He takes another sip of the hot chocolate, a milky layer remaining above his upper lip when he places the cup back on the table.

            “You got a beard” I point out and chuckle at how Santa Clause-y he looks.

            “I know” he says and a pink tongue appears to off the milk. Unconsciously, I mimic his movements with my own mouth, while absentmindedly staring at his. He smiles awkwardly, as he seems to have noticed, but doesn’t comment. I avert my eyes. His rosy lips still look as soft as they felt back then. Yeah, back then – the night we do not talk about. I try to think of a topic to get the conversation going and don’t have to search for long.

            “So, Youngjae, how’s school going?” He gives me a long, thoughtful glance.

            “It’s okay… things are getting stressful around this time of the semester… especially with promotions starting next week” he explains, reaching for his cup and repeating the earlier procedure. “And what about you?”

            “I’m fine. I’m off work until Monday, so I have a lot of free time this week… I’m not used to being so not-busy.” I laugh at myself for complaining about free time and the corners of Youngjae’s mouth shoot up as well. After that we go silent again. We always got along so well… How have we become so awkward? I know – and I know he knows too – that we have to talk about that day. But how come neither of us dares to even mention any of it? Youngjae… I treasure our friendship. I don’t want it to end like this… it was a mistake, okay? I’ll say it, I’ll say it out loud – that it was a mistake. So why… why won’t you forgive me?

            “How’s your mother?” he asks.

            “Okay. She’s getting used to it. Though I hear her complain all the time about having to take so much medicine… but I guess she can’t help it, can she?”

            “No. I’m glad she’s alright” he says.

            “And how’s your brother?” I try to keep the talk going. His fingers fondle with the cup handle, as if he was nervous.

            “He recently got himself a new girlfriend. Now she’s all he ever talks about…” His pupils shifting to the side makes it seem as if he was uncomfortable.

            “Must be tough” I say, lifting up my mug and downing the green tea in one go. It was about to get cold anyway.

            “Do you want some more?” he offers, however, I refuse by shaking my head.

            “No, I think I’ll leave now anyway…” Saying that, my heart already throbs, missing him, and for a moment I wish to go back to that night. To relive the moment when we looked deeply into each other’s eyes and saw something different than usual. The moment when our lips met for just a second and I could feel his warming breath on my cheeks.

            A certain sadness wells up in my gut and I swallow it, standing up.

            “Then…” I say to make it clear I’m really leaving.

            “Wait!” Youngjae jumps up and suddenly grabs my arm to hold me back, even though I wasn’t even moving. I turn around, only to discover a little bit of milky cream on his lower lip.

            “You…” I point at it, trying to get him to wipe it off. Instead he just answers,

            “I know.” With his dark pupils glued to my mouth, he leans in, granting me a taste of the cream, with a light side taste of sweet chocolate.

            “We need to talk” I say as the kiss breaks.

            “I’m in love with you” he whispers, fast-paced, and visibly relieved to have finally gotten the words out. Overwhelmed by emotions, his arms wrap around my body and I bury my face into his beating chest. It has been a while since I last felt so secure…

            “Youngjae…” I breathe his name into his comforting hold.

            “Hm?”

            “…they’re still as soft as back then. – Your lips.”