She hadn’t caught a name.

It frustrated her to no end. What had she even been thinking? Being too distracted by looking at what that woman looked like when she could have just as easily looked at the username instead. Nayeon sulked on the couch in her living room and pretended to pay attention to the television as she instead tried to bring back any details that she remembered. Not for the first time, did she wish she had some sort of photographic memory. Something to help her remember useful details.

What she did remember was the useless things. Like for example, the fact that the woman in the pictures was very tall. Or at least she appeared to be. Also, super skinny, which as Nayeon stared down at her own body made her wonder if maybe she shouldn’t have swallowed down the bag of chips when she had come home. Maybe she should start going to a gym or at least stop eating junk… maybe.

“Mom, have I gained weight?” Nayeon asked over the head of the couch.

She caught her mom roll her eyes and smile, “No, if anything you´ve lost a little. Have you been eating properly?” She asks.

Right, momentarily forgot I was asking a very biased source.

Her brother opened his mouth as he walked past the two and Nayeon sat up, holding one of the throw pillows.

“Watch it” She warns, already knowing some teasing response was on the tip of his tongue.

He thought it over and shrugged, surprisingly letting this go as he moved on with a smirk.

Alright I need to stop getting in my head about this.

The woman was pretty, no denying it and pretty wealthy by the looks of it. Definitely pretty, because Baekhyun must’ve been staring at her picture before running off to find her in the staff lounge. She had thought a lot about that in the past week and no matter what she did, she couldn’t erase it from her memory. It made sense that he probably dated or had dated someone. Maybe it was his first love although it seemed a little unfair that while he was hers, he had someone else as a first love.

The thought came in uninterrupted and startled her on the spot. Was he her first love? She had never considered it like that. She smiled unintentionally, she liked the thought more than she would ever admit. First loves were indeed special and Baekhyun was special to her so… why wouldn’t he be?

Still the thought of that woman returned and left an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. People who weren’t important, people who didn’t mean anything, didn’t do that.

The doorbell rang and Nayeon shot up from her spot, hurriedly turning off the television and running for the door, filing away those particular thoughts for a more private moment.

“I got it, it's Yuna!” She calls out as she pulled the door open with a sigh of relief.

Without giving her friend a chance to greet anyone, she grabbed her by the arm and pulled her upstairs.

“We’ll be studying in my room!” Nayeon yelled as she got them both into the privacy of her room and closed the door tightly behind her.

“So, what was the big emergency?” Yuna asked, dropping her backpack in her corner, knowing full well that her friend didn't call her over for an emergency study session to actually study.

“I know I’m being nosy, but I think Baekhyun has a girlfriend. Well not a girlfriend, but maybe an ex? Definitely someone he cares about. I don’t know, I was in the classroom and saw some girl’s pictures” Nayeon asked as she paused her pacing and turned back to her friend, “He didn’t even have an explanation for the woman you know. Just the typical no one. It has to be someone, what do you think?”

Yuna blinked, trying to fight the right words as she sat on the edge of Nayeon’s bed.

“I… do you actually like that guy?” She asked worriedly, “I say that guy, but what I mean to ask is, do you actually like our teacher?”

Nayeon shook her head, “It’s not like that, it’s just because we were friends and besides we’re both adults. I would understand if we were younger, but if he had come back even months later, we would have graduated and no one would have battled an eye about our relationship!”

“Your friendship, right?” Yuna asked.

“What?”

“No one would have batted an eye at the strictly friends-only relationship you want?”

Nayeon sighed, too many words bubbling in her mind to make sense of. She went over to Yuna and laid back on the empty space in her bed besides her. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath.

“I really, really liked him back then” She confessed quietly.

Yuna wisely said nothing, laying down beside her friend. Choosing to listen to her side of things.

“I liked him more than anyone, when I hear people talking about being in love, I think of him. That has to mean something right? I get it, he was in high school at that point, he never treated me as anything more than a little sister, he told me as much. I understood back then, it was easy to understand I was just a child and then he left so I just… pressed pause”

Nayeon her side so that when she opened her eyes she saw the worried look on Yuna’s face.

“I pressed pause and then he came back… and everything came rushing forward Yuna. It was overwhelming, I’m drowning in all of these useless feelings I can’t sort out” She confessed, something she hadn’t even had the courage to confess to herself.

Her eyes burned and as she blinked a few tears slipped out.

“I know what you’re thinking, I’m being silly about this, I’m actually jealous of the random woman he was looking at! What is wrong with me? He doesn’t even look at me like that, but I can’t help thinking that if he had just come back a little later… I wouldn’t have had to be his student and maybe… he wouldn’t keep pushing me away. I want to talk with him like before, at the very least I want to be his friend”

Yuna took a deep breath, “It wouldn’t be enough” She said, “You’ve all, but dove straight into the rabbit hole”

Nayeon stared.

“You love him, or at the very least you think you do which is just as well because the result is the same and Nayeon you’ve got to stop”

“You’re supposed to be my friend”

“I am your friend!” Yuna scolded, offended, “I’m looking out for you and him! If he got caught with you? He’d lose his job! Not to mention what people would be saying about you especially”

“I wouldn’t care”

“Maybe you should”

“What am I supposed to do then? I can’t just…. not feel things. Why does a few months have to make such a huge difference?”

Yuna sat up, “We have to find you a boyfriend then. Anyone would do. Someone to keep you distracted for the rest of the year”

Nayeon hesitated, “You’re right, aren’t you?”

“Definitely”

“Yuna… it’s just that… I don’t want a boyfriend. It’s not fair to the boyfriend to be honest”

“Nayeon where do you see this leading into? What do you honestly think is going to happen? He’s going to fall in love with you and do what? Wait until you graduate?”

“Why not? Why not fall in love with me and wait?”

Yuna rubbed her temples tiredly, “Of course it’s not going to happen like that, he looks like a nice guy and even if he starts having feelings for you, I don’t think he’d do anything”

“No one would know”

She stopped, “You’re serious about this aren’t you?”

“I feel like I’m going crazy and I keep telling myself it’s just because we were friends before and I want to be his friend again, but I hadn’t realized I missed him so much”

“People would never leave you alone for this. If you got caught with a teacher everyone would only assume the worst about the two of you”

“I… I don’t care about others, why shouldn’t I be happy too?”

“I don’t think you love him. You could just be in love with the idea of him to be honest. that older guy you used to know that seemed to cool and invulnerable. That’s probably it”

Nayeon held her tongue, wanting to explain to Yuna that it wasn’t like that at all, because she had seen the weakest parts of Baekhyun. She knew his vulnerabilities, his wounds, his scars, she knew them all better than anyone else. She wasn’t in love with the image of the cool and prefect older kid he was, it had never been about that. It wasn’t even that intense back then, back then it was just a crush. Something born from the way he leaned on her. She had thought it went away, but when he walked back into her life everything had reawakened and this time…  it was different.

“Just try dating someone else. Without holding yourself back, try going headfirst in with someone else. I guarantee after a few weeks you’ll realize I’m right” Yuna promised.

“...Fine” Nayeon promised, only because she knew she could date everyone in that school and Byun Baekhyun would still take her breath away every single time.

For the mean time at least, she could probably stay away. It wasn’t like she didn’t have time. Chances that he would find some sort of girlfriend at that point were probably nothing. She just had to try to not care. Try to pretend that she wasn’t the poor loser with the pointless crush on her teacher. She could probably hide it away for a few more months, how hard could it really be?

“So, I should just wait it out then?”

Yuna nodded, “Exactly, just wait it out, right now you’re probably still in that star struck mode. Wait until you catch him picking his nose or something equally gross and I promise there will be no more crush” Yuna said, hoping to heaven that would be the case.

It earned her a small laugh from her friend though.

“Alright, I’ll wait it out”

Yuna grinned and hugged her best friend, “Now should we get started on our homework?”

Both girls met each other’s gazes and laughed. Nayeon smiled for Yuna as the other girl pulled her phone out and began to pick out suitable dates. She laughed along, willing to give it a try for now. She knew Yuna wasn’t wrong about any of it. It would be a mess, if they got involved with each other now. She had known it before Yuna had pointed it out, but somehow her mind rationalized it away. It would be for the best, she supposed, if one of the dates Yuna was currently in the process of trying to arrange for her would suddenly steal her heart.

She wondered what, if anything, would Baekhyun have to say about that? Probably nothing if she was being honest. Chances are that, realistically, he would simply be happy for her. She recalled his words in the car, the ones about protecting her, always and wondered if ‘always’ had an expiration date. For her part, she sincerely hoped not because given the chance, she would also do it. She would protect him however she could and maybe, Nayeon decided as she thought about Yuna's words, that meant putting away her feelings. She looked down and hoped the thought of that wouldn't always make her feel as empty as it did right now.