Letters

Hyung,

It is your maknae, Hyung. I've come to see if you are alright but...you are still lost to me it seems. To all of us, really. You smiled at me of course. You always do. But it was a polite smile of confusion as you asked who I was and...what you could do for me. Come back to me, Hyung. To us. It isn't the same without you here. Kai-ssi is a mess. He barely speaks...or eats. Just...practices. Day in and day out. He blames himself for your condition and...there is no way to convince him this isn't his fault. Only your return will show him everything is okay.

Kyungsoo,

We were never really close, you and I.

I regret that.

I have come as often as I can to see you, in hopes of building a relationship in our newly found down time. The rest of our brothers try to stay busy but...

We miss you Kyungsoo.

I must speak your name a thousand times a day in hopes that it will trigger your memory of all the times you told me to shut up before but...all it makes you do is smile.

I guess you like to hear your name now. You say that it is a comfort for so many to remember you when you yourself do not.

It is the sharpest kind of pain I have ever felt. To see you and know your face and yet...all the secrets that we have shared are now only secrets I remember.

D.O.,

Jongin says he misses you...if only in his sleep.

Yixing is busy establishing a base for the company in China, and Junmyeon is working on his drama.

Sehunnie has gone with Chanyeol and Baekhuyn to film something for the company.

Xiumin and I are busy working on new songs for the three of us to sing. You like to sing, remember? It is when you have the brightest smile.

Tao got hurt last week. He's gone home to recover.

And Luhan...

We are falling apart D.O.

Luhan caved and left. He flew to China and filed suit against the company and...

I guess we saw it coming.

Kyungsoo,

I have not come to see you brother. I do not know what I would say. Our brothers are distraught and there is not enough work for everyone to keep our minds busy. I wish you would remember. It is so hard to get any of us to laugh and be happy these days. Even me.

Brother,

I am sorry I have not been to see you. I am ashamed.

SM has offered me an opportunity in China in the absence of our activities and...

You must know this is everything I have ever wanted. Everything I have worked for.

With the departure of...

Now more than ever I must prove myself to the company. Teacher Lee Soo Man has been gracious and kind to me, always. I must never take his gifts and faith for granted. Especially now. There is too much to prove and too much to lose. I must always show him gratitude and humility.

As soon as I have completed my activities here I will come to you, I swear. Maybe then you will even know who I am.

Fighting!

Kyungsoo,

I am sorry to hear of your recent accident. I won't waste many words in case you do not read this but...

Did I not tell you this would happen?

SME does not care. They will use you for as long as they can as a publicity stunt and then when the news is old and something better comes along they will terminate you and replace you with whatever that something is. Someone fresh they can abuse and reduce to a slave and you will be left alone.

Do you think the other members would really stop to care for you? Please tell me you are not so blind. We have always only ever been looking out for ourselves.

For your own sake, I hope that you recover soon.

Hyung,

I am so sorry I cannot come to see you. Did you get the gift I sent to you? I hope it keeps you entertained, and warm. Keep it for as long as you would like.

I miss you Hyung, and I hope that you are doing well. I have had to return home for a bit to rest and recover myself. I am being diligent with the doctors orders. If I do not return to you soon...

Kyungsoo,

What am I to say? Our brothers are each hurting for their own reasons, but I imagine you are hurting most of all. We so desperately try to not be a burden to you but...each of us is slowly falling apart, and our family is being blown to the wind.

I come to check on you daily, but I am still very much a coward, and until just yesterday, I was not able to face you at all.

You look so happy Kyungsoo. So healthy and alive, but I can tell that you are troubled.

Is your post-it garden helping? I hope so.

We miss you, Kyungsoo. Please get healthy quickly and return to us soon.

We are one. Never forget that.

Saranghae EXO. I love you, Brother.

D.O.,

I think the others have said everything there is to say. I came to see you yesterday but you were sleeping. I will do my best to return tomorrow.

We are all so worried about you. If there is anything that you need, anything at all, ring my handheld and I will come. Even if it is just to talk.

As the oldest member of our group, I feel like I should have protected you better. I just never thought it would come to this.

Suho-ssi is in a terrible state, he says it is all his fault. He doesn't realize he can not do it all.

And Jongin...

Please come back to us D.O.-ssi. We need you now more than ever, and we will do whatever it takes to get you better.

We are one.

I'm sorry.

I couldn't handle it, so I left. I talked to you about it once, and you advised me well but...my health is not worth all this.

In your condition, there isn't even a guarantee that we will ever go back to promotions. I must now do what is best for me.

I hope that you recover well and that in your recovery you are able to go back to the life that you once led.

I will not be in contact again. It is all just too painful. I'm sorry.

My Kyungsoo...

I am sorry. So sorry. And I know those words mean nothing to you. They shouldn't at least. But I do not know what else to do. I have tried to repent for my sins and reflect on my actions but...that won't bring you back to me. You can not even stand to look at me. I know. We have tried.

You see me, and something in you just clicks. It's a nervous melt down, and angry tears, and shouts to get away from you. Now...I do exactly as you say. If only I had done it sooner.

Come back to me my sweet Kyungsoo. Let me show you I have changed. I am better. I will listen to every word you have to say. I will be your devout follower. Just come back to me. I need you.

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