Today we celebrate a very special occasion - the world's best leader's birthday! >.< Yongguk is an inspiration to not only BABYz all around the world, he has a sense of justice unlike others and he is a hardworking, kind person. His gummy smile makes the world a little brighter whenever it shows and let's not talk about his bodyrolls... Anyways! We wish a very Happy Birthday to Yongguk, may he have the best day ever and many more best days ever to come!

This story was originally written for a very special person. She decided it would be time to release it into the wild - show it to other people, and let others as well know the message behind it. So we hope you enjoy it^^

            “Crying is exhausting“ I mumble. We all know that. At first it’s that relief of finally letting go of those emotions you’ve been holding inside. You get to express your pain, your anger, or your joy. But then, after a while, when you feel like you can’t breathe anymore and you’re shaking and your eyes start to hurt… that’s when you wish you had an off-button for the tears to stop flowing. But of course you don’t find that. You never do. I never do. So I sit here, crying my eyes out for at least the last three hours, not really knowing what to do anymore. Crying has stolen my energy, I do feel calmer now, but also exhausted. I would just like to lie down and sleep, but in the middle of the day when I’m expected to still function later on I don’t think I should. Additionally, my nose got stuffy, so when I lie down, I can breathe even less than sitting up. I slowly lift the handkerchief I’ve been holding and drenching in tears and the sweat from my palms, and wipe over my cheeks, before I let the next portion of tears fall onto the white sheets. It doesn’t even matter anymore, the puddle is there, I couldn’t care less if it’ll get any bigger or not. My phone buzzes. This must be the tenth time now. I chose to ignore it the earlier nine times, and I’m not particularly fond of communicating with the outside world now either, but slowly the thought of it being because of some important matter keeps creeping up to me, and it’s starting to bug the hell out of me. I force myself to bend over and reach out for my phone, which – of course – is about one centimeter too far away for me to grab. I let out a sigh and collapse onto the bed face first. Already having given up and crying some more, I flinch when the phone buzzes yet again. With a groan I heave my body forwards, so that I can finally take the phone and unlock it to read the messages.

            “So I was thinking about picking you up at 5?” – 11.34

            “Where do you want to go? Can we skip pizza for a day? haha” – 11.35

            “Not to bug you or anything, but I really need to know! The guys want a meeting later on…” – 11.47

            “I love you by the way ♥” – 11.47

            The message leaves a weak, fleeting smile on my lips, before my eyes keep reading.

            “You’re not at work right now, are you? I’m sorry to be this persistent, but I really need to know” – 11.58

            “Scheduled the meeting at 4 now… not sure if I can get you by 5… will call you later!” – 12.03

            “…is everything okay on your side?” – 12.06

            “You seem so quiet. Maybe it’s just my imagination, but you usually text back faster” – 12.07

            “Y/N?” – 12.07

            “You’re still at home, aren’t you? I’m coming over there right now” – 12.07

            “Hold tight; I’m on my way! ♥” – 12.08

            He… he’s coming over?! I jump up. He can’t see me like this. I wipe away the tears and remainders of runny make-up under my eyes and slap my cheeks in front of the mirror. “Stop crying… stop crying…!” I hiss at the reflection of my reddened, bloated face. No matter what, anyone who sees me now will immediately know I was bawling like a baby just moments ago. I move to the bathroom that’s still all messy from my little outbreak tonight and splash a handful of icy cold water into my face. Now I feel less like I just cried, but a look in the bathroom mirror tells me that I still look just as horrible as I did before. I smash another load of water into my face, and another, and another… hoping it will get better at some point, but the ringing of the doorbell tears me out of my mania. A bad premonition already hanging over my shoulders and head, and slowly running down my face like some slimy mass, I quickly wipe off the water with a towel and then slowly but with big steps approach the entrance door of my apartment. Another ringing. “I’m coming!” I shout, but my voice comes out as but a husky mess of mistuned vocal wobbles. Crap. I hesitate as I lay my hand on the doorknob and while tightly shutting my eyes for a second and biting down on my lip I open it about a fourth. I peek up into the eyes of the tall person standing in front of me, his strong gaze meeting my not so strong one.

            “Y/N?” he says in that low, deep voice that immediately calms me down, but not enough as it seems, since I now have to fight the reappearing tears. “Y-yeah?” I respond, attempting to sound firm, but of course failing. “Can I come in?” he asks. I freeze up. Maybe if I manage to send him away now, he won’t notice, but as soon as he enters my home I lose. “Why? Didn’t you have something to do with the guys?” I ask, forcing a smile, paying attention to making it reach my watery eyes. “Not yet” he responds. “Y/N… have you been crying?” – “Me? I-“ My voice cracks. The tears find their way down my cheeks. I stand there, smiling, but by now it should be obvious I’m not the least bit happy. Yongguk takes a step towards me and wraps me in his arms, holding my head against his chest to listen to his warming heartbeat. I start bawling again. The pain in my eyes immediately returns and I curse him in my mind for making me cry harder, at the same time being thankful for his presence.

            “It’s okay… let it out, Y/N” he whispers and over my hair as if it was a treasure of pure gold. “I’ve been… letting it out for so long already… I don’t wanna cry anymore…” I somehow manage to get out between repeatedly having to remind myself to keep breathing steadily. He lets go of me and instead places his arm around my shoulders. We walk inside and he closes the door behind himself before swiftly kicking off his shoes. He then leads me to my small living room, where he lets me sit down on the couch, then leaning over, placing his hands on each side next to me. He looks me deep in the eyes, with his head cocked to the left just a little.

            “Breathe… in and out… in and out…” I listen to his instructions and concentrate on following them, actually getting the crying to stop with a little bit of extra effort of holding back. When it seems like I’m safe, he sits down next to me, loosely hugging me and letting me rest my head on his chest once again. “What happened to make you feel like this?” he asks, taking my chin between his thumb and index finger, lifting it gently. I avert my gaze and stare into a corner of the room, while trying to talk – this time without immediately breaking out in tears again.

            “Everything… it’s been going like this for days but now… last night I didn’t sleep. I thought I’d pass out at some point but… that point never came, so I started drinking out of frustration…” He sighs at my explanation. “And then?” he questions, sensing that I wasn’t finished. I take a deep breath before I resume, “And then I went to take a bath but saw myself in the mirror and… I realized I didn’t like what I saw… because my current state was all over my face…” – “Your depressed mood?” – “That I’m not working. That I’m not functioning.” He places a kiss on my head, his hand on my shoulder caressing my skin in soft up and down. “Look at me” he demands in a calm voice, but putting just as much force behind it that I can’t disobey. “You don’t have to function. You’re a human. Humans don’t function” he explains, but I don’t believe him. Something inside of me wants to start a fight. To make it worse. “But I have to function!” I argue back. He shakes his head slightly. “No. It’s okay to feel broken sometimes. You have to live – live happily. That’s our responsibility as humans. To live life well. Not to function.” He places another peck on my head. I want to argue back once more but… something in his voice makes me want to believe his words. I just nod and lie back down on his chest, staring blankly onto the coffee table in front of us while listening to his heartbeat and slowly feeling mine adjusting to his.

            “You need sleep” I hear him speak. “You have work today, no?” Ugh, why did he have to remind me…? “Yeah…” I weakly answer. “Skip it” he says. “Call your manager and say you can’t make it because you’re sick.” – “I wish I could do that…” I sigh. “Why can’t you?” he asks. I lift my head, attempting to get up. “Because I’m not actually sick. I have to funct- … work.” He grabs my hand, wanting to pull me back onto the sofa, but I keep standing and turn my head to look at him, opening my mouth to give him about twenty reasons why I cannot skip work on this particular day.

            “You can ask him if you could switch shifts with someone and make it up tomorrow. What you need today is sleep, period.” Yongguk shoots me a strict look, that hides his concern for me, but doesn’t conceal it fully. I get scared at the thought of ditching my responsibilities. “But…” – “Shhh…” he too gets up, leaning in to shut me up by brushing his lips against mine. “Call him. He won’t mind, you know him. Please.” – “But I mind!” I shout, however, Yongguk doesn’t take back his demand. He gives me a little nudge to signal I should pick up the phone.

            In the end I call my manager and apologize about a hundred times for not saying anything sooner and for giving him such inconveniences, to which he assures me about a hundred times that it’s fine and the shop I work at isn’t so crowded during weekdays anyway. Yongguk keeps rubbing my back throughout the call, calming at least a few of my nerves. When I finally hang up, I sigh deeply and fall back onto the sofa.

            “Now what about the bath?” he asks. “What bath?” I look at him with wide eyes. “The one you wanted to take tonight. Did you?” I shake my head. “Then I know what we’re doing now.” He leans down for a kiss on my forehead, then taking both my arms and pulling me into the bathroom, only to stand shocked in front of the disaster I left there. He starts picking up things without asking questions right away and I help him, feeling guilty that he’s even making an effort to clean up my mess. “Leave it, I’ll do it. It’s my fault after all…” I try to convince him to stop, but he is determined to see it through.

            The bath is cleaned, and Yongguk turns on the water, pouring in some soap to make nicely smelling bubbles. “You have roses somewhere?” he asks me, and I confusedly shake my head. He sighs. “That’s too bad… but you surely have candles around, don’t you?” – “I do…” I say and point over to one of the shelves in the bathroom. He takes out some small candles and places them on the edges of the bathtub, taking out a lighter to make them shine. He closes the bathroom door and turns off the lights, leaving the candles to be the only sources of illumination in the room, creating a rather romantic atmosphere. He hugs me from behind and plants a soft kiss into my neck, before he slides off my cardigan and then lets his hands travel to my hips to pull down my pants. I want to protest and tell him I can undress myself, but then I decide to just leave it. I step out of the pants and socks, have him take off my shirt, revealing my skin as I’m not wearing a bra. I feel the need to hide my chest and cover it with my arms. He puts his around me and gives me a loving squeeze, before his fingers trace lines down to take off my underpants. Now crouching behind me, he kisses my lower back before standing back up.

            “You can go in, Y/N” he whispers into my ear and I approach the bathtub. I hear rustling of some fabric and when I stand in the bubbles I see a tattooed arm turn off the water. I look around and discover he took off his shirt, but not his pants.

            “Why…?” I ask and his finger lands on my lips. “Don’t talk, babe. Just lean back.” I obey and sit down in the hot bath. He takes the sponge I always keep around but never use and dips it into the water next to me.

            “Give me your hand” he demands, holding out his, and I do as told. He wrings out the sponge over my arms, letting water trickle down on my skin, then softly starting to scrub. Every now and then he makes eye contact with me to see if I’m feeling alright, until I feel relaxed enough to close my eyes. When he washed every part of my body he could reach, he pours water over my hair and I hear him pick up a bottle. Seconds later, I feel his hands and something cold on my head. His thin fingers slowly massage my scalp and my skin starts tingling everywhere. I think for a moment how I would hit him if he stopped now, but then my thoughts are washed away by the relaxation building up more and more.

            “This should be good…” he mumbles and reaches for the shower head to wash off the shampoo. “Stay in here for a while longer. I’ll make us dinner” he says and gets up, but my hand takes a hold of his pants before I can even think about it. I open my eyes to be met with his startled look.

            “Come in as well” I say. For a moment he doesn’t know what to do, then he takes the hand holding him and brings it to his mouth, giving it a kiss. “Okay.” He takes off his pants and socks and I make space for him to sit behind me. As he lets his body sink into the water, the bath almost overflows. I chuckle and feel his hands on my shoulders, pulling me back to make me lie down on his chest, nestling into a warm embrace. Next to my ear he starts humming a deep, slow melody.

            “Is that gonna be your new song?” I ask as I close my eyes and smile. “Maybe” he answers. “A song just for you.”