D-28

The sun was out. A slight breeze pushed my light brown hair around my face, but not enough to bother my vision. I shook the iced coffee in my hand a bit and smiled at the sound of clinking ice cubes before taking a sip.

It was a productive day in music class. More specifically: a vocal training class.

I know not too many people are considered good enough to make it to debut, but I loved knowing my singing was only improving from here. Whether or not I got “famous”, it wasn’t going to stop me from singing. I’d heard my fair share of criticism from certain people.

 

I sighed at who came to mind.

 

D-20

Perform an emotional song. That was the next assignment.

Sounds easy enough, but nothing emotional has happened to me.

Sure, I had family I missed since I moved cities but nothing extremely emotional.

“Thanks for the coffee DaeSung.” I smiled.

The guy was pretty much a brother to me since I got into the area. I guess it helped that I liked coffee and it was his cousin’s cafe.

“Have you chosen a song yet?” he asked lingering a bit after setting down my drink.

“Not a song yet. I’m just going to do a happy, more cheerful vibe kina song.” I bit my lip nervously, inwardly hoping he wouldn’t object.

He nodded. “Well that narrows it down.”

But then I sighed deeply.

“What’s it now?” he chuckled mockingly.

“You’re a jerk you know that?” I narrowed my eyes at him. “I know I’ll have a boatload of music to choose from.” I ran my hands down my face.

There were so many happy songs and I had to make sure it would showcase my voice the best.

“Have fun with that then.” he grinned and went back to working.

Taking a deep breath, I took a long look through my music and began narrowing it down.

 

D-18

📝

You can do it.

📝

That's what grandpa’s note said.

Before I left town, he left this note with a small gift for me. We didn't part on the best terms and I regret never having the chance to mend that. It’d been too long since then.

I did feel bad but I just so busy, between vocal lessons and working to support myself, there was just not enough hours in the day.

I looked at this note that was tacked onto the wall and I felt my fingers twist the pendant that hung from my neck.

He took me to my first concert, and after expressing my want to sing he made sure to help me all the way.

He would listen to me practice and hit some sour notes but guide me through them best he could.

I sighed sadly. It’d been way too long since I’d seen him. And I could only pray he knew just how much I appreciated the support he gave me.

 

D-15

A few more weeks left and I had pretty much mastered the song I wanted to sing.

I think it was appropriate since it was just a happy tune and the lyrics were pretty cheerful.

I just hope it’s enough vocally.

I always doubted what was special about my voice.

My teachers alway said I had untapped potential and I just had to have that one day it would come out.

I blew a raspberry and ran the song again.

Maybe something better would come along and I could song that, I thought to myself.

 

D-9

“I don't think I’ve heard her sing.”

“Her voice doesn't sound all that great.”

“I’m not even sure why teacher keeps her around.”

My ‘classmates’ weren't so slick as they insulted me under their breaths.

Bullying didn't stop at an age I guess.

 

D-3

Anticipation was constantly rising.

I don’t know if it was nerves or excitement.

As I practiced my song to near perfection I got a text.

I looked at my phone and furrowed my eyebrows.

 

D-2

I did the math on the time difference.

They messaged me what would be their 3 days for me.

But the message didn't actually get through to me until today.

Which means I’m almost the last family to hear.

 

“Grandpa…” 

I reread the message trying to even my breath.

“...passed.”

 

Why didn't they call me? I yelled mentally as my breathing became heavier.

I pressed the call button under the number that texted me.

“Hello?” They answered weakly.

“Why didn't you call??” I cried almost hysterically. I was glad to be home so no one thought I was insane or something.

“YiYi we tried but the service in the hospital was crap and-”

“So I get to be the last to know?? Why didn't I know he even left the country??”

“He was going to get a surgery and the surgeon was in the States so…” their voice stopped and i could hear sniffling.

“So… grandpa… i-is…” I hiccup.

“I’m so sorry Yi.” My cousin whispered.

 

D-1

I felt numb.

It didn't seem real.

I still felt I could take that 3 hour drive and still find him sitting in his chair watching his favorite show.

I closed my eyes and warm tears fell down my face.

Needing to hear something other than the deafening silence of my small apartment, I looked through my music.

What better way to cope than with lyrics meant just for you.

And it was like my shuffle button knew what I wanted. The piano and violin melody hit my eardrums and I knew instantly what song it was.

And that was about to be my new assignment song.

 

D-day

I didn’t tell anyone why I was acting so differently  

Apparently it was such a 180 degree change in me that even the people who’d made fun on em before were a little concerned.

Or at least they made it feel that way.

I gave my music to the teacher assistant and he nodded.

I was last since at least if I left it wouldn't hold up the other students.

The music started and cleared my throat away from the mic.

🎶

Seems like it was yesterday

when I saw your face

You told me how proud you were

but I walked away

🎶

The truth in these lyrics hit me so hard but I made sure to power through them just for the next 4 minutes.

Being my favorite artist I never thought I could be on her level but it’s amazing what some real, true feeling can push from your innermost core.

🎶

There's nothing I wouldn't do

to have just one more chance

To look into your eyes

and see you looking back

🎶

I knew.

I felt it.

I was crying.

And I still had a minute left.

🎶

I’m sorry for blaming you

for everything I couldn't do

And I’ve hurt myself

…by hurting you

🎶

I finished with sad glossy eyes and tear stained cheeks.

I didn't even wait to hear the teacher excuse me.

I left.