He couldn't ignore the erratic beating within his chest. If he could manage to focus long enough, he is positive he could pinpoint every moment his heart collides against his ribcage. It isn't easy to calm his nerves. Not when he is face to face with him. It has been years and he thought he was over this. He thought he was over those late nights spent fantasizing and hoping for something to flourish between them two. He was holding out for a future that he knew damn well would never and could never happen.

Jongin had confessed. He had uttered the three words that Kyungsoo had longed to hear so many years ago. But it's that exact fact that makes Kyungsoo hesitate in returning those same three words back. It's too many years too late for this to happen now. Jongin has a family now. He has a wife. He has a child. What nerve does Jongin have to come waltzing back into Kungsoo's life, like nothing ever happened? Acting like he wasn't already tied to someone else that was not Kyungsoo.

Kyungsoo's mouth runs dry as the "I love you" slithers enticingly out of Jongin's lips. If only it wasn't right here and right now; things would have been different. They could have been different. There is a moment of tense silence as Kyungsoo his lips and tries to swallow through the angry knot of nerves that had settled in his throat.

Time slows down as Jongin waits for Kyungsoo to say something. To respond to his confession of love. His brows furrow in worry and anticipation. He doesn't realize the shy way he traps his bottom lip between his teeth and the way he nervously holds his breath waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for Kyungsoo to either accept him or reject him. Waiting for Kyungsoo to decide whether they will remain as they are, regardless of not quite knowing what they are but knowing they have something going further than mere physical attraction connecting them, or for him to decide to end things here and now.

Kyungsoo is in control now. He has the power to decide what comes next. No more having to wait and wonder what exactly it is that he and Jongin are. No more waiting and wondering when Jongin will be coming back to Seoul. No more waiting around for Jongin to make contact first, because really it's not like Kyungsoo could have just picked up the phone and dialed Jongin's number risking for the wife to pick up. Or worse. Jongin's daughter. No, Kyungsoo had to wait for Jongin. Always. The more he thought about it, the more he just couldn't let himself falter. Not now when he needed to make a decision that could affect and change the rest of his life for better or worse. Kyungsoo knows it would be the worst decision of his life to accept Jongin now. He knows. But, the thought of leaving Jongin, of not having Jongin anymore, elicits a stabbing pain in his chest and squeezes the oxygen out of his lungs. It hurts so much. It really does. But, Kyungsoo knows that this push and pull can't go on much longer. He can't take any more of this painful uncertainty. His heart can't take it anymore. So, with as much courage and resolution as he can muster, Kyungsoo makes a decision.

"Kyungsoo, I love you."

The words effortlessly hide the plea for Kyungsoo not to go. They shamelessly present themselves as a promise for more and a reason for why Kyungsoo shouldn't go. Jongin cups the right side of Kyungsoo's face as he gently and quietly delivers the words that he knows the other has been waiting for years to hear.

"Jongin..."

"Please...Kyungsoo..."

"..."

"I love you."

With a shaky exhale, Kyungsoo confesses his honest answer to Jongin's love.

"...Well...I loved you."