. 

I made my way to the luxurious bathroom, one clad in top to bottom in white. There was a bath and a shower, but the bath was usually used for relaxing with Eric, so I slowly made my way towards the shower. I tried not to take notice of the scale sitting snug in the corner near to the door.

I emerge 10 minutes later, blonde hair dripping, with a towel wrapped around my waist. After hearing Eric humming happily in the kitchen I realise the best course of action is to go towards the bedroom. The bed had been made, no longer a mess of entangled sheets. I didn't like it. The deep purple sheets now help no trave of Eric, but at least the scent still remained. Eric knew better than to change them when I stayed, rare as that was. The only time it had happened, I had spilt sauce on the sheets and he had gone to graphics a spare change of them. After the sheets had been changed he has gone to place the old ones into the wash, only it took much longer cause he couldn't find the right setting. All I remember from then on is the feeling of guilt. I thought he had left out of disappointment and there was no scent to remind me of him. It had taken me all night to finally relax and even know I still feel guilty.

It's then that I notice the clothes set put on the end of the king sized bed. A pair of black skinny jeans and a loosely fitted white t-shirt. I slip on the garments, reluctant as I realise that they don't smell of him. But that should be obvious by now, that might make someone notice, and then they would investigate, and then they might find out, and then they might tell everyone one, and then...

"Mark, hunny," I hear a knock at the door, "You've been in there for almost half an hour, you should get moving soon. It's almost 11:00 am." Those words.  Those words are what I dread everytime I come here.  No matter what, I always have to leave. Always. I can't stand it. I grabbed the duffel bag waiting patiently at the bottom of the bed and exit the bedroom. 

There is my angel, waiting for me as I exit said room and enter the kitchen. Lunch box in hand, he gives me a loving, commenting on how he must be a genius because apparently these clothes are just right. He hands me the box of food as well as another another box, this one smaller in size and wrapped in silver paper. Something to remember me by when we can't be together, he says as he looks at me longingly. Can't be together. Those words stick with me, haunt me. A constant reminder of this cruel world. 

We walk to his apartment door and I pull up the face mask placing a white baseball cap on my head. He opens the door and I know that I have to leave, so we exchange an I love you before I exit the place that feels like home to me. I start to walk down the white corridor but turn around to see his angelic smile one last time.