Energy
by: maybeobsessed

How Yonghwa found his Energy in Shinhye.

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“Hyung? Hyung?”

“Hyung?! Hello~ are you in there?”

“Jung Yonghwa-ssi. Hey! You’re starting to scare me.”

“Hyung!”

Huh? What happened?

Yonghwa jumps back when he sees hands waving rapidly in his face. He slaps the hands away, glaring at his dongsaeng.

“What are you doing? You scared me.”

“What are YOU doing? You are the one who’s scaring me.” Minhyuk sighs, pointing one of his drumsticks at him. Yonghwa smacks that away from his face too.

“Stop doing that.”

“You were gone for awhile there. Staring off into space. For like 5 minutes now.  I was really scared that your soul finally left your body.”

“Stop exaggerating. It was not for five minutes.”

“Where the hell were you?”

Yonghwa couldn’t seem to find an answer.  He took off his hat to run his hands through his hair, closing his tired eyes.  “I don’t know.”

“Hyung.”  

Yonghwa recognizes the tone of his voice and starts to tune him out.  But Minhyuk pushes him lightly, stealing his hat from him before Yonghwa could put it back on and cover his face.  His classic shut off mode.

“Stop and listen.  We’re done for today. You’re going home and not doing any work for the next two days. The rest of us agree.”

Yonghwa tries to reach for his hat, ignoring him but Minhyuk just stands and holds it out stretching his whole arm out.

“You’re being ridiculous right now. I’m fine. Give me my hat!”

“No.”

Yonghwa sighs heavily. “Minhyuk, I’m not playing anymore. Give me my hat and let’s get back to it.”

“I said no. I’m leaving. You can stay and work yourself to death.”

Minhyuk pushes his hat into Yonghwa’s chest, dropping his drumsticks on the table. He doesn’t turn back to look at him as he shuts the door quietly behind him.

What the hell was that all about? What just happened?

Yonghwa throws his hat across the room and slumps back in his seat. He runs his hands through his hair again, groaning out loud.

That jerk. They still had so much left to do. He was really hoping to finish today with Minhyuk’s part and then he can finish that song he’d been stuck on for the last few weeks.  It was one of the last songs for his solo album but he was stuck lyrically.

This is a major setback. He was hoping that time with Minhyuk on CNBLUE’s album would take his mind away from it for a bit and then he could start fresh again.

He pulls his arm over his eyes to cover it from the light. His eyes were really tired and aching. He will just take a minute and then go back to his studio.

He isn’t sure how much time has passed, but when he tries to move he feels as if his energy has been zapped from him. He languidly picks up his hat and makes his way down to his little studio.

He passes people in the hall who greet him happily, but he could barely manage a smile back to them.  He pull his hat down and focuses on the floor until he reaches his room. When he sits down in his chair, he looks at his computer without touching anything for a minute before he is putting his head down on his arms to rest on the desk.

What was wrong with him? Why can’t he seem to focus today? He didn’t even feel like trying.  Just the thought of his music made his stomach turn.  The soft hum of his computer was even beginning to irritate him.

He glances at the time. 17:50. It was already this late? Deciding to leave in a bit after resting his eyes for a bit, he pulls his hat off of his head and stuffs his face in his arms.

He hears a loud laugh outside of his door which startles him, forcing him to raise his head. It seems a bit darker in his room but his vision was still a little hazy. His head starting throbbing from the head rush and he could still feel that dull pain behind his eyes.

He straightens up in his seat and he could feel all of his bones and muscles cry out from the sudden movement.  Everything was aching. How long had he been sitting like that?

He tries to focus on the time, rubbing his eyes a bit. 21:20 --- what?! He’d been like that for 3 hours?

He quickly gathers his things and turns everything off. He locks the door behind him.

--

He couldn’t sleep last night. He maybe got a couple of hours altogether but overall majority of his night was staring up at his ceiling. He couldn’t even find the energy to browse through his phone. He just lied there in the dark.

He chooses the first things he sees in his closet, not caring if they matched and dropped a hat on his head. Next thing he knows, he’s walking into the coffee shop near his house and before could even say anything, the worker is already greeting him and placing his order.

“Good morning, Yonghwa-ssi. Iced Americano double shot coming up!”

He stares at the worker’s smiling face and finds himself running blank. He just nods and hands over his card.

He blinks once and he’s sitting in his car with his drink in his hand and his keys in the other.

When did he-...?

He shakes his head, trying to shake off this funk. He doesn’t even remember getting to his car. He doesn’t even remember receiving his drink. Is he going crazy?

He pushes the button to start his car and takes a sip of his drink. He stops himself from spitting the coffee out and hurriedly places the drink in the cup holder. It’s extremely bland but he forces himself to swallow whatever was in his mouth.  

Everything stops in that moment and he’s suddenly wondering what the hell he was doing. He covers his face with his hands, intending to wipe the tiredness from his face but instead he feels a wetness against his cheeks.

And like that -- all of his energy is gone. He just presses his face back into in hands and cries.

He is so tired.

--

It’s the third time his phone is ringing in a row.  He’s already put it on silence but the light from the screen keeps reflecting against his dark walls.

On it’s fourth time, he finally takes a look at the caller ID. It’s Minhyuk. He ignores it.

A couple hours later, he’s getting another string of calls. It’s Jungshin, he ignores him too. However this time, the calls persist and he can no longer ignore the flashing lights, even when the screen is facing down. He picks up the phone, determined to turn it off once and for all but the name flashing on the screen alarms him.

After a moment of hesitation, he swipes the screen and presses it to his ear. He doesn’t say anything and waits.

“Yonghwa-ya~ I know you’re there.”

He still stays quiet, placing a hand over his mouth. Why did she call him?

“Yonghwa... say something.”

He doesn’t have the courage to say anything, so he turns in his bed to lie on his back and holds the phone to his ear.

“Okay, you don’t want to talk...I’ll talk then. Everyone is worried about you. Minhyuk said you were taking a couple days off but it’s almost been two days and you haven’t spoken to anyone.”

Two days? It’s already been that long?

“Just send them some messages letting them know you’re ok. Maybe call your mom? She said you’re not even answering her. You have to at least talk to her.”

What would he say to his mom anyways? Sorry, your son doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing with his life right now? He just feels like giving everything up and doesn’t want do any of it anymore.

“Stop.” She says, as if she’s read his mind. He wonders if he scoffed out loud.

“I know, it gets really tough sometimes. Somedays I want to give it all up. Just feel really tired of it all. I know.”

There are tears filling up in his eyes again. How did she know?

“Shinhye-ya.” He tries saying, his voice really coarse from being unused for days.

“Ah, Yonghwa. There you are. I miss you, chingu.”

“Shinhye-ya, I miss you so much.” He voices cracks halfway through and he thinks he hears her inhale sharply.

“Ah, are you ok?”

He answers her honestly, “No. I’m not ok.”

“What’s wrong?”

“That’s just it, Shinhye. I don’t know.” He could feel his tears now running down the sides of his face and he tries to hold back a sob. Hearing her voice again was like opening the floodgate.

“Why do I feel like this? I don’t know what to do.”

“It’s okay, Yonghwa. We’ll figure it out. Ok? Don’t cry.”  Her voice is a little high and he could hear her sniffling.

“Yonghwa-ya, it’ll be ok.  I’m here for you.”

“I’m so tired Shinhye, I’m so tired of it all.”

“I know, I know. It’s ok. You can let go now.”

And he does just that, presses his face into his pillow and let’s go.

--

“Shinhye?”

“Yes?”

“I miss you.”

“I miss you too, so much.”

“I wish I could see you.”

“Ok.”

“Ok?”

“Yeah, I’ll make your wish come true.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll see you soon.”

--

Shinhye waits a bit before pressing the doorbell. Yonghwa had been quiet for the last few minutes but she could still hear him sigh every now and then so she knew he was still awake.  The minute he started crying on the phone she was already putting some things together to make her way to his place.  

He’s never been this down before. Usually he’d call her whenever he felt there was a problem but a couple of months have passed where they weren’t even in contact.  But they both have been extremely busy. It wasn’t until Minhyuk texted her that Yonghwa has not been doing well that she thought about reaching out to him again.

She was so caught up with filming that it really wasn’t until Minhyuk called her this time and told her that Yonghwa hasn’t spoke to anyone in days and he wouldn’t leave his apartment. The timing ended up being good because she’d been granted a few days off too.

She didn’t know how serious it was until she spoke to him.

Now she’s standing in front of his door with a bag full of her clothes and necessities. She won’t leave until he’s back to his usual self.

She rings the doorbell one more time when she realizes he wasn’t coming to the door.

“Answer the door, Yonghwa.” She tells him on the phone.

“I don’t want to see anyone right now.”  He says, still unaware that it is her.

“I thought you wished you could see me?”

She could hear him rustling around on the other end and quick footsteps before the door is swinging open.

She puts on her best smile, ready to face him but he when he peeks his head out to look at her, her heart drops into her stomach.

He’s still holding the phone to his ear, but his hair's a mess and his eyes are bloodshot and puffy. Not to mention how dark the circles under his eyes were, which his pale face only made it seem darker.

She hangs up the phone, putting it in her bag and a hand covers to stifle the cry that’s about to come out.  She’s never seen him like this before, even after heavy scenes in the dramas and it scares her for a second.  This isn’t her bright and happy Yong.

He opens the door wider to let her in and she immediately wraps her arms around him, pressing her face into his shirt. She could feel his ribs against her cheek and she knows she’s crying at this point.

“Yonghwa, I’m here now. I’m here now.”

He wraps his arms around her and rests his head on her shoulder.

“Come on, let’s get you back to bed.” She gathers herself for a moment, helping close and lock the door and make their way to his room.

She puts him back in his bed, kissing the top of his head. “Let me get you something to drink, ok? I’ll be right back.”

She pats his head one last time as he looks up to her with his big puppy dog eyes. She exits his room and walks right to the kitchen to get him something warm.  Just as she sets the teapot on the stove, she can’t hold back her tears anymore.

It was so painful to see him like this, so shocking. He lost so much weight and the lifeless look in his eye was so scary. But she’s here now and he let her in, so she’s going to take care of him. She is going to be strong for him.

She wipes the tears off her face and takes a deep breath. She won’t leave until Yonghwa is back to normal.

She goes through her bag to get her phone to send out a couple quick messages letting everyone know she was with Yonghwa and that it’ll be ok.     When she hears the teapot go off, she makes her way back to the kitchen to make him some tea.

--

Yonghwa is sitting up in bed by the time Shinhye gets back with two mugs in her hands.  She doesn’t even have to force him since he’s reaching out for a mug, ready to drink whatever’s in it. He was already feeling a little better after hearing Shinhye’s voice on the phone and especially after all that crying he did but seeing her, right here in front of him, he could feel his energy already coming back.

While he waited he looked through his phone finally and went through all the messages and missed calls.  He must’ve really worried everyone but he really wasn’t ready to talk to anyone else yet. He felt like he was letting them down and he knows he could not face that yet.

Shinhye sat next to him on the bed, sipping her tea and rubbing his back at the same time.  The smile on her face was so sweet, it pulled at his heart. His sweet loving chingu is here, right in front of him.

He gulps everything down and puts his mug on the side table, he still felt so tired so he lean back against the headboard and looked at Shinhye. She’s still smiling at him.

“Ah, lie down again. I’ll go wash these up.” She stands picking up his mug to bring it to the kitchen.

Because his head still feels a bit hazy, he does what she says and lies back down, feeling warmer this time. The tea was really calming and tasted of chamomile and he could start to feel the effects of it.

He is dozing off when he feels his bed dip and hears the sound of his sheets rustling. When he opens his eyes, Shinhye is there looking at him and reaching for his face.

“Shinhye.” He mumbles, scooting closer to her and resting his head where her arm and her shoulder meet. Oh, it felt so good to be close to her. She’s already wrapping her arms around him and running her hands from his hair down to his back and up again.

“Sleep, Yonghwa. It’s ok now.”

“Talk to me. Wanna hear your voice.”

He could feel her hum and he know she’s stuck in a thought but after a moment of silence, he hears her sing.

“Come this much closer, so I can see myself reflected in your eyes.”

Yonghwa opens his eyes in surprise for a moment but then cuddles back into her, trying to pull as close as he can get. Tears are fresh in his eyes, so he shuts them and let’s her voice take over. He didn’t know how much he needed her until this moment. So he let’s her voice heal his weary heart.

“What kind of face do I have and am I being loved by you?

Everyday seems like a dream because of you

Oh baby, I close my eyes, filled up with you

Silently entering you, my great love that I haven’t told you yet

I will leave it in your heart...”

--

She finishes the song even though she’s sure he fell asleep halfway through. At first she didn’t have any idea what she could talk to him about, but Arm Pillow came to mind in that moment, especially since it was Yonghwa, and she felt it was the best thing for them. Something that had always been deep and meaningful between them was music.

She runs her fingers around his hair, scratching his scalp, as he’d done many times for her before. What lead him to this moment? Minhyuk had mentioned he’d been working nonstop between performances, just finishing his drama, and finalizing his album and CNBLUE’s Colors album. It was really too much.

Even someone who was as busy as she was, she knew it was too much. And Yonghwa, just like her, takes every burden on by themselves. Yonghwa was the type to show everyone his good side and if he were ever in a bad mood, he wouldn’t be around anyone.

But being here with him, at this kind of time, it gave her such conflicting feelings.  She was so happy he let her in and let her see him like this. He opened up to her fully and let her come and take care of him. She was so happy to be his support. But seeing him like this also broke her heart. She never wants for it to ever get this bad for him.

He pulls back a bit in his sleep, but still rests on her arm.  She could see his sleeping face. She uses her finger to trace the dark circles under his eyes, trailing down to his cheekbones, which look so sunken in. Runs down his nose down to his lips, which were chapped and pale. She could feel his prickly hair atop his lip and on his chin. It’s grown out much longer than she’s ever seen before.  Even like this, he was still as handsome as ever.

She traces his face for a little more before the chamomile tea lulls her to sleep.

--

He feels his eyelids tingling as something draws him out of his sleep, his eyes fluttering before opening wide. He’s blinded by the sudden flash of light, so he blinks a couple times to adjust, lifting his hand to cover his eyes. When he tries to take a deep breath, he feels something heavy on his chest. Without looking, he reaches down to feel his chest when his hand bumps into a warm body.  He opens his eyes fully to look down his nose and finds his beautiful chingu staring at him, her chin resting on her hands while she is sprawled over his chest.

Her smiling face is almost as blinding as the sunlight lighting up his room.

“Good morning.” She whispers and he wonders if he’s dreaming. He uses the hand that was covering his eyes and rubs them, hoping to clear the gunk and make sure he isn’t imagining things.  

When he reopens them, Shinhye is still there smiling at him. “How are you feeling?”

He doesn’t answer her because he isn’t sure how he feels but he can’t resist smiling a bit after all the memories of last night came back to him.  Shinhye really came for him last night, she really slept next to him, and sang him to sleep. He uses his arms to trap her against him and she wiggles a bit to move her arms to his sides and turn her head so her cheek rests on his chest.

“Feel happy you’re here.” He mumbles and she snuggles in response.

“Hope you slept well, it’s 10 o’clock in the morning.”

“Hmm already?”

“Yeah, so come on, let’s get up. I made breakfast.”

“Did you?”

“Yes!” She pokes his side and he jerks in reaction. But after he doesn’t make an attempt to move, she continues to poke him until he’s pushing her off of him to try and get away.

“Ok, ok! Stop. I’m getting up.”

“Good. Go wash up and meet me in the kitchen.”

She pushes off of him and he watches her run out of the room, waving goodbye to him.

“Hurry up, ok?!” She calls from outside his door.

As he tries to sit up, he feels every muscle of his body aching. So with a couple of stretches, he slowly makes his way off his bed and drags himself to the bathroom.  He doesn’t bother to turn on the light, he can’t even imagine what kind of mess he’s looking like right now.  He maneuvers in the dark, as he’s done many times before,  to use the toilet and then to wash his hands and face.

He could feel his stubble, but ignores it when he feels his belly rumble. He can’t help but to wonder what Shinhye made. He’d been living off of instant noodles these past few days and that’s if he could actually stomach it.

But with her here, his hunger has come back...for many different things.

He waddles his way out of his room when the smell hits him. Ah, coffee...it’s been so long. Such a welcoming scent.

Shinhye is wearing an apron and standing in his kitchen and his heart skips a beat. What a sweet image to wake up to and for the first time in these past weeks, he truly feels happy.

She’s reaching for him as he passes the counter and helps drag him to his little dining table where everything is already set up. He can see the steaming cups of coffee and some bowls of soup and rice.  And laid out nicely on his plates is omelets.  

“Wow. Shinhye-ya. It looks too good to eat.”  He smiles at her across from him and she reaches over to slap him lightly.

“Shut up.”

“No seriously. It looks so good.”

“Well then, go on! Let’s eat. I’m starving.”

He glances at her happy face one last time, before reaching for his spoon to try the soup out first. The soup is perfectly salted and warm, slowly waking his body up.  The meal is perfect.  She really thought it through. The simple dishes were easy on his stomach but filled it up without making him feel sick. It’s been awhile since he’s had a good homemade meal.

And oh- did he miss the taste of her coffee!

Everytime he looked at her, she looks at him and smiles so happily. The good meal, her happy face and the coffee...it was overwhelming. He was worried he would start crying again right at the table.  He is really so happy she is here.

He reaches for her free hand on the table, holding it tight in his. She doesn’t hesitate, curls her fingers around his as she continues to eat with her other.  She gives him a look before she takes a piece of her omelet and holds it out for him to eat.  She feeds him whatever is left of her food.

And when all the food is gone, she pulls his hand that is in hers to her lips, giving it a sound kiss. “So happy you ate all of your food.”

“It was good, so full. Thank you, Shinhye.”

“You’re welcome.”

She unravels her hand from his to pick up the dishes and he is quick to follow her with the rest to the sink. She rushes him to the couch while she washes the dishes. He notices that she’s cleaned up his messy living room and he wonders if he will be thanking her for the rest of the day.

--

They were sitting on the couch, watching reruns of The Walking Dead, when she has an idea while she’s running her hands through his hair.  She excuses herself to the bathroom and goes to his room to start a bath.

She let’s the water run, reminding herself to come back to stop it in a bit.  She wants him to have a good relaxing bath, to rid of himself of the past of few days. She’ll play him some music and light some candles, it will revive him for sure!

She’s giddy with excitement for her surprise for him and dutifully counts the minutes down before she needs to go back to set it all up.  Luckily, Yonghwa is in and out of dozing, so he doesn’t take notice of her abnormal behavior.

When everything is finally set up, she takes one last look over his bathroom she transformed. She found his music player and put on some Yiruma. The candles were already in the bathroom, so she only needed to light them up and surprisingly she managed to find a bath soap that smells like tea tree oil.

It was perfect and she was even a little jealous. Yonghwa has a really nice bathtub.

Now all she had to do was convince him to get in it.

He is looking at her curiously when she comes back into the living room and he sits up from his lying position on the couch.

“What?” He asks, when she’s pulling him up from the couch and dragging him back to his room. He doesn’t resist until they get close to his bathroom.

“Hey, what -?!”

He pauses mid-sentence when he sees the setting.

“I drew you a bath! Ta-da!”

She can see different emotions flicker of his face, from surprised to happy and finally to thankful.  His gaze lingers as his fingers intertwine with hers.  

“Gomawo, Shinhye. You’re really something wonderful.”

She shyly pushes him towards it.  “Come on, a bath will make you feel a hundred times better.”

Yonghwa is reaching for the bottom of his shirt when he looks at her, “I think this is your way of telling me I stink.”

Shinhye sticks her tongue out at him. “Yeah, that too.”

He’s just about to take his shirt off when he looks at her again, she’s just standing there watching him.

“Are you joining me?” He jokes. And she turns bright red, turning around as quickly as she can.

“Ah~ sorry!” She says but she doesn’t leave, she continues to face the other way.  It doesn’t sound like he’s moving, so she slowly turns to look back at him. He’s just standing there looking at her expectantly.

“What?”

“I am joining you!” She says and his eyes get big. “What?!”

“Just not in the way you think! Ah, I mean. Ugh. Just get in and cover yourself up with this. I’ll give you two minutes.”

She’s shoving a small hand towel to him and turns to exit the room, leaving the door open.

She holds her hands against her flaming cheeks. “Get it together, Shinhye. You’re not going to be able to help him if you blush the whole time.”

She very much so intended to join him, but to help him wash his hair and keep him company outside of the tub.

--

He’s still dumbfounded by the whole thing but he remember she said two minutes so he strips down quickly and makes his way into the tub.  The water is still on the hot side but it feels good, relaxing his muscles right away.

He doesn’t really know what she’s planning but he blushes while he ‘covers’ himself up with that measly hand towel she gave him. There were enough bubbles in the bath to shield him from her eyes anyways. His heart is racing from anticipation.

What did she mean when she said she’ll join him? Maybe she will just sit and talk with him so he isn’t lonely in the bath.  The thought made him feel better because he did not want to be without her for so long.

He leans back, resting his head on the bath pillow and takes a deep breath. Oh, this is really nice. He could feel the oils take over, releasing all the bad energy from his skin. Shinhye was really full of energizing ideas.  He already feels a hundred times better than he had a couple days ago.

He really couldn’t feel more thankful for her.

It really isn’t long before she’s coming back in the bathroom, this time dressed in a tanktop and shorts. She doesn’t look fazed by his state of undress. She just goes towards his shower to takes a couple bottles from there.

She holds them up to show him, that shy smile on her face. “I want to wash your hair for you.”

“You don’t have to.” He says softly, she’s already done so much and she still wants to do something like this for him.

“I want to. Come on. Lean forward a bit.”

When she persists, his feelings change and he gets excited. She sits at the end of the tub, placing her legs on his sides, her bare skin brushing against his shoulders. She directs him to lean back again. Her hands are in his hair, scratching his scalp with her long nails as she’s been doing for him since last night.

He leans all the way back, tilting his head up so he could look up at her. The whole thing catches up to him finally. He’s sitting here in his tub, fully with just a little towel to cover him up and Shinhye is here, smiling down at him, her feet and legs brushing up his skin in the warm water.

He uses one of his hands to softly grab one of her feet. His fingers cup around her heel and he holds on.  The look on her face is hard to read and he does