It’s been seven months since Youngjae decided to separate ways with Jaebum.

Seven months of trying to move on and forget those 2 years.

Seven months of figuring out what really happened.

Seven months of blaming themselves.

Seven months of watching the beauty of the moon, alone.

It was Youngjae’s decision, he knew ending things with Jaebum is the only way to stop his suffering.

He loved Jaebum with all his heart, with all his might, with all his patience...

But he was smart enough to end things he that knew will eventually tear him apart.

Youngjae believed they were in love. He was really in love. But he came to realize that he loved JB more than the older loved him. Isn’t that what every lover should feel? He thought.

Jaebum loved every second with Youngjae, he cherished him and made sure to let the younger know he loves him.

They composed songs from their hearts and cuddled warmly under the dim moonlight that enters their room.

They looked into each other’s eyes without saying anything, their expressive eyes are enough to tell each other how important they are to one another.

Soft kisses that means “I love you more than myself, more than anyone else.”..

Intimate and romantic nights that screams “I am all yours, you own me..”

Months, years passed and they are still in love. Still perfect, if there really is a perfect relationship.

Youngjae started to practice more and attend more vocal lessons than the usual. He just wants be better than he already is. Even after their schedules, he’ll go to the company and meet with his teachers and have voice lessons. After dance practices, he’ll just wash up and go straight to vocal training. He was so focused and so determined, he really wants the fans to be more proud of him.

He sacrificed most his free time. Instead of going out with his bestfriends, he would go to the company to have vocal lessons too. He can’t spend a lot of time with Jaebum too, but he made sure that Jaebum still feels loved and cherished like always. Soft kisses and cuddles were still happening. He knows they are still in love like before, like always…

Maybe before a traumatic day happened..

After a group photoshoot for a magazine, Youngjae decided to go back to the company and had his vocal lessons. It was gloomy, probably because it was raining, but the mood is also relaxing and might make the day a little bit exhausting, he thought. After his vocal lesson, he went straight to the studio to record a song he and a close friend composed. They happily finished recording at 11:30pm, had dinner, and went straight home.

It was raining hard and no one’s opening the door for him after all his loud knocks. The dorm was dark and quiet. Either the boys are all tired and already sleeping, or everyone went out since there are no schedules tomorrow.  He hurriedly searched for his keys inside his messy bag, opened the door, and blindly looked for the switch. He finally found the switch, tried opening the lights, but it was brownout.

He’s soaked, he feels so tired, it was cold, and it was so dark.

He searched for his phone and turned it on for its light. It’s 1:31am.

He hurriedly went to his and Jaebum’s room.  Just when he opened the door of their room, the light of his phone went out.

But he knew someone’s there.. He knew people are there.

He heard deep breathings…

Low moans…

Skins grinding…

And sheets moving..

By the dim moonlight that entered the room, he saw silhouette of two men passionately making love.

It… it was Jaebeum’s body.. he knew it was him..

He knew every angle and part of Jaebum’s body.. even in the dark..

They spent several nights together, and if there’s someone who knows every part Jaebum’s body, it’s him..

He knows Jaebum’s body as well as Jaebum knows his..

Tears fell down as he walked closer to the bed…

He let out a soft sob, soft but loud enough to reveal himself standing there..

Jinyoung was in shock, and Jaebum was horrified. They were explaining things, they were screaming, they were crying, but Youngjae can’t feel anything.

He was numb.

He wanted to scream, but couldn’t.

He wanted to cry, but really couldn’t.

He packed few things and went out without looking back.

He was crying and sobbing loudly while the rain madly pours. He’s just thankful the moonlight guides him in this gloomy and melancholic night…

He managed to find a taxi and go this brother’s house…..

Seven months has passed…

He still goes to the company and do what he has to do. He loves the job, he loves the group, and loves the fans so much. He just focused on practicing and composing songs for the next albums and for his soundcloud. He has to work with Jaebum and pretend nothing’s wrong. He managed to avoid him, and only talks to him when it is extremely necessary.

He’s trying his best to hold everything in.

Trying not to explode.

Trying not to break down.

But these days Jaebum is really trying to win Youngjae back. He wants to regain the younger’s trust. He misses Youngjae’s soft cheeks, his warm body, and his loud hearty laughs because of his puns, his smiles, and his soft romantic moans. He wants to compose songs with his beloved again, he wants to hold him in his arms, to make sure the younger feels safe and loved and warm beside him…

He wants Youngjae back, desperately wants the younger back.

He picks up his phone, tried calling Youngjae like he did the past several days.

He hasn’t thought of the things he want to say to the younger. He’s just hoping he’ll answer his call.

Today, at his third attempt, Youngjae answered the call.

After hearing the younger’s voice, he just stared at his phone, he was speechless, still ashamed of himself. Tears fell down, he started sobbing.. he heard Youngjae’s sobs too……

Jaebum doesn’t know what to say, he doesn’t have the courage..

He hesitates, and hesitates again..

He wants to say he misses Youngjae so bad,

He wants to say his heart hurts so much right now,

He wants to say he wants him right now, that he loves him so much more than ever

But he’s scared he’ll make the younger’s soft heart cry again… scared he might crush his feelings again,

So he just said, while sobbing, as tears fall down non-stop,                                                                                                    

“I am doing well.. So I hope you’re doing well too…”

And just like that, he ended the call… feeling nothing but guilt and pure sadness