My darling,

you were just like a dream,

sweet like honey,

and warm like the sun,

but somehow,

you became a reality,

yet,

we must have made a wrong turn,

because you,

who came from a dream into my reality,

that warm you,

that sweet you,

End as a memory

---

Her hand was hovering above her smartphone. She took her smartphone to dial a familiar number. But, doubt filled her heart, it filled her heart to the brim until it finally spilled out. Her hands trembled so hard that her phone shook. She stared at her phone screen.

will she even answer my call? will she?

i mean, why would she?

Her thumb was hovering on the call button.

if it’s me-if it’s me-i wouldn’t want me.

if it’s me, i wouldn’t answer the phone call.

Just a little flick, the call would be made.

and just what would i say if she does pick up the call?

something like,”there hasn’t been a day i didn’t think of you and it hurts.”

and how would she even respond to that?

we’re-

Her thought halted to a stop when an unexpected pain shot through her wrist, a pain so painful that she lost her grip on her phone. A soft thud was heard when her phone fell to the floor.

She looked at her wrist, trying to find what had been hurting her. The sight made her blood run cold and a deafening silence thrumming in her head.

“NOnonoNO! It can’t-it can’t be true! IT CAN’T!” she yelled, “NO, just why-why-whywhywhy?”

not like this! not like this! nononono. her name-her name shouldn’t appear this way?! no. just no. please. no. please…. i am begging you, i am begging please-this-a dream-please-

---

If there’s one thing that Sowon was good at, it would be waiting. She’s waiting for her to come back. Even though she’s also sure that wouldn’t happen. Yet, she’s still waiting. And isn’t that such a sad sad thing? To be good at waiting. Waiting for things that wouldn’t happen. Yet her heart still hoped. To finally be able to hold the galaxy, her galaxy. And so she waited.

---

Yuju crumpled the paper on the table. Sighing, she stood up from her chair. Looking around her room, her gaze fell onto the sight of her hifi. Smiling, she walked toward it. Turning it on, an old yet familiar song was soon resonating inside her small room.

Wise men say

Only fools rush in

But I can't help falling in love with you

Yuju hummed along the song. Her mind drifted to a name. Eunha. She repeated the name, saying it out loud to herself with a smile. Lately her mind always drifted off to that name. And with name came a face. Filling Yuju up with such strange giddiness.

Shall I stay?

Would it be a sin

If I can't help falling in love with you?

Her memories brought her back to their meeting at the small cafe that has been booked for their interview. It’s just so weird because the moment Yuju laid her eyes on the petite girl, something made her pause.

No, Yuju doesn’t believe in love at first sight. There’s no such things like that in her dictionary. What she felt for Eunha was a simple attraction. A little attraction.

Like a river flows

Surely to the sea

Yuju glanced at the papers scattered around her desk. A sigh escaped her.

Darling, so it goes

Some things are meant to be

At least it was a simple attraction, until she found herself writing things about Eunha. Until she realized that all of her new lyrics were about Eunha.

Take my hand,

Take my whole life, too

For I can't help falling in love with you

Yet, Yuju also knew that it might end up in tears, the moment she remembered the ring on Eunha’s ring finger.

“Oh, are you married?” Yuju asked, eyeing Eunha’s ring.

Eunha smiled then, soft and sad. “Not exactly married. I think the correct term would be engagement.”

Yuju smiled politely. “If I may ask, and it’s okay if you don’t want to answer. How long have you been engaged?”

Eunha blinked. “It would be three years.” Eunha looked at Yuju, smiling.

Yuju replied with a smile as well.

Like a river flows

Surely to the sea

Darling, so it goes

Some things are meant to be

Yuju sighed. Because even then. Even though she knew it would be fruitless, she still tried to reach out her hand. Hoping that Eunha would take it.

Take my hand,

Take my whole life, too

For I can't help falling in love with you

For I can't help falling in love with you

---

Eunha looked at her plate, she didn’t feel like eating. And like usual, Sowon caught her.

“Eunha,” Sowon called her softly.

Eunha looked at Sowon.

“Are you okay? Does your stomach hurt? Or is it your head? Or-?” Sowon asked her, concern dripped down her voice.

Eunha smiled, “Nah, I am okay. Just tired.”

Sowon patted Eunha’s hand. “Is there anything that you want to eat? Can I help you? Ah no, let me help you.”

“It’s okay, unnie.” Eunha shook her head. Sowon’s eyebrows were still lowered into a frown. “Perhaps, a lot of hugs and maybe pizza?”

Sowon laughed. “Consider it done.” Sowon stood and hugged Eunha tightly. “Let’s order the pizza now, and then I will hug you again.”

Eunha smiled and wondered if somehow she has made some greater being pissed off at her, for the troubles she’s in right now. Or perhaps, playing with people was just fate’s terrible hobby.

She watched Sowon’s back as the older girl called the pizza parlor. You are just too good to me, unnie. While I- Eunha inspected her wrist. At the name that has been covered up with concealer. Just why is it her name instead of you. Eunha looked back at her meeting with Yuju. And why is she just so… interesting.

When Eunha laid her eyes on Yuju, something stirred inside her. Something akin to attraction to Eunha’s horror. And when she found herself meeting with Yuju again and again, the attraction that she felt for Yuju grew to her dismay.

---

Yuju knew a game when she’s in one. She also knew when it’s a losing game. Yes, there’s a name on her wrist. A name. Just a name. A name of a fruitless relationship. Of something akin to doom. But, Yuju still played it. Because, there’s a tiny hope. That maybe it will end in her favour. Maybe.

But, if it went wrong. And she would end up losing. Then at least, she had a chance and took it. Though it might shatter her heart in the process...again.

---

“Yuju-unnie!”

Yuju turned toward the familiar voice, a smile automatically tugged at her lips. Approaching the girl who has called her, Yuju greeted her, “Umji.”

“Have you waited long? Sorry, the traffic was horrible,” Umji explained while looking at Yuju. Smiling, she opened her arms wide, “Unnie, where’s my hug?”

Giggling, Yuju stepped into Umji’s hug. “You are still the same height, huh, Umji.”

“Unnie! I grew a little taller!”

Yuju stepped back, appraising Umji from head to toe, then shook her head. “Nah, you are still the same height, the perfect height for me to hug.” Yuju nodded to herself. “Do you not agree?”

Umji giggled. “You are still the same as always, unnie.”

Hooking her arm with Umji’s, Yuju led them inside the cafe. “Come, tell me about your adventure. I had heard some of it, but, do tell me more.”

Umji was quiet. So, Yuju turned to find Umji looking at her own wrist. Peeking at it, Yuju found it void of any name and feeling a bit of longing. Shaking her head to clear her thought, Yuju led them to sit at the patio overlooking the city.

Taking the liberty to order for Umji because the younger girl still seemed to be lost in her own world, Yuju let the silence stretch until their order came.

“So, what is it?” Yuju asked, not unkindly.

Yuju’s question broke Umji out of her stupor. Looking at the drink and the cake in front of her, Umji smiled. “Unnie, you still remember what I like. Amazing, unnie!”

“Of course I do, I won’t forget such things,” Yuju said.

“Ah, as I thought, I love you.” Umji grinned.

“Ah, I love you too. Now, are we going to talk about my awesomeness or are you going to stop stalling and tell me what’s been bothering you?”

“Aww, thought I could make you forget,” Umji pouted. Playing with her straw, Umji gazed at the street below. “Well, on this trip, I met a really funny and charming girl., her name’s SinB. She’s an exchange student like me.” Umji sighed, “She’s a bit mischievous, I mean, she once pranked this teacher by changing his bottle of ketchup with strawberry jam! It’s hilarious when the teacher dipped his chicken into the jam.

“It’s always fun with her. Like all the time in the world was like on fast forward, it’s like time was flowing as fast as water. You wanted to grasp it, but it’s futile.”

Yuju’s grip on her glass was so tight the drink spilled onto the table.

Oblivious, Umji continued her tale, “Like a dazzling light filling up my heart. She’s like that.” Umji took a sip from her glass. “But, I am not her dazzling light.”

Yuju snapped her chopsticks apart. “Huh?”

Umji took the chopsticks from Yuju’s hand. “Why are you breaking the poor chopsticks? Well, she’s my dazzling light, but I am not her dazzling light. It’s someone else.” Umji showed her empty wrist to Yuju, signaling that whoever in her mind right now, that person wasn’t her soulmate.

“Someone else?” Yuju echoed.

Umji nodded. “And her dazzling light has been waiting for her to come back. I saw the reunion at the airport, they’re all over each other, unfortunately, it’s...very cute.”

“Are you okay?” Yuju asked.

“Well, I am not right now but it’s okay. I will be with time.” Umji looked at Yuju. “And maybe if you hug me lots, it will help me more.” Umji grinned.

“Aww, come here,” Yuju stood up from her seat and hugged Umji tightly. Letting the tears from the younger girl wet her shoulder.

---

"What about you, unnie?"

Yuju tilted her head, "What about me?"

"The name on your wrist." Umji pointed at Yuju's wrist.

"It's...complicated." Yuju stared at nothing in particular. "We're together? But, it's also like we aren't? There's a sea between us. A sea neither of us is able to cross."

"Unable to cross? Is this not that the both of you don't want to swim toward each other?"

Yuju focused back at Umji. "I think both of us are afraid of drowning. But, perhaps we're already drowned." Yuju stared at their intertwined hands. "It's just- we're already drowned even before we manage to swim across the sea toward each other." Yuju felt exhausted from her dance with Eunha.

But truthfully, what tired her the most was the dance she did on her own. The dance without a partner even if it wasn’t supposed to do alone. Yet, she’s still. And she knew the one she’s imagining to be her dancing partner, that one wasn’t the one she’s with.

You don’t know,

But, i am still,

You are still inside my tiny heart,

And all of these affections,

All of these loves for you,

Things, feelings, everything

I couldn’t give to you,

They crushed me,

You said she’s your dazzling light,

But you, you are.

And me,

I will never be,

Like the pitch black sky with no light,

Where the moon even refused to shine,

That’s me and you

A sky without light.

---

Sowon looked at Eunha. She knew of the goodbyes that Eunha had tried to cough up from her lips. She had prepared for it, but hearing Eunha finally said the word, her heart still broke.

---

There’s distance, Eunha felt it and she wondered if Sowon felt it too. Still, Eunha couldn’t help but smile when Sowon approached her in the living room.

“How’s your day?” Sowon sat beside Eunha on the couch.

“Busy but okay,” Eunha replied.

“Are you okay, Eunha?” Sowon asked again, gentle and kind.

Eunha stared at her lap, smiling slightly, she shook her head. “I am okay, unnie.” actually, I have a name on my wrist and it isn’t yours.

“Are you angry at me?” Sowon asked, still gentle and kind.

Eunha wanted the world to swallow her being, to just disappear into the void. “No, I am not angry at you. It’s-it’s impossible to.” why are you so kind, unnie?

“Do you want to go on a date on Friday?”

“...I don’t know, I may have work that day, unnie.” friday, this friday yuju and i are going to meet.

Sowon took Eunha’s hand on her lap. “Alright, it’s okay. If you are troubled by anything, tell me. I will always help you, okay?”

Eunha nodded. She leaned on Sowon’s shoulder, basking in guilt and Sowon’s warmth. how long will this keep up? I don’t want to hurt you.

---

Eunha was asleep when Sowon came home from work. Smiling, Sowon tucked Eunha into her blanket, then she sat on the bed, and looking at Eunha. Drinking up the view of Eunha’s sleeping face, at the tired lines under her eyes, Sowon's heart ached. “I love you. I wish you would tell me what’s been bothering you so I could help.” She placed a tender kiss on Eunha’s forehead.

She’s about to get up from bed when she caught sight of Eunha’s wrist. The concealer was halfway gone, probably because her wrist brushed against the blanket. At the name written there, there's a silent ‘oh’ tumbled down from her lips. Tasteless and empty. And bitter.

And just like that, everything became clear. The abundance of jobs, the distance, and the way Eunha kept on getting quieter and sad. Sowon knew sometimes Eunha cried when she thought she’s alone. But, Sowon noticed, she always noticed.

And now she understood. Standing up from the bed slowly, Sowon left the room and went into the bathroom. After locking the door, Sowon stared at her wrist. Mechanically, she erased her concealer. The name ‘Jung Eunha’ was still there, staring mockingly at her. So long, so long has passed and it isn’t my name there. Not my name on her wrist. Why? Why? I don’t understand! Aren’t we in love?

Tears fell bit by bit until her sight became blurry. Silent sobs escaped from her. She turned the water on to drown the voice of her own tears yet Sowon knew no matter how loud the water being, nothing would be louder than the sound of her own heart breaking.

---

The car was cold, so cold Yerin shivered. Turning to the side, she gulped. “Unnie, are you sure? Do you really need to do this?” Yerin asked, eyes darted anxiously between Sowon and the entrance of the cafe. The place Sowon has been looking at for minutes without blinking.

“I...yeah…” Sowon said faintly.

Her eyes were locked on the two people standing there, in front of the cafe’s entrance. Looking at them looking at each other, as if they could only see each other. Sowon tried to pry her eyes away. She stared at the sky, at nothing. Trying to make sense of everything, trying to find a way, to-to just do something, to fix everything.

She couldn’t. She saw the way Eunha’s eyes lit up, and just like that, Sowon felt like her heart had been pierced, at the way that Eunha just looked...happy.

Yet, even then, even amidst the sounds of her heart breaking into a million pieces, Sowon couldn’t find it in her heart to hate Eunha. She’s just-can’t. Even if she wanted to hate the person standing in front of Eunha now, she just couldn’t. She didn’t have it in her heart. All that she felt was hopelessness.

I love you. I love you. I love you. Oh, how much I love you. But, maybe I am not the right one for you. It hurts, Eunha. It hurts… I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry.

I don’t know, I thought- I thought I have loved you right-

To make you happy,

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