This is probably one of the most depressing things I've ever written. And I'm the author of Innocence Torn.

Taemin clutched the paper to his chest, sobbing. The paper was tearstained, crumpled up, but Taemin couldn’t seem to let it go.

Because it was all he had left.

—-

It had been harmless enough at first. Taemin figured the easiest thing to do would be to push Minho away. After all, had the older boy realized his feelings for him, he would’ve pulled away of his own accord.

In some cases, it was better to push the person away before that happened.

All Minho had done was put a hand on top of his, in an attempt to comfort.

And Taemin had gotten butterflies.

And then Taemin found his eyes drawn to Minho, constantly. The other boy’s actions, the other boy’s voice – they made butterflies flutter in the pit of his stomach.

It had been okay though, he could avoid the older boy for the most part.

Until the dreams kicked in.

—-

Minho’s hand slipped under his shirt, sparking electricity from the slightest touch. Minho’s breath on his face, so warm, before the older boy pressed his lips against Taemin’s.

Taemin moaned, and Minho’s tongue intruded his lips, forcefully.

Minho’s hand was at his belt, unbuckling his pants. And then slipped under, and oh, Minho’s hand-oh-

Taemin woke up in sweat, the first time. Onew had given him a weird look, making his bed, and Taemin had rushed to the washroom before anyone noticed.

He had the coldest shower he’d ever had.

—-

“Where are you going?” Minho asked, and Taemin remember feeling annoyed at the older boy asking.

“It’s none of your business.” Taemin shortly replied, putting on his shoes. Key and Jonghyun had gone out, and Onew was upstairs studying his lines for a musical.

“Of course it is,” Minho said, sounding alarmed. “It’s late and you shouldn’t just go out on your own-“

“Why do you care?” Taemin had spat, spinning around, eyes narrowed at the older boy –those flawless features twisted in concern for him.

“Because you’re like my little brother.”

How those words had sliced right through his heart.

Taemin turned around to leave, and Minho grabbed his wrist, urgently.

“What’s wrong, Taemin? Talk to me.”

“ off, Minho,” Taemin snarled, wrenching his hand out of his grip and fighting back the butterflies that fluttered, triggering nausea.

“But-“

Taemin ran out the door, letting it close, and Minho’s hurt expression was one that he didn’t think he’d forget in a long time.

—-

Drinking helped Taemin. It numbed those butterflies that always awoke, whenever he simply thought of Minho.

He avoided Minho a lot now, leaving home late, coming home in the middle of the night.

Minho had brought it up during dinner once, to Key, sounding annoyed with Taemin, but more worried than annoyed.

“It’s just a phase. He’ll be okay.” Key had said, and Taemin had smiled at Key, before shooting Minho a glare.

It’s just a phase. It’s just a phase.

—-

“Oh, Minho, please-oh-“ Taemin was , and Minho’s mouth was warm over his . Minho’s tongue swirled and , and Taemin had a fist clenched on Minho’s hair, continuing to moan, ing against the older boy’s mouth.

Faster, faster, faster-

“Minho!” Taemin gasped, releasing into the older boy’s mouth.

Taemin woke up to sheets that needed to be cleaned. No one had been in the room, thank god.

Taemin threw up before he went down to the laundry, disgusted with himself.

—-

“This is starting to be ridiculous. Don’t you care about the come back? Rehearsals are starting soon.” Minho’s voice was annoying, simply because it was so deep and so soft and Taemin was so used to hearing it in his dreams.

“You’re not my mother, Minho.” Taemin said, ignoring the respectful suffix and glaring at the older boy.

“I care about you. They don’t know that you drink because they don’t wait up for you and see you stumble in, reeking of alcohol. Do you have any idea how many times I had to carry you up to your bed?”

Taemin had frozen. He had no recollection whatsoever.

And then he’d turned to Minho, rounding on him with rage.

“Don’t you ing ever touch me!” He hissed, hating Minho more than anything else in that moment.

Minho blinked, mouth falling open in shock.

“Wha-“

“ you, Minho,” Taemin hissed, before leaving the house, and when the door closed behind him, he ran down the sidewalk, ran for as long as he could.

Once he reached an alleyway, he leaned against the wall and fell to the floor, crumbling into tears.

—-

“Minho hasn’t been looking too well these days,” Key said, and Taemin looked up at this. Minho hadn’t shown up for dinner, probably the fourth day in the row.

Taemin hadn’t even seen him since. They’d had no interaction whatsoever.

“What do you mean?” Onew asked concernedly, looking up from the plate at Key. Jonghyun was busy eating, but Taemin had no appetite.

“He doesn’t eat much. I think he might just be coming down with the flu or something.” Key said, shrugging and continuing to eat.

The butterflies had blades for wings now, and they were cutting up Taemin’s stomach.

—-

Taemin regretted that day more than anything else.

He’d been getting ready to go to another party, and Minho had stopped him.

Taemin remembered how shocked he’d felt when he saw Minho, for the first time in what felt like forever. The older boy looked sick, pale, and his features were strained, etched with only concern.

“Taemin, please stop this.” Minho had begged, and Taemin didn’t know why.

Why was Minho so upset?

The butterflies had turned into maggots in his stomach, eating away at the flesh, and Taemin felt nauseous looking at Minho.

“Stop what?” He couldn’t even muster anger at this, he just wanted to go away from the boy, he wanted the dreams and the feelings to go away.

“You’re destroying yourself.” Minho grabbed Taemin by the shoulders, and Taemin remembered the tears glimmering in the older boy’s eyes.

“Why do you care?” Taemin remembered repeating, almost dully by this point.

Minho had blinked.

“Taemin, don’t you know? Can’t you see?”

“Because I’m your brother?” Taemin pushed Minho away, tearing his gaze and feeling his eyes burn.

“Taemin, no-“

“That’s all I’ll ever be to you. off, Minho, and don’t ever talk to me again.”

Taemin didn’t see Minho’s expression when he’d left the house that night. How he regretted not turning around and taking back those words.

How he regretted saying them at all.

—-

Minho hadn’t spoken to him since.

Minho stopped speaking to everyone.

Their comeback rehearsals had started, and Minho withdrew to himself.

Taemin stopped partying, only because he had to, but that changed nothing. Minho continued to get skinnier, but Taemin avoided him.

Key continued to nag, worrying over Minho. Even Onew and Jonghyun had realized something was wrong.

Sometimes, during breaks, Taemin would catch Minho staring at him, a distant distraught look on his face.

How he wished he’d just gotten up and begged for forgiveness, hugged Minho, and just told Minho everything.

But he didn’t. Because loving Minho was disgusting.

Especially because Minho only considered him a younger brother.

—-

Taemin screamed when he found Minho in the washroom.

He’d been the first person to come home, and he wished that he hadn’t left the meeting before everyone else. Minho hadn’t gone, and Taemin had felt an unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach.

So he’d hurried home.

And he screamed to the empty house, mind going blank at what he saw.

There was blood, so much blood, and Taemin stumbled in, vision blurred with tears because Minho’s wrists were-Minho’s-

“No-no-no,” Taemin started gasping falling to his knees in the pool of blood and grabbing Minho, pulling him up onto his lap and the blood stained his pants and Minho was and Minho was-

His hands shook and he put two fingers to Minho’s neck, trembling, trying to find a pulse, but Minho had gone cold when had he done this why had he done this why had he done this-

Minho wasn’t breathing. Minho’s heart wasn’t even beating.

Taemin had been so afraid of his own heart breaking at the prospect of Minho finding out his feelings.

Taemin hadn’t even considered the thought of Minho’s heart stopping.

—-

The other boys found him like that, and Key had screamed, and someone had called the police, but it was background noise to Taemin. Minho’s cold body was still in his arms, his pants wet with the crimson that expelled itself so easily from Minho’s wrists.

Taemin simply cradled Minho, the tears had dried on his face, his mind blank.

Why had he done this, why had he done this, why had Minho done this-

He remembered Key trying to pry his fingers off Minho, trying to pull him off, Key had been crying, and Onew had been there, but nothing mattered.

Because Minho was no longer there.

Minho wasn’t there.

—-

Then he found the note.

He found the note, and the tears rushed, and his heart, the heart that he’d been trying so hard to hold together, his heart broke.

His heart broke, and shattered, and regret filled him, guilt filled him, and Taemin let out loud sobs and he locked the door to Minho’s room and fell to the floor, sobbing.

He didn’t hear the pounding on the door, he didn’t hear Key’s panicked voices, Onew shouting, ordering him to open the door.

He heard nothing, but Minho’s voice saying the words on the paper, the words on the paper that he’d already memorized.

“I love you, Taemin.

I’m sorry for loving you.”

He knew now why the butterflies had stopped flying in his stomach.

He’d ripped the wings off them a long time ago.

And then the butterflies had died.

And now Minho had too.

I'm sorry guys.

This was a request fic for Cody <3. I'm now going to go update Innocence Torn. While you wait, you should go here, and go to the sidebar and read my one shots :D. LOL. Or not. Love you <3