saudade: untranslatable in english; 'the love that remains', a recollection of feelings, experiences, places, or events that once brought excitement, pleasure, and well-being that triggers the senses. It can be described as an emptiness where someone or something that should be there at the particular moment is missing.

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The sky was the same deep black as per usual; the stars forever twinkling in their eternity. Her glossy black heels echoed against the smooth diamond encrusted granite floors of the grand entrance. On the ceiling were warm yellow lights that illuminated the front foyer to the magnificent hotel like millions of fireflies. The red masks stared down at her harshly, but she continued her way and entered the building cooly. A bunch of people, all dressed in luxurious dresses and suits adorned with decorative masks and gloves, stood socializing with chins tilted and glasses held eloquently between their rich dainty fingers. She strides confidently pass each party to the marble stairway that led to the second floor. It was like every inch of the elaborate building was neatly engraved in her mind. As lightly as she could, her hand clad in velvety white satin skimmed across the golden handrail, keeping her head low while her eyes remained alert. At the end of the hallway was a small ballroom where she knew he'd be. Quickly scanning the area to make sure no one was in proximity, she entered the room and was greeted with a familiar melody. His back was towards her as he sat playing the wistful song on the grand piano. The gentle of keys that painted the air allured her to him. She stopped by his side and watched him finish the last notes of the song, hands dancing across the keys gently and knowingly like two lovers in a waltz. He looks up at her and smiles. To the spectator, the atmosphere is serene and calm but to the actors, the peacefulness seemed to only mask something sinister. Suddenly, he takes her hand as gently as if it were glass, and brings it to his lips for a light kiss. As he pulls away something's not right. On the surface of her gloves blossomed a haunting red from where his lips touched. Seeming to have noticed it too, he stares at her with frantic eyes. His lips were soaked in blood. The peaceful atmosphere shattered as the invisible keys started playing out of tune. Horror was the only thing that she could feel. He coughed and choked and the blood splattered everywhere. Limbs frozen, she could only stare as he fell limply to the floor struggling to breathe. Behind him appeared red masks. The realization hit her and her blood that was just seconds ago buzzing with warm excitement seemed to have frozen over completely. Someone kicked her legs and her body met the ground. The red masks stepped over his struggling form and aimed their guns at his head. Before she could even scream, the gunshot shook her whole body.

Sayu wakes up in panic. She looks around frantically to get a hold of her surroundings and instantly relaxes when she realizes she is still in her room. While trying to control her breathing, she notices her wet cheeks and her soaked pillows. This is insane. Every morning it is becoming a normal thing for her to wake up drenched in tears.  These dreams were driving her crazy. They were so disturbingly real - she felt everything, from love to abandonment.. Who was he to make her this way? The image of him laying on the floor tightens . Sayu tries to recoup by washing her face with cool water and then making some tea in the kitchen. She turns on the television and calls her roommate, Wendy.

"Sayu? Are you okay?" The voice on the other line asks in an alert tone.

"Yeah, I just.. I had another dream."  Wendy put two and two together. "Was it him?"

"I got a clear look of his face this time."

Sayu wraps her hand around the mug in order to calm shaking hands. Even though he appeared in her dreams thousands of times, she was rarely ever able to recall how he looked like once she woke up. Everything was blurry and unclear. It forced her to make a mental list of his traits; black short hair, big lips, and round eyes. She remembered he had those features but she could never put them together until today.

A shocked noise came from the other end. "Well...do you recognize him?"

"No." Sayu answered defeatedly. Her worst nightmares were confirmed as this strange man was not anyone she knew. "How is this possible? Why is it that I miss someone that I've never even seen or met? The feeling hurts so much, it makes me just want to be there with him." Sayu's trembles as she recalls his face and the emotion in his eyes. Maybe this was a deeper issue? Is it time she visit her doctor? Wendy seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"Sayu, maybe you should see the doctor and get a professional opinion on this. They can give you some medicine or something to help with the nightmares. Please, just to make sure."

"Yeah. Okay I will." On the other end of the phone, Sayu hears the professor announcing the start of class and Sayu decides to end the call.

"Take it easy okay. I'll see you soon."  Sayu is left with the emptiness of the apartment. The best course of action she could take was to ignore it for a while and pretend like it was just a dream. No she had to convince herself it was only a dream by acting as if it didn’t happen. Determined, she puts all her energy into focusing on the program. It was an entertainment program for idols and there was a new idol group debuting. The MC introduces the group excitedly and they greet the audience. The camera is now focused on a handsome man in the centre who introduces himself as Jun Myeon.

"Hello, I'm Exo's leader. we are so happy to debut and we hope you show us lots of love!" The crowd applauses and the MC laughs. The camera zooms out to get a shot of the whole group.

Sayu’s eyes widened.

No way.

She held her breath as she examined the man standing in front. He was way too young and skinny to be the man in her dreams, but his face was exactly the same.

Her eyes followed him in wonder and shock while he smiles embarrassingly at the MC. His eyes twinkled and Sayu could only whimper when he displays the exact same heart smile she sees in her dreams. He held the mic tentatively in his hands. "Hello, I'm Kyung Soo."

His voice conducted a ton of emotions Sayu couldn't even begin to comprehend. Suddenly as if reacting to a catalyst, the aura of her dreams rush through her; the sound of footsteps on stone, glowing spheres of light, the red masks, the sound of a piano melody, a tunnel under the mountains, distant cries for help, and him and his soft eyes staring at her. This man’s voice was triggering memories she never even knew she had. It was like she was reliving moments of another life. But wasn’t that impossible? Sayu knew it couldn’t be true, she couldn’t have experienced those things.  Tears form in her eyes at the sudden emotions and her body becomes limp.

"Y-you..You're real."

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Poster from: eighteenth street