Another crash. Should I even be surprised at this point. I look around and see all the precious memories that have been destroyed by his outburst. I can no longer justify why he is upset. I have forgotten why he chose to destroy our home this week. Our home. What was once our safe love space. Is filled with nothing but sour memories.

“Are you even ing listening to me!?” I jump at the sound of his voice. Truth was I wasn’t listening. I tried my best to always drown out these nights.

“See this is what I’m talking about! You don’t give about me, this home or our relationship. Be honest with yourself and just tell me why we are still together?”

This had me drawing my eyebrows together. I loved him? Could he not feel the overwhelming love I felt for him everyday? The reason I always came back and picked up our broken relationship.

“Don’t say that Baekhyun, you know how much I care about you and us.”

He scoffs at this. Returns to the kitchen I’m guessing to pour himself his eighth glass of scotch that night. It’s silent for a moment before a loud crash reverberates too close to my head.

I stare behind me at the beaten and stained wall that took his latest abuse. He has never done this before. When he’s mad he never takes it out on me. Our apartment gets the abuse not me.

I can’t hold back my tears any longer. I am scared and I don’t care if he knows it. I sit with my knees tucked to my chest just sobbing into myself. This only seems to anger him further.

“Oh yeah just ing cry why don’t you? Cause you’re the victim right and I’m always the bad guy! Huh? Is that what you want?” His words are slurred and I don’t dare respond to this.

“You know what, this is bull I’m not staying here trying to have a conversation with someone who won’t even look at me.” Is he seriously thinking about going out in public this drunk? I hear him grab his coat and shoes and the panic sets in.

“Baekhyun n-no stop don’t leave, please.” I start with my pleading hoping he’ll listen, which is to no avail as the next thing I know I’m left with the loud slam of the door and the eerily quiet sound of a broken home.

My loud cries mix with the soft hum of the radio. When did this happen? Why has our relationship come to this? It wasn’t always like this, we were in love. Or at least, I was.

 

---

 

“Do you remember that lonely alleyway? I still remember now. The anxious days when I couldn’t tell you I loved you. Did you know about that?”

Being able to finally go out and drink with my friends is practically a rite of passage when you come of age. It was just unfortunate that I hadn’t known my limit yet. The fact that all my friends had ulterior motives to get laid that night lead to me trying to sober up in this wet alleyway.

I had been leaning on the same cold brick wall outside of the club for what felt like hours. Finally I thought I had enough fresh air to try and walk my shaky legs back to my apartment. But fate had another idea in mind.

I hadn’t even heard the sound of another person outside with me but I was too late to acknowledge their presence before I stumbled directly into their arms. My head hanging low and my knees buckled I hear the sound of angels for the first time.

“Woah there! Are you okay?”

Was it even a question he had to ask? I peered up through the hair that had fallen into my face and stared at my savior. He was so handsome. There seemed to be light or something shining through him. He was breath-taking.

“Had a little too much to drink I’m assuming?” I nod my head shakily at this and begin to try and stand to my full height.

Now on shaky feet I see him again but clearer. He isn’t too tall but he still cranes his neck to look down at me. His skin is absolutely glowing and I have never seen such soft bright eyes in my entire life.

“Sorry I tried to come out here to get some fresh air.” I can hear words but how am I actually forming them? I feel so lightheaded still but it seems to be the effects of this man. My alcohol high has worn off but I found a new high within this stranger.

“Do you want me to call you a cab to get you home? I wouldn’t want to leave such a beautiful girl stranded in this dark place.” He smiles and I lose my breath. He thought I was beautiful.

“U-um, yes I would like that very much, thank you.”

He takes one more look at me to confirm my sobriety and flashes me one more quick smirk before pulling out his phone and dialing a cab service.

Eventually I had gathered enough strength, and with the assistance of his shoulder, we made our way to the front of the club to wait for my taxi. We chatted for awhile just trying to kill the time. He made me laugh. He could always make me laugh.

When the cab pulled up a sense of dread washed over me. This was it. I would never see him again after this right? That’s how this usually goes.

He walks me to the backdoor of the cab and opens the door for me to safely get inside. As he closes me in he rests his arm on the open window, this is the closest I have seen his face all night.

He smiles one more time before breaking the silence.

“I would like to see you again, what do you think about that?” I can literally feel the heat rise to my cheeks.

“I think I would like that very much.” If I thought his smile was big before I was proved terribly wrong as his whole face seemed to light up. We exchanged our phone numbers and I was sent off. With only a glimpse of him waiting, and watching as my cab safely took me home. I want to go back.

 

---

 

After more minutes of just crying to myself I begin to clean everything Baekhyun had destroyed in his path of blind anger. Sweeping up glass from our framed photos together.

Eventually I got the place to look decent enough. As I was throwing away the last of the trash I caught a glimpse of another memory of ours. It was a photo of us at a dinner for my friends engagement announcement. We were both smiling and cuddled up close, his arm draped over my shoulders.

To anyone else they would see this picture as a happy couple in love. The only thing I can see now is the heated arguments that followed.

 

---

 

“You naive one, you tried to take all of me, you cruel person. Were you too shy to say anything? Did you not like me? I still can’t figure it out.”

“Why did you have to do that! Huh? You put me in such an uncomfortable situation back there! Everyone was so embarrassed because of you!”

He yells at me behind his shoulder as he walks through the dark streets. I try my best to keep up with him but he takes long angry strides that my heel clad feet can not compete with. I can’t take this way of communicating anymore.

“Baekhyun!” This makes him stop dead in his tracks. I’m not usually one to raise my voice but I have absolutely had it with his stubborn attitude tonight. I make my way to where he was stopped. I circle to the front of him so I can look him dead in the eye, he needs to know how serious this is to me.

“Do you hear yourself right now? How could you say that to me! All I had said was that I loved you and you just sat there and said nothing! You made everyone uncomfortable not me! So don’t you dare twist this to make it feel like it’s my fault.”

He scoffs and I am about a second away from hitting that bothered look off of his face.

“We have been together for 5 months! I care about you more than anything! I tell you that I love you almost everyday and this is how you react? You’re actually mad at me?” I desperately try to get him to see how ridiculous this all was.

“Ugh, that- that is not it! I just…” He pauses for too long again running a hand over his face in frustration, a sigh escapes past his lips.

“It’s nothing (Y/N), just forget about it, I need to be alone right now. I’ll talk to you later.” He’s off again and this time I have no energy to even try with him anymore. A frustrated sigh leaves my mouth as I tilt my head to the dark night sky. Why am I so helpless? Why can’t I ever find someone that genuinely wants to be with me instead of someone I constantly have to fight for.

Why can’t he feel this burning love I have for him?

 

---

 

I know I am a up.

I don’t know why I constantly hurt her.

She’s too good for me.

Why can’t she see that?

Every time she says those words I feel utterly sick. Why?

Why would you love me?

You deserve so much better please just leave me already, because I know I can’t.

 

---

 

As I’m staring at this memory I hadn’t even noticed my tears until a fat drop fell against his pictured smile. I rub furiously at my eyes mad at myself for forgiving him that night, and every other night to come.

I feel the exhaustion take over me as I lay myself down in bed. Listening to the breeze of the wind and the soft sounds of a familiar tune. A sarcastic laugh is heard from me. It’s a song that sadly represented our relationship. I sit back up and I go to turn the stereo louder and take purchase by my open window. Freely letting my tears fall as I know, this was our last fight, it was out of my hands now. Only he can pick up the pieces now.