On the 5^th day of May,

 

 

Flowers are pretty exciting as you can see how it dance with the wind and the sun is shining so bright that made the mood more brighter

 

 

When you enter the spacious lot in front of me,

 

 

You can see a mail box.

 

 

The Manoban Family.

 

 

I smiled at it and slowly touched it as I think of the family I had.

 

 

A scenario once again appear in my head as I was standing near the aisle,

 

 

Staring at the woman who is walking slowly with her father on her left.

 

 

Wearing a long white wedding gown with her hair down which I do requested.

 

 

I love it when her hair is down,

 

 

 

Looking innocently like a kid that I just met 6 years ago.

 

 

 

Then another scenario appear in my head as it continuously give me butterflies in my stomach.

 

 

Holding my wife’s hand 6 years ago,

 

 

With her face full of happiness with only things that don’t cost too much.

 

 

“ Lisa look! “ She pointed a arcade machine

 

 

I groaned.

 

 

“ You know that I in that game, I’ll just buy you one “

 

 

She frowned

 

 

“ Who said you’ll be playing this? “

 

 

Then she open her purse and put a coin in the machine as she start playing.

 

 

I tilt my head as I look at the view I am staring in front of me.

 

 

An extra ordinary person that made me feel thousands of feelings.

 

 

She was struggling so hard to get one but I think I find it really cute.

 

 

“ Come on “

 

 

I hold her hand but then I saw her turn around and pouted.

 

 

“ Better luck next time, Babe “

 

 

 

Jennie continued pouting as she really keeps on giving me this feeling that I just need to support her and be on her back though she’s doing silly things.

 

 

 

I groaned and put my had on my pocket as I get some coins.

 

 

 

“ Here, I still have money. Go play “ I said

 

 

When I handed it to her, she was actually hesitating.

 

 

So I frowned.

 

 

“ I want to get it for you, using my money “

 

 

She was giving it back but I didn’t let her.

 

 

“ I want to have one, Please play for me? “

 

 

It was the first time I do aegyo but not that cringy, Just a little bit just to make her feel better and play with it.

 

 

Jennie was pouting so here I am again, trying to give her the comfort she wants from me.

 

 

She turned around and actually hesitating again.

 

 

“ Play for me “ I said as I hold her hand and guide it in the machine

 

 

 

And when she look at me, I just nodded and signal her that she should play.

 

 

 

When she started playing, I just rest my head on her neck as I back hug her while watching.

 

 

 

You know what?

 

 

I don’t care about the money

 

 

 

As long as i can hug Jennie like this?

 

 

 

I am willing to give her every penny I have just to give her time to catch up.

 

I entered the house and saw my little timmy on the floor.

 

 

 

We adopt Timmy from the pound because we do saw him in the streets and he was homeless.

 

 

 

At that time, it was snowing.

 

 

 

Jennie and I are walking towards our car parked and saw that Dog.

 

 

 

He was so thin and dirty.

 

 

 

Jennie and I are already arguing about it because she keep talking about Kai who passed away a year ago which is favorite dog.

 

 

 

She keeps talking how disrespectful I am for Kai if I get another dog.

 

 

 

“ Babe, Why can’t we start again and have him as our happy pill? “

 

 

 

Jennie was really against about it but I told her that I will be responsible.

 

 

 

“ We can’t just drown in sadness because of Kai. Maybe because he always show up because he really is going to be ours and I can feel that this will be another responsibility that I am looking forward too, Nini “

 

 

It took me half an hour to make Jennie agree with it.

 

 

“ One condition “

 

 

 

“  Yes babe? “

 

 

 

“ Don’t give him too much attention, you might do the same thing again with Kai and ignore all day “

 

 

 

I giggled and walk towards Jennie.

 

 

“ How can you be so jealous while you’re already my wife “

 

 

 

I peck on her lips and give her a warm smile.

 

 

 

“You know that you’re the only one whom I love so much “

 

 

 

Her glares turns into smiles and kisses that I thank god because even though how cold she is on some thing, at least I can actually ask her and talk about it in a calm way.

 

 

 

“ Go now, Get the dog so that we can go home already “

 

 

I nodded and smiled.

 

 

 

It was so nice but then he was scared when I approached him first.

 

 

I thought he was about to bite me but then he jump on me and my cheeks.

 

 

 

He was a Golden Retriever puppy and it looks like he’s only 4 months old.

 

 

 

I am not sure but he’s still young.

 

 

 

I wrap him up with my cardigans and run towards Jennie who is waiting til she starts the engine and drive us home.

 

 

 

Looking at him right now made me feel in relief.

 

 

I bend down and look at him closer made me really feel happy.

 

 

 

I was thinking,

 

 

 

What would happen if you still stayed on the streets without someone who will take care of you?

 

 

Maybe our life is a bore.

 

 

 

Cause he really do brighten our days.

 

 

 

Jennie also learned to take care of him and let Kai’s past be in the past.

 

 

 

When I’m in work,

 

 

Jennie is the one who will walk with Timmy

 

 

She also let Timmy sits on the couch since he’s not a trouble maker.

 

 

I even once caught Jennie sleeping in the couch with Timmy who is looking after her while watching television.

 

 

 

It was all memories that I have with this big guy.

 

 

When I go up and enter our room,

 

 

 

I saw Jennie lying down in the bed.

 

 

 

Hugging the plushie that I gave her when we celebrated our 200^th day.

 

 

 

“ Baby “ I whispered

 

 

I walk towards her and bend down as I rest my face on my hand.

 

 

 

“ Look how beautiful my wife is “

 

 

 

Looking at her eyes made me feel like the first time I met her.

 

 

 

Fluttery feelings made me want to hug her tight and just lock her in my arms.

 

 

 

Jennie Kim.

 

 

 

You are my happiness

 

 

 

And also my weakness.

 

 

 

“ Lisa “ she whispered

 

 

 

It caught my attention as I look at her and saw a tear drop fall in her eyes.

 

 

 

“ Why did you leave me? “

 

 

 

I didn’t Jennie.

 

 

 

“ Why so soon? “

 

 

 

I’m still here.

 

 

 

“ It’s been a while, Lisa “

 

 

 

I know.

 

 

 

Then I heard her phone ring and saw Bobby’s name on her phone screen.

 

 

 

Looking at her as she answer the phone call made my heart breaks.

 

 

 

“ Yes, Bobby. Let’s meet later, I’ll just change my clothes “

 

 

 

And when she hanged up,

 

 

Jennie sighed and asked

 

 

“ Lisa “

 

 

Jennie.

 

 

“ Are you trying to test me? “

 

 

 

No, Jennie.

 

 

 

“ You know my answer is, Lisa “

 

 

 

I know.

 

 

 

 

Jennie then prepare herself as she change her clothes and get the car keys.

 

 

While getting the car keys, Timmy enters as he barks.

 

 

“ Yes, Timmy? You hungry? “ Jennie asked

 

 

 

But Timmy just tilt her head and I saw that he was looking at me who is standing beside Jennie.

 

 

Jennie gasp.

 

 

 

“ Why are you tilting your head, boy? “ She asked

 

 

Then Jennie walk towards him and pet him.

 

 

“ Lisa is not here, Timmy. “

 

 

I am here, Jennie.

 

 

“ I know you only tilt your head everytime you see Lisa but I think you just missed her right? “ Jennie asked

 

 

Then he gave her a response where he wants to cuddle with Jennie.

 

 

 

“ Later baby boy, I need to meet someone “

 

 

 

Jennie stand up and leave the house.

 

 

 

Looking at her entering a restaurant where Bobby is waiting, He was wearing a tuxedo while Jennie only wear a simple tee and pants.

 

 

 

Bobby was smiling so widely as he saw Jennie.

 

 

 

“ Hi “ Bobby greeted.

 

 

“ Hello, Bobby “ She smiled

 

 

 

Then they both sit and order food til they do their greetings as they also talk on what’s going on, how are they and many more.

 

 

 

They were chatting happily while me watching them from a far.

 

 

 

Til I realized that the conversation gets emotional as Bobby started it and Jennie was over emotional.

 

 

“ I like you, Jennie “

 

 

Bobby said sincerely as he push a little red box in her.

 

 

 

“ You know I like you, ever since “

 

 

 

Jennie sighed.

 

 

“ Bobby “

 

 

 

He lowered his head as he explained himself after all.

 

 

 

But Jennie cut him off.

 

 

 

“ I like you too, Bobby “

 

 

 

I want to be happy but Jennie needs this,

 

 

 

I want her to be happy too.

 

 

 

I want her to move on

 

 

 

I want her to continue life

 

 

 

Without my presence.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ But Bobby, I love Lisa “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ I love Lisa so much “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jennie, Please.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ I know, Jennie. But please give me a chance “ Bobby said

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ I want to, Bobby. But my heart still in Lisa “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ She’s dead already, Jennie “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ I don’t know why but even death won’t stop me from loving her “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ Since the day she give me her hand and vow to each other, Bobby. That was the only day that I feel like I will never stop loving this person though I married her with only years left in her life “

 

 

 

Watching Jennie sobbing in front of Bobby made me reminisce what happened.

 

 

 

She asked me to marry her.

 

 

“ Jennie “

 

 

“ Please don’t tell me you’re rejecting me, Lisa “

 

 

I was staring at her as she keeps on begging me to marry her.

 

 

“ Can’t you see, what am I right now? “

 

 

Jennie was tearing up as she hold my hand and begged again.

 

 

 

“ Jennie, look at how many needles I have in my body. “

 

 

 

“ Look at these medications that I’ve been taking “

 

 

 

 

“ Look how Ill I am, Jennie “

 

 

 

But she just keep holding on and didn’t leave the hospital.

 

 

 

“ Why can’t you just give me a chance to live with you? “

 

 

 

“ I don’t mind if you’re ill. “

 

 

 

“ I love you, Lisa. “

 

 

 

She was holding my hand as she tear up and begging for it.

 

 

 

“ I may not be the perfect girl who will take care of you but I will try my very best “

 

 

 

I lowered my head and sighed.

 

 

 

 

“ Jennie “

 

 

 

 

I was about to talk back again but then I felt a lips damp into mine as I smell Jennie’s fragrance that made me want to cuddle her all night but then I was too vulnerable for it.

 

 

 

“ Marry me, Lisa “

 

 

 

Jennie was crying as she stay holding my hand and rest her head on the side of my bed.

 

 

 

 

“ Jennie “

 

 

 

She didn’t respond and just cry.

 

 

 

“Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia , I can’t take all the medications anymore. “  I cried

 

 

 

 

But Jennie  sit up and lie down beside me as she pull me and let me lean on her shoulder.

 

 

 

 

“ I know, I can’t just force you if you’re suffering “

 

 

 

 

“ Can I just live without these? “

 

 

 

 

I just felt Jennie pull me more as she kissed my forehead and hug me tight.

 

 

 

 

 

“ Live with me, Lisa. I’ll make you happy and won’t give you pains “

 

 

 

That was when I realized Jennie took all the responsibility.

 

 

 

From the day I said yes.

 

 

 

She was there.

 

 

 

Though she’s attending college.

 

 

Jennie don’t miss any of my therapy.

 

 

 

Til the day we get married.

 

 

 

 

She never give me pain from the day she asked my hand til the day ends.

 

 

Jennie,

 

 

Please give yourself happiness.

 

 

Please keep forward.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ I’m sorry, Bobby “ she said

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Jennie took her stuff as she stand up and bow to Bobby.

 

 

 

“ Jennie “

 

 

 

 

She stopped and look at Bobby who is smiling.

 

 

 

 

“ Lisa was lucky to have you and I am so jealous “

 

 

 

“ It’s not hard to love someone, Bobby. You know what’s hard? “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ To let go of someone you love yet you still love her “

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ Lisa “

 

 

 

“ Tell me you’re here “

 

 

 

I am, Jennie.

 

 

 

She was sobbing in the green grass with a flower in her hand.

 

 

 

“ I missed you “

 

 

 

I missed you much, Jennie

 

 

 

“ Do you know what it is today? “ She asked

 

 

 

Watching her sit down and open the box with a cake inside as she lighten it up with candle.

 

 

“ Happy 7^th anniversary to us babe! “

 

 

I smiled as I saw her being the energetic and jolly person I love.

 

 

“ I’m so lonely, Lisa “

 

 

Then I can feel the tears flowing out of my eyes as I bend down at her back and hug her.

 

 

 

I am lonely too, Jennie.

 

 

There’s a lot of people wants to make you happy but why did you stay?

 

 

 

Why did you let your feelings stay?

 

 

“ But you know what? You still give me fluttery feeling when I reminisce some of our sweetness and how you treat me well “

 

 

Jennie, you’re the one who always treat me well.

 

 

 

I tighten the hug but then I can’t do anything because she won’t feel it.

 

 

 

All the back hugs since day one

 

 

 

You’re the only woman that I want to spent for the rest of my life

 

 

 

 

“ At the same time I feel sad because I missed you so much “

 

 

I rest my head on her shoulder as I let my tears fall while she talk about everything.

 

 

 

From how she feel and how she wants to be with me that bad,

 

 

 

But Jennie you need to stay.

 

 

 

“ You kow, I’ve been thinking of killing myself too and I tried so many times but then I thought of you. Will you be happy if you see me once I died? “

 

 

 

Of course I would baby.

 

 

 

But your not yet done with what you need to do in here.

 

 

 

“ You can see how happy I am right now, Lisa. But everything is just a mask that I need to put on in everyday that I will wake up “

 

 

 

Then I can see some tears showing too as she wipe it with her hand.

 

 

 

I want to wipe it so bad,

 

 

My wife.

 

 

My precious Jennie.

 

 

You were my world.

 

 

And I don’t want to see my world getting sad.

 

 

“ Lisa, are you here? Please hug me, I missed you so much “

 

 

I released myself from her as I bend down my knee and face her

 

 

 

She was sobbing so hard.

 

 

 

“ Remember what you told me before you left me? “

 

 

 

I nodded.

 

 

 

“ That you will love me til my soul exist in the world “

 

 

 

I do, Jennie.

 

 

 

“ Do you still exist in here? “

 

 

Yes.

 

 

 

I am in front of you, Babe.

 

 

 

I missed you so much.

 

 

 

Your hugs

 

 

Your kisses

 

 

And your touch.

 

 

 

“ Even though your soul don’t exist anymore, I still love you “

 

 

 

I love you too, baby.

 

 

 

You know I always will.

 

 

“ Hug me, Lisa. “

 

 

 

I move forward and let my other hand touch her back as I pull her from me and let my lips damp on her forehead.

 

 

 

Jennie then giggled.

 

 

 

 

I know she can’t feel any of my movements anymore.

 

 

But I keep on giving her kisses in her forehead as I smiled and just do what I want to do with my wife.

 

 

For the last time,

 

 

 

I need to kiss her for the last.

 

 

 

And let her drown in my arms while I can.

 

 

 

I kissed her forehead and closed my eyes.

 

 

 

I prayed to god how grateful I am right now.

 

 

 

Then she giggled and smiled.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“ I just felt that, Lisa. I love you “