The Boy with Smile Lines

OC pov

The first time I saw Daehyun, I mistook him for a senior in my college. Most people thought so too as he looked older than he was. His features were youthful, but he had these prominent smile lines that ran down his cheeks around his mouth—those that didn't fade even if he stopped smiling. Some of his closer female friends would for it, saying he was halfway to becoming an old man.

I met him for the first time in my lecture for he sat right in front of me with a friend, but when I truly met him was when we were allocated the same class slot. He wasn't anything out of the ordinary, not the rowdy kind who interrupted class or the know-it-all who wanted to show off in class. He was just a normal guy, the type who elbowed his friend but kept quiet enough so that his one-minute hijinks didn't disrupt the lesson.

It so happened I sat behind him this time as well. We were told to form our project groups and he turned around, searching for the nearest two people to join him and his friend, Youngjae. That turned out to be me and the girl beside me, Eunji. We exchanged numbers and throughout our brief conversation, he tried his best to ease some awkwardness here and there.

Eunji left right after class as she had a lecture to rush to on the other side of campus. So, we three ended up discussing a bit about the project and he asked if I wanted to come along with him and Youngjae for lunch. Youngjae nudged him and teasingly told him to stop flirting, making Daehyun absolutely flustered. He shoved his friend and apologised to me, waving off his friend's words. At that point, my first impression of him solidified—he seemed like a nice person. His friend seemed decent albeit playful. Although, he was rather awkward and talked more to Daehyun than me despite his questions being for me. I initially had the inkling he didn't like me, but I later found out Daehyun's friend was like that with all girls, even his girlfriend initially—something he hit Daehyun for since I wasn't supposed to know.

After seeing Daehyun several times in the same week of school, I noticed he and his friend Youngjae, also our project groupmate, were always together. While Daehyun looked older than most sophomores, his friend Youngjae boasted a baby face. He had large eyes, a button nose and a smooth, pale complexion—quite a few mistook him for a girl due to his feminine features, one of his greatest pet peeves. In fact, while Daehyun looked like he had already graduated, his friend looked as though he was still in high school. In our second class, Daehyun mentioned that his friend Youngjae was his closest friend and they had been together since they were seven. They had gone through the army together and Daehyun had fought to transfer to Youngjae's unit (he had been offered a place in the marines while his friend was a storeman).

It was difficult to dislike Daehyun. He was a people person who got along well with both Eunji and me, and was always considerate towards us girls. Whenever we gathered at the cafe for our meetings, he would offer to help us buy our drinks. He'd ask if we could cope with our assigned workload whenever his friend, the leader, gave out tasks to do. If our meetings ran late, he would offer to drive us home. They were small things but I guess since I was quite a sensitive person, I noticed them.

It was mean but his friend drew a contrast that especially highlighted Daehyun's good traits. Daehyun's friend was quite blunt and less courteous. Of course, that was not to say his friend was a bad person; he was definitely still a nice guy. Daehyun was just a really good person compared to the normal guy on campus.

Daehyun was also a guy who smiled a lot, as if every small thing was worth smiling about. You could often hear him laughing and cracking jokes between him and his best friend. He was the kind you would smile along with because his happiness was just that genuine and infectious, b in his eyes. I had never seen him sad or angry before, even on days where our group were burned out from brainstorming. His friend was a little short-tempered so Daehyun had to placate him in these situations. Just a joke or two, a ridiculous antic, maybe, and voila! His friend would snap out of his peevishness.

I guess all of these reasons were why I came to like Daehyun. He was a gentleman not just around girls but his friends as well. That friend of his was always at the receiving end of Daehyun's kindness. Whenever his friend was cold, Daehyun would promptly give him his jacket. He would ask if he ate and nag him if he didn't. Once, Daehyun fell sick because he insistently stayed over to take care of his friend while he was ill. When our first hurdle in our project was completed, we went out for drinks and Daehyun didn't drink a drop as he wanted to send his friend home safely—even though they both took a taxi to the bar. That night, his friend slept on his shoulder while we talked about everything under the sun in the cab. He walked me to my door and told me to call him if I needed someone to send me to classes the day after. Just before he left, he asked for a bottle of water for his friend.

Sure, Daehyun was more crude and boyish around his male friends, but you could tell he was genuinely a caring person deep down. I fell a little too hard, a little too fast for a boy whose smile lines were the first thing that caught my eye. It was difficult to believe a guy as nice as Daehyun was single—for five years, nonetheless. I thought perhaps he was looking for the right one. I thought that maybe, he was nice only to me, which was why no one else seemed to realise how captivating he was. It made sense with my rose-coloured glasses and my delusional heart.

I suppose this is the bad thing about liking guys that are just too nice—you mistake their niceness as something more.

I confessed to Daehyun when our class came to an end. He was flustered and he apologised profusely for leading me on when actually, he never did—I was the one who misunderstood. His friend stood waiting in the hallway far from the silent corner we were at.

It was crushing, of course. To be embarrassed, to be humiliated, to be heartbroken—it hurt a lot, even though I tried to keep a smile on. I told him it was alright and I just wanted to let him know. The irrational side of me wanted to ask what was the point in walking me home, in sheltering me with his jacket in the rain, in showing so much concern for a girl he didn't even like. But the rational side of me knew it was simply because he was a nice guy, and I had not a shred of right to be angry at him for what I misconstrued.

Here I was having blindly tried my luck when it was obvious a guy like him was single for a good reason. He told me once he did want to get into a relationship, so did I not suit his tastes? Was I lower than his expectations? Was he interested in someone else who didn't like him back?

As we stood in silence in the corner, Daehyun turned to look at his friend still waiting in the corridor. His friend was now with his girlfriend, both of them holding hands and chatting happily. I never saw her often as she was studying medicine in a separate campus from our departments.

For the first time, as I looked back to Daehyun, I saw how sadness looked on a face that was always happy. He stared, stared and stared with an expression that mirrored my reflection in his irises.

Bare, blue, bittersweet. He churned out a small smile and apologised once again to me, saying he shouldn't have mislead me when he already loved someone.

It was then I realised the reason for his smile lines. Yoo Youngjae, half a year younger with a baby face and large eyes, the friend of Daehyun in our project group. He was Daehyun's best friend and they were inseparable, taking every class together. Daehyun would make fun of Youngjae's feminine face often and Youngjae would mock his narrow shoulders, and I would side with Daehyun that Youngjae was prettier than all the girls in our class. Daehyun would agree and joke that I was runner-up.

Daehyun was nice to many, but he was much, much nicer to a friend of his. It was the simple things that I let slip past. The way he spoke about Youngjae when he was not around, voice dripping with a tenderness I misunderstood as camaraderie—he'd often call Youngjae a girl, scoffing about how fragile the other boy was. That time, when Daehyun said he was scared of gore so the teacher changed the video—he endured teasing from the class, only for Youngjae to mutter that he didn’t need to do that. For such little things, it seemed Daehyun was adamant on protecting Youngjae still. When Daehyun placed his hand over Youngjae's when Youngjae fell asleep during our project work—I about it and he laughed, saying they were close friends, so it was okay. If it was, why did he never do it when Youngjae was awake?

So this was why he had smile lines. Daehyun was always smiling because Youngjae was always with him, so the years drew in his smile lines like a permanent memory.

Bare, blue, bittersweet. It hurt, and I had the heart to feel sympathy for a boy who felt the same way.

So, I smiled. As I looked at Daehyun's smile lines, I felt terrible for being relieved—that I was in love for just four months and not fifteen years.