Junhong wiggled his toes before standing up and stretching. He needed to go to bed. It was so very late, but he needed to brush his teeth first. He didn't know why he stayed up so late all the time. It wasn't like he wanted to. He just... he couldn't fall asleep. There was always too much on his mind. Over the last few weeks, he'd started watching a new drama to fill up the time he couldn’t sleep. It had only just started airing, and he was way too into it.

He sighed as he grabbed his toothbrush. There was a reason for his interest, of course. One he hardly liked even admitting to himself. He found the one actor extremely attractive. He had ever since he'd met the guy. He recalled their first meeting, a sheer coincidence as they had finished getting their hair done at the same by chance. He'd timidly approached, bowing and introducing himself. "Ah sunbaenim, it's really nice to meet you," he'd said. "I'm Lee Junyoung."

He hadn't known who he was. With the hiatus, he'd missed out on quite a lot. "I'm sorry, Junyoung ssi," he apologized, "I don't know who you are."

The other laughed self-consciously, before explaining, "I'm the maknae of U-KISS. I joined two years ago."

Junhong had nodded in understanding. He hadn't followed their activities, but he knew who they were, of course. Everyone knew who they were. Naega geureoge reoge manmanhani, he thought, chuckling to himself. He'd met them in the past, but not since they'd had apparently undergone a member change. Curious about the stranger, he asked, "What is your position in the group?"

Junyoung gave him a gummy smile, a smile that reminded him so much of Yongguk hyung, before answering, "I'm a rapper and dancer. I do vocals sometimes, too." He looked bashful as he added, "I really look up to you, sunbae-nim."

He'd flushed at the praise, embarrassed but happy. "Ah, thanks. And please don't call me sunbae-nim. Just hyung is fine. Unless you're older..."

"My birthday is January of 97. You're my hyung."

He'd smiled in return, pleased. The interaction was pleasant, and he felt pleased that someone looked up to him. He realized then that Junyoung was nearly as tall as he was, something that didn’t happen very often, and as he said his goodbyes and went to head off for his schedule, he'd told Junyoung that he hoped that they'd see each other again in the future.

He sighed again as he climbed in bed. He actually hadn't run into Junyoung since then. It had been a year and a half, and their schedules had just never aligned. Such was being a celebrity. Unless you had their contact info, it was hard to get in touch with others. He wished he could see him. He'd been captivated from the brief introduction. The slightly younger man was so handsome. Tall, muscular, model-like features. He had spent an embarrassing amount of time watching videos of him, be it interviews or performances. He was obsessed and ashamed of himself. He'd always figured he would end up with a woman, but then again, he'd never been strongly attracted to any woman. Or even another man, for that matter. He'd been so focused on work and personal growth. It felt so weird to have feelings for someone. Someone he didn't even really know, except for a brief encounter at the salon and the image he presented on screen. He wanted to learn everything he could about Lee Junyoung.

He groaned and rolled over. Clearing his thoughts. Junyoung was going to be on an idol reboot program that would be airing soon. A drama and a reality show. It was a lot for a person to do at once. He knew from experience. But he was going to watch both. Just to see him. Just to get to know him better. He scowled. His thoughts had wandered back to the person he was trying to get them away from. He glanced at the clock in his room. 3:30 AM. He had a schedule in the morning and was not going to get nearly enough sleep. He closed his eyes, willing his mind to relax, fighting away the gummy smile that invaded his mind. He didn't know how much longer he could bear to keep this secret. It was affecting everything he did. Slowly, painfully slowly, his body succumbed to exhaustion, as his mind churned over all the scenarios, the what ifs should he meet Junyoung again.

-

Unsurprisingly, he felt grumpy in the morning. Groggy and grumpy, and he just really wanted some coffee. Junyoung doesn't like coffee, he recalled. He shook his head. He was going to get his hair done first, and then he was going to a fan sign event. Then they'd all go back to the company to practice for their upcoming concert. He'd get to sleep in the van, at least. He showered quickly before pulling on jeans and a shirt and heading to the kitchen. His mom had breakfast prepared for him, and he sat down to eat. She asked him a couple of questions about how things were going, and he'd answered her somewhat noncommittally.

He'd thanked her for the meal, before going to brush his teeth quickly, and then heading out the door. He'd just climbed in the elevator when he got a text from Himchan saying that they were all waiting in the van for him. "On my way down now," he'd messaged quickly.

He climbed in, settling into his spot in the back of the van, and off they went. He'd quickly fallen asleep during the drive, head phones in his ears, and the next thing he knew was feeling Youngjae shaking him awake. He made his way out of the car, plodding into the salon behind Jongup, who seemed equally as sleepy. He sat down in a chair, and the stylist went to work while he dozed off once more.

"Is everything okay, Junhongie?" Himchan asked, concern evident on his face.

He looked up at his fellow member, trying to register what he'd been asked. It clicked after a second, and he answered, "Yeah. Just stayed up too late."

"You really shouldn't do that," Himchan chided softly. "The fans expect to see your upbeat, energetic self."

"I know. Sorry. I just had a lot on my mind and couldn't sleep."

"Need to talk about it," Himchan offered.

He almost said yes. He wanted to talk to someone so badly about what he was feeling. He wanted someone to tell him he was crazy or normal. He didn't care which. He just wanted to know. He wanted to get the secret out in the open and off of his chest, but it was scary to tell anyone the truth, so he shook his head and answered, "No." Himchan shrugged and turned his attention back to his phone, leaving Junhong to turn back to his thoughts. He needed to tell someone, but he wasn't sure who'd be best. Yongguk hyung would give him sound advice, but he wasn't sure he wanted the older man to know. He respected Yongguk a lot, but this didn't feel like the sort of thing he could confide in him. He knew who he was ultimately going to tell, and he glanced over at Jongup, who was now staring intently at his phone screen, presumably watching anime.

Hair done, he stood up to go sit and wait for everyone else to finish. He leaned back on the couch, closing his eyes, thinking he’d try to nap some more. That's when he heard a familiar voice that made his heart race. The younger man was here. He panicked, putting his arm over his face and pretending to sleep. Despite what he wanted, he was too embarrassed to go talk to him. He heard him greeting the rest of s, introducing himself as "U-KISS's maknae, Jun."

His heart was pounding, and then he heard a quiet, "Ah... Junhong hyung. Hi."

He uncovered his face and looked up at the other. He'd watched him on video so frequently, but the younger man was so much more handsome in real life. "Hey," he greeted, throat feeling tight from nervousness.

"Sorry to wake you," Junyoung said quietly, "but I really wanted to say hi. It's been awhile."

"Yeah," Junhong breathed.

He sat up, and then Junyoung asked, “Do you mind if I sit down here? I've got to wait until you guys are done.”

“It’s fine,” he replied, but his voice sounded strange to his ears. Junyoung sat down beside him, and he felt his face flush. The person he liked was so so close. It felt strange to have him so close. He'd wanted it more than anything, but now that it was happening, he didn't know what to do. The other wasn’t even paying attention to him. He’d sat down and immediately starting playing a game on his phone. He figured he should say something. Anything. "Um... Junyoung," he started awkwardly, "your drama is really good."

The younger man looked up, surprise evident on his face. "You're watching it? Really?"

He nodded. "Yeah. You're doing a really good job."

Junyoung flashed him that gummy smile again, and he felt his heart melt. "Thanks. I'm glad you think so, hyung."

Silence settled between them after that, and Junhong wanted to talk more. He really wanted to get to know the other better. He wanted to hang out. He wanted to be friends. Truthfully, he wanted to be more than that, but friends would be a good start. Jongup came over to let him know it was time to go since everyone else had finished up, and before getting up, he looked over at the younger man. Shyly, he asked, "Junyoung... would you like to have my Kakao username? So we can talk sometime?" He felt the heat on his face and uneasily waited for an answer.

Junyoung gave him a wide-eyed stare. "Really?" he sounded excited. "I'd like that." They exchanged usernames, said goodbye, and then Junhong followed Jongup out.

Jongup touched his arm as they walked to the van together, getting his attention. "You were blushing while talking to that guy," he noted quietly, saying it so no one else would overhear.

"I... I wasn't, hyung," he denied, stuttering a bit, that same self-conscious blush from before spreading across his face.

"You definitely were. You like him, don't you?"

He shook his head vehemently, but Jongup didn't believe him. For as spaced out as Jongup often appeared to be, he was probably the most observant of them all. He had an uncanny ability to just... know things. "Don't worry, Junhongie," he promised softly, his voice so gentle and so kind. "I won't tell."

-

That same night, Jongup had asked him if he wanted to go get dinner with him. Himchan had wanted to go along, but Jongup told him no. "I want some one-on-one time with Junhong, Himchan hyung. We'll all go out another night." Himchan had reluctantly agreed, and so just the two went to get dinner together. They walked in silence for several blocks before Jongup asked him. "So... about earlier, with that guy…?”

"It's embarrassing, hyung," Junhong insisted. "I don't want to talk about it."

"You like him." It was a simple statement of fact. Jongup knew it was the truth.

"I..." He sighed before deciding just to tell the truth. He'd wanted to talk to someone about it anyway, and he knew it was going to be Jongup that he'd tell, regardless "I do. I really do. I don't even know why, hyung. I don't... I never thought I liked guys, but he's the only person I've ever had feelings like this for."

"How long?" Jongup asked quietly.

"About a year. It was slow. I met him once before today, and I thought he was interesting. And since then it just... I don't know. I wanted to learn everything I could about him. He's really talented."

"You sound like a fanboy," Jongup commented neutrally.

He stayed quiet for a bit before finally answering, "I guess maybe I am."

Jongup nodded thoughtfully, and then silence enveloped them once more. They made it to the restaurant, a small hamburger place that Jongup often went to. They ordered their food and went to sit down. He cleared his throat, getting Jongup's attention. "Do you think it's weird? That I'm weird for liking a guy?"

Jongup shrugged. "Not really. I mean, Daehyun hyung likes women and men, so it seems pretty normal to me."

"Is it strange that I really started liking him by watching him on video?"

Jongup shook his head. "Most of our fans like us from watching us on video. I don't see anything wrong with it."

Junhong nodded, glad for a hyung like Jongup. They had always been close, being the youngest in the group, but right now, he felt even more thankful towards the other than usual. The conversation was cut short when their food number was announced. They grabbed their food and quickly ate, and then they went their own ways for the evening. He called for a taxi and gave them his address. He pulled his phone out and thought about messaging Junyoung. He really wanted to keep talking to him, especially now that he wasn't feeling so weird about the whole thing. Talking with Jongup made him feel like it was okay and put his mind at ease.

He touched the Kakao icon, loading the application, and he immediately received a message. Surprisingly, it was Junyoung. "Hey, hyung. It was nice to see you today."

He swallowed, and replied. "Same."

"I filmed all day. Hope your schedule went well."

He smiled. Junyoung was talkative and bright. It put him at ease because it meant he wouldn't feel pressured to say much. He could let the conversation happen naturally. "Yeah," he answered. "It was good."

They exchanged a few more messages back and forth, Junyoung talking about his day and sharing some small bits of information about himself. He mentioned that he liked to go to bed early and that sometimes it was hard being so much younger than the rest of s.

"How old is your closest hyung?" Junhong asked.

"A 91 liner," he replied.

"It's the same as me and Yongguk hyung," he shared.

"Yeah," Junyoung added, "Our leader, Soohyun hyung is 8 years older than me."

"You really are the baby of the group," Jonhong added. “And I thought my was big.”

“Kekeke!” the other replied.

He liked talking to Junyoung. He really did. After a few minutes, he arrived home, paid the driver and then walked inside. His phone vibrated in his hand, and he checked the message, yet another from Junyoung.

“I’m going to bed, hyung. My day starts early tomorrow. Flying to Japan for a performance. I’ll talk to you later though.”

Junhong felt his heart squeeze with gladness. “Good luck tomorrow. Let me know how it goes.” Maybe it was too forward to ask for updates like that, but he wanted to know. He wanted to keep talking to him.

“Sure thing, hyung. And goodnight!”

Junhong immediately smiled, replying, “Goodnight! Sleep well!”

He was up the elevator, opening the door, smile still across his face. For the first time in a long time, he immediately prepared for bed. He changed and brushed his teeth, and he wasn’t sure if it was his exhaustion or his happiness, but he almost instantly fell asleep.