As I stepped out of the company, my phone started ringing. I took a deep breath before answering his call.

"Oppa? Are you awake already? Did you have your breakfast?"

"Oppa?" He sounded surprised.

"'Aren't you the one who always wanted me to call you that? I thought it would be weird at first but I think I can do that now."

"Why? Why all of sudden? Did something happen?" He seems concerned. I'm not so good at hiding things like that. I know that he can feel it when I'm not okay, but I'll  try my best to not let him find out. 

"Eum.. nothing happened, I just decided I'll do all the things that make you happy. Oppa has done so much for me, that's why from now on I'm gonna make every day special for us."

"Eun Seol ah..."

"Oh, Oppa! You have a day off today, right?" 

"Yes, that's right... Where are you?"

"I'm going to the grocery store. You haven't eaten homemade food in quite a long time. I'm gonna make you all the dishes that you like." I excitedly said.

"Woah... You really seem weird today. Wait... Today is not my birthday, and... It's not our anniversary either. Is today some kind of special day or something? "

"Of course it's special! Didn't I tell you that every day we'spend together is special? Oh, Oppa... I have to go now, I'll be back soon, eat well and don't go anywhere, just stay home and rest, okay?"

"Okay, I'll be waiting for you."

My voice started cracking so I hung up. I didn't want him to hear that. I don't want him to know any of that. It would hurt him. 

I was walking in the rainy street all alone. It hurts, It hurts so bad. I couldn't hold my tears back, they wouldn't stop falling down my cheeks. I looked around, everyone was walking, they were all in a hurry. And for a second I felt like I was the only one in pain, I didn't care. I just kneeled down in the middle of the crowded street crying with my hands covering my face. It hurts. 

 I suddenly heard someone talking to me "Excuse me, are you okay?" I lift my head up but my vision was blurry. I couldn't see his face well but he somehow seemed familiar. "Oh, Cassie?  I've been looking for you everywhere, oh my God, what's wrong?" I wiped my tears so I can clearly see him. "Jake??" I was so surprised to see him. He helped me stand up and gave me a friendly hug. 

He then suggested going to a nearby cafe to have a small talk. 

<> 

I called Myungsoo and told him that something came up so I'll be a bit late just so he wouldn't worry.

We went to the cafe and he ordered hot chocolate. That made me think of the old days. Since my house was the closest to school mom used to always invite him and Anna in to have hot chocolate. It was our favorite after a really long day. 

He was continuously asking me what's wrong and why I haven't been in touch with anyone since Anna's death. But I was trying to avoid answering his questions for a while.

"I was really surprised to see you, I had no idea you'd be here in Korea," I said as I took a sip of my hot chocolate. 

"After I got a call from Anna's parents and heard what happened to her, I immediately went to your city, everyone was in deep sorrow because of what happened. I thought I'd see you there but you weren't anywhere. You didn't go to the funeral as well. Anna's parents thought it would be better to give you some time on your own since they knew she was the only person you can rely on and that you loved her so much. But they were really worried after they lost contact with you. I came here every year to look for you. We are all worried about you Cassie. Especially that we know that what happened to your parents and Anna wasn't any easy for you. I know you've been running away all this time, that's what you did when your parents died. You ran away and you didn't go to their funeral. Can you please just stop running away? We're all here for you, please come back to us." 

Our conversation got deeper and deeper, I told him everything about the past four years. The university, being bullied, Infinite, Bts, writing songs, working in the company and even my relationship with Myungsoo and how everything is slowly falling apart. But same as the sad moments, they were also good moments, I told him about all the people who supported me and were by my side. And lastly, I told him about my decision and the deal I made with the CEO. He told me that even though it will be so hard for me for a while, I made the right decision and he'll make sure to always be by my side. 

Meeting him suddenly in such a hard moment made me feel relieved. I'm glad that one of my old friends is here for me. I was so worried I'll be alone once again. 

I finally got to my apartment after grocery shopping. I bought all I need for the whole day. Myungsoo looked so happy and relaxed, he would come to me every time and ask me if I need help or he would just give me back hugs or keeps teasing me. However, he somehow notices that I wasn't so well, but I managed to distract him and pretend that it's just because I do not sleep well these days.

I felt so comfortable and cozy being with him under the same roof. I wanted to forget everything I did or about to do and just enjoy every single moment with him.

(A few days later)

I went to the company at around 3 pm today. I spent all these days working on a song. I haven't written all the lyrics yet but I almost finished the first two verses after working on them the whole night I barely slept for 2 or 3 hours. I need to finish it quickly, I don't have much time.

Before I start working, I wanted to see him first, so I quietly headed to the practice room, he was with her, again.  I've been watching him being with her for a while now. He looked so happy, he was smiling brightly, they were both laughing. I could see that he was feeling good. Looking at him like that made me smile. A part of me was happy to see him finding happiness in other things. I don't have to worry about him later. But another part of me was just... It was killing me to see him like that because of someone else. I mean Suzy is a great person, I was jealous. It's more like no matter what I do I'll never be as good as her. And before knowing it, I was in tears.

I went the music room since I needed to play piano for my song. I couldn't focus, I was too distracted thinking about what I just saw. The image of Myungsoo smiling brightly to Suzy wouldn't leave my mind. But still, if it's not me. It has to be someone else, right?

  "If you would smile like this all the time... It doesn't matter for me who makes you smile, it's okay if I'm not that person who makes you happy"  These are some lines of the lyrics that I wrote. But do I really feel like that? It's all lies.I want to be the person who makes him happy... It has to be me. Wait... I guess I found it. These are the perfect lyrics for my song.

I kept randomly playing the piano until I found the perfect notes. I kept working until I dozed off. 

I woke up to a hand on the top of my eyes trying to cover them from the sunlight. It was Myungsoo.

"You don't usually take naps around this time of the day, didn't you sleep well last night?" He asked as he sat beside me. 

I nodded.

"Is it because I wasn't there?" He jokingly asked.

"Yah.. What are you talking about?" I shyly pushed him.

"Is everything okay? did the CEO tell you anything?" I asked in a serious tone.

"Not really, I met him earlier and he was really nice to me. He said that I should work hard on the duet and he even wished me good luck. It's odd. He didn't bring up our relationship at all, knowing that he's really against it."

"That's a relief," I sighed.

"What do you mean? did he by any chance tell you something?" He blurted out of nowhere.

"No, I'm just worried he might be giving you a hard time." I forced a smile.

"Oh, don't worry I'm doing so much better now, you just have to stay by my side, okay? I have a photoshoot after an hour, I have to go now. Don't work too hard and go home safely." He pecked my cheek then went out.

After he left, I worked for another hour then started getting ready to go home.

On my way out, I saw Suzy. I wasn't expecting to see her here after Myungsoo left. I thought it was the right time for me to talk to her after giving it so many thoughts in the last few days.

"Unnie, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Yes.. who are you?"

"Oh right.. I didn't introduce myself. My name is Eun Seol ah, and there's something I really need to talk to you about."

"Eun Seol ah?  The one in the picture with Myungsoo? You must be his girlfriend."

"How did you know?" I was surprised to know that she already knows my name. Has Myungsoo ever mentioned it in front of her?

"I heard the members talking about you several times, you guys seem so close."

"Yes, we are. Now that you already know, I guess it will be easier for me to tell you this."

She was listening, I kept silent for a while, It's really hard for me to say these words.

"You like him, right?" I said as l looked down.

"What are you... It's just a misunderstanding, it's for the.." She looked really confused and a bit guilty.

"Please don't get me wrong, I'm not upset. I'm really fine with it. You're a great person, I can see why Myunggsoo likes you."

"Um.. I.. But... but he loves you." 

"I know, that's why I'm talking to you, I want to ask you a favor." I looked at my phone, the wallpaper was a picture that I took of him while he was sleeping peacefully, he looked like an angel. "It's for your own good," I said under my breath. 

Then I added. " I was once a fan of him. I wished I could meet him in person. That's when a friend of mine said 'Starts. They look beautiful and bright when you look at them from afar. But when you look at them up close, they're nothing special.' I wasn't sure whether to agree with her or not, but when I met him.. He was even shinier and more beautiful inside and outside. He's an incredible person and I love him so much. But, I think it's better to keep watching him from afar. He belongs with other starts like him. In movies, there will be that popular and perfect guy who would fall in love with the ordinary and plain girl and will pursue her. But that's just in movies, in reality, he doesn't really belong with me, I would just bring him down. He worked so hard to rise, and being with me will slide him down in a blink of an eye. Suzy Unnie... I won't stay here for too long and you're the only person I'm telling this to. I know you like him,  I thought so many times whether I should be telling you this or not and I've been watching you two being together, he seems so happy being with you. Can you please stay by his side when I won't be there? I will really appreciate it. " 

"YAH EUN SEOL AH, ARE YOU SERIOUS?" I heard Woohyun's voice.

Oh no... He wasn't supposed to hear any of that... How can I explain this to him... 
 

A/N

This has nothing to do with the story but.. Three days ago, our beloved Jonghyun left this world. I believe that he's in a better place now. It breaks my heart, but I hope he's happy wherever he is right now. 

Jonghyun-ah.. you did well, you worked so hard. Rest in peace.♡