THE FIRST ONE IS A TYPE OF PERSON WHO HAS ALMOST SAME PERSONALITY WITH MINE

WE'RE BOTH SNOBBERISH WHEN IT COMES TO NEW PEOPLE AROUND US..

WE'RE BOTH SCARY AT FIRST BECAUSE WE TEND TO ACT LIKE WE DIDN'T CARE TO OTHERS..

MY FRIENDS CALL US TWINS AT SOME TIMES..

WE HAVE SAME PREFERENCES..

THE ONLY DIFFERENCE FROM US IS THAT PERSON IS SO STRAIGHT FORWARD WHEN IT COMES TO WORDS THAT DON'T CARE IF SOMEBODY FELT OFFENDED WHILE ME, I WAS BEING TOO CAREFUL AND TRY MY BEST NOT TO HURT ANYONE'S FEELINGS..

STRAIGHT FORWARD WORDS ACTUALLY THE REASON WHY I HAVE FEELINGS FOR THE FIRST PERSON..

THE FIRST PERSON ADMITTED THAT SHE HAVE ON CRUSH ME IF WE AREN'T FRIENDS..

IT HURTS, RIGHT?

FRIENDS...

THAT'S MY WEAKNESS WHEN IT COMES TO LOVE..

I USUALLY FALL IN LOVE WITH MY FRIENDS..

THE FIRST PERSON ACTED LITTLE WEIRD DURING THOSE DAYS, AS IF THE FIRST PERSON WAS SO INTERESTED IN ME..

I WAS HAPPY BECAUSE I KINDA GROWING LIKING THE FIRST PERSON THAT MUCH THAT I DIDN'T MIND THE CLOSENESS WE HAVE..

MY FRIENDS WERE TEASING ME, THEY ACTUALLY SHIPPED US..

IT'S REALLY FUNNY THAT THEY BELIEVE TO THE FIRST PERSON..

BUT DEEP INSIDE MY HEART, I KNOW THE FIRST PERSON WAS JOKING OR MAYBE SHOULD I SAY, TESTING ON ME IF I REACT LIKE I AM FLUSTERED OR GIDDY IN THEIR SWEET ACTIONS..

BUT THEN ONE DAY, THE FIRST PERSON STOPPED.. I KNEW IT..

THE FIRST PERSON DIDN'T MEAN IT..

THOSE PLAYFUL JAPANESE WORDS I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS MEANING AT FIRST BUT LATER ON FOUND OUT WHAT IT IS MEAN..

THAT IS THE WORD..

I SEARCHED ONLINE WHAT IT IS BECAUSE THE WAY THE FIRST PERSON SAID IT, FEELS LIKE THE MEANING IS SOMETHING MORE THAN FRIENDS USUALLY SAID TO EACH OTHER..

I FOUND OUT THAT IT WAS 'I LIKE YOU' IN ENGLISH..

I SQUEALED WHEN MY EYES SAW THOSE WORDS, BUT MY MIND WENT BACK AND ASKED MYSELF WHY THE FIRST PERSON SAID THAT TO ME AND WHY THE FIRST PERSON INSISTED ME TO REPEAT IT AFTER THEM?

MY HEART AND MIND WENT BLANK EVERY TIME I REMEMBER IT..

JUST WHY? WHY THE FIRST PERSON SAID IT TO ME?

WHY THE FIRST PERSON CAN'T JUST CONFESS TO ME DIRECTLY?

I AM A PERSON WHO DON'T INITIATE THINGS OR TAKING THE LEAD.

I KEEP WAITING AND HOPING THAT THOSE WORDS WERE THE TRUTH BUT AGAIN, MAYBE SHE WAS ONLY JOKING OR TESTING ON MY UALITY..

I DON'T KNOW HER TRUE INTENTIONS..

IF I WAS A MAN, I WOULD ASK YOU OUT...

REALLY..

IF I WAS A MAN TOO, I WOULD DO IT TOO TO YOU.. BECAUSE NOW YOU BELONG TO SOMEONE ELSE NOW, YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND WHO LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND I AM HERE, SILENTLY SMILING AT YOU THAT FINALLY YOU ALREADY HAVE YOUR FIRST LOVE...

FIRST LOVE...

IT'S A PITY THAT YOU ARE MY FIRST LOVE, MY FIRST LOVE THAT HAPPENED AS MY ONE SIDED LOVE..

I GAVE UP ON YOU AND EVERY TIME I REMEMBER OUR DAYS, I FEEL LIKE I WAS GOING TO EXPLODE BECAUSE OF EMBARRASSMENT ON HOW I WAS TOTALLY WHIPPED FOR YOU.. SUPER HEAD OVER HEELS FOR YOU AND GUESS WHAT?

YOU TAKE IT AND LEFT ME WONDERING IF IT IS ALL TRUE OR JUST EXPERIMENTAL?

HONESTLY, I STILL FEEL GIDDY REMEMBERING THOSE DAYS.

OH.. I WISH THAT I'M NOT THAT KIND OF OBVIOUS..

NOW.. LET'S TALK ABOUT THE SECOND ONE..

THE SECOND ONE IS ACTUALLY THE ONE WHO I KNEW FOR SO LONG BUT ONLY BECOME CLOSE FRIENDS LATELY..

THE SECOND ONE IS SWEET PERSON. SHE LOVE HUGS, KISSES, CUDDLES AND AFFECTIONS.

SHE IS TOTALLY GIRLFRIEND MATERIAL, I MUST SAY..

BUT, THE THING IS..

SHE EASILY FALL IN LOVE..

SHE HAVE ENORMOUS AMOUNT OF ADMIRERS AND I BELIEVE THAT ALL ADMIRERS GOT A CHANCES WITH HER..

IT'S EITHER THEY HAVE BOTH MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING EACH OTHER OR FRIENDS WITH SUPER DUPER CLOSENESS TO THE POINT YOU WILL THINK THAT THEY WERE TOGETHER BUT THEY'RE NOT..

YOU GOT ADMIRERS BUT YOU ONLY HAVE THREE BOYFRIENDS BEFORE WE COULD PRACTICALLY CALL OURSELVES AS 'FRIENDS'

I HEARD THAT YOU LOVE TO FLIRT WITH YOUR ADMIRERS THAT'S WHY YOU HAVE MANY..

THEY CALLED YOU OR BIG FLIRT FROM OUR BATCH..

I BELIEVED THOSE WORDS BEFORE BECAUSE I REALLY SEE YOU WITH DIFFERENT GUYS FOR A MONTH OR TWO..

BUT WHEN I GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER, YOU WE'RE NOT LIKE THAT..

IF YOU ARE, YOU SHOULD HAD MANY BOYFRIENDS..

IT'S JUST THAT I NOTICE BEING NEXT TO YOU, YOU WE'RE JUST A PERSON WHO DON'T KNOW TO SAY 'NO' WITH EVERY FAVORS THEY ASKED FROM YOU..

EVEN YOU WE'RE BUSY, YOU WILL STILL DO THEIR PROJECTS LIKE DRAWINGS BECAUSE YOU WE'RE GOOD ON IT AND YOU WILL FEEL BAD IF YOU PUT DOWN THEIR FAVOR..

I THINK IT'S JUST THE SAME THING WHEN IT COMES TO YOUR ADMIRERS, YOU WILL FEEL BAD IF YOU DIDN'T ENTERTAIN THEM..

I AM BIT MAD IN THAT KIND OF YOUR PERSONALITY, I MEAN..

WHY YOU JUST REJECT THEM AND TELL THEM TO STOP?

I'M GETTING FRUSTATED TO THE POINT THAT I CLENCHED MY FIST TO RESIST TO PUNCH THOSE ADMIRER'S FACES AND LEAVE YOU ALONE..

THE SECOND ONE HAS DIFFERENT PERSONALITY WITH MINE..

SHE IS OUTGOING AND I'M NOT..

SHE IS POPULAR AND I'M JUST SIMPLE AND PLAIN..

SHE IS TALKATIVE AND I'M THE OPPOSITE..

I DON'T KNOW WHY WE CLICKED SO MUCH..

WE'RE RIVALS BEFORE THEN WE BECOME FRIENDS..

IT'S FUNNY TO THINK THAT WE COMPETE TO EACH OTHER IN SOME CATEGORIES..

THEY SOMETIMES COMPARED US..

WE'RE REALLY OPPOSITES..

BUT AS CLICHE AS THEY SAY, OPPOSITES ATTRACTS..

ACTUALLY, EXCEPT FOR I HAD A THING WITH FRIENDSHIP LOVE, I ALSO LOVES OPPOSITES.. BECUASE I BELIEVE IF YOUR LOVER HAS OPPOSITE PERSONALITY WITH YOU, YOU TWO COULD FILL EVERY LACKNESS YOU HAVE AND WOULD ACTUALLY BRING THE BETTER VERSION OF YOU..

IT IS..

I THINK I CHANGED..

I CHANGED WHILE I'M WITH YOU..

THE USUAL QUIET HAS NOW BECOME JOKESTER AND SAVAGE..

THE NO EXPRESSION FACE BEFORE TURNS INTO REACTION QUEEN THAT OUR FRIENDS WAS LAUGHING BECAUSE THEY CAUGHT A PIC OF MY HILARIOUS REACTION..

THE USUAL BORING BECOME INTERESTING IN YOUR EYES..

INTERESTING..

AM I JUST THAT WORD?

EVERY TIME WE SEE EACH OTHER, YOU HUGGED ME TIGHTLY AND TOLD ME YOU MISSED ME SO MUCH..

MY HEART LEAPS IN JOY JUST LIKE FROM THE FIRST PERSON DID TO ME BUT I KNOW IT'S SOMETHING DIFFERENT..

I WAS HAPPY SO MUCH THAT I DIDN'T MIND IF MY HEART IS GOING TO BREAK LATER ON MEANWHILE FROM THE FIRST PERSON I WAS HAPPY AND NERVOUS AT THE SAME TIME BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO BE OBVIOUS..

EVERY TIME YOU CHATTED ME, YOU ALWAYS ADD MY NAME WITH LOVES, TZUYU MY LOVES..

MY HEART CAN'T STAY STILL BECAUSE YOU WERE SPAMMING ME WITH HEARTS AND THOSE WORDS AGAIN..

TZUYU, MY LOVES..

AS USUAL, I WOULD IGNORE IT AND GIVE AN EXCUSE THAT I FALL ASLEEP OR I DIDN'T TURN THE WIFI LAST NIGHT THAT'S WHY I'M STILL ONLINE WITH THE WORDS OF I'M SORRY AND WHY..

YOU TOLD ME IT'S FINE AND IT WAS NOTHING IMPORTANT, SHE JUST WANT ME TO BOTHER OR TALK SOME NONSENSE..

AFTER THAT, WE CHATTED FOR MANY HOURS AND MY LAUGHTER CAN BE ONLY HEARD IN MY ROOM BECAUSE OF YOUR HILARIOUS AND FAIL JOKES UNTIL YOU SAY YOU WILL SLEEP NOW, YOU SAID GOOD NIGHT AND SWEET DREAMS WITH MANY HEARTS AGAIN..

I SMILED..

I'M SURE I REALLY ENJOY CHATTING WITH YOU THAT I'M ALWAYS NOT THE ONE WHO SAYS GOOD NIGHT AT YOU FIRST BECAUSE I STILL WANT TO TALK WITH YOU..

ALWAYS..

I BELIEVE MYSELF THAT I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT HAPPEN..

EVEN YOU BREAK MY HEART SEVERAL TIMES WITH YOUR ADMIRERS AND CRUSHES..

EVEN YOU HURT MY BESTFRIEND WITH YOUR UNINTENTIONAL ACTIONS..

EVEN YOU DIDN'T TALK TO ME THAT MUCH ANYMORE BECAUSE OF YOUR GUYS..

AND MOSTLY..

EVEN YOU CRASHED MY HEART INTO TINY PIECES WHEN I HEARD THAT YOU HAVE LIKING TOWARDS A GIRL..

A GIRL..

A GIRL LIKE ME..

A FREAKING GIRL!

IN THIS SOCIETY, IT'S BAD TO LOVE WITH THE SAME GENDER AND THAT'S MY BIGGEST REASON WHY I DIDN'T TELL MY FEELINGS TOWARDS YOU AND THE FIRST PERSON..

I WAS DEVASTATED AND FELT LIKE YOU PUNCH ME, BECAUSE HOW? I NEVER KNEW YOU ALSO HAD A THING FOR GIRLS?

IT SEEMS LIKE IT IS GOOD THAT SHE SWING THAT WAY TOO BUT ACTUALLY IT HURTS ME A LOT WHEN I FOUND OUT WHO IS THE GIRL..

THE GIRL YOU LIKE WAS NONE OTHER THAN THE GIRL YOU HATED THE MOST..

I REMEMBER HOW YOU BAD MOUTH HER AND NOW, I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU WE'RE SO INTO HER..

LIKE..

WHAT THE HELL?

WHY YOU WE'RE HURTING ME WITH THIS? I WAS QUESTIONING MYSELF IF I TOLD YOU, I LIKE YOU NOT IN FRIEND WAY BUT IN ROMANTIC WAY,

WILL YOU ENTERTAIN ME?

WILL YOU GIVE ME AT LEAST A FALSE HOPE LIKE YOUR ADMIRERS?

WILL YOU HUG ME AND SAY YOU WE'RE NOT SURE?

WILL YOU ACCEPT IT AND TRY TO REALIZE THINGS WE HAVE?

OR...

THE STRAIGHT QUESTION IS..

WILL YOU LET ME LIKE YOU?

I'M SCARED THAT YOU WILL GO AWAY AND DON'T TALK WITH YOU ANYMORE BECAUSE THAT'S THE NORMAL THING IF YOU RECEIVE A CONFESSION FROM A GREAT FRIEND..

YOU TREAT ME PRECIOUSLY AND I DON'T KNOW IF YOU CAN HURT ME DIRECTLY..

THEN I DECIDED, THAT IT'S BETTER TO KEEP THIS WAY..

LOVING YOU LIKE A FRIEND..

AHHH... ONE-SIDED AGAIN..

WHY IT MUST BE MY TWO FRIENDS ARE MY SECRET LOVE?

I KNOW IT'S PART OF MY FAULT BECAUSE I DIDN'T LET THEM KNOW WHAT I FEEL FOR THEM OR MY LOVE FOR THEM IS NOT ENOUGH?

ENOUGH FOR ME TO ADMIT MYSELF TO THEM THAT I'M IN LOVE WITH THEM..

OR...

",.. Who is your first love then, Tzuyu?" Chaeyoung asked me, waiting for me to reply.

"Is it me?" Chaeyoung smile widely while pointing herself. My friends laughed at her including them, the two person I loved the most.

"Uhmm..." My mind is getting hazy and I don't know how to escape with this situation.

"I don't know.." I mumbled quietly and they just looked at me confusily.

"Oh, you're no fun, Tzu-Tzu! We thought that you will share your love story!!" Sana whined loudly.

I smiled and hugged them back, hoping I could just forget it and move on..

I'm just curious..

Because myself, cannot find answers when I'm with them together like this..

Author's Note: Hi, this is supposedly my blog since I've been dramatic this day and decided to make paragraph about my one sided love because this story is 90% of my love life I have and it turns out I decided to make this into one shot. But really, who do you think I love more? The first one or the second one? I'm still confuse tho. I know that I supposed to update my other fics like over or back? or my extraordinary crush because it's been a month or two since I didnt update them but well, my mind is a big mess that a lot of different ideas are keep coming and mostly, I got sick nowadays because of the climate here. Okay, this is really unplanned one shot purely based from my true story of my tragic love life. I hope you enjoy reading this and I don't know how will you guys react this.. Hahahaha! That's it for now, I'm going back to writing at 'Over or Back?'