Bucket List

The first time Daehyun met Yoo Youngjae was when they were both in middle school. It all happened in that one fated day; the day where he turned around in his seat when the boy behind him patted his right shoulder. He was met with a rather pretty looking boy, the latter had a shy smile on his face; the dark orbs were wandering everywhere despite the fact that he was the one who wanted to start a conversation. Daehyun just stared at the boy, patiently waiting for the other to say anything.

"Umm, you're Jung Daehyun right?" The boy rubbed his neck, his whole body was screaming awkward but Daehyun didn't comment anything on that. Instead, a light smile painted on his plump lips and his eyes morphed into a pair of crescents.

"Yes I am. Nice to meet you, um...?" Daehyun offered a handshake in which the other male gladly reciprocated.

"Yoo Youngjae, nice to meet you too." Youngjae introduced himself. His lips were pulled into a wide smile. To say that Daehyun was enchanted by the blinding smile was an understatement. It was as if he was pulled into an abyss. At that moment he knew that this Yoo Youngjae will be one of the important people in his life.

= = = = = = = = = =

Their friendship was going strong and in a blink of an eye, they've already entered their final year in high school. They'll be graduating in a few months and it was every high school students' wish to graduate and further their studies in their chosen universities.

"Have you thought about which University you wish to enter?" Daehyun asked on one peaceful afternoon as they were having lunch break on the school's rooftop. Youngjae who was about to bite the rice ball in his hand halted his intention; lifting his face as his eyes met Daehyun's. A small smile was etched on his lips.

"I haven't thought about that yet. How about you?" Youngjae asked before he finally taken a bite on the rice ball. Daehyun let out a sigh.

"I don't know. I thought of entering an Art and Performance University. There's a good one in Seoul. What do you think?"

Youngjae swallowed his food, his lips twitched as he thought of an answer.

"I guess it's a good choice. You love performing anyway so why not?" Youngjae encouraged. Youngjae stopped munching on his food when Daehyun blankly stared at nothing; the latter kept nibbling on his lower lips.

"What's wrong?" Youngjae nudged on his friend. Daehyun looked a little hesitant but then he finally voicing it out.

"Don't you wanna come with me, to Seoul?"

Youngjae's eyes softened at the proposition. He let out a sigh; his pair of pink lips was pulled into a small smile.

"I don't know, Daehyun..." Youngjae said in all his honesty. Daehyun nodded his head in understanding.

"It's okay. Let's not think too deep about that. Anyway, school break is near so do you have any plans?" Daehyun skillfully changed the topic. A wide grin found Youngjae's face.

"Yeah I do! I have this short bucket list that I wanted to complete before our graduation. Wanna join?" Youngjae wiggled his eyebrows, eliciting amused chuckle from the other male.

"So, what's on the list?"

= = = = = = = = = =

Youngjae had never completely told Daehyun about what he had stored in the piece of paper where he scribbled down his wish. Well, all Youngjae ever told Daehyun was there's a total of five items in the bucket list and he only revealed the first one.

"The first thing I wanted to do is to go on a short trip to somewhere far from here, preferably somewhere with beaches." Youngjae said. Daehyun raised his eyebrows.

"What about the rest?"

 Youngjae smiled.

"I'll tell you along the way."

That was how they ended up taking the train to Busan. The both of them were sitting side by side. Youngjae stared out of the train's window, smiling to himself when it finally dawned upon him that this is real; he and Daehyun are on their way to enjoy their short trip. 

"Why are you smiling to yourself?" Daehyun asked; an impish grin painted on his face. Youngjae chuckled, shaking his head as he uttered a soft 'Nothing, I'm just excited' before he stared out of the window once again. Daehyun didn't prod anymore and let his friend be.

Halfway through the journey, Youngjae found Daehyun was fast asleep. A chuckle left his lips when he noticed the other male was drooling. He took a disposable napkin and gently dabbed on the moist lips. His lips were stretched into a smile when Daehyun scrunched his nose, mumbling incoherently in his sleep. Youngjae stared at his best friend. The smile he had before gradually faltered once realization hit him.

He wouldn't stand a chance.

= = = = = = = = = =

The both of them arrived at their hotel. Youngjae took the responsibility to check into their room. Once he obtained their key card, the both of them took the lift to their allocated room.

The room was spacious; it was a good bargain considering they've got a really decent room for such cheap price. Daehyun plopped on the bed once he had hauled their luggage. Youngjae sat on the unoccupied space next to Daehyun, watching the other male in amusement.

"Let's take a look at the beach later. The locals here said that the the view of sunset here is absolutely stunning." Youngjae said. Daehyun hummed and nodded his head; his face was squished on the bed's mattress. He yelped when Youngjae slapped his back, whining but not making any effort to move from his comfortable position.

"Change your clothes first, Dae. You're gonna feel sticky if you sleep in that." Youngjae said. Seeing the other male didn't move an inch, Youngjae let out a defeated sigh, uttering a soft 'Suits yourself then' before rising up and grabbed some comfortable outfit from their shared luggage. Daehyun whined some more before he begrudgingly sat himself, uttering a defeated 'Okay, okay. I'll change' with a pout decorating his lips. Youngjae smirked as he uttered 'Good boy', gently patting the boy’s messy hair before he fled towards the bathroom to change.

Daehyun watched as his friend disappeared into the bathroom. The door was shut and a click was heard but Daehyun's eyes still glued to where his friend was at. Come to think of it, he never saw Youngjae change in front of him. Daehyun could feel the heat creeping up on his face once the image of a shirtless Youngjae invaded his mind.

"Oh God, what the Jung Daehyun..." Daehyun uttered, slapping his face once to bring himself out of his self-made imaginary bubble. He shook his head and hastily dived towards the luggage before pulling out anything that he deemed good enough to change into.

At least that would divert his mind away from the unthinkable.

= = = = = = = = = =

Daehyun and Youngjae sat side by side on the warm sand with a can of Coke in their hands, staring at the beautiful view of the sunset. The sea water appeared reddish orange as it reflected the evening sun. The sky was beautiful as well; a mix of orange, purple and soft blue decorated the Earth's canvas with clouds dispersed on it. The locals were right. It was truly an aesthetic view, magnificent even.

"So what's the second item in your list?" Daehyun suddenly voice out. He took a sip on his drinks; his eyes never left the view in front of him. A soft smile crept on Youngjae's face.

"This." Youngjae briefly uttered. Daehyun glanced at his best friend.

"This? You mean sitting down and watching sunset?" Daehyun asked, gesturing at what they're doing at the moment. Youngjae chuckled.

"Yeah..." He let out a contented sigh, "It's hard for us to steal some time just sitting down enjoying the nature around us, with occasional conversation in between."

Daehyun stared at his best friend. The way the evening sunlight reflected on the latter's skin made the person beside him looking ethereal. It reminded him of the first time he knew of the other boy's existence. Daehyun almost forgot how good-looking Youngjae is.

"Take a picture for it to last longer." Youngjae uttered, a playful smile etched on his face. Daehyun creased his forehead in confusion.

"What?"

Youngjae chuckled.

"You've been staring at me for a whole minute now." Youngjae said as he drew on the sand with his finger. Daehyun on the other hand ended up in a flustered mess, garbling a sequence of incoherent words, eliciting a boisterous laugh from Youngjae. Daehyun pouted, uttering a betrayed 'Meanie' towards his best friend.

Daehyun chugged his drinks, ignoring the unceasing laughing boy next to him. It took a few moments for Youngjae to come down from his high. Youngjae chuckled, nudging on his friend when the latter ignored him.

"Why are you reacting like that? If I didn't know better I would have thought that you have a crush on me or something." Youngjae teased. Daehyun could feel the heat beginning to creep up his face so he spluttered whatever that crossed his mind.

"What the hell are you saying? You're my best friend. To think of us crossing that line, nope. Not gonna happen." Daehyun blurted out, laughing awkwardly as he scratched his non itchy head.

Youngjae felt as if his whole body was doused with cold water but he tried his best to retain the smile on his face.

Don't let it show.

"Yeah, of course we won't. It'll be awkward as heck." Youngjae said before he took a sip on his drinks, his pair of dark orbs glanced away from his best friend, opting to stare at the darkened sky instead.

Youngjae's words felt like a pack of punch hitting straight to his stomach. Something stirred in Daehyun as he registered the words and the feeling was definitely an unpleasant one.

What is this dejected feeling?

= = = = = = = = = =

The second day they spent by walking around the town, eating good foods and acting like a couple of actual vacationers. It was Youngjae's third wish in his list. They were lucky enough because the town was holding a festival and thus they were enjoying the day to the fullest.

"Dae, come and try this. It's really good!" Youngjae said excitedly as he held a chicken skewer to Daehyun, encouraging his best friend to try it.

"Really?" Daehyun asked as he eyed the delicious treat in Youngjae's hand. Youngjae nodded his head enthusiastically. At that, Daehyun decided he should give it a try and dive forward, biting on a small part of the food in Youngjae's hand.

Youngjae froze in his spot, his wide eyes glued on Daehyun. He literally just fed Daehyun. He could feel his face was getting redder at the sudden realization.

"What?" Daehyun asked, clueless. Youngjae hurriedly composed himself, shaking his head repeatedly as he uttered a convincing 'Nothing' to the other male. To be quite honest, the words he uttered seem to shoot back at him. Youngjae needs to convince himself that whatever happened before was nothing to Daehyun.

A part of him died at the thought.

= = = = = = = = = =

It's was the last day of their trip before they need to take a train back home early in the morning tomorrow. As scribbled in Youngjae's bucket list, he wished to go to a temple and place a wish on the 'Wishing Tree'. That was how they ended up making a deep bow as a sign of respect towards the God that has been guarding the temple.

"Write your wish on this wooden plate and hang it on the tree. People believe that the higher you hang your wish then the higher the chance for the God to grant it." The monk said as he handed two wooden plates to the boys. Both Youngjae and Daehyun gratefully received the wooden plate, thanking the monk before they walked away to find a spot to write their wish.

The both of them wrote their respective wish in silence. Daehyun was having a difficult time to form his wish. He glanced at Youngjae, catching his friend smiling to himself as the latter wrote his wish.

Daehyun smiled. He knew what to wish for.

= = = = = = = = = =

They were walking side by side down the temple stairs after hanging their wishes on the tree.

"What do you wish for?" Daehyun's husky voice broke the silence. He glanced at his best friend; the latter had a smile etched on his lips.

“Tell me yours first.”

Daehyun chuckled.

“I wish that that we’ll be staying friends for a long time.” Daehyun proudly said, “Now tell me yours.”

Youngjae grinned mischievously.

"Not gonna tell. The wish won't come true if I tell them to anyone." Youngjae replied, ignoring the betrayed exclaim of ‘You cheated!’ from his friend. Daehyun snorted as he crossed his arms on his chest.

"Who would believe in that?"

"I do!"

"Pshhh..."

And that's how their conversation went as they walked back to their hotel.

= = = = = = = = = =

They were lazing on the bed, ready to sleep. They filled their drowsy states with unimportant chatters, talking about almost everything they’ve done before. They exchanged goodnight wishes once they felt the sleepiness was getting unbearable. Daehyun was about to fall asleep when a sudden thought invaded his head.

“Hey, Youngjae?” Daehyun shifted his position, facing the back of his best friend.

 “Hm?” Youngjae sleepily replied.

“What’s the last item in your bucket list? I thought you wanted to complete the list before the trip ends?” Daehyun asked, curious of the last wish scribbled in the list. Youngjae didn’t respond for a long time that Daehyun almost thought that his friend had fallen asleep.

“I said I wanted to complete the bucket list before graduation, not necessarily before this trip ends.” Youngjae replied in a small voice. Daehyun nodded in understanding despite knowing Youngjae can’t see him at the moment.

“We’ve got plenty of time before graduation anyway.” Daehyun sleepily said as he rubbed his eyes. Youngjae hummed in response.

Silence engulfed the room and in a few moments, soft snores could be heard from Daehyun. Youngjae slowly and carefully turned his body around, afraid if he accidentally woken up his best friend from his freshly obtained slumber. He silently watched the sleeping male, admiring God’s creation in the form of Jung Daehyun. Youngjae’s soft yet sad eyes trailed from the dark strands of Daehyun’s hair covering the latter’s forehead, down to the prominent and perfectly-shaped nose towards the plump lips. A sad smile etched on his lips.

“The last wish…” Youngjae whispered, “…is something I can never obtained…”

With that, Youngjae shut his eyes close.

= = = = = = = = = =

Daehyun walked to school with a pair of earphone plugged in his ears, bobbing his head along to the rhythm of the music. It was the first day of school after a month worth of school break. Youngjae has never contacted him ever since they got back from the trip and Daehyun never felt the need to ask. Youngjae probably busy spending his time with his family anyway.

Daehyun entered the class and swiftly avoiding his classmates joking to one another to get to his seat. Youngjae wasn’t here yet and it weirded him out. Usually the other male would arrive before him.

“Hey, Daehyun.” One of his classmates suddenly started a conversation, “What’s with Youngjae’s sudden transfer?” the boy asked. Daehyun snapped his head to face the boy, uttering disbelief ‘What…?’ as he pulled the earphones plugging his ears. The boy’s eyes widened exponentially.

“You didn’t know?” The boy said in shock, “I accidentally heard the teacher talked about that but that’s as far as I got from them so I thought I should asked you instead…”

For the first time in his eighteen years of life, he finally had a taste of how it actually felt when a heart is shredded into pieces.

= = = = = = = = = =

Graduation came along and a scroll was held tight in his hand. Daehyun looked around him; a smile painted his lips when he saw the proud look of his parents and the happy faces of his friends graduating along with him. It’s finally over. He’ll be entering the next phase after this.

He’s happy.

Yes, he is.

= = = = = = = = = =

“Dae honey, there’s a package for you.” Daehyun’s mother hollered from downstairs. Daehyun raised an eyebrow, feeling confused as he haven’t ordered anything online recently.

“Who is it from?” Daehyun asked as he skipped down the stairs.

“I don’t know honey, there’s no name on it.” His mother replied as she handed him the package. Daehyun nodded his head; his eyes glued on the package which was now in his hands. He uttered a word of thanks to his mother before climbing back upstairs towards his room. He closed the door and plopped himself on his bed. He ripped the brown wrapping paper and was greeted with a simple black-colored box.

Daehyun opened the lid; his eyes widened, flabbergasted by the contents in the box. He hastily poured the contents onto the mattress of his bed; his eyes glued on each item came out of the box.

Daehyun picked up a familiar pencil. It was the pencil he gave to Youngjae when the latter forgot to bring his. He then picked up a bunch of other things, a keychain with Youngjae’s name on it, the similar one Daehyun has but with his name on it, a set of pictures they’ve taken for as long as their friendship stood, even the ones taken in their latest trip were included and a brown-enveloped letter. Daehyun stared at the brown envelop in his hand. A scrawl of ‘To My Precious Friend: Jung Daehyun’ was written on it. Daehyun carefully ripped the envelope with his shaky hands. A mix of emotions flooded throughout his body.

He unfolded the letter, his eyes moved along the lines written for him, reading each word with so much care.

With each word he read, tears gradually pooled in his eyes, blurring his sight, making it difficult to read the letter to the end.

To: Daehyunnie

Hi.

Haha it’s awkward to write a letter to you like this. Usually we just blurted out whatever the things we wanted to say and writing this letter is making me conscious of how I should arranged my words lol. Alright, putting the awkwardness aside, the fact that you’ve received this package probably meant that you’ve finally graduated from school. Congratulations!

I’m sorry I couldn’t be there with you and I’m sorry for disappearing just like that. I have my reasons for that and through this letter; I hope you’ll understand my situation.

The truth is I was diagnosed with brain tumor a few months before our planned trip. The doctor said I have entered the final stage and there’s nothing can be done about that. Do you remember the bucket list I made? It was actually a list of my last wish I wanted to accomplish with you. I’m glad that you said yes back then and went along with it. I’m glad to have you as my best friend.

Now I have something I wanted to confess and I hope you won’t hate me for this.

For as long as our friendship last, I don’t know when but along the way I came to realized that I like you, as in more than a friend. I wouldn’t get angry at you if you ever feel disgusted over this confession but I need to let this out. I love you, Jung Daehyun.

Do you remember? You once asked me what the last item on my bucket list is. Well, the thing is, my last wish is for you to accept my feelings. I know it’s impossible. That’s why I never said anything about it. I don’t want to ruin this friendship because of my selfish want. I can’t afford to do that.

My hand is giving up on me. I hope you can still understand my writings or else it’ll be pointless lol. I think I’ve confessed enough in this letter. By the time this letter reached you, I won’t exist in this world anymore. But I promise you that I’ll be watching you from up here!

I guess this is a final goodbye then. I hope you’ll be happy always.

I love you

Sincerely,

Yoo Youngjae

The letter was clutched tightly in Daehyun’s hand, crumpling the paper.

That moment, for the first time in his life, Daehyun felt the pain of crying silently within the closed walls of his room.

It hurts so much.

= = = = = = = = = =

Daehyun stood on the temple ground, the exact same place he was ten years ago. But this time, he’s alone. He looked up to the ‘Wishing Tree’, glancing around the branches to find the plates they’ve hung a decade ago. His eyes lit up once he spotted Youngjae’s. He held the plate still, reading the familiar handwriting on it. His eyes softened and a small smile crept up his face.

I wish Daehyun will always find a way to be happy

- Yoo Youngjae

THE END