“Did you remember everything?”

Joo Kyulkyung nodded, “Yeah I did” she whispered the tiredness evident in her voice. It was the same routine. She’d have to go to China to film for the variety show she had been casted on, then come back to Korea within a few days for any domestic schedules. Now that Kyla was on a hiatus, the management were starting to expect her to be back for more than they usually would because eight just sounded too lonely when compared to nine.

“Be careful okay?”

The members would never know and they never pretended to know either, well at least Jung Eunwoo never did. Eunwoo knew how private and guarded their fellow Chinese member could be. She could never imagine what it would be like to leave her family at such a young age, go to a foreign country not knowing any of the language and training for years for a dream that couldn’t even be guaranteed. The closest she’d ever feel to the girl was maybe her countless experiences with survival shows, but even then, she wasn’t quite sure it’d ever be able to measure against being alone. Even after all these years, had Kyulkyung ever truly opened-up? Within all these years of being together going through the same hardships, had Kyulkyung ever talked instead of listen?

“Remember to message us when you arrive,” Eunwoo honestly was worried about Kyulkyung, she had always been worried. She wanted to ask if the girl was okay, but she knew that even if she asked it’d be the same reply every time. Kyulkyung would never say that she wasn’t okay. She watched the slightly younger girl zip up her suitcase, “Don’t overwork yourself okay?”

Kyulkyung let out a little chuckle, “You worry too much.”

Eunwoo could only smile at the statement as she watched the girl leave the dorm. And just like that, Kyulkyung was gone for the fourth time this month. “Then you should stop worrying me so much…” Eunwoo whispered as the door clicked shut.

It was at times like these that Eunwoo really hated their management.

“Kyulkyung-ah, hurry up we need to squeeze in this second rehearsal.”

Kyulkyung quickly fixed up her stage outfit and the microphone that was taped to her neck, “I’m coming.”

The members waited backstage as their managers rushed back and forth between their waiting room. Did they really have to rush someone that had just gotten off a flight like that? Eunwoo hated it.

Shortly after, Kyulkyung came running over with a bright smile on her face, “Hey guys let’s go.”

Everyone smiled back, quietly welcoming the girl back before heading up onto stage for their final rehearsal. Eunwoo glanced at Kyulkyung whose expression had faltered for a split second and she could tell that in that moment that Kyulkyung would black out if she could. But, she couldn’t so she didn’t.

The rehearsal went by smoothly despite the few mistakes Kyulkyung had made with the choreography, which she had just laughed off along with some of the other members who had witnessed her clumsiness. For the bubbly person she was, it was hard for people to find a fault in her brightness but Eunwoo wasn’t as easily blinded by Kyulkyung’s energy as others. Eunwoo had paid more attention to Kyulkyung’s habits than she would let off. It was hard for Eunwoo even to wrap her head around it, but she really cared for the girl; more than she had ever anticipated.

“You good?” Eunwoo asked casually, knowing that it was the best way to ask Kyulkyung anything.

Kyulkyung nodded as she took a sip of water, “Yeah.”

“Did you get to sleep on the flight?”

There was a micropause, “I napped.”

Eunwoo nodded, “That’s good.”

Kyulkyung didn’t sleep. Eunwoo knew. At this point, she probably hadn’t slept for a day and on that lack of sleep she had managed to carry through a variety show filming, a flight, and a concert – which despite only having three songs to perform, lasted the day because of rehearsals and waiting their turn to perform. They’ll probably only manage a nap before moving onto tomorrow’s schedule, meaning Kyulkyung will be close to having not slept for two days by that point. No wonder she was faltering.

“I wish someone could just knock me out,” Kyulkyung joked as the other members laughed in agreement.

It was a joke, but Kyulkyung would gladly take an offer to be knocked out if it was the only way for her to get a rest and Eunwoo knew that. Kyulkyung really didn’t have to do everything she was doing right now. The management would be understanding if she would just say something. It could be negotiated, but maybe Kyulkyung felt like she had to do more to prove herself because she was a foreigner; she wasn’t Korean.

Eunwoo hated it.

It had been a long time since Kyulkyung could just stand in silence and drown herself in her own thoughts. She had used a trip to the convenience store as an excuse to get a breather from all the practicing at the studio. Her intentions were just to get some fresh air and then head back immediately after but the trip ended up longer than she had originally planned. Maybe it was a bad idea to be alone. Maybe it was better to be distracted by all the practices and screams from their instructors.

When was the last time she felt that she could breathe? For just one second and not care about anything to do with their comeback or their upcoming performances. Why did it feel so comfortable to just stand in the middle of the empty street and stare up at the dark sky? Even without the stars, Kyulkyung still felt that she couldn’t have seen anything more beautiful. This sudden hit of relaxation made her body weak, as all her exhaustion from the past month flooded over her.

It felt like it was going to rain.

Kyulkyung could care less. She’d rather get soaked in the rain than move. Maybe if she soaked for long enough she could fall sick and finally black out so that she could rest. The light drops hit her face before it escalated into a downpour. She smiled as she felt the rain wash over her and for the first time this year she let her tears fall, blending in with the rain. No one would’ve known she cried, and she didn’t plan on telling anyone either.

She had forgotten that the members were probably waiting for her and wondering what was taking her so long. She had forgotten that she still had to go back to practice with the rest of the team. She had forgotten that she still needed to go to the convenience store and make a purchase to make her story believable. She had remembered that she was human and that she was completely capable of breaking apart.

The comfort ended as fast as it started, as Kyulkyung’s phone vibrated in her pocket. She picked it up, knowing that it must’ve been one of her members calling to ask where she was, “Hey.”

“Where are you? Did you bring an umbrella?”

It was Eunwoo. It was always Eunwoo. Kyulkyung didn’t say anything.

“Hey, are you okay? Do you need me to go give you an umbrella?”

Why did she always have to call? It made Kyulkyung feel guilty for always worrying her. She knew that Eunwoo always had an eye on her, making sure that she was okay. No matter how tired or stressed Eunwoo could’ve been, she still always made sure to check on Kyulkyung. Was it because she was the only foreign member? Or was it because Eunwoo just cared that much for anyone; any member?

Kyulkyung never knew what to say to Eunwoo.

“Kyulkyung-ah, say something. What’s wrong?”

Kyulkyung could hear the panic that was slowly overtaking Eunwoo and smiled just knowing that she had someone by her side, “Eunwoo…”

“Yeah?”

“I want to go home.”

In that exact moment, Kyulkyung really wished it. She wished that she would fall sick, sick enough to faint just so that she could finally get some rest. But, she had never meant for it to happen because she didn’t want to trouble the other members and staff. Yet here she was, in bed, sick.

No one knew at first. She had arrived home, had a warm shower and snuggled into bed reassuring the others that she would be fine. It was only two days or so after that Kyulkyung started to feel the symptoms but she didn’t say anything and hid it well. If the members did realise anything, none of them would’ve thought it to be serious. She could’ve gotten away with it if she didn’t end up fainting right after a performance backstage.

Kyulkyung had recovered quite a fair way by now, so she was only told to rest up a bit more at the dorms by her doctor and her management. But, of course Eunwoo wouldn’t leave her alone.

“You said you were fine.”

“I was.”

“Yo