Episode Four

Park Chorong

“You look terrible.” Eunji muttered as she stared at me in my bed. I didn’t have anything to say. She’s right.

My tidy room has been nothing but dull and empty. There were still some leftover dishes in the nightstand, some opened boxes of chocolates and a little teddy bear near the closet. Nothing was able to make me feel better.

My eyes were puffy and my nose were still red. I didn’t cry that much, in fact, I only cried an hour every night. I didn’t know I was exerting too much emotions already. I didn’t know I was able to do that again ever since my parents left my side.

No one knows what it feels like to lose someone like I did.

It was like pulling out an old mix tape of music and when the songs played on the radio, you get drowned by the memories, watercolor painted memories. And then you realize that everything has passed. It won’t be coming back.

“I love her.” I simply stated, as if it was basically the summer of my feelings right at that moment.

“You love her?” Eunji mumbled, with a raised eyebrow. “You love her… and yet why are you still here?”

A groan escaped my lips. I looked up and see the same dull ceiling I’ve been staring at for the past two days. It’s not exactly endearing. Bomi never showed up in front of our house for the past two days. Today’s my last… I hope I could get even a glimpse of her.

My densest cousin in the world offered a smile. She has been taking good care of me lately. Well, she’s basically the only one I could ever lean on.

“You know,” I started. “I didn’t realize something until recently…”

“What is it, unnie?” Eunji asked as she took a seat on a stool next to my bed, with the same endearing smile she has.

“Back then, before Bomi and I ever happened… I never really lived my life the way it should be.” I mumbled. “It’s like, I wake up, turn the pages and then go back to sleep. Like the chapters of my life were written the same way.”

My cousin laughed and nodded her head. “Yeah you were like that. It’s like you were just waiting for death to knock at your doors and you wouldn’t even bat an eye.”

“Mmm… I was…” I paused, thinking of speaking her name. “And then along came this girl.”

“Bomi is sure something.” Eunji chuckled. “She turned your upturned face into a beautiful one.”

“Yah, what’s that supposed to mean?!”

Slowly, our laughs died down. My smile faltered as my mind swim to thoughts of Bomi once again.

“She wasn’t supposed to be special. She’s supposed to be someone else. And yet, when she smiled at me, it’s different.”

“Chorong unnie…?”

I stared at Eunji with hopelessness.

“Her smiles felt something so permanent in me. And when I turn away from it, it felt like a gaping loss in my heart, Eunji…”

With a final grin, Eunji tapped my shoulder comfortably.

“Sometimes we love people no matter how the universe stops us from doing so, unnie. It’s one irrational thing humans have to get used to.”

“I love her, Eunji.”

She nodded her head. “I know. And I know you never plan on stopping.”

The beach party seems grand and fun. It’s been a while since I went to such.

I was a boring soul. The type to stay in my room. The only hype of my life back then was messing with Bomi’s heart. She didn’t know how much she messed with mine.

Walking barefooted on the sand, I approached the venue of the beach concert. People dancing around with their friends, sipping their drinks and having the time of their life.