Sungyoon took the flowers from the vase; they had withered already and there was no purpose for them now. He took away the stuffed animals from the bed table and the cards that wished she would get better soon, despite knowing she never will. He felt empty, there was nothing he could do; he couldn’t cry or scream or even express any emotions other than emptiness. It wasn’t till Daeyeol grabbed his attention when he placed his hand on his back and gave him a comforting pat; it was then it really hit him hard.

She was gone.

Choi Sungyoon only wore a black suit three times in his life. The first time was his cousin’s wedding which he was the ring bearer and he was only eleven years old. The second time was when Hana took them into a wedding store that had suits and tuxedo for grooms and beautiful wedding dresses in all different sizes and styles; he was twenty three years old. The third time was her funeral. He never thought that this day would come; maybe in the future when they were old and maybe he would have lived longer than her but not now. They were barely even half of fifty and one of them had already made their way to the next stage of the life without the other. They had promised one another many things, and she was someone that always kept her promises but this time she couldn’t. They had promised to find a place they could stay at after they graduate and find a stable job and then start thinking of having kids and then watch them grow up and find love like how they did and eventually they would move somewhere in the country and slowly they would go to heaven together. They promised all of these things yet life was just like space, it was full of the unknown.

Hana had requested that she wants her funeral to be at a church, specifically a chapel. It was ironic because a chapel was where two were untied together not separated like how they are. Sungyoon saw her family enter into the white chapel, he got up and pulled Donghyun into a hug immediately when he saw his red eyes and he looked like he was about to bawl his eyes out again. He was a child that hardly showed his emotions and kept a poker face on, even to his older sister. Seeing the younger spilling out his feelings was a first for all of them and it hit him probably the hardest amongst all of them. Donghyun had asked Sungyoon to teach him how to drive since Hana had told him that she would buy him a car if he passed his practical driving assessment. The day that Donghyun passed, he rushed into the hospital with such a bright smile that Sungyoon didn’t see very often however it changed quickly when realisation hit him and he saw the empty hospital bed. Sungyoon quickly hushed him and he remembered how for the first time he called Hana, noona and cried for her saying that she didn’t have to buy a car for him but come back instead. Sungyoon remembered sleeping with the younger as he laid in her bedroom at three in the morning thinking how hard it must be for Donghyun. The poor child would never see his sister’s proud smile when he walks up the stage accepting his graduation certificate with a sense of achievement. He would never introduce his first girl friend to her and tell her how much she adores her and how he never felt anything like this in his life. Hana will never be there to comfort him through his first heart break and tell the girl to off and leave her baby brother alone, however it would be a challenge to get anything out of Donghyun’s sealed feelings; but Hana always knew when Donghyun was upset she had a knack for those things. Hana would also never meet his last girlfriend and future wife and see the beautiful children they bear.

After Donghyun finally settled down, her mother gave Sungyoon a hug and her old man nodded his head as he held out his hand to shake. Both had a silent conversation before they sat down and the ceremony had started. Sungyoon who was much out of it has tuned out of everything as he thought about her parents. He felt terrible because he could only imagine what they are going through, because no parents expect their child to leave this world before them. Her beautiful mother that she resembled would never go out dress shopping with her daughter or see her beautiful daughter in a white dress that she had worn one day in her life. He charming father where she got her wisdom and calm persona from will never walk his daughter down the aisle as he gives her to another man. Maybe that’s why she wanted her funeral in a chapel since she knew she never would experience getting married.

They had finished the introduction and now everyone was placing a white rose on her coffin and eventually after Donghyun had placed down his rose, Sungyoon walked up to place his red rose down. He stood there as he felt regret wash over him. He wished he realised sooner, maybe if he noticed how she was always so thin and gave him a smile that she faked easily then he would have figured it out and he would have held her longer, kiss her longer and spoil her more. Maybe if he didn’t leave the room to get her a drink of coffee that she loved so much then maybe he would have been able to save her; he could have saw how her eyes was losing the brightness they normally inhabit and her words were becoming more like whispers then he could have called one of the nurses or doctors and they could have done something to make her live longer. He wasn’t ready; no he isn’t ready still to let her go.

He can’t.

She is the moon that calms him and he is her sun that keeps her moving, without her nothing seems right. He remembered before he left the room they had their discussion about how her having cancer would affect them.

“Yoon ah, do you believe that I will go to heaven?”

“Don’t be ridiculous Hana, of course you will.” Seungyoon was sitting on the hospital bed with her reading his notes since exams was coming up in about four weeks.

“I wonder when I can see it.”

Sungyoon closed his book loudly which took her by surprise and grabbed his books and her book in her hand and placed it on the window sill. He caressed her cheeks and pulled her into a soft kiss. Like the first time he kissed her, she was breathless however this time it wasn’t because she didn’t expect it but because fatigue was getting to her. Sungyoon saw this in her eyes and softly ruffled her hair as he flashed her a broken smile before placing his head on her chest and hearing her slow heartbeat. He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her petite waist and held her close and tight but not enough to knock the air out of her. She made a soft groan when he rubbed his head in her stomach and found a comfortable spot.

“Hana. Please don’t say things like this...” He begged as he felt tears slowly reach his eyes. He hated when she talked like she couldn’t wait to leave. He hated the fact that he knew she was going to die yet there was not a single thing he could do stop it.

“Yoon ah, I’m sorry.”

“Please… just please don’t pretend that its fine you’re leaving.” He said in a broken voice and it shook Hana a lot. For the first time he wasn’t positive about something, for months he’s been telling her to have hope and faith and that she would get better. But she knew he was only saying that to reassure himself not her.

“Yoon-“

“Please! I am begging of you… please I will do anything… I promise I will be a good boyfriend. I will always pick you up and I will never let you do any house work… I will take good care of you… I will… I promise I will…” Sungyoon at this point had lost it, for the first time he showed his broken side as reality hit him. “Please baby… I promise anything and you know I never break my promises please… just… don’t … leave me.”

“Yoon, I can’t do that… it’s not my choice anymore, it’s too late-“

“Hana please I beg of you! I want stay next to you, look after you and make sure you are okay. I can’t bear to think of what it’s going to be like without you. I can’t even sleep when you’re not there let alone do anything!” Sungyoon was crying and his sentences were broken up by his sobs and Hana could see that he was about to have a panic attack if she doesn’t stop him.

“Stop! Yoon calm down and stop-“

“Why… why do you have to leave? It’s not even a place that I can go and see you at least if you broke up with me I can still see you but I can’t Hana. I can’t even follow you up there, unless I kill myself-“

“Choi Sungyoon!”

Sungyoon snapped out of his dilemma when she screamed his name and held his face in both of her small hands. She looked dead straight into his eyes and she felt her heart shattered. Her beloved man was in tears- no his eyes were filled with so much fear and sadness that she wished she could take it all way and tell him that she won’t leave him. She will stay with him until they are old and everything will be alright and she will get better and if they come back to the hospital it will be because she will bring his son to this world. But she can say those things to him. She won’t put Sungyoon in that position- no she refuses to give him false hope for something that won’t even happen because reality is that she is dying and she can’t even stop that.

“Listen to me, I don’t want you to say a word.” She leaned closer and he nodded but hiccupped as she wiped his tears away and gave him a bright smile.

“I love you Choi Sungyoon. There is nothing I can do to stop this but I can assure you that I love you so much that if I could go brain dead then I will just to stay next to you and be with you. I promise that if I could survive this next surgery I will marry you as soon as I can and we can move in that place we’ve been eyeing and I will guarantee that I will become the best lawyer out there!” Hana smiled brightly when he chuckled at her cute speech, but she caressed his cheeks and slowly moved her thumbs to his eyes as she closed the lids and pressed a small kiss on his nose, both eyes, cheeks, his forehead and finally his lips. “But I can’t promise you any of those at the same time, because the doctors don’t know how my body will react to the operation and there is no certainty whether I will pass or not. However if the worse happens you must promise me two things. You will look for me again, because I know that god made another one of me that will love you better than I ever will. And lastly, please don’t cry too hard okay?”

Sungyoon was about to retaliate to her last request but she cut him off with a kiss and he couldn’t help but melt under her touch. Even as a sick person she still had this effect on him. When they parted she rested her forehead on his and they kept their eyes close as they listened to each other breathing.

“I will meet you in Heaven with open arms.”

Sungyoon heard the doors of the chapel open but he didn’t move. He heard a pair of heels clicking against the red carpet and he felt a presence next to him. He couldn’t believe who stood next to him, because she couldn’t be standing next to him. She was in the white wedding dress that she wore last time with her hair in long beach curls with a floral crown and a bouquet of red roses in her hands. She was still a lot shorter than him despite wearing those ridiciolius heels and she still had the scent of flowers like her name which brought back so many feelings that he hadn’t felt in the last two weeks. He turned to her in shock and she smiled at him as she mouthed ‘what’. When he turned back he was facing a priest who was smiling and when he turned around once again everyone who came were all smiling and in a variety of colours. Her parents were smiling in the front row while Donghyun clapped loudly with the others.

“Hana… I thought you were-“

“Sungyoon this is your imagination.”

The beautiful young woman chuckled and Sungyoon felt the relief and glee in his heart disappear. Hana noticed his gloom character and took his hands into her as she leaned in close.

“Live in your imagination for a bit longer Yoon. I know this won’t last too long but I want you to remember me this way, not in a coffin dead. I want to be in your heart forever in the happier way because I know we won’t be together in person but I can assure you that wherever you may be, no matter what age you are, I will be in your heart and you will be in my heart and forever we will stay together in our hearts. But in life we always go on and I believe also that you will go on and find me again and we will stay together forever when we meet again.” She kissed him one last time and he felt tears finally fall down on his cheeks and she gave him her smile that brought back his own. However not for today, she wiped his tears and caressed his cheeks one last time and started to walk backwards as she took steps towards the white light.

“Until we meet again, Choi Sungyoon.”

Sungyoon waved at her like he was saying see you later because he knows that they will meet again, and she will definitely go to Heaven because her real name wasn’t Hana but, Hanuel.

Heaven.

2.5k words count

Let me know your thoughts! I'm not sure if i should consider this as a one-shot or not but let me know your opinions and thoughts!

love missachixx