07•May•2019

It was snowing outside your house. I stood there, amazed by the lack of stars in the sky. Not that I had expected any of them to be as bright as the ones we knew. You and I.

Nothing but silence around me. As if not a soul remained in this town. But I knew you would be there. I could feel it. Even if all the lights were turned off and time seemed at a still, I knew there was no other place to find you at. So, hands tucked in the pockets of my trousers, I stepped forward.

I found you dozed off in the library, an arm dangling from the edge of the couch while the other laid over your heart. For some reason, I had instinctively taken the right steps to reach you. 'Fate.', I thought, smiling.

Just as I remembered, the side wall was covered with framed pictures. There were so many memories of you sealed in those and not one lacked the sparkle in your eyes. Always so cheerful and eager, surrounded by your family and friends. It made me remember the days when, locked in my room, I would try to write you letters.

Dear Kim Minseok~

I would always start like that and then stop. Overwhelmed by the love and admiration I felt for you, I wouldn't be able to write anything else. My hands would quiver while I wondered how to start, what to say, how to properly express myself. I admit I was scared in those moments, scared that the love I felt for you was a burden.

I had so much to say. But nothing would come out.

If anything, you were the light to my darkness; a flicker of hope that always helped me move on. Whenever the days would get cold, nothing but rainclouds in sight, and I would wish for everything to just disappear... All it took was one glance at your face and I could convince myself that everything would be alright. You promised that no matter what twists and turns life would throw at us, no matter what may come our way, we would be together. So as ridiculous as this may sound, I held onto you with all I could. And I wanted to tell you about it all but how to put these emotions into words?

You've always been a tidy person. The well-stacked books on your desk and the polished floor never left anything to complain about. Your sense of responsibility and caring nature had always been a key element to your charms, amidst all of your qualities. Then, there was your gentle personality and sweet smile. How could someone be so perfect, I often wondered. It made me feel so lacking, unworthy...

But somehow, you would always make things right in those moments of self-doubt. It could be with a smile, or simply with the sound of your voice, and I would be calmed down.

Whenever I would doubt myself, your words would come to mind. You said that it's hard to be happy every day, but that there are things to be happy about every day. No wonder you became my happiness in the blink of an eye. 

I finally dared to approach you, crouching at your level so that I could properly see your face. There had been a time, I recalled, when being so close to you would have felt like a dream. And breathing the same air as you? A luxury I thought myself undeserving of. But I managed to learn with time, to look at you properly. I learned not to put you on a pedestal, but to see you as an equal... Now, I am grateful for that.

Simplicity. A word that had matched you well since the very beginning. You never sought much; just enough appreciation for what you were doing. But it might have felt suffocating, at times, to receive so much love that you felt unworthy... Perhaps, in this respect, we could say we were similar.

Brushing some locks from your forehead, I thought about it. At the end of the day, you were just a pile of flesh and bones, like me and every single person on earth. Yet, only you had managed to bring me peace and love. Even now I was not scared when I had enough reason to be.

"Unbelievable." I murmured, watching you shift in your sleep. You were frowning lightly and it made your face cuter.

You had always wanted to be treated as a responsible man, hadn't you? Well, in my eyes you were. One of the most amazing men that I had the honor and pleasure to meet and fall in love with. Because, with you, I managed to be me.

Your skin was soft beneath my fingertips. You mumbled something inaudibly as they grazed your cheek and I had to stop myself from cooing at the adorableness... If the light snore escaping your lips and the dark shade underneath your eyes meant anything, it was that once more you had exhausted yourself with work. Shaking my head, I stood up and looked for a blanker for you.

Some things just never changed, I supposed. But then, I wouldn't have loved you if you were any different.

When I got back, your head was hanging off the couch and your hand was now touching the floor. I stifled a laugh at that, rejoicing in the innocence. Carefully, I urged you to shift. Knowing you, the sheets would be down within the next five minutes. Still, I wrapped you nicely so you wouldn't catch a cold. That would be bad, especially with how important the next day was.

23:47

I was running low on time. The edges were already darkened. I sighed in resignation, causing some strands of your hair to move slightly. It seemed like it wouldn't matter if I indulged and carded them back into place. As always, your hair was soft like silk. Gosh, did I love your hair! You would have it trimmed in the morning and I could only imagine how different you'd look. Not that you'd be ugly or anything, because how could a creature as majestic as you ever be ugly? Then, things would change and- and-

No, I wasn't weak anymore! Could you see it? Minseokie, are you proud of me?

Finally, I mustered the courage to speak out, hoping that somehow you would be able to hear me before it was too late.

"Xiumin-ah, I hope you are well." I started, resting my face on the edge of the couch so that I could still see you and be closer. "Xiumin-ah, I hope you are as happy as you can be. Please take care of yourself; don't skip any meals or sleep. Don't overwork yourself unnecessarily. Everyone worries about you...

Thank you for always taking care of EXO; I know you love your brothers a lot. They too cherish you a lot. I hope you know that your eris love you too and that everyone will wait for you. Just wait and see. One blink and you'll have everyone welcoming you back."

By then, the tears were now freely cascading down my cheeks. I could feel the urge to be a mess shaping itself at the pit of my heart, but I swallowed it all back. There was no time for that.

"Minseokie, I-I love you. I've been doing that for a while now b-but I'll have to take a break. Please, don't think that my love has disappeared. I- It's just that I won't be able to express it like b-before-"

I could no longer continue; the emotion being too overwhelming. The tears would not stop and, deep down, I did not really want them to. It was selfish of me but I wanted you to wake up and hold me close. Tell me that everything would be alright. That it wouldn't hurt!

"I-It's okay. As long a-as you are fine, I'm h-happy."

Carelessly, I bumped into your coffee table and one of the books fell off with a bang. Immediately, your head rose up and your eyes, blinking away the sleep, lazily gazed around. But, of course, as much as you looked, you could not see me.

You clumsily rose to your feet, a hand casually running through your bed hair. My heart at the thought of not seeing your handsome face, your pouty expression, and your lovely smile again. I would no longer be able to hear your annoyed voice or laughter. How could Fate be so cruel?

For a moment, you walked around the room, cleaning what was already clean. I watched you, hugging my knees and still sobbing. I appreciated the moment, knowing that you were simply being yourself. So when the shadows moved even closer, a flash of red suddenly surrounding us, I did not protest. As much as I wanted to hold you in my arms, I kept them to myself. And as I faded away, I told myself that I had been lucky enough to have my wish come true...

I was back in my car, the headlights of the other vehicle glaring at my face. The blinding red made it hard to open my eyes. Hanging upside down, all of my limbs felt numb and I soon grew aware of my unresponsive legs. There were shreds of glass all over the roof of the car and I could imagine the mess. The hit had been brutally quick. There was not even time for me to react. My ears had gone deaf sometime after the first two crash. The world turning quickly though had me bracing the wheels as best as I could. The thought of death had me wishing to see your face and then, I did.

From the corner of my eyes, I could see shoes shuffling closer in a rush. I knew those shoes. Then, the door was being forced open slowly. I blinked but I still could not hear anything. It was getting harder to breathe and I really wanted to sleep. Could it be the end? Even if it was, I was not afraid, to be honest. I was able to see you one last time...

Alerie's face emerged through the fog but it was too late. The darkness was pulling me awa-