It was 3 in the morning and Hyunwoo done watching s’ sleeping faces. He can’t seem to bring himself to sleep. everything happened this evening brought him into another sleepless night. It was just too surprising and overwhelming. He felt amazing and good. In the other hand, he felt like he could remember the feeling of every seconds he was together with the members and monbebes.

No matter how hard he tried to close his eyes and shut his mind down, his heart was beating so fast, thrilled and feeling these mixed feelings with weird proportions that he himself couldn’t even fix it. Everytime he closed his eyes he kept on remembering everything and the bomb happened this evening. The loud cheers, the very loud cheers and the crying faces. The eyes on him and the members’ surprised faces. It was a very long day filled with tears and heartful hugs. Some can’t stop crying, some can’t stop smiling. He can’t stop feeling, he can’t stop remembering.

It felt unfamiliar. The dull desperation of recognitions and lowered confidence as they got on the stage. He was afraid to wish, he was afraid to hope. He was scared they will go to nowhere. He was never satisfied, he didn’t let himself to. He kept his guard up, he kept his dreams alive. Dying prayers he did never told anyone else, but never left the deepest place in his heart. The familiar pain that left his heart just by seconds differences, the sadness that felt so real that was forgotten as he saw s’ tears. After all gone, he felt so empty. He felt kind of empty and unfamiliar. This still felt unreal for him.

So he felt like hugging everyone, praising everyone, loving everyone, continuously so he can fill his heart with endless memories of their smiling teary faces, so he can fill his heart with them only, and felt familiar with himself again.

So he can’t help but to get out of his bed and watching s asleep on their own beds. Even now, the memories can’t stop replaying. The memories of those feelings, of those scars and pains, of those prayers. he felt so unfamiliar, he felt so weird. Those feelings and this very big amount of happiness sparked unstoppably in his heart, at a same exact time, same exact second. He can’t stop himself. Hyunwoo slid himself down onto the floor as he leaned on the wall between the bedrooms. He can’t control his own heart from feelings so much feeling at a same time and he felt so out of it.

His eyes were empty, staring at the air, just breathing calmly. The dorm was dim, and he felt the darker it was the better he will feel. So he closed his eyes again, not so he could sleep, but so he can at leats see darkness. Sometimes, he let out some sigh he didn’t know why. It wasn’t like those sighs could lessen the heavy feelings inside his chests.

Hyunwoo held his own left chest, asking himself what happened there with him. Patting it as he sighed again and tried to comfort himself.

“Hyung…?”.

Hyunwoo opened his eyes and looked up.

“Kihyun-ah,” he called out the name as he saw the unreadable face.

“What are you doing here?” the smaller guy sat himself down on the floor in front of him.

“I can’t sleep,” Hyunwoo answered. “I thought you were sleeping,”.

Kihyun just sighed as he reached out his thumbs and swept the tears on Hyunwoo’s cheeks. Hyunwoo blinked in surprise as he didn’t even realize those tears.

“I am always so sleepless,” Kihyun said in a small voice. “Nothing new,”.

Hyunwoo nodded as he scanned the guy in front of him.

Kihyun was watching him too, they watched each other closely. They stayed in a complete silence. Not even the sounds of the breathes. Kihyun changed position from sitting down to laying down, to sitting back down, straightened his legs, to hugging his knees, folded them to putting them on Hyunwoo’s thighs. But Hyunwoo stayed still. He stayed still and didn’t even watched Kihyun anymore. Again and again, Kihyun needed to sweep the tears away from Hyunwoo’s face because he seemed so out of it.

“What should I do…” Kihyun said in a small voice and that woke Hyunwoo’s up from his cloudy mind.

Hyunwoo turned his eyes to Kihyun and he saw Kihyun hugging his knees into a small ball, tried to sweep his cheeks with the sleeves of his over-sized hoodie.

“Why…? Why..?” Hyunwoo asked. Those tears alerted something inside Hyunwoo and he had his guard up again.

“What should I do with your tears…”. “I can’t read your expressions, Hyung, you look like a broken robot, I feel a little bit scared,”.

Hyunwoo blinked as he saw Kihyun’s face that was now more readable to him.

“I am sorry,” Hyunwoo said as he reached his hand out to Kihyun’s wrist and pulled him close, so he could sit next to him. “I can’t understand it either…”. “The feeling I feel now,”.

“You are not feeling happy, hyung?” Kihyun asked softly.

“I am happy,” Hyunwoo said. “But it’s not only that, it’s, beyond that,”.

Kihyun nodded.

“I feel it too,” Kihyun said again. “A little bit… of guilt, and happy, and mixed feelings from the past,”.

“Yeah…,” Hyunwoo said in a small voice. ”Probably everyone is feeling this same feeling too,”.

Kihyun nodded.

“Then, let’s just… try to sleep again,” Hyunwoo said as he stood up.

“I still not sleepy,” Kihyun said as he followed Hyunwoo.

“Wanna try sleep on my bed? You said it’s the best,” Hyunwoo asked with a smile.

“Really? Ok, let’s go,” Kihyun said as a smile cracked on his face and he lead the way to Hyunwoo’s bed. He rolled on the bed and watched Hyunwoo laid down next to him. “You’ll sleep here too?”.

“Yeah, your bed isn’t the best,” Hyunwoo chuckled as Kihyun gave him a stare.

“You’re right,” Kihyun nodded and shrugged it off.

Kihyun laid down on his back wso Hyunwoo laid down on his side, facing Kihyun who was trying to sleep by closing his eyes.

“Kihyun-ah,” Hyunwoo called out the name just softly.

“Hm?”.

“Thank you,” yunwoo said again.

“You’ve said that 37 times today,” Kihyun snorted.

“You’ve worked hard,” Hyunwoo said again, this time with a smile.

“That too,” Kihyun said again.

“Alright,” Hyunwoo said softly with jumps of chuckles on the word.

“Hyung too,”.

“Me too?”.

“Thank you, you’ve worked so hard,”.

“Ah…” Hyunwoo smiled and he tried to close his eyes.

“Hyung,”.

“Hm?”.

“Are you asleep?”.

“No,” Hyunwoo said as he opened his eyes again.

“I still can’t sleep. can you sleep?” Kihyun asked.

Hyunwoo’s smile got wider.

“I am trying. Just like you,” Hyunwoo said as he pat kihyun’s chest with his palm.

Kihyun opened his eyes and turned his eyes to Hyunwoo.

“You really look like a dad right now, Kihyun chuckled.

“And you?”.

“Well, it’s nothing new, I look,”. “amazing as always,”.

And Hyunwoo pulled the blanket up to Kihyun’s face.

Kihyun just chuckled as he tried to pull down the blanket away from his face. Hyunwoo was still smiling so gently as he saw Kihyun tried do hard to stop the blanket from covering his face with both of his hands while he was just using one of his hand.

“Hyung, ajjusshi, come on,” Kihyun whined and chuckled. He held Hyunwoo’s wrist with both of his hands like the way he hold mic when he talked. He tried to pull it down to his chest and hold it still on his chest so nothing will cover his face anymore.

Hyunwoo just chuckled.

“Hyung,” Kihyun said softly as he still tried to hold Hyunwoo’s hand still because Hyunwoo was still trying to escape.

“Hm?”.

“Minhyuk cried in his sleep,” Kihyun said softly again with both of his hands wrapped around Hyunwoo’s hand.

“You tried to calm him down?” Hyunwoo asked.

“No, Jooheon hug him to sleep,” Kihyun said softly again. “they talked until Minhyuk is asleep,”.

Hyunwoo nodded.

“Thay talked about some stupid non-sense and Minhyuk clutched joheon’s hair eventhough Jooheon hates it,”.

Hyunwoo scoffed.

“They were not getting asleep, they were having a quarrel again,” Hyunwoo said softly.

Kihyun nodded.

“Ah—” Kihyun gasped as Hyunwoo succeeded at escaping and now covered Kihyun’s face with the blanket. “Ajjushi!” Kihyun whispered as he wrestled the arm, even kicked Hyunwoo out of the bed, literally.
Kihyun ended up protecting himself by holding that strong arm with his whole body and closed his eyes as he tried to sleep while Hyunwoo tried to escape himself.

Hyunwoo escaped after two minutes and covered Kihyun’s face with blanket again, but this time Kihyun didn’t struggle.

They sateyd like that for some good seconds.

“Hyung,” Kihyun called from under the blanket.

“Hm?”.

“I am glad I am in this team,” Kihyun said.

Hyunwoo nodded as he patted Kihyun’s chest.

“I am glad you are my leader,”.“I’ll try to sing better too, for everyone,”. “So we can win again,”. “So you can be familiar with this victory,”. “So eventhough we will get into another bad times, hard times, very hard times—” Kihyun said calmly. “Hyunwoo hyung,”.

Hyunwoo stopped his hand.

“I’ll still follow your lead in the future too,” Kihyun said again.

Hyunwoo pulled the blanket down and uncovered KIhyun’s face.

Kihyun was having both of his eyes closed, but he was smiling. Just gently, just proudly. And he slowly opened his eyes.

“Go to sleep, ajjushi,” Kihyun said as he found Hyunwoo’s eyes on him. He covered his eyes with both of his arms but Hyunwoo still know that the tears were shed again.

Those arms fell as soon as Kihyun fell asleep not long after that and Hyunwoo gently putted them next to Kihyun’s body under the blanket, made sure to keep Kihyun warm.

Hyunwoo fell asleep as he filled his heart up with memories of Kihyun’s teary, smiling face, and that one peaceful, familiar sleeping face.

 

***

End