Hongbin didn’t really like the counter on his arm. When he was a child, it was because he didn’t like how it looked. As he got older and came to understand what it meant, he started finding new reasons to hate the counter.

The first reason was because it meant that his first love wasn’t his soul mate.

The second reason was because it meant that his first boyfriend wasn’t his soul mate.

The third reason was because it meant he was all alone while all of his friends were happy with their soul mates.

He had dozens of other reasons to hate the counter, too. Honestly, he sometimes wished that his counter didn’t exist, that his soul mate didn’t exist. One time, he vocalized that though to his mother. He told her that he wished his counter would fade, a sign that one’s soul mate was dead. She’d gotten so angry at him for saying something so horrible. He didn’t mention it to her again.

If he was being really honest with himself, he didn’t mean it. Deep down, he wanted his soul mate. He wanted to know who it was, what kind of person the universe felt he should be with. But he let desires of choosing a soul mate himself and bitterness over losing people he liked because of the counter cloud his judgment. And as a result, he wished for his counter to vanish.

And then one day he woke up and it was gone.

At first, he’d been happy that he finally had his wish granted. He felt like he could finally have control of his life. He could pick who he loved, not some stupid counter. He wouldn’t have to be with someone who he’d never met before, who he knew nothing about, all because society felt like soul mates were important.

And then he realized what it meant.

“No,” Hongbin whispered, grabbing his arm and praying that this was some kind of mistake, “no no no no no no.”

His soul mate……they couldn’t be gone. He didn’t want them gone. Not really. He didn’t mean those words he had said. He didn’t want that stupid, thoughtless wish he’d made to be granted.

Hongbin felt himself screaming, begging the counter to come back. His mother rushed into the room, trying to get him to calm down so he could tell her what was going on. Hongbin just kept crying, apologizing for ever asking for the counter to vanish. His father rushed in, joining his mother in trying to calm him.

And then the numbers came back.

For the next couple of hours, the numbers vanished and reappeared several times before finally staying. Hongbin was beyond grateful when they finally stayed. He spent the rest of the day curled up in bed, just trailing his fingers over the digits as if he couldn’t believe that were still there. Honestly, he couldn’t. He was half convinced that he’d become delusional, that the loss of his soul mate was too much for his mind to deal with. That his guilt had driven him mad.

“Hey,” his friend Hakyeon said the following morning when he came by to see how he was doing.

“Hi,” Hongbin said, voice a little strained from all the screaming and crying he’d done the day before.

“They’re still there?” Hakyeon asked, taking a seat on the bed beside Hongbin.

“Yeah,” Hongbin nodded slightly, pulling his arm away from his chest to check, “they’re still there.”

“I’ve heard of something like this happening before,” Hakyeon said, “people get into accidents and die on the table for a few minutes and the other person’s counter will fade and reappear.”

“Doesn’t make me feel better,” Hongbin replied, “just more scared. My soul mate…….they could still be in danger of dying. The counter could vanish again.”

“I’m sure they’re fine,” Hakyeon assured him, “the counter hasn’t vanished for a while, right? Then they’re probably in stable condition.”

“I hope so,” Hongbin whispered, clutching his arm against his chest tightly again. As if that would protect the counter from fading.

“Don’t worry,” Hakyeon said, trying to sound confident, “I’m sure they’ll be fine.”

Two weeks passed and the counter was still there, still counting down to when Hongbin would meet his soul mate. He didn’t feel as scared as he had been, but there were still moments where Hongbin would suddenly check his arm and just stare at it for a few minutes.

“Why don’t you swing by the hospital?” his friend Jaehwan suggested.

“What?” Hongbin frowned slightly, “why would I do that?”

“Your soul mate could be there,” Jaehwan shrugged, “maybe you’ll cross paths with him or something. Then you’ll know for sure that he’s alright.”

“Maybe I should,” Hongbin said, turning the idea over in his mind, “maybe after school. But I don’t want to go alone.”

“Taekwoon and I can go with you,” Jaehwan offered, “he’s got an uncle who works at the hospital too, so that should allow us the ability to wander around a little without looking weird.”

“Thanks,” Hongbin smiled slightly, “I’m not interrupting a planned date though, right? You two don’t get to see each other that often, I don’t want to mess up your plans together.”

“We don’t have anything important planned,” Jaehwan laughed, “and even if we did, the chance to help you find your soul mate isn’t something either of us would pass up. Especially after what happened.”

Just as Jaehwan promised, after school the three headed over to the hospital. They all felt a little weird about wandering around, but when the noticed that Hongbin’s counter indicated that he was now only an hour or so away from meeting his soul mate…….

“Calm down,” Taekwoon advised, “you’ll find them, don’t worry. Freaking out will draw attention and we’ll get kicked out.”

“I know,” Hongbin replied, trying his best to keep his hands from shaking, “I can’t help it.”

“I know,” Taekwoon smiled in understanding, “I was the same way when I realized how close I was to meeting Jaehwan.”

“Really?” Jaehwan grinned, “you never told me that.”

“Let’s focus on finding Hongbin’s soul mate, alright? Taekwoon said quickly, trying to change the subject as well as hide his blush.

“Right,” Jaehwan giggled, “but we’re totally talking about this later tonight.”

The group moved through the building slowly, keeping a close eye on Hongbin’s counter. When the counter’s number went up, they backtracked. When it went down, they kept going the direction they were on. Eventually, they found themselves standing in front of a hospital room. Hongbin checked and rechecked his counter, making sure that it really did indicate that his soul mate was in the room.

“Well?” Jaehwan asked, “Are you going to go inside?”

“Don’t rush him,” Taekwoon told his soul mate, “let him go at his own pace. This is a big deal.”

“Fine,” Jaehwan sighed, “but can you blame me?”

“Alright,” Hongbin breathed, “I can do this. I can totally do this.”

The couple watched as Hongbin slowly entered the room. They were tempted to follow him, but they both knew that Hongbin should be alone with his soul mate.

“Hello?” Hongbin called out softly, slowly stepping farther and farther into the room.

He didn’t get a response and he soon found out why. Hongbin felt his heart break as he realized that his soul mate was in a coma. Watching the young man lying in his hospital bed, hooked up to all kinds of machines, left him with a cold, hollow feeling in his heart. He didn’t know this person beyond the fact that they were soul mates, and yet…….

“I’m so sorry,” Hongbin whispered, tears leaving wet trials down his face as he made his way closer to the man, “I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. I wished that you didn’t exist, that my counter would vanish. And then I woke up and it was gone and at first I was happen, but then……then I realized that it meant you were gone. That you were dead and……”

Hongbin couldn’t finish, crying too hard to form words.

Eventually a nurse came in to check on the comatose man. At first she wanted to throw Hongbin out, but when she learned that he was the soul mate of the man she let him stay. It was thanks to her that he learned the name of the man; Han Sanghyuk.

According to the nurse, he’d been in a really bad car accident. He’d flat lined a couple of times during surgery, something Hongbin already knew, but now he was going to be alright. Well, mostly alright. His spine had been broken and they weren’t sure if he’d ever be able to use his legs again. His coma was medically induced because of brain swelling, but since the swelling was going down very nicely they would probably be able to bring him out of it soon. There was, naturally, the worry that his brain wasn’t going to be at one hundred percent, but they would deal with that when he woke up.

“He’s really handsome,” Jaehwan said when he and Taekwoon came in after the nurse left, “like, really handsome.”

“You alright?” Taekwoon asked, watching as Hongbin sat beside Sanghyuk’s bed. Hongbin was just holding Sanghyuk’s hand, watching his face as if he thought the other would suddenly wake up.

“Yeah,” Hongbin nodded slightly, “Jaehwan is right. He’s really handsome.”

“Do you want to come back tomorrow?” Taekwoon offered, “I can drive you when school is over.”

“Please,” Hongbin looked over at Taekwoon, “that would be great.”

“Hey,” Jaehwan frowned slightly, “Hongbin, he’s going to be alright. That’s what the nurse said, right?”

“I know,” Hongbin nodded, turning his attention back to Sanghyuk’s face, “I know.”

Every day after that, Hongbin stopped by the hospital. He was there the moment Sanghyuk was brought out of his coma, informing Sanghyuk of who he was the first chance he got. He was there when Sanghyuk found out about his friend who’d been in the car with him, holding his soul mate as he cried for the loss of his best and only friend. He was there for every step of Sanghyuk’s recovery, providing Sanghyuk with a one-man support system since he didn’t have anyone anymore.

Eventually, he told Sanghyuk about what he had wished. He’d cried, begging for forgiveness since he was convinced that he had been the cause of all Sanghyuk’s accident related suffering. Sanghyuk had held him until he calmed down, assuring him that it wasn’t his fault. Sometimes things just happened.

“I wished for the counter to be gone, too,” Sanghyuk sighed, running his fingers through Hongbin’s hair as the other laid on his chest.

“What?” Hongbin sat up slightly, “why?”

“I’m life is kind of,” Sanghyuk trailed off, unsure of the right words, “ty. I mean, my dad ditched me and my mom. She was never around, never cared about me. It just got me thinking that I must not be worth anything. Sungjae was the only person who cared until you. I just……I thought that it would be better if my counter was gone, if I was gone, so that I didn’t burden anyone with my existence. So I didn’t disappoint someone when they found out I was their soul mate.”

“Oh, Sanghyuk,” Hongbin whispered, trying to hold back his tears, “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s alright,” Sanghyuk assured him, “it’s in the past. We both want each other as a soul mate, right?”

“Right,” Hongbin nodded, “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Sanghyuk smiled slightly pressing a kiss to Hongbin’s forehead, “you don’t wish for that anymore and you aren’t the cause of the accident. You have nothing to feel guilty for."

“I love you,” Hongbin said after a moment, lying back down on Sanghyuk’s chest so he could hear his heartbeat, “so much. I’ll never hate having you as my soul mate.” Not ever again.

A/N: so I’d originally wanted to write this as ‘Hongbin’s soul mate dies, he meets Sanghyuk who’s also lost his soul mate, they decide to become each other’s soul mate.’ I’ve wanted to do that since I started this whole story, but then I got to the point where Hongbin’s counter vanishes and…….I just couldn’t do it. Thank goodness I didn’t have a fully thought out plan using that first idea or I’d have really screwed myself.