They met on the very first day of law school. It was love at first glare for Yoochun – he fell in love, the other glared. For some odd reason, he found the other’s hateful glances towards him endearing. And he just can’t help but fall deeper – with every insult that was hurtled his way whenever he can’t answer the professors’ questions.

But Yoochun was a bright and witty person. He was hardworking as a student and very much determined to succeed in his life endeavors – granted that he’s still a bit confused at this point in time. So it came as a puzzle to him, really, when he just kept on forgetting everything he’s read and stutter whenever his just as bright classmate was around. Unfortunately for his grades – and for Junsu since he seemed to hate Yoochun’s guts – they’re stuck together in the one and only law class of the university.

Yoochun did his hardest to make up for what he lacked in the recitations department. He poured all his might into the written exams and other assignments. Most times, he got the highest scores. He wanted to show Junsu that he was, in fact, intelligent too.

But with each and every one of Yoochun’s successes, Junsu’s hatred seemed to multiply. So the sarcasm and smirks never disappeared; the jeers more personal and hurtful than the last. Yoochun never understood why the other saw him in such a bad light. That’s why, after three years of pining, he let’s go and gives up.

Yoochun moved on. He graduated. He aced the bar exams. He even became partners with his older best friend Kim Jaejoong and led Kim and Park Law. He became a trial lawyer – something that he never even thought of doing. He forgot about Junsu, it seemed. Even Jaejoong never knew about his unrequited affection.

Moving on wasn’t a problem, actually. When he decided to give up on Junsu, he did better in class. He remembered his answers well; he didn’t stutter. He could look the other in the eyes without blushing. And he responded to the smirks and ridicule with calm and collected smugness.

To the world, Yoochun changed. And he changed for the better.

That was all good, then. But the problem was that the world was very much mistaken. And the proof was the painfully fast beating of Yoochun’s heart right now. He was sitting directly opposite his long time crush in a quaint, little café in downtown Seoul.

“I saw you in that hearing between Jung and Shim,” Junsu stated, his voice low and husky – enough to send chills down Yoochun’s spine. “You seemed quite different than when we were in school.”

“I don’t quite understand what you’re saying, Kim-sshi,” he responded, head low and eyes not meeting the other’s.

“Oh, come on. Can’t we be in good terms, Yoochun? It’s been years since graduation.”

“I wasn’t the one with all the hatred, then, Kim-sshi. Speaking of which, the reason why you hated me so much still eludes me.” Yoochun took a sip of his cappuccino. It was too hot and he could feel his tongue blistering but he struggled to keep his cool. He acted like he was never hurt.

“I was young, you know. And I always thought that you were a conceited rich boy who didn’t belong in law school,” Junsu answered, matter-of-factly.

“Uh huh. And now? Why did you have to find me out and talk to me like we’re old friends?”

“Because, like I mentioned earlier, I saw you in the hearing between Jung and Shim. I’m curious, come on, humor me. Why’d you become a divorce lawyer?” The smile that drew on Junsu’s lips bordered on naughty, challenging him to give in.

“I’m not a divorce lawyer; it’s just that Yunho’s a good friend. And he trusted us – me – to make Changmin understand the things he wants to say,” Yoochun snaps.

“And what is that, if I may ask?”

“I’m going to lose my license just by talking to you,” Yoochun stated, but continued. “Yunho loves Changmin and Changmin loves Yunho.”

“If that’s the case, then why are they having a divorce.”

“Because Changmin doesn’t think that it’s quite enough.”

Lawyer Park emerges from the café in a daze. He had his white Blackberry prone in his hand, Kim Junsu’s number still typed in the home screen. He couldn’t quite remember how they got from bickering about love to exchanging numbers, except that Junsu asked for his – that he was certain of.

His heart wouldn’t stop hammering against his chest.

As bright at Yoochun would like to think of himself as, Kim Junsu confused the life out of him. And try as he might, he could not say no whenever he received a message or call to go out for coffee (like the day right after), lunch (the very next Thursday), a late night movie (on Saturday), and dinner (almost thrice a week from there on out). Yoochun didn’t have the heart to ask, though – as cowardly as it was – he just didn’t have the guts. Junsu was a top lawyer after all, and Yoochun’s excuses to not go were all irrelevant.

To his own best friend, Yoochun’s lips strived to deny what his heart cannot. Because, to be perfectly honest, the affections he harbored for the other lawyer never wavered; his feelings never faded.

Not that he’d tell anyone that. Besides, he’d no certainty that Junsu’s almost too friendly actions towards him were actually more. And by the time the other got as bold as to reach out and hold Yoochun’s hand, the latter was already bordering on insanity. He had absolutely no idea how to control – his heart, his hormones, himself. Because Junsu seemed to like holding his hand; always held his hand whenever they were together. And he liked it too, so much. Maybe even too much. So he let the lingering touches continue, and he responded to each and everyone as if they were legitimate – rightfully for him.

Well, he surely wanted to do more. But the memories of Junsu hating on him in law school always held him back. What if he only wants to make it up to me? And it always did its job.

Yoochun’s world was turned topsy-turvy one night during dinner at a family restaurant. He flipped through some case files in between spoonfuls, Junsu sitting right across him. It was beautifully chilly Wednesday evening and they had decided to have coffee at the restaurant after eating. It had been some several months since that day they exchanged numbers.

Yoochun busied himself with work, only looking up at the other man when he wanted to ask or clarify something. But mostly, they kept to themselves. It was a fairly pleasant affair. They could just suddenly talk – say something funny, crack a joke, express an opinion – and the other would just be willing to respond even though they were doing their own things. They were together.

Junsu then put down everything he was holding. And then, he asked a question that had Yoochun’s world stop on its axis. He froze on his seat, documents ignored on the table.

“What did you just say? I could’ve sworn that you asked me to – but nah, I highly doubt it,” Yoochun rambled.

“What are you saying, Chun-ah?” Junsu asked, there was a silent plea in his voice.

“No, no. What were you saying?” the other replied.

After a loud sigh, “I said, let’s move in together.”

“What?” was the exclamation.

“What’s with the surprise?” Junsu queried some more. But he didn’t wait for an answer before adding, “I mean, we’ve been together for almost a year and we see each other everyday, too…”

“Together? We’re not together,” Yoochun snapped. “We’re – we have dinner and coffee. We hang out. You can’t want to be together with me. You don’t even like me.”

Junsu stood up. “I’m sorry,” he said, soft yet laden with emotions Yoochun could not distinguish. “I apologize for taking your time. I thought there – I thought you felt the same.”

And then he turned to leave. It all happened so fast that Yoochun didn’t even get to react to his words. A few moments passed, time to let the words sink in, before he could call out the other’s name and run after him. But Junsu had already paid the bill and sped off, probably out of Yoochun’s life for good.

Lawyer Park didn’t receive any messages or calls from Junsu after that. And when he tried to get in touch with the other, he just couldn’t get through. He figured he’d give the other some time to simmer off. But he grew weary with each passing day – so much that he thought back to everything he’d done with the other.

He wanted to look back at the possible hints he missed. Were they all hand-holding obvious? Because he missed everything – and he’s supposed to be a lawyer, investigative and with an eye for details.

Those traits, he seemed to have forgotten over the time they were Chun-ah and Su-yah to each other. He wanted them back. He wanted Junsu back.

His life went on as per usual. He met with clients, debated in court, wrote reports, ate his meals, drank his coffee, browsed Naver, and bickered with Jaejoong. When his friend asked about Junsu, however, Yoochun went silent. He shook his head and excused himself for bed.

Jaejoong’s questioning was consistent, though, much like how he was in court. He inquired discerningly and constantly. He made sure to break down the walls that Yoochun leaned on to keep erect. He tried many different methods – didn’t wash Yoochun’s clothes so he’d have to do them; didn’t cook his meals; didn’t pay the cable fee so Yoochun couldn’t watch his favorite dramas; he even went as far as taking Yoochun’s sweet, sweet Harang from his parents place and kept him hostage.

The barrier toppled down eventually, and just a few hours later, Yoochun was knocking on Kim Junsu’s door. He had behind him – hidden from view – a bag in which Jaejoong haphazardly packed his friend’s clothes.

His heart pounded against his chest, a furious thump thump, thump thump that he could not control. He knocked once then pressed his ear against the door. He couldn’t hear any movements. He knocked again, still no sound.

With slumped shoulders – and, if possible, an even more broken heart – he turned to leave. He pulled his trolley along as he almost dragged his body away.

But he did not get far, the sound of Junsu’s voice pulled him right back. “Park Yoochun.”

Yoochun turned and managed a nervous smile. He looked constipated but, really, at this point he couldn’t have cared less.

“Jaejoong got me to spill about the – about that night,” he started, his right hand scratching on his nape. “When I told him that you wanted to move in together, he packed my bag and threw me right out –“ he ended with a soft, embarrassed chuckle. “But, I guess it’s ok if you changed your mind, I could just –“

Lawyer Park Yoochun found himself positively and pleasurably manhandled – pressed against the door with Junsu’s sinful mouth on his. He forgot to breathe, especially when he felt hot, impossibly hot, hands on his neck and navel. He forgot his name.

When the lips leave his and he is able to take in a much needed gulp of air, all he could utter was the other’s name.

And the confession that took him so many years to make.