Everything is happening so fast. Just a year ago, we were facing our worst nightmare - our possible disbandment. Just a few months ago, we were in this survival show fighting for our last chance, fighting for our group to keep on performing, fighting to keep us together. But look at where we are now, getting the recognition that we thought we'll never get, receiving the love and support from the amount of fans we though we'll never had, and achieving the thing that we dreamed off for so long. Who would thought that we'll reach the top during the lowest point of our lives and through that sh*tty survival show. In a span of a few months so many things had change - in our lives, in our group, and in us.

We can't act like the way we used to. We can't go out as much as we want to. I can't bring you on our secret dates - just strolling around and enjoying each other's company. I can't hold your hand and hug you as often as I used to. I miss those days when I felt free to show you all those affection. To show you how much I care for you, how important you are to me, how much I love you. But I guess we don't have a choice, aren't we? If we got caught, issues will start to circulate and it might ruin everything we've worked for the past six years. And I don't want to sacrifice everything we have right now just because of my selfish desires and I know you don't want that either.

I was distracted in my own world of though when I heard a knock on the door. "Come in." I said and then you entered, the most beautiful human being I laid my eyes on, the person who owns my heart. "Why are you still awake? Aren't you tired? We had a busy schedule today." I said. "Shouldn't I be the one asking you that? You had a much busier schedule than any of us. And you should be sleeping right now." He said, concern evident in his voice. Oh how I love listening to that voice, his beautiful voice. "I'm just thinking about things and finishing some work. I'll go to bed after this." "We'll that's good to hear. Don't work too much. You should rest every chance you have." Isn't he the most caring person ever? "Thank you. I will. Oh before I forgot why you came here, do you need anything." I asked him. "Oh that, I was just going to check up on you. I saw that your lights were still on, I was just worried that you forgot to turn them off again and you fell asleep leaning on the table. But then you answered my knock. Well that was about it, I'll go back to my room now and you should rest." With that he begin to walk towards the door, I got up and hold his hand. I don't want him to go just yet. I want to spend more time with him. "Wait! Why don't you just spend the night and sleep here. Just like the old times?" I asked. "I'm afraid I can't and besides you need you rest well in your own room." "Please." I pleaded. I just want to sleep with him beside me, my arms around him, and waking up seeing his face. "Don't be like that Jonghyun-ah. Just go to sleep, okay? I need to rest too." He said while flashing his beautiful smile and taking my grip from his hand. I sighed. If only you know how much I miss you, how I miss holding you in my arms, cuddling till we fall asleep. I miss you so much, even though we see each other every day, I still miss you. I don't know I fall I sleep while recalling all those times we spent together.

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I went back to my room. I sighed. Why did I reject his offer, when indeed I wanted to? I want to sleep with him by my side, being in his arms till I wake up the next morning with his beautiful face looking at me and saying Good Morning with his deep, lovely voice. But I don't want to be selfish. I know he needed time for himself so he can rest well. I know how tired he must be with all our group's schedule and his individual filming. And even though I missed him so much, I missed our secret late night dates, those small gestures of affection, I just can't demand him to do those things like we used to because things have changed. He's busy. We're busy. I just need to be more understanding and besides everything that is happening right now is good. We've finally achieving the things we all dreamed about in the past. And I can't just ruined everything just because of my wants. Everything's okay and we're happy. And as of now that's all that matter.

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I woke with the bright light from outside. I looked at the clock and it's already near noon. Oh no I overslept. I hurriedly got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I bathe and prepared myself as fast as I could. We have a schedule 12 nn and how dare I slept longer than I should be. After preparing myself, I went out my room and seeing Baekho lazing on the couch. "Hey! Why aren't you preparing yourself? We have a schedule at 12." I said but he just laughed at me. "Why are you laughing?" "Why wouldn't I? Look at you. You looked like you've run a marathon. And besides haven't you checked your phone? Manager-hyung texted us the schedule was cancelled because it's raining heavily in the venue and the company don't want to risk our safety and so do our fans'. So they just give us the day to rest." I checked my phone and Baekho was right. And the thought that we have the day to rest and enjoyed ourselves, I immediately thought of asking him to have a date with me. I left the living room and went to his room. I knocked for a few times but he's not answering. I want to open the door but it's locked. I keep on knocking but got interrupted by Baekho's voice. "Don't bother knocking. He's not inside. He went out early this morning to pamper himself when he knew that our schedule was cancelled. He was going to ask you but you was still asleep and didn't want to bother you because he said you looked really tired so Aron-hyung decided to accompany him." "Oh I see." "Don't worry they'll be back soon. It had been 3 hours since they left." Baekho before reaching for his jacket and went out of the dorm. Now I'm all alone in the dorm. Damn you Jonghyun. If only you've woke up earlier then you had been spending this day with him. I sighed. I blew up another chance to be with him.

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I'm in the mall right now with Aron-hyung. It should had been him but he was still asleep when I went to his room this morning and I really don't want to disturb his peaceful slumber so I ended up going out with Aron-hyung and it's better than going here alone. Besides I enjoy his company and to be honest it felt like we're getting closer and closer. Since Jonghyun become so busy, Aron-hyung was the one who would accompany me when I need or want to go out. He's really funny and there is not a single dull moment when I'm with him. We've been here for 3 hours now and I'm starting to get tired and hungry. "Hyung I'm hungry why don't we grab something to eat." "Sure Minki-ya. Where do you want eat?" "I really don't know hyung. I'm just hungry." "Ahmmmmm. Since you don't know where to eat, how about we just go home and I'll just cook for you and for the other two?" "I guess that's a great idea. Come on hyung." And with that we went back to the dorm. I wish Jonghyun is awake now.

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Since I'm all alone I just decided to play some games in my computer. I was in the middle of the game when I heard the front door open. That must me him. I ended the game, shut my computer down, and hurriedly went out of the room. But what I saw was something I wasn't expecting. Aron-hyung was on top of him with their lips connected to each other. I was stoned. I want to take Aron-hyung off of him but my body won't move. I felt my heart ached. Finally they realized the situation and quickly fixed themselves. Both of them were blushing. He turned around and saw me. He was going to say something but I just went back to my room and slammed the door. There I can't take it anymore, tears started to flow from my eyes. Am I really that busy that I didn't realize that he started falling out of love me and have feelings for someone else? Did I ignore him that much that he might thought I didn't love him anymore? But he knows that every time I'm free I would spend it with him. It hurts. It hurts so much. I might be quiet every time I saw them getting closer and closer every time, but I'm actually jealous. I'm jealous on how freely Aron-hyung can hold his hand, lean on and kiss his shoulder, how he can show all those affection to him when in fact we're the ones who is in a relationship. I just keep this to myself, all this pain and jealousy, but I can't take it anymore I just too much, it hurt so much."

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As we arrive at the dorm, I hurriedly opened the door, excited to see Jonghyun, but as I went inside I slipped and fell on the floor before I could get up, Aron-hyung tripped on my foot and fell on top of me and our lips touched. We froze on the spot because we are both in shocked. After realizing our position, we hurriedly got up. As I'm fixing myself, I saw Jonghyun standing there. Did he saw that? Of course he did and his reaction when our eyes met confirmed it. He run back to his room, I tried to follow him and explain, but before I could reach him he already closed the door. I tried knocking but he would open up so I decided to go back to the living room, thinking maybe he need time to think. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to." Aron-hyung said as I entered the living room. "It's not your fault hyung. It was an accident." "I could explain what happened to him." "It's okay hyung. I'll do it. I think we need to talk anyway." "Okay. Want to help me cook dinner?" "Okay hyung." With that we went to the kitchen and start to prepare for dinner. I'll talk to him later.

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I woke up with a knock on my door. I don't remember that I fell asleep. I opened the door and there he was standing at my door holding a tray with food on it. "Did I wake you up? I'm sorry. I just want to bring you food Jonghyun-ah." He smiled at me. I looked at that beautiful lips of his and remembered the scene from this afternoon. All the pain went creeping back again. "I'm not hungry. You can just leave that in the kitchen. I'll eat it when I get hungry." I was about to close the door when he spoke. "Can we talk?" Before I can reply he continued, "Please. Jonghyun-ah." I looked up and see the sadness in his eyes. I nod and let him in. He put the tray on the table and I sat on the edge of my bed. He seemed to be hesitant at first but then he sat next to me. There was an awkward silence between us. I don't want this kind of atmosphere do I decided to break it. "What do you want to talk about?" "I- I just want to explain what happened. You know what you see this afternoon. It was-" I didn't let him finished. Afraid to hear the things I don't want to hear. "It's okay Minki-ya. I understand. I must be a fool not to notice the meaning behind those skin ships that you and Aron-hyung shared, but it's clear now. You don't have to say anything." He seemed surprised by my words. "Jonghyun-ah what are you talking about? I was going to say that what you saw was an accident. I was excited to see you that's why I hurriedly open the door and I slipped then Aron-hyung tripped and we ended up like that. I didn't mean anything believe me Jonghyun-ah. You know I won't kiss anyone beside you." I don't know what to say, he was excited to see me, he'll kiss no one but me. I started to feel my face heat up. I turned around to hide my face which is now as red as a tomato. "Jonghyun-ah are still mad at me? I'm so sorry. Please don't be mad at me. Please." I felt his around me, his face on my back. My body tensed up with the sudden contact. I decided to face him and wrap my arms around him. I hug him tightly like I don't want to let him go, because I really don't want to. I want him to mine not just now but forever. Finally I decided to let my feeling out. "I'm not mad at you Minki-ya. I'm actually mad at myself." He seemed shock from my statement but before he could say something I continued. "I hate myself for not being brave enough to show you how much I cared for you, how much I love you, because I'm afraid of us being caught and it might ruined what we have now. But with that fear, I didn't had the time to think about your feelings. That maybe you thought I already fall out of love and didn't care about you. But that's far from being true. I still love you Minki-ya. I love you so much and it really hurt me seeing you being that close to Aron-hyung. I know it's kind of wrong to be jealousy with our brother, but I just can't help it. I love you and I can't stand seeing you with someone else, in someone else's arms. I might be selfish, but when I comes to you I just can't help it." I confessed all the thoughts and feelings I've been bottling up until now. I looked at him when he didn't say anything after my confession. As our eyes meet each other, he lean in and I meet his lips. We share a soft and sweet kiss. He didn't have to say anything, I got my answer through that kiss. I felt tears running down my cheeks. He broke the kiss and looked at me with those beautiful eyes of his. "Why are you crying Jonghyun-ah?" "I'm-- I'm just so happy. You don't know how happy I am that I have you in my life. Please always be by my side." "I will Jonghyun-ah. I will." With that you hugged me tighter and I hugged you back. I don't want this moment to end. "I love you Minki-ya." "I love you too Jonghyun-ya." He said while smiling at me. And once again I put my lips against his and he immediately kissed back.

Many things might have changed but maybe not the feelings we have for each other. We're not just used to all these changes happening around us. But I know slowly we will get used to it. As of now, we're okay. Everything's okay. We have a bright future ahead of us. And I will always have the love of my life in my arms and me in his.